The Space Between Us

by Anna McPartlin

  ‘Don’t,’ Eve said.

  Oh, you lying bitch, what did you say? Lily wanted to move but she couldn’t – curiosity planted her feet to the floor.

  ‘We’re turning off the …’ Fiona said, but she couldn’t finish the sentence.

  Eve nodded. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She appeared calm and detached but not so detached as to be cold. She showed the exact amount of emotion you would for an old friend.

  When did you get to be such a good liar? Lily thought.

  ‘It’s like a nightmare,’ Fiona said.

  ‘I wish there was something I could do,’ Eve said.

  ‘That night … was he really going to call me so that we could celebrate?’ Fiona asked, and choked up.

  ‘Yes. He had been working hard on a plan to salvage the business. I have a copy of all his accounts if you want it back.’

  ‘No,’ Fiona said. ‘Thank you.’

  Bloody hell, I’ve heard it all now, Lily thought.

  Fiona stood up. ‘This time tomorrow I’ll be a widow. You’ll help me put that bastard Eamonn Colgan away?’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ she said.

  Fiona left.

  Clooney smiled at his sister. ‘You did the right thing.’

  Eve looked at Lily, who sighed and shook her head. ‘The right thing,’ she mumbled to herself and walked away. Clooney followed her, calling her name. She turned to face him on the corridor. ‘You’re judging her?’ he asked.

  ‘She had an affair with a married man and now she’s lying about it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m thrilled she did it for Fiona Logan’s sake but, Christ, Clooney, it’s a long way from doing the right thing.’

  ‘I see,’ he said. ‘You’re still perched on that high horse of yours.’

  His words were like a slap in the face. Smarting, she replied in a manner most unlike her: ‘Fuck you.’ She stalked away.

  At eight o’clock on the dot, Gina, Gar and Paul arrived into Eve’s ward laden with cards, fruit baskets, flowers and sweets. Clooney was still there. Lily had gone home. Anne, Lindsay and Beth were wide awake and looking to interfere.

  Gina gasped when she saw Eve. ‘Jesus!’

  Gar overcompensated for his wife’s reaction. ‘You look great, way better than we expected,’ he said, and gave Gina a filthy look.

  Paul dragged some chairs over and sat down. ‘Hey, Scarface. Would you like one?’ He held up a box of Roses.

  Eve shook her head but smiled at him, grateful.

  Gar and Gina sat on one side of the bed, Clooney and Paul on the other.

  ‘It’s nice to see she has people in her life,’ Anne said. ‘It looked for a while like she’d no one. Except the tall fella.’

  ‘Are they for me?’ Lindsay said to Paul, pointing at the Roses.

  ‘No,’ he said, and Anne laughed.

  ‘How rude,’ Lindsay mumbled.

  ‘None for me, thanks,’ Beth said, as though someone had offered her one. ‘I still haven’t been able to go.’ She rubbed her stomach.

  Gar laughed at the old dears’ conversation. Gina was too focused on Eve and what she had to say about the accident to listen.

  Within minutes their own visitors arrived, filling the room. With their chatter in the background, Eve told her friends that she had been with Ben for business purposes.

  Gina seemed disappointed. Clooney was quiet. Paul said nothing. He wasn’t about to tell Eve that Clooney had spilled the beans on her affair the previous evening. He empathized with her decision to lie. It was for the greater good. It made sense. Eve wasn’t a seasoned liar, she didn’t make a habit of it: she preferred the truth but not at any cost.

  The story of the accident was juicy enough to take Gina’s mind off Ben, until Paul asked after him. Eve faltered. While she collected her thoughts Clooney answered on her behalf. He told them that the machine was being turned off the next day. They looked at Eve for a reaction. She gave none. She was somewhere else building another wall, one block, two blocks, three blocks, four.

  ‘I have some news,’ Paul said, in a timely bid to distract them from his friend, who needed saving. He went on to tell his open-mouthed pals that he was getting married and having a baby. Even Eve was momentarily pulled away from her wall. As briefly as he could, he told them he was in love with a beautiful woman called Simone.

  ‘But you’re gay,’ Gar said.

  ‘I’m bisexual.’

