Unbreak This Heart

by Betty Shreffler

  “I’m not comfortable with you taking a cab home alone. Why don’t you crash in Jane’s guest room? I was gonna stay there, but you can have it. I’ll take the couch.”

  Part of me wants to tell him I’ll be fine and take the cab back to my own bed, but the dizziness in my head is telling me to drink some water and lay down.

  “Yeah, I think I’ll stay. That last shot did me in.”

  Carter keeps contact with my elbow as I go back inside. I grab a bottle of water from Jane’s fridge and head toward the guest room. Carter follows and my nerves bunch.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure you don’t fall or pass out.”

  “I’m good, I promise.” I stop mid-way through the hallway, “Thank you for a really fun night.”

  Carter nods, seeming to understand I want my space.

  “Goodnight, Alex.”

  Breath warm on my ear, he whispers, “You’re gonna be my favorite. I can already tell.”

  “Please don’t do this,” I whimper between trembling lips.

  “It’s going to happen. Cry if you want to. It’ll add to my pleasure.”

  He tests the ropes tied to my ankles, and I flinch at the touch of his hand on my bare skin.

  “Why me? What did I do?”

  A slap slams into my cheek, feeling as though a soccer ball was just kicked into my face. I taste blood on my lip before it spills into my mouth.

  “Stop talking!”

  A tear sings through the air as my underwear is ripped to shreds.

  “No, NO! Stop!”

  My eyes jolt open and panic rises as I feel a man’s hands on my arms. I squirm and thrash at his body and face. Please, no, please no!

  “Ssh, Alex. It’s me, Carter. You’re having a nightmare.” His voice breaks through the vicious memories. Pulling me into his arms, he holds me as I weep into his bare chest, spreading tears everywhere. Hand caressing my hair, he gently rocks me.

  “Ssh, you’re safe with me, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

  Safe. I’m never safe. That monster took that security blanket from me and I’ve been fighting ever since to get it back.

  Through the little bit of moonlight coming through the window, I realize I’m exposed. Snatching up the comforter, I pull it up over my bra covered breasts.

  “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  The door swings open and Jane barrels in. “Alex. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m so sorry I woke everyone up.” Thankfully it’s too dark for Carter to see my cheeks burn red.

  “It’s okay, babe. You sure you’re good?” I can hear her underlying concern about Carter being in the room.

  “Yeah, thank you.”

  “Ok, I’m going back to bed. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  The door closes and Carter brushes his hand along my arm. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “I am. Nightmares are nothing new for me. Probably freaked you out though, huh?”

  “Not freaked out. Just worried about you.”

  “I appreciate you waking me up when you did. Truly. Thank you.”

  “Would you like me to stay? I mean, on the floor. I’ll sleep on the floor next to you and keep you company.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. I don’t want to leave you.” His hand slides into mine and the warmth of it scatters the remaining edginess.

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  His free hand strokes my cheek. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna grab my shirt, blankets, and a pillow.”

  He returns moments later, and I snuggle under the comforter, resting my head on the pillow as he creates a makeshift bed on the floor next to my side of the bed. With his arm behind his head, he lies on his back and covers himself waist high with the top blanket.

  “Do you have nightmares every night?” he asks softly.

  “Not every night, no. Just every once in a while.”

  My hand hangs off the edge of the bed wanting to feel his warmth again. I want those strong, protective arms around me that give me brief moments of false security. It’s better than the desolation and loneliness I feel now. As if Carter senses my need, he raises his hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. The warmth of his hand quiets my mind and I drift off into oblivion. This time there’s no nightmare.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  —

  ALEX

  If I’m not at my desk in twenty minutes I’m going to be late for work. Tapping my fingers against my black, leather messenger bag, my patience wears thin. The line at the coffee shop is a mile long, at least it feels that way this morning. Unfortunately, my beloved Keurig machine bit the dust, and I’m now waiting in line for my morning dose. If I don’t get it soon, I might just lose it.

  The bell rings and more patrons enter the shop. I hold my gaze steady on the moving line, repeatedly inhaling the refreshing scent of coffee grounds to tide me over. Finally reaching the front of the line, I rattle off my order.

  “Make it a large.” I have a feeling it’s going to be that kind of day.

  The warm liquid instantly soothes the headache growing between my temples. As I turn to leave, I’m greeted with a gentle touch on my arm. I look up and nearly drop my cup.

  “Todd.”

  “Alex.”

