Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 6

by Tappei Nagatsuki

  The plain room, adorned with only a crystal lamp, was something of a rarity among the dazzlingly ornamented rooms of the mansion. When he was here, he could feel at ease as the rank commoner he was. And so he had taken a liking to it, selecting it as his own room.

  Under his head was one of the pillows so eternally soft that he could never get used to them. The fact that sheets had been meticulously pulled up to his shoulders made it clear that someone had tucked him in as he slept on the bed.

  It was Subaru’s nature to become alert as soon as he opened his eyes, no matter what the situation. He looked around the room, seeing for himself that it was indeed where he always woke up.

  “—Ah.”

  There was a girl sitting near the side of the bed, her eyes quietly lowered upon a book.

  She wore a customized, very exposing maid outfit, with black as its chief color. She had a white flower hair ornament and a lovely face; the sharpness of her stiff, beautiful features displayed her inner refinement.

  The instant Subaru realized she was there, he practically leaped up into a sitting position, taking her hand into his before she even realized he was awake. Her face registered surprise…

  “—Do not touch me so casually, Barusu.”

  …as her cold, blunt words; the tone of her voice; and the feeling of his hand being shaken off shattered his illusion.

  In that instant, he realized that the girl before his eyes had pink hair. His reunion with someone precious whom he had lost was nothing but an illusion. This was the older twin sister of the girl he longed for, two peas in a pod, differing only in hair color.

  “I can understand you are happy at seeing me after several days, but to leap at me by instinct is less like a man and more like a male. It is indecent.”

  Ram glared reproachfully at Subaru, shifting her chair away as if to distance herself from the bed. The frigidity of her gaze and voice drilled into him that this was not her look-alike younger sister.

  “Yeah……that’s right, I don’t have any right to that anymore…”

  Ram suspiciously lifted an eyebrow as Subaru clawed at his head, bit his lip, and hunched forward.

  From Ram’s point of view, she’d done nothing but greet his awakening with a suitably sharp tongue. The usual Subaru would make some sort of frivolous comeback, but he was falling silent with a grave expression.

  “…I really would rather you did not make me do something so atypical, but…”

  As Ram spoke, she drew near to Subaru and gently patted his head with her palm. The soft movement of her fingertips had a quiet, gentle rhythm that unsettled Subaru.

  “Your face says you are thinking something rude, Barusu. You did not expect kindness from me?”

  “No, I…didn’t… I thought you were the type to kick me when I’m down.”

  “I imagine there are few maids who have as much generosity and kindness as I. I’m too crafty to torment you in your current state, Barusu. I’ll save the kicking for another time and place.”

  “Correction. You really are the woman I thought you were.”

  Ram declared that she’d redouble her antics next time, but Subaru did not sense any less affection from her fingertips.

  Even if her speech was blunter and her personality was completely different, she really was Rem’s sister. His chest grew tight with the knowledge that they really did think the same way. He bore the inescapable pain of what he had to tell her…

  “Ahh…”

  As he sank into thought, Subaru felt her fingers pull away, causing him to blurt out a sound in regret. He rushed a hand to his mouth, but Ram broke into a smile even faster as she shot him a teasing look.

  “You wanted more?”

  “I don’t need it. I’m not some little kid…!”

  “Bold words, when you look ready to bawl like a child. You’re as stubborn as a little brat.”

  Ram slumped as Subaru gave her a sulking sidelong glance. Her condescension was fully intact as she said, “Now then, Barusu.”

  “…”

  Ram returned the chair in front of Subaru, sitting directly opposite him and staring at him.

  “—I must ask you what you have to say. Yes,” she said, before launching into the topic at hand. “You were in an awful state, Barusu. You appeared at the village with an unfamiliar dragon carriage, filthy and half-dead. At first, when people from the village called for me to come over, I thought it must be some kind of joke.”

  In a businesslike tone, Ram recounted how she’d carried Subaru back to the mansion while he was unconscious.