  ‘But you said you were gay!’ Gar said.

  ‘I was wrong. I’m bisexual.’

  ‘How could you be wrong? I don’t … All this time? I’m …’ Gar looked at his wife, who hunched her shoulders, and then at Clooney and Eve. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say.’ Paul wasn’t one to explain himself. He didn’t have the tools or feel the necessity to do so. It is what it is.

  ‘So why didn’t you just say so before now?’ Gar asked.

  ‘Because he’s nuts,’ Eve said.

  ‘Something like that.’ Paul smiled at her. ‘I was with Paddy for eight years.’

  ‘I’ve heard it all now!’ Gar looked from his missus to Eve to Clooney and back to Paul. ‘You’re my friend. How did I not know this?’ He really didn’t know what to make of what Paul had said. When they were younger Paul had been the guy he looked up to, the one who always had girls chasing him. He was discreet and never spoke about his conquests, but it was obvious that he was good with them and he had a rock star’s choice. When he’d come out as gay, Gar couldn’t understand it and it had messed with his head for a long time. Was Paul ever with those girls? Was he with them just to save face? And if he was and he didn’t like girls, how come he was so good at being with them?

  Gina had spent years trying to form a bond with Paul but he was a closed shop. He liked her, she was a nice woman, but she was his friend’s wife, not his friend. Gina had initially been upset by this but eventually she had accepted Paul and his oddities. He is what he is.

  ‘I stripped my top off in front of you,’ Eve said.

  Paul smiled. ‘Yes, you did,’ he said.

  Clooney stayed silent. He didn’t know Paul well enough to care whether he was gay or bisexual. He was just glad the conversation was distracting his sister. ‘Congratulations,’ he said, when everyone had fallen silent.

  Paul thanked him.

  The others followed suit.

  ‘I can’t wait to meet her,’ Gina said.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a father!’ Gar said.

  ‘Me neither.’ Tears filled Paul’s eyes and his friends basked in his happiness until he became uncomfortable and changed the subject.

  He asked about Lily, and immediately Gina was re-engaged. ‘What’s she like?’ she asked.

  ‘The same,’ Eve said.

  ‘What’s Declan like?’ Gina prodded.

  ‘I don’t know. I haven’t seen him,’ Eve answered. And I don’t want to.

  ‘But he works here,’ Gina said.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Weird.’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Did she mention why they dumped us all?’ Gar asked.

  Eve had a good idea as to why they’d disappeared, at least she thought she did, but there could have been a million reasons. It was all so long ago. The past is the past. Let it go. She didn’t answer Gar.

  ‘Is she here?’ Paul asked.

  ‘Her shift finished two hours ago,’ Clooney said, looking at his watch. They had been there more than an hour. ‘Well, I guess we’d better go – it’s been a long day for Eve.’

  Eve thanked them for coming and Clooney accepted a lift home.

  ‘They’re a nice bunch, chicken,’ Anne said, after all the visitors had been cleared out.

  ‘Thanks, Anne.’

  ‘Except for the freak. You know what they called people like him in my day?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Greedy.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Lindsay was asleep and Beth watching TV.r />
  ‘It takes all sorts,’ Anne said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Eve agreed.

  ‘Would you like a bonbon?’

  ‘No, thanks.’

  ‘I could call a nurse to drop one over to you?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘I’m sorry about your friend.’

  ‘Which one?’ Eve asked, wondering if she was talking about the dying man or the freak.

  ‘The one you call out to in your sleep,’ she said. When Eve started to cry, Anne kindly pretended not to notice.

  Alice was as rude as Lily had predicted. Upon opening the door she stood back and surveyed Lily’s outfit. ‘Ah, you’re looking great,’ she said, with an air kiss, ‘in the old favourite.’

  Instead of being her usual congenial self, Lily replied with steel in her voice: ‘Is that new?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, if you take it off now you could still get a refund.’ She walked past her without a second glance.

  Adam handed her a glass of champagne. ‘Nice,’ he said.

  ‘Not in the mood for this tonight.’

  ‘I see that.’

  Declan didn’t pay any attention to the words spoken between his wife and his friend’s wife. He was more interested in talking to Rodney. They were discussing the surgery they had been involved in together that day.