  It’s my ex-fiancé, in the flesh, and he looks amazing. He’s like a freaking clone of a younger Brad Pitt and the last year has apparently done him well. He’s practically glowing with his sun-kissed skin, and the fancy black suit he’s wearing does his athletic body justice.

  “You’ve grown out your hair. You look beautiful.”

  Hearing him say that weakens my knees. I almost married this man, and you don’t get to that point in your relationship without having deep feelings. If only he hadn’t crushed me and ripped my heart in two. I was already broken before he left me, and when he abandoned me, that was the last straw. My view on life and myself took a dark turn after that.

  His hazel-green eyes study my face, and I pull myself from my thoughts. I don’t want him to know the effect he has on me. I only want him to see the confident, independent woman I’ve spent the last year becoming.

  “It’s good to see you too. You look great. Handsome as always.”

  “Thank you.” A smile spreads his full lips. “How are you doing these days?”

  What a question. I laugh to myself. No doubt he’s wondering if I pulled myself together or if I’m still an emotional wreck. Truthfully, probably both.

  “I’m doing good. I work for Kevlar and Kline as an operations specialist now.” I glance at my wristwatch, fidgeting in my heels. I need to get going.

  “Alex, that’s great. They’re one of my clients. Excellent business.”

  “Thank you. I’m sorry I can’t stay and talk with you longer. I’m gonna be late if I don’t leave now. It was great to see you.”

  As I turn away, Todd reaches for my arm. I don’t shudder from his touch and that seems to please him. His perfectly straight teeth shine behind his charming smile.

  “Maybe we could get together for a coffee or dinner?”

  My stomach flutters. “Um, maybe.”

  “How about tonight?”

  “I can’t. I have a kickboxing lesson.”

  The statement surprises him. “Ok, how about tomorrow night? I can take you to that new Italian place that just opened up on Broad Street.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He pulls a business card from his wallet. To be courteous, I take one out of my bag and we swap.

  “It was really good to see you.”

  The sincerity in his voice pulls at my heartstrings. How can someone who devastated me emotionally still have such a strong effect on me?

  I smile and bolt out of the coffee shop before I throw myself into his arms.

  ***

  At my desk, I nibble on my pen and stare out the window as my mind takes a walk down memory lane. I thought Todd was the one. He was succe
ssful, charming, doted on me, and was incredible in bed, but after one torturous day, my life was ruined and all my dreams of a happily ever after came crashing down. Our love wasn’t strong enough. It was all a lie. Love doesn’t conquer all.

  Glancing at my bag, I reach for the card inside. In embossed gold, his name shines across the front—Attorney Todd Livingston. It was his connections that set me up with a great attorney who kept my story out of the news and interview rooms. I was able to give witness testimony via written reports and never had to face the public with what had happened.

  The day I found the letter Todd left me, I read it over and over for days. He had loved me but felt he had lost me.

  He was right. He had.

  I’m not the same woman he used to know. I was broken down to my core and had to rebuild Alexandria DeMarco. I had to discover who I was again with the demons I now carried.

  My hand reaches for my phone and I dial.

  “Hey, babe! What’s up? You wanna do lunch today?” Jane’s familiar and chipper voice instantly lightens my heavy mood.

  “Yes, I do. Meet me at Zoey’s Cafe in fifteen.”

  ***

  “What? He asked you to dinner?” Jane’s long blond hair falls forward as she leans in for her drink.

  “He did.”

  “What’d you say?”

  “I said maybe. I was running late and didn’t have time to talk.”

  “Do you want to go?”

  “Kind of. Seeing him standing in front of me, it was as if time hadn’t passed. Everything about him was familiar. His suit, his styled hair, the smell of his Armani cologne. If only my life hadn’t been ruined, we’d be married by now.”

  “But he left you. Marriage means being there for one another, no matter what.”

  “He didn’t leave much. I was broken and dead inside.”

  “Don’t make excuses for him.”

  “I’m not. It’s true. He was afraid I’d never come back from it.”

  “You just needed time and he wasn’t willing to stand by your side and give it to you.”

  My phone vibrates on the table, but I ignore it as the waitress sets our food down.

  “Enjoy ladies.”

  “Thank you.”

  Glancing at my phone, surprise sweeps over me. A notification displays a text from Todd. I swipe my finger across the screen and read it.

  It was really good to see you. Is it terrible of me to say I miss you? I hope you’ll say yes to dinner.

  The expression on my face must be indicative of my shock.