  “Dislocated shoulder, cut forehead… I connected the broken bones, but your wounds will open if you force yourself. I disposed of your filthy blood- and mud-covered clothes—I shall refrain from telling Lady Emilia that you relieved yourself in them.”

  “…Yeah, that’s a big help.”

  Subaru’s muted reaction made Ram lower her shoulders with chagrin apparent on her face. To Ram, that last part was just a tiny bit of humor, but it would have been a big problem for Subaru otherwise.

  “And the one who healed my wounds was…”

  “Lady Emilia.”

  Just like that, Ram said what Subaru had feared.

  When Subaru hung his head at the reply, Ram put her hands on her hips and humphed through her nose.

  “It could not be helped. I asked Lady Beatrice first, but she refused. Though, given how fickle she can be, I fully expected that she might decline.”

  “Did…Emilia say anything about me?”

  “I shall tell you nothing of it. That is something you should ask her yourself.”

  Ram replied icily to Subaru’s meek question while patting his formerly dislocated shoulder.

  “I have not heard what occurred between you and Lady Emilia in the royal capital. I am not interested. From your reaction just now, it would seem that you did nothing good regardless.”

  “That’s pretty harsh.”

  “I think it is a fair statement, is it not? More accurately, you are afraid that I will address the main topic of concern, and you wish to clumsily put it off as long as possible by talking about something else.”

  “Uhh…”

  Unable to even manage a proper groan, Subaru understood what Ram really wanted to hear. After all, the individual who should have returned by Subaru’s side was absent. Naturally, he needed to tell her about that first.

  He wondered if it was Ram’s kindness or her strictness that made her broach the conversation when Subaru had said nothing of it himself. It was probably both.

  He couldn’t allow her benevolence to spoil him forever.

  “—Rem is dead.”

  The instant the words were on his lips, Subaru felt something inside him gently come loose. The instant he made the confession, the weighty mass in the innermost depths of his chest broke apart and sank into his stomach, demanding acknowledgment from him.

  The hot sensation he felt through his forehead told him exactly what that mass was.

  —I’ve lost Rem.

  A flood of tears poured out of him.

  And he realized it. Only then did he realize: Subaru had let Rem die, over and over.

  Including the previous mansion loop, this made the fourth time Subaru had let her die, four times Subaru had felt her passing. Finally, it sank in that he had let Rem die four times over.

  And yet, that was the first time Subaru had shed tears over her death for her sake. Not out of self-pity, not out of guilt, but purely for Rem’s own sake.

  “I…couldn’t do anything. On the highway, the mist… The White Whale showed up. Then, so I could get away, Rem… But I was left behind in the mist…and then, finally…”

  He couldn’t put what he wanted to say in proper sentences. With periodic sobs, his account jumped from idea to idea, failing to arrange the topics in an orderly manner. Unable to keep his excuses at bay, Subaru grew afraid, feeling that he had somehow sullied Rem’s final moments.

  He acknowledged his cr
ime. He would accept his punishment—one befitting an unsightly man such as him.

  That was why he had to explain everything as clearly as possi—

  “Who is Rem?”

  —.

  .

  .

  “Ah, er, huh…?”

  He didn’t…understand…what was being said to him.

  Unable to grasp the meaning of Ram’s question, Subaru made incoherent sounds in response.

  Who is Rem? What did that even mean?

  But seeing Subaru lost in doubt, Ram cocked her head and opened her mouth once more.

  “Barusu. Who is this Rem?”

  Her eyebrow hadn’t even twitched at the mention of her twin sister’s name, and now she was asking who she was.

  “Wh-whaddaya mean, who…? Don’t say stupid things like that! It’s the name of y-your little sister, isn’t it?! Rem, right? R-e-m. Rem! This isn’t the time for j—”

  “My little sister…?”

  Ram put a finger to her lips, closing her eyes as she seemed to sink into serious thought. Subaru had seen the gesture before, but in his present state, it was extremely difficult to endure. He felt the urge to yell, What the hell are you doing?! and punt Ram all the way into the mist at that very moment.

