Fortunately, I reached the apartment before my thoughts could fester. I climbed the stairs two at a time, eager to jump into bed. Sleep would help. Well, maybe. Some nights, all I could do was dream of him. He’d haunt me there.
Sometimes, in dreams, Aaron approached me with a smile and an outstretched hand. I’d put my hand in his and he’d pull me in, folding me into his embrace. I liked those dreams because for a moment, I could forget and pretend that everything was still as it used to be.
But the dreams I didn’t like seemed to happen all the time. I’d be at a party. There’d be thousands of people moving through the cramped space. Somehow, I’d still find him, dressed in black and sipping a glass of whiskey. Our eyes would meet and the electricity in the air would buzz in my ears.
But then, he’d look away and disappear. No matter how hard I tried to find him again, I couldn’t. It was only at the end of the party when I’d finally see him kissing some other girl, taking her hand in his, and bringing her home. I’d stand there and feel my heart breaking piece by piece.
Trying to push these thoughts out of my head, I took a deep breath. Feeling a little better, I grabbed my keys and opened the door.
The lights were off inside the apartment. My mother was out.
For a moment, I felt a twinge of fear. In the past, her absence usually meant that she was getting drunk in a bar somewhere. Had she relapsed into her old ways?
I dumped my bag on the floor and headed into the kitchen. There, I opened the fridge, trying to find something to eat. I saw nothing but half-empty takeout containers that looked like they had been there for a while. On the counter was an old pizza box from a few days ago. I groaned. I really needed to go grocery shopping, but I just couldn’t find the time nor the energy to do so.
When I closed the fridge door, I noticed the note left by my mother.
Went to my AA meeting. I’ll be home soon. Love, Mom
I smiled at the note. I was really proud of the progress my mother had made in the past few months. She had made tremendous strides. In the end, we didn’t have the money to put her through in-patient rehab, but she signed up for AA meetings and had been attending them religiously. They were making a huge difference in her life. I think she had even stopped drinking. One thing is for sure: she was finally starting to act like my mom again.
My stomach growled. With no other choice, I grabbed a slice of pizza. It was cold but still decent. I took it into the living room where I planned to watch some TV and wait for my mom. The TV took a moment to warm up, the screen black and white to start before color started to pop up pixel by pixel. It was definitely time to buy a new TV but with every extra penny I had going into my college fund, I really didn’t have any to spare. I’d just have to deal with the crappy picture quality.
While nibbling on my pizza, I started to flick through the channels. The same soap opera I had put on at Harry’s was still going. So I decided to indulge in some horrible acting. The woman who had thrown a fit was now walking down a runway, modeling a sexy black dress. At the end of the strip, she fell and tumbled forward, straight into the arms of a dark and handsome individual. Their faces were close. Their eyes locked. The camera moved down, homing in on the position of his hands on her hips. She blushed crimson. I wondered what had happened to the other guy she had kissed.
When it cut to commercial, I took another bite of my pizza. Suddenly, I was struck by my surroundings. I had looked at them day in and day out for the past six months, but never really noticed them. The dingy TV. The peeling wallpapers. The moldy carpets. Leaky faucets. The scuttling of what might be rats in the attic.
Was this my life?
The weight of depression rested heavily on my chest. I found it hard to breath. The air was noxious.
Where was Aaron, and what was he doing?
The question repeated itself in my mind, bouncing off my skull. What was Aaron doing? There were a million ways to answer that question and all of them were better than this.
Tears stung at the corner of my eyes.
Because deep in my heart, I knew that in every single scenario, he had already forgotten about me.
Chapter Twenty
Aaron
Six months later …
The plane flew smoothly through the night time sky. Two hours into the flight and we had yet to experience a lick of turbulence.
I held a glass of bourbon in my hands. Occasionally, I’d gaze into the amber-colored liquid with my thoughts drifting. My reflection stared back at me. I sighed. As always, I was thinking of her. Simply closing my eyes was enough to bring her back. I had etched the sight of her into my memories. That warm smile. The curl of her hair. The slenderness of her fingers. All these details tormented me.
Still, like every other time, I tried to push her away.
Wanting to distract myself, I grabbed an in-flight magazine and flipped through the pages. I settled on an article and read the first few sentences before quickly tiring of it. Whoever had written the piece had an incredibly dry style that was fit to put someone to sleep. I shook my head and flipped to another page. This one was dominated by an oversized picture of a golfer in mid-swing.
Visit Tucson’s Number One Golf Course!
I stared at the advertisement for a while. Bright greens and reds were meant to capture the reader’s attention but already I felt myself drifting further and further away.
For the past six months, I had been abroad. This would be the first time I was back in Tucson since the day Melanie left. A part of me still regretted the decision of abandoning her without a goodbye, but at the same time, why should I feel guilty about that? The agreement was for her to stay for three months, nothing more, nothing less. We were simply sticking to the plan.
Plus, as far as I’m concerned, emotions were never supposed to be involved in the affair.