  The group gathered in the lounge, waiting to be called into the dining room. Alice stayed in the kitchen, pretending to preside over the catering company she’d hired. In fact, she was fuming and double-checking herself in the mirror.

  Usually at parties or events, and particularly in large rooms with new people, Declan would watch Lily from a distance. If he saw her conversing with an unknown man, he’d call her to him. ‘Lily, can you stand by me, please?’

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘My wife, if that’s OK.’

  If she disappeared for longer than five minutes he would chase her down. ‘Lily, where the hell have you been?’

  ‘In the toilet.’

  ‘What were you up to? It doesn’t take half an hour to go to the toilet.’

  ‘It does if you’re in a room full of women with only two loos. For Christ’s sake, Declan!’

  If she spoke to a man who clearly appreciated her, Declan would belittle her, even though it didn’t always work out in his favour.

  ‘Lily, I’m sure Greg is just being polite. Nobody finds gardening interesting.’

  ‘Greg is a gardener, Declan.’

  When attending Rodney’s intimate gatherings, he usually ignored her.

  Lily and Adam stood together by the piano. Declan would have been jealous if he hadn’t decided long ago that Adam was gay, not because Adam had never married but because he had a quality. He couldn’t explain it, he simply compared it to having the X factor. Declan liked to look at a beautiful woman. Adam liked to talk to her. Declan was well groomed. Adam was dapper. Declan was an ex-rugby player. Adam had spent his secondary-school years ballroom-dancing. Lily knew her husband was wrong about Adam but she encouraged his misconception because it was nice to have a male friend that Declan wasn’t suspicious of. Over the years Adam had noticed that her husband’s theory allowed him closer access to Lily so he didn’t care to put him right, no matter how rude or obnoxious he became when drunk.

  In the car on the way over Declan had laughed at the notion of Alice lining up a date for Adam. ‘That’s a waste of time,’ he’d said.

  Lily stayed silent. She was thinking about what Clooney had said. ‘Still perched on your high horse’ – what was that supposed to mean? He doesn’t know me! Yet it bugged her. She also wondered why she had reacted so badly when Eve had done everything she could to minimize the damage to Fiona. After all, who the hell am I to come down on a lie? I spend my life lying. Who does the truth serve? No one. Eve has probably endured one of the worst days in her life and I was a stupid bitch. Damn it. What is wrong with me?

  ‘Alice just won’t listen,’ Declan went on. ‘She’s determined to marry him off.’

  ‘She should mind her own business,’ Lily said.

  ‘Lily, I need you to be nice to Alice,’ he said sharply.

  ‘I will be.’

  ‘You’re in one of your moods,’ he said.

  This grated on her because he often intimated that they were linked to her fluctuating hormones. She ignored him. She was picturing Eve’s face and the heartbreak that had been written all over it.

  ‘I don’t know why they insist on asking him over anyway,’ Declan twittered on. ‘It’s not like he ever stays long. Probably off to the Phoenix Park to get himself some arse.’ He looked at his wife for a reaction but she was lost in her thoughts.

  Her mind had drifted back to when Eve was a teenager in love. I think I’m falling in love, Lily. I’m scared, Lily. He makes the world feel like a better place. I wish it could always be like this.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ Declan asked.

  ‘Nothing,’ Lily said.

  ‘Impossible. Tell me what you’re thinking.’

  ‘That I wish I was at home in a bath.’ I’m thinking of knocking you out as soon as we get home, creeping back to the hospital and taking my old friend to say goodbye to her teenage sweetheart.

  ‘You have a look in your eye,’ he said.

  ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘You do.’

  ‘Just drive the car, Declan.’

  Now Adam and Lily talked pleasantries until Alice came in and introduced him to Tracey, being careful to turn her back on Lily and exclude her from their company. Adam grabbed Lily’s hand and mentioned to Alice that she had inadvertently missed Lily from the introductions. She pretended it was an accident while Adam and Lily pretended they believed her. Tracey stood quietly, waiting to meet Lily. When the introductions were over, Alice left Tracey with Adam. Lily stayed put. Alice’s look suggested she wanted to punch Lily in the face but she asked her to join her in the kitchen.