  “My little sister, Rem. Ahh…”

  “You remember now?!”

  “I cannot remember what never was. I have no little sister. I have always been an only child.”

  Subaru’s face went very pale as Ram’s plain statement defied his every expectation.

  “That’s crazy… What are you saying…?”

  “—I do not have a little sister.”

  “Don’t mess with me! If Rem didn’t exist, what happened during that mess with the demon beasts in the forest?! You, Rem, and I went there and…”

  “Truly, what is wrong with you, Barusu? I am loath to admit it, but half the credit for exterminating the Urugarum pack is yours. The remaining half goes to my own efforts and Roswaal’s power… There is no place to slip in some long-lost little sister named Rem.”

  Even when hearing Subaru’s protests, Ram obstinately refused to acknowledge her little sister’s existence. Inside of Ram, things that had most certainly happened had been overwritten with false memories.

  He didn’t know what it meant. He didn’t know why she was answering him in that manner.

  “This ain’t funny… Not even a nightmare…would have a script this bad…”

  “As always, I am quite serious. It’s you who’s dreaming, Barusu.”

  “Dreaming… Dreaming? You’re saying I’m dreaming?! Stop messing with me!”

  With Ram completely at sea, Subaru pushed aside the sheets and got out of bed. His endurance hadn’t returned; his lower body wobbled as he walked out, driven by his fierce emotions.

  “Barusu, you should not be up y—”

  “Shut up! Be quiet and…come look!”

  Ram extended a hand toward his tottering body, but Subaru brushed it aside angrily.

  Subaru had been sleeping in his bedroom on the second floor of the mansion’s east wing. Rem’s room was on the third floor, so he walked to the stairs leading up in search of some trace of her.

  “Your endurance has not returned. If you continue to force yourself and collapse, it will only cause me trouble.”

  Ram followed behind him, speaking to him, but Subaru, his shoulders shaking in anger, had no intention of listening. Taking more time than usual to climb up the stairs, Subaru headed straight down the third floor corridor of the mansion before stopping in front of a room—Rem’s room.

  Once Ram saw it, surely her ridiculous notions would shatter into dust.

  Subaru grasped the doorknob to the room and marched in. He didn’t hesitate. If he did, Subaru’s timid heart would let him make more excuses. He had no time to be worried or conflicted.

  The room he stepped into was plain but decorated in a reserved, feminine fashion—

  “…No…way.”

  There was…nothing.

  The space he’d just entered had a made bed and a little table, no different than any of the other empty rooms. Rem’s had been simple, but this was different, completely devoid of personality. The little feminine touches and decorations had certainly been in hers.

  “This can’t be rea…”

  Looking around the room, Subaru couldn’t believe it and rushed out into the hallway. Ignoring Ram’s gaze as she stood beside the door, Subaru counted the rooms from the stairs to this one. He’d made no mistake. There was no way he could have. He could find the place with his eyes closed.

  —Then why…?

  “C-could it be Beatrice? Maybe she shuffled the spaces around on me like that first time…”

  “Barusu.”

  “That’s right! That has to be it! Why that little— Playing her games to make fun of me…”

  “Barusu, stop it.”

  Seeing Subaru grow hysterically desperate, Ram quietly dropped all hint of affection. Shocked, Subaru looked at Ram. She gazed back at him, the almost unthinkable, plaintive look in her eyes expressing just how much she was concerned for his well-being.

  But it was wrong. That wasn’t what Subaru was looking for.

  “Rem… This is her…”

  “—There has never been such a person at this mansion.”

  Ram shook her head, her eyes clouding as she said, as if to slap him to his senses, “I do not have a little sister.”

  And so she finally destroyed his doubts.

  3

  He’d meant to own up to his responsibility, to bear his crime on his shoulders. He had meant to accept that all-too-heavy burden, the responsibility he wished to cast aside and flee from at that very moment, and face up to Rem’s death.