I turned the page. This one advertised some business that sold aftershave. Speaking of business, I’d need to give Ben a call as soon as possible. In my absence, he’d been running the company. From the monthly reports he sent me, things were going well – extremely well, actually.
That’s what I’d stayed away so long. Business was good, and I wanted to use the time away to forget about her, but it was easier said than done. I immediately felt Melanie’s absence. When I turned in my bed at night, I expected to find her there. Instead, I was met with emptiness. In these moments, my heart would tighten and throb with pain. I missed her, but was much too proud to admit it.
So I tried to forget. I wandered from place to place seeking distraction. It never came. Most nights were spent alone at a bar, drinking the sorrow away. I was right back to square one where I had made the initial bet with Miranda.
I sighed and closed the magazine. Honestly, what did I think was going to happen? Of course, emotions would muddled things. I thought I’d be able to keep my distance but as soon as I laid eyes on Melanie for the first time, I had known that would be impossible. I fell for her and I fell hard. So why had I left? Fuck. I was still asking myself that same exact question.
It didn’t matter, anyways. After what I did to her, she wouldn’t take a second look at me. But even so, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. She occupied most of my waking thoughts and as soon as I fell asleep she’d appear in my dreams. Always in that red dress – the one I liked – and wearing a bright smile on her face.
She’d beckon me forwards with her eyes only to step backwards, luring me further and further into the dreamscape. Then suddenly, she’d push me away and I’d fall into oblivion only to wake up, covered in sweat.
“Can I get you a refill, sir?” the flight attendant asked with a smile.
“Hmm?”
“Your bourbon. Would you like another?”
I looked down at my glass to find that it was completely empty. While lost in my thoughts, I had finished it off. “Yes,” I answered.
“Right away.” She walked down the narrow aisle and disappeared behind a curtain. I watched it ripple
for a moment before glancing around at my fellow first-class passengers. Most of them looked like rigid businessmen. Their button-up shirts were freshly ironed, and they wore ties that hung loosely on their necks. The man that sat adjacent from me was noisily clacking away at the keys of his computer.
From the looks of it, he was working on some kind of report. But honestly, there was no need to type so loudly. Maybe he was just looking for the attention.
In front of him sat a woman dressed in a fur coat. She had one leg crossed over the other and had the habit of looking down at her nails to make sure her manicure was still intact. In her lap was a long-haired Chihuahua with its tongue hanging out the side. Its large black eyes looked like they would pop out of its skull at any moment.
As the flight attendant walked back with my drink, the dog growled, showing off a tiny set of teeth.
“Here you are, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”
“How much longer before we arrive in Tucson?”
“A few more hours, sir,” she answered. “Perhaps I can offer you an in-flight movie to pass the time?”
I nodded. “Yeah, sounds great, thanks.”
“Of course, sir. Which movie would you like to watch? We have a fabulous selection to choose from.”
“Any will do. I don’t mind.”
“But do you not want to pick?” she cocked her head to the side in question.
“No. Just put on whatever you’d like.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Well, all right.” Hesitantly, she walked away. A few minutes later, the screen in front of my seat came to life. I watched the opening credits, blinking in boredom.
Eventually, the movie panned out into an overhead shot of Bali.
How ironic. I had just spent the past few months in Bali. There, I had spent most of my mornings and afternoons sitting on the beach. I’d rent a cabana and enjoy the shade. While enjoying this comfort, I took the liberty of watching the other travelers. There were plenty of interesting people to occupy my time, but I remembered one particular couple most of all.
They had packed up their stuff just as I was getting ready to leave. As it so happened, we headed back to the same hotel and even ended up riding in the elevator together. During that time, I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own relationship with Melanie. The way he had wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. The way she had smiled up at him, eyes shining with pure happiness.
Even the way they walked together had reminded me so much of my time with Melanie.
Numbly, on that day, I’d ridden the rest of the way to the penthouse suite with my heart frozen and still.
God, I missed her.
I still missed her.
My travels through Europe would have been so much better if she had accompanied me. There were so many things we could have done together. Snorkeling. Deep sea diving. Dining in Paris. Touring through London. Soaking up the sun at any one of the various beaches.
It would have been perfect but of course, I had to be the fool and walk away.
I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. Maybe things would be different this time around. Maybe she’d give me a second chance and I could finally show her how I really felt. I’d hold her in my arms and vow to never let her go.
But, who was I kidding? After six months with no word, she’d want nothing to do with me. She probably thought I was the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. And honestly, I wouldn’t blame her for thinking that.
The plane shook. Overhead, the seatbelt light blinked with a bright yellow light. I sat up and buckled myself in. The pampered pooch looked like he was about to have a heart attack at any moment. His owner didn’t look too far off herself. The man who had been typing away like a crazy person grumbled to himself when the stewardess politely asked him to place his seat in the upright position.
The plane shook again.
“Honestly,” the manicured woman exclaimed, stroking her dog. “This is horrible for Aphrodite’s health!”
