The Space Between Us

by Anna McPartlin

  Clooney had been used to death and destruction but Afghanistan was his first war zone, and he swore to himself it would be his last. However depressing and horrifying the loss of thousands was to nature, Clooney couldn’t comprehend man slaughtering man. He lived by a simple ethos. The wrath of nature is inescapable; the wrath of man is avoidable. Clooney was about peace and love. A tree-hugger at heart, he didn’t belong in Afghanistan. The things he’d seen were slowly turning him into someone he’d never wished to be. He was becoming colder and more removed with each day that passed. How can I give a shit about people who want me dead? And why wouldn’t they? We’ve blown up your business, now have a sandwich and a nice day. Clooney was long overdue a break.

  Those few months in Ireland with his father had been hard. Clooney was used to seeing the worst the world had to offer, yet when his father had died, his designer-penthouse-dwelling sister had been made of sterner stuff. Clooney had watched two parents die in that house, and when the funeral was over he had thought about hightailing it to an exotic beach. A sense of duty prevented him bailing out on his work commitments.

  Now he had just about finished and was counting the days. He’d miss Stephanie as he knew she would miss him, although they were both confident that in each other they had found respite rather than enduring love and companionship. They were far too different for that. He was way too much of a hippie for her, and she was a get-the-job-done, camera-toting military brat. They enjoyed one another but saying goodbye wouldn’t be difficult.

  He’d noticed a burn on the back of her thigh when she was getting out of the bath. ‘What happened?’ he asked.

  ‘Nothing,’ she said.

  He followed her into the room. She put on a light cotton shirt and got under the covers. He threw on a pair of boxers and joined her in bed. ‘I don’t want you to die here,’ he said.

  ‘It’s as good as any place.’ She kissed him and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  He’d lain awake for another three hours before he’d dropped off, and then it was only for an hour or two. Upon waking he’d discovered Stephanie had left. He checked his phone and heard that his sister had been seriously injured. Stephanie had left early. He packed and left a message for her, saying goodbye, at Reception. He handed over his duties to a colleague and left Afghanistan without looking back.

  Clooney gazed at Eve, taking in the damage the Ginger Monster had done. She sighed.

  ‘You look like you’ve been in a war,’ he said.

  ‘Well, the traffic was murder,’ she said, but Ben was constantly on her mind so her smile didn’t make it to her eyes. ‘It’s good to see you.’

  ‘I would have preferred to meet on a beach.’

  ‘Me too,’ she agreed. ‘Remember Bali?’

  ‘How could I forget?’

  ‘We should have done that more,’ she said.

  ‘You were always working.’

  ‘Those days are over.’

  ‘So we’ll do it again.’

  ‘Now you’re always working.’

  ‘I’m finished,’ he said. ‘There were only two weeks left on that contract. Jerry’s going to wrap it up. I’m done.’

  ‘I’m glad. War doesn’t suit you.’

  ‘You’re right.’

  ‘And so to a beach?’

  ‘As soon as you can come with me.’

  ‘You don’t have to do this, Clooney.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘But it’s really good to see you.’

  ‘Back at ya,’ he said. ‘Now tell me everything.’

  Clooney was the only person to whom Eve had confided that she had been seeing Ben when she was last home, and he’d warned her of the dangers of sleeping with a married man, especially one who claimed to be happy. She had never involved Paul, Gar or Gina in their secret. They didn’t need to know and, if Clooney hadn’t caught her getting out of Ben’s car around the corner from her house, she wouldn’t have told him either. Ben was Eve’s shameful secret. She didn’t need to fear Hell to embrace morality. She knew their affair was wrong. It worried her and it mattered to her.

  Clooney was a lot more easy-going than his sister when it came to ethics. ‘As long as no one gets hurt it’s nice to see you have a little fun,’ he had said.