  “I—I…”

  Did he not even have the right to mourn Rem’s death and plead for forgiveness?

  He’d done things thinking it was for Emilia’s sake, but she hadn’t accepted him; their feelings were at odds and still remained on different trajectories. Rem, who’d thrown everything away for Subaru’s sake, had expended her life in heroic fashion as the world repeated itself. And yet, the world had robbed Subaru of the duty to shoulder the responsibility of her life.

  Time, the world, the Witch Cult, the White Whale—various obstacles stood between Subaru and what he desired. Why was the world so cold to Subaru, betraying him and all his feelings?

  That was, that was—

  “Barusu, please return to your room.”

  As Subaru stood dumbfounded in the unoccupied quarters, Ram spoke thusly to him. With Subaru rooted to the floor, Ram, standing beside him, pressed a hand to his back to lead him out of the room and said, “You must be confused about many things because you are tired. Head back to your room and keep dreaming in bed. I have things to do, so I cannot stay with you like this forever.”

  Even though Subaru was beaten down, Ram’s decision was strict toward Subaru. She meant to carry out her assigned duties without coddling him any further.

  “Back to your room, and sleep.”

  Repeating the command one more time as she left, Ram went down the stairs and vanished from view.

  Certainly, if he slept as she said, he might be able to escape that sense of alienation. It was all a bad dream, surely. He was dreaming, so he’d go back to bed to dream.

  He should just run away, run away, run away. He’d fled all the way to where he stood now. If he kept trying to get away, like he always had, like he always would—if he ran and ran and ran and ran, then—

  “Then…what…?”

  Subaru murmured, his foot stopping just as he was about to take the stairs down.

  Judging that he needed to escape into a dream, he’d dragged his feet over to the stairs. Slightly raising his jaw, Subaru looked at the steps up to the next floor.

  No matter how far he fled, it’d all be the same. And Subaru would have betrayed Rem again.

  Rem had protected Subaru, gambling with her own life so t
hat he might escape from the White Whale… And for what?

  So that Subaru could finish what he’d started.

  For his goal of saving the people precious to him from the evil clutches of the Witch Cult.

  If he abandoned that objective then and there, letting go and fleeing into his own mind…

  “That’s…a lot lower than begging for forgiveness…”

  Subaru turned away from the stairs leading downward.

  This time, there was no hesitation in his gait. Subaru put his foot on the first step and went up, not down, because that was where he would find the reason for his return.

  Stepping firmly upon each step, Subaru slowly headed up. Arriving at the topmost floor, he breathed out as he found the door he had been fighting toward this whole time.

  When he reached for the doorknob, Subaru realized that he was oddly calm. It seemed unreal how much his heart had quieted down after its frantic pounding when he’d burst into Rem’s room. He wondered if he had actually calmed down or if he had moved beyond stress entirely and sunk so far that he could no longer hear its powerful thumping.

  But: “Rem, lend me…your courage—”

  When he voiced that name, Subaru felt his hand become stronger. That strength transferred to the doorknob; he gently opened the obstinate-seeming door. And on the other side of the open entryway, a girl was sitting at the desk, looking back toward him as she said, “—Subaru?”

  When Subaru heard the chime-like voice calling out his name, he closed his eyes. He finally remembered the deep emotions rushing through his chest that were difficult to put into words…and that he had returned for the sake of hearing her voice.

  She was a girl with fluttery silver hair, pale skin, and violet eyes. Sadness marred her fleeting, beautiful features. The girl—Emilia—rose from her seat and said to Subaru, “…Why…did you come back?”

  It was not the words themselves but the trembling tone of her voice that robbed Subaru of all thought.

  Here was Emilia, lacking all strength in her eyes, her lips quivering.

  It had been a little while since he had seen her. He felt like she was thinner than when they had parted. Both her voice and her eyes were clouded with fatigue, enough to suggest she hadn’t been getting any sleep.