Aphrodite. Apparently, that overgrown rat was a girl. If I ever got a dog, it’d be a real dog. A German Shepherd. Or maybe a Pit Bull. Although, I wouldn’t mind a Golden Retriever. A Husky wouldn’t be a bad option either.
Suddenly, I imagined Melanie in a snowy field. She was dolled up in a fur-lined red coat that accentuated her figure. There was a bright smile on her face as she threw a big stick through the air. A second later, a giant Husky ran after it. The two of them frolicked through the snow, looking happy and pure.
It was a happy little daydream. But that’s all it was. A daydream. It would never happen. One, Melanie would never forgive me and two, I couldn’t picture myself living someone where it snowed. I honestly couldn’t fathom dealing with such intolerable weather. I spent a week in New York during a blizzard and it was absolutely awful. I don’t know how those East Coasters manage. It must be fucking torture.
Once the image faded from my mind, I reached over and pulled up the window cover. Large, gray-colored clouds swept over the wings. They were moving so quickly, like giants in a hurry to be somewhere important. For a while, I was mesmerized by this movement.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, we were touching down at Tucson International Airport.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I am glad to announce that we have arrived at our destination. I hope you all had a wonderful flight and that you’ll consider flying with us in the future. Enjoy your stay.” As soon as the captain clicked off the intercom the seatbelt light turned off and everyone rose to their feet.
I continued to sit. I hated the chaos of everyone trying to get off the airplane at once, swarming like busy ants.
“Aphrodite, be nice,” the woman hissed at her dog. “No biting.” She spoke with a pompous air, her nose upturn and her lips curling at the utterance of certain words. When she passed my seat, she was about to keep walking but then she met my gaze and stopped dead in her tracks. With a seductive smile painted on her lips, she placed her manicured hand on my seat and leaned forward.
“My, my, if I had known you were on the flight with me, I wouldn’t have suffered through such a fit of boredom.”
“Move along,” I told her, voice flat and uninterested.
“Move along?” she repeated, looking offended. “Do you know who you’re talking to?” She took a deep breath and looked like she was about to go into a long, unnecessary description of herself.
I silenced her with a wave of my hand. “There’s no point in wasting your breath. I don’t know who you are, nor do I care. So move along.”
Her red lips pressed together in disappointment. “Hmph.” She uttered through those closed lips before marching off with her dog swinging miserably from side to side. It looked out at me from the mesh opening of its doggy bag, as if begging for help.
Too late for that, little buddy. You’re doomed.
Finally, the airplane cleared out. I was the last one to grab my carry on and walk onto the tarmac. There was a fog settled over the area that was riding low against the ground. It made it impossible to see the airport despite it being a short distance away.
“Right this way, sir.” Someone directed me with a bright orange signal light in their hands.
I followed. Inside, I was met with the usual airport crowd. People milled around from place to place. Most looked lost. I navigated through the crowd, making my way to the baggage claim with ease.
Once I emerged at the general meeting area, I was swamped with families waiting for their relatives. Everyone wore happy smiles on their faces, clamoring against one another’s shoulders.
I pushed past them and headed for the parking lot. My chauffeur was already waiting for me.
“Did you have a nice trip, sir?” he asked as he opened the door for me.
“Good enough,” I grunted.
“Oh?”
I didn’t bother adding any more explanation. I simp
ly got in the car and pulled out my phone to signal that I did not want to talk about the matter.
He nodded. He quickly grabbed my bags and placed them in the trunk. Once he was done, he got behind the wheel and drove off. But before we got very far, I leaned forward and tapped the window.
“Yes sir?” the chauffeur asked.
“I want you to drive somewhere,” I said.
“Very well.”
“Melanie’s apartment.”
He glanced at me through the rearview mirror but didn’t say a word as he punched the address into the car’s navigation system.
I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. Maybe I should take the chance and see her. Yes, maybe she’d hate me but there was also the possibility that she wouldn’t. If I could only explain myself then things would be different.
For half an hour, I kept my eyes closed as the car cruised along the highway. We were getting closer and closer. I could almost feel her presence now. My heart strings tugged in her direction.
Once we turned into an exit, I opened my eyes and leaned forward. “How much further?”
“A few minutes.”
I took a deep breath. I was a successful business man who had made billions all on my own. There were countless times when I had faced nerve-wracking situations with a calm state of mind and yet, here I was sweating bullets. I couldn’t help but worry about what would happen.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we pulled up to her apartment. Naturally, my hand went to the door handle.
But then I hesitated.
“Would you like to get out, Sir?”
I didn’t answer him.
The apartment was just as run down and miserable as I pictured it. Honestly, it was such a shame that a girl so beautiful and sweet had to live in a place like this. I stared at the building for a while before my eyes were drawn to the window – her window.
The shades were drawn but the lights were on.
She was home.
This was my chance to go and see her and make amends.
But I couldn’t. My head turned away resolutely, jaw set in a grim line.
Buying A Bride Page 18