  ‘If it feels wrong, it is wrong,’ their father used to say, and even when it had felt right it had felt wrong. Eve was a very matter-of-fact person and always had been. She didn’t like sneaking around; it didn’t excite her. She abhorred the treachery involved in their seeing one another. The only thing that kept her going back was his eyes when he looked at her. Since she’d returned to Ireland, she’d told herself their relationship had changed and she was only trying to help with his failing business. Then they’d had sex and were hit by a car. Eve may not have believed in divine intervention but she did accept the possibility that the universe was telling them something. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

  Eve spent the next hour telling Clooney of how she had sold her business, come home and helped Ben, and how their liaison had culminated in the accident. She cried when she told him that Ben was on another floor in a coma with his wife by his bed. She begged him to find out how Ben was because she was sure Lily was hiding the extent of his injuries from her. He promised he would. She gave him the keys to her apartment and told him to stay there. It had been four days since she’d been home so she warned him not to eat the dairy products in the fridge and that he’d have to pick up the knickers that Ben had ripped off her in the hall.

  Clooney had travelled through the night and he hadn’t slept. Eve insisted that he go home.

  ‘I don’t want to leave you,’ he said.

  ‘You smell.’

  He laughed. ‘OK. I’ll go.’

  ‘Good.’

  He kissed her forehead and left.

  Lindsay Harrington was first to speak. ‘Who’s that handsome man?’ she asked.

  ‘My brother.’

  ‘Do you think he’d go out with me?’

  Anne piped up from behind her book, ‘If he was deaf, dumb and blind maybe you might have a chance, chicken.’

  ‘Tell him that my curfew is ten o’clock and he’ll have to speak to my father,’ Lindsay said.

  ‘Of course,’ Eve replied.

  Anne sighed heavily. She had no time for the demented. ‘She shouldn’t be here. She belongs in the nuthouse,’ she said.

  There was an empty bed beside Eve. A nurse she didn’t recognize came in and started to make it up.

  ‘Are we getting another roommate, chicken?’ Anne asked.

  ‘Yes, she’ll be joining you soon.’

  ‘I hope she’s a young one. We need to bring down the average age in here.’ She pointed to Eve. ‘That poor girl must think she’s been taken to an old folks’ home.’

  Eve laughed a little.

  ‘I’m afraid you’re out of luck, Anne,’ said the nurse. ‘Beth is seventy-five.’

  ‘Another hip?’ Anne said.

  ‘Another hip.’

  ‘Is she nuts?’ Anne asked, glancing at Lindsay, whose eyes were open though she didn’t appear to be listening.

  ‘No, Anne, she’s not.’

  ‘Well, that’s something, chicken,’ Anne said to Eve, who smiled in acknowledgement.

  Anne Murray was seventy-two years old. She’d broken her hip when she’d tripped on her grandson’s toy train that he’d left on the stairs. ‘It was lucky I didn’t break my neck,’ she had told Eve, ‘and I’m not even going to tell you how close I came to putting my head through the glass window at the bottom of the stairs. The pup!’

  ‘I have two Labrador puppies, Simple and Simon,’ Lindsay piped up. ‘Simple chases his own tail until he gets so dizzy he falls on his side. Then he rolls on to his back and waits for me to rub him. My daddy says that when I’m old enough I can take him for walks. Simon doesn’t like to walk. He’s very lazy. Daddy says he was born an old man.’

  ‘Oh, Christ, she’s off again!’ Anne
said.

  Lindsay would soon be celebrating her eighty-fourth birthday and her father had died thirty years before. There were moments of lucidity, when she was sometimes rude and abrasive, and others when she was sad and tearful but when she was lost in times gone by Eve found her quite sweet. Anne referred to Lindsay as a pain in the hole.

  When Beth was wheeled in she was moaning, and cried out when they moved her on to her bed. She was riddled with arthritis – Eve saw that one hand was so badly affected it was like a claw. When the nurse left, Anne shouted to her that she’d be all right. She told her to settle down and sleep – it was the best thing for it. The woman disappeared soon after that.

  Eve turned on her little TV for the first time. She watched some news. When the dinner lady came around she was hungry for the first time since the accident. The dinner lady cut up her food for her and she ate some salad with a slice of brown bread. She drank a cup of tea and felt almost human again.