  ‘I’m fine where I am, thanks,’ Lily said.

  Adam smiled and Tracey told her that she looked stunning in her red dress within Alice’s earshot.

  Tracey was nice. She was tall and a little horsy around the jaw, but she had pretty eyes, blonde hair and a great figure. She wasn’t Adam’s type but she had a good sense of humour, and if he had met her in a bar and Lily wasn’t standing beside her, he might have slept with her.

  Dinner was boring. Declan was slurring after two glasses of wine and the whiskey Rodney had insisted he drank as soon as he walked through the door. Rodney didn’t seem to notice because he was too busy arguing politics with Tracey.

  ‘You can say what you want about Fianna Fáil, but are the others going to do any different?’ he asked. ‘No!’ He slapped the table with his hand.

  ‘It’s important for the electorate to show their contempt for the way in which business has been done. The only way to do that is by voting out the current regime,’ she reasoned.

  ‘Cut off one head and another grows,’ he argued.

  ‘They’re all a bunch of thieving bastards!’ Declan said. ‘The French revolutionaries had the right idea. Off with their heads!’ In his fervour, he waved his hand and knocked over his wine glass.

  Alice jumped up and Declan apologized profusely while Rodney talked over him … and so the interminable night went on.

  Adam met Lily in the kitchen. ‘Is it late enough to leave?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, get going,’ she said.

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘I’m stuck until Declan can’t stand any more,’ she said, looking at her watch. It was eleven o’clock.

  ‘One more whiskey should do it,’ he said. He poured another large glass, went into the sitting room where the others were seated and handed it to Declan.

  ‘Oh, you’re not trying to get me drunk enough to have your way with me, are you?’ Declan asked him.

  Rodney laughed but Alice was unimpressed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Declan,’ she said, looking at Tracey. �
��There’s no need for that.’

  ‘Apologies, Adam,’ Declan said, clearly believing himself to be on a comedy roll. ‘I know it’s Rodney you fancy.’

  Rodney laughed again, and Adam swore in his head that this would be the last time he accepted an invitation to eat with either of his colleagues. ‘I think it’s time for me to take my leave,’ he said. ‘Goodnight, all. Tracey, it was nice to meet you.’

  ‘To meet you nice,’ Declan said, doing his best impression of Bruce Forsyth, which was pretty bad.

  Alice tutted. ‘I’m sorry, Adam,’ she said at the door. ‘I could ask Tracey for her phone number for you?’

  ‘I can get my own phone numbers, Alice,’ he said, ‘but thank you.’ He waved at Lily, who had emerged from the downstairs cloakroom. ‘Goodnight, Lily.’

  ‘See you tomorrow, Adam,’ she said.

  Alice closed the door and turned to Lily. ‘Maybe Tracey would have had a chance if you hadn’t monopolized Adam.’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘No. I won’t. You think you’re better than everyone else.’

  ‘That’s rich coming from you, Alice.’

  ‘I see you with Adam,’ Alice said. ‘Your husband might be blind to it but I see.’

  ‘You are an élitist, angry, arrogant bitch, Alice,’ Lily said. She walked into the sitting room and grabbed her drunken husband’s arm. Where the hell is this coming from? God, Declan’s going to kill me. ‘We’re going.’

  ‘What?’ he asked, confused.

  ‘Now,’ she said.

  ‘I do feel a little sick,’ he said, as she hauled him into the car. He fell asleep on the drive home.

  Lily was smarting. How dare Alice Gibson? Who the hell does she think she is? As if. Why can’t she mind her own damn business? Lily had always known Adam wasn’t gay for one reason only: the way he looked at her. She didn’t actively encourage him. She never pretended to be available. He was a friend and a shoulder to cry on when things were difficult with Declan, but lately it had become increasingly obvious that Adam had feelings for her. She could pretend not to notice when others didn’t, but Alice’s words meant that the game she was playing with herself was over. Damn it. Why do you have to look at me like that, Adam? I just need a friend.

  Declan was so drunk that Scott had to help her carry him from the car. She stripped him in a matter of minutes and he was snoring before the light was turned out.