  Clooney had managed to track Lily down before he left the hospital. She was busy but gave him five minutes in the visitors’ room. ‘I just wanted to say thanks for getting in touch,’ he said. ‘It’s really good to see you.’ They gave one another an awkward hug. ‘I often wondered what happened between you two,’ he said.

  ‘You were never one to beat around the bush.’

  ‘Eve would never tell me.’

  ‘It was all a long time ago.’

  ‘You were so close.’

  ‘We were kids.’

  ‘And it had nothing to do with me?’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head.

  ‘Good,’ he said.

  After that they talked about Eve’s prognosis and recovery time. When Clooney asked about Ben, Lily explained that it was looking increasingly unlikely that he would make it. Clooney wanted to tell Eve the truth, but Lily said, ‘She’s not well enough.’

  ‘She’s stronger than she looks.’

  ‘I disagree,’ she said. ‘Not when it comes to this.’

  ‘She’ll never forgive me if I lie.’

  ‘So blame me.’

  ‘I just wish she could say goodbye,’ he said. As someone who had said goodbye to two parents and had witnessed hundreds and possibly thousands of people lose and mourn loved ones, Clooney knew how important that last goodbye was.

  ‘He’s a married man, Clooney,’ she said.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘And, besides, she’s still bedridden.’

  ‘She’s on that bed with wheels.’

  She shook her head. ‘He has a wife,’ she said.

  Lily called in to Eve just before she left for the evening. ‘Do you need anything?’

  ‘No, thanks,’ Eve said, keenly aware that it was a flying visit and that since Clooney had walked in she had seen a lot less of Lily. She’s pulling away – but of course she is. Silly to think we could actually be friends again after all this time.

  ‘OK, then,’ Lily said. ‘See you tomorrow.’

  ‘Lily.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Thanks again.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ Lily said, and she was gone.

  Adam called in after Abby had given her something to relax her. ‘How are you doing, Eve?’

  ‘I’m OK.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Can I ask you a question?’ she said.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Am I ever going to be back to the way I was?’

  ‘Yes …’

  ‘But?’

  ‘It’s going to take a lot of work.’

  ‘When do I start?’

  ‘Give it another few days.’

  ‘It’s going to hurt,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, it will.’

  ‘Life’s a bitch.’

  ‘And then you’re dumped by one,’ he said.

  She grinned. ‘Can I ask you something else?’ she asked.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Do you know Lily’s husband?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said tentatively.

  ‘Is he still an arsehole?’

  Adam couldn’t help but smile. ‘No comment,’ he said.

  ‘Understood.’

  The taxi stopped outside Eve’s apartment block. Clooney realized he’d forgotten to get cash.

  ‘Damn it. You don’t by any chance take Afghani, do you?’

  ‘Is that some sort of hash?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Pity.’

  Clooney laughed. ‘It’s good to be home,’ he said, and asked to be taken to an ATM.

  A few minutes later he had his money and he was getting back into the cab when someone called his name.

  ‘Clooney?’

  It was Paul.

  He shook Clooney’s hand. ‘Welcome home. Eve didn’t mention you were coming back.’

  It was clear Paul had no idea of what had happened to Eve, and when Clooney explained he was home because of her accident, Paul joined him in the cab to hear the rest of the story.

  Clooney let them into Eve’s home, swiftly picked up her knickers from the floor and binned them before Paul saw them. In fact, he was too stunned by the story Clooney had told to notice much at all.

  Clooney opened the fridge and found beer. He offered one to Paul who took it gratefully. It was a nice warm evening so they sat on the balcony looking out to sea while Clooney explained Eve’s relationship with Ben.

  ‘And she accuses me of being a dark horse,’ Paul said, stunned that chatty, open Eve had wanted to keep it secret from him. He was also surprised to hear that Lily was nursing her. ‘I thought she’d done medicine,’ he said. ‘Jesus, she had the best exam results in the school.’

  ‘Nobody knows who they are at eighteen,’ Clooney said. ‘She’s a nurse, wife and mother. She seems perfectly happy.’

  ‘I’d heard she married Declan but I haven’t seen either of them since they left for Cork. They just seemed to cut everyone off,’ he said. ‘Did Eve ever tell you what happened between her and Lily?’

  ‘No. You?’

  ‘No. It’s a mystery.’

  ‘All in the past now. Lily’s being really good to her.’

  ‘Lily Brennan’s back on the scene?’

  ‘Lily Donovan now, and she’s still a beauty.’

  Paul smiled. ‘Eve Hayes and Lily Brennan were the best-looking girls in our school and I wasn’t with either of them.’

  Clooney laughed. ‘I heard you had your pick of the girls back then. Little did they know you preferred boys.’

  Paul smiled but didn’t respond. Instead he focused on how attractive Clooney was. His blond hair had silver highlights and he’d be grey soon. His face was brown and battered but that lent character to rather than detracting from his looks. His steel-blue eyes were still as piercing as they were when he was young but somehow sadder. He had been a beautiful boy but he was even more handsome as a man.

  ‘Did you meet Declan?’ Paul asked, after a minute or two.

  ‘No. To be honest, I wouldn’t know him if I did.’

  ‘We were so close in school, at least I thought we were, but then he left for Cork and I was going through my own shit. Gar tried to keep in touch with him but he never responded. I heard rumours, years later, about his dad, but I don’t know – his father always seemed like a nice guy to me.’

  ‘I know one thing,’ Clooney said. ‘Eve hates him, and Eve doesn’t hate without good reason.’

  ‘I can’t believe she was with Ben Logan.’

  ‘Poor guy.’

  ‘His poor wife. Losing your husband is bad enough, never mind finding out he was having an affair.’

  That was not something Clooney had considered. ‘Maybe she doesn’t have to know.’

  ‘Eve is the only witness to the incident that has either brain-damaged or killed her husband. Why was he there? Why were they together?’

  ‘Jesus, that’s all she needs.’

  Paul called Gar as soon as he got home. He told him about Eve’s accident, her terrible injuries, the fact that she was
with Ben Logan when it had occurred, that he was in a coma with his wife by his bedside and that Lily Brennan was nursing Eve. Gar put him on speaker so that Gina could hear. The conversation was a series of shocks.

  Eve could have died. Ben Logan was dying. Lily was a fucking nurse. They agreed that they would visit Eve together the next evening. Gina was hoping to see Lily but Paul told them she worked days only. ‘Damn it,’ she said. ‘I wonder what she looks like now.’

  ‘Still a beauty,’ Paul confirmed, confident in Clooney’s assessment.

  ‘And poor Eve!’ Gina said.

  ‘He said she’s in an awful way but she’ll recover.’

  ‘Why didn’t she call us?’ Gina said.

  ‘She didn’t even call Clooney. Lily did.’

  ‘Lily Brennan,’ she said. ‘Whatever happened with those two?’

  ‘No one knows.’

  Gar was silent, taking it all in. His wife turned to him. ‘What do you think?’ she asked.

  ‘Whatever happened with all of us?’ he said.

  Declan had been Gar’s best friend, or that was what he’d thought when they were growing up. When Declan had left for Cork and cut off all communication, Gar had been very hurt. He didn’t understand why Declan had done that. When they were kids he’d never questioned Declan’s explanations of his injuries. He’d heard rumours after Declan’s mother disappeared but he’d never believed them. He had known his friend’s dad – he had been Gar’s family’s mechanic – and he’d always seemed a lovely man. He had wondered why Declan and Lily had chosen to cut themselves off from their hometown and the people who cared about them. He wondered, too, what he could have done to deserve to be dismissed in such a cruel manner. He had grown up believing he would be Declan’s best man at his wedding and Declan would reciprocate. He hadn’t even been invited to the ceremony when Declan had married a year after he’d left, and had only learned of the wedding eight years later when Declan’s father mentioned it while Gar was picking up his car after a service. He was too angry to ask questions. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care. He felt bad for Eve, and of course he would visit her, but the thought of seeing Lily or, God forbid, Declan … Fuck them both.