  “What is it?” Jane stares at me questioningly as she takes a bite of her chicken alfredo.

  “Todd texted me. I can’t even. Here,” I pass my phone to her, “read it yourself.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?” Her eyes widen. “He misses you? Where was he for the last year?” Jane’s face burns red. If Todd was here, he’d probably have a high heel in his ass by now. She hands the phone back.

  “What are you gonna say? Don’t you dare say you missed him too. If you’re gonna go to dinner with him, I expect you to be aloof and make him work for every moment of your attention. I don’t think you should even say yes.”

  My fork stabs around my plate aimlessly as my mind wanders.

  “Part of me wants to go to dinner to show him how good I’m doing and to show him what he let go of.”

  “What about Carter?”

  Guilt slams into my gut. Todd distracted me from any thoughts I might’ve had of Carter.

  “We’re just friends. There isn’t much to say about him.”

  “Uh huh. And that’s why you were kissing during the blindfolded coin search?”

  “You saw that?”

  “I may have snuck a peek to see what you were doing.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you kissed?”

  “It was the alcohol.” My stomach churns. I don’t believe my own lie. I wanted him to kiss me with or without the influence of alcohol.

  “You’re full of shit. I’m not blind, I saw the connection between you two. He stayed by your bedside all night. He cares about you.”

  I’m quickly losing my appetite. “It’s too much too fast. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.”

  “What about the movie?”

  “I agreed to go as friends.”

  “I think he’s interested in more than that.”

  “I’m not sure I am.”

  “Because you’re my best friend, and I love you, I’ll be nice, but the mean girl in me wants to tell you that Todd is a dick and you should text back, fuck off, then go out to the movie with Carter and give into his kisses.”

  My lips part in amusement. “And what does the nice Jane think?”

  “That you’re gonna do whatever you want to, and I’m still gonna love you even if you do something stupid.”

  “I like the nice Jane better.”

  “Of course, you do.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  —

  ALEX

  “You ready to kick ass today?”

  I slip on my gloves and meet Carter on the mat. “I think so. My stomach is a little upset.”

  “Why?”

  “I scarfed down something to eat before coming here. I was starving. I didn’t eat much for lunch.”

  “We’ll take it easy then. I don’t want you getting sick.”

  Raising his mitts, he gives the instructions. I bury my gloves into the mitts, one after another. The day’s events are on replay and my chaotic movements reflect it. Todd threw my mind into disorder, and now, Carter is in front of me, putting my body in a state of pandemonium.

  “What are you thinking? You seem distracted.”

  “I ran into my ex today.”

  Carter’s brows dip inward. “Where at?”

  “The coffee shop near work.”

  “What’d he say to you?”

  I stop punching and pull at my glove strap. Carter takes over and removes my glove.

  “He said something that got to you, didn’t he?”

  I nod, embarrassed.

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “You wanna kick the shit out of something until it doesn’t bother you anymore?”

  “Yes.”

  Carter motions toward the kickboxing bag. “Have at it.”

  I do as he’s shown me before, starting low, then going high, then switching to the other side and doing the same. It’s working. The frustration of Todd saying he misses me after all this time is wearing less on my emotions. Exhausted, I collapse to the floor and lay back, breathing heavy.

  “I’m done. It’s out.”

  Carter squats down next to me. “I think we should go see that movie tonight. You need a distraction.”

  I’m too tired to argue. “Only if you let me pick the movie.”

  “Deal.”

  The rest of our time is spent working on more core exercises. Carter definitely knows how to shape a body. Since coming to these classes, I feel stronger physically. Once finished, I put my gloves away and chug water. Sweat beads across my brow and trickles down my back. Carter hands me a towel.

  “You did amazing today.”

  His praises always enchant me.

  “You do a good job of motivating me.”

  Carter smiles, and I catch myself staring at his lips, remembering what it felt like to be kissed by him. Before my mind gets anymore muddled, I grab my bag and get ready to leave.

  “You want me to pick you up or meet there?”

  “Let’s meet there.”

  Digging out my phone, we exchange numbers, then I search for movies at the local theater. I choose a comedy that starts at seven and he agrees.

  “I’ll see you there.” I wave and head home to get ready.

  ***

  When I pull up, Carter is already standing outside the theater waiting for me. He looks incredible in his jeans, boots, and button-up shirt with the
sleeves rolled up. As I approach, his eyes light up.

  “You look pretty as always.”

  “You look good too.”

  He puts his elbow out and I roll my eyes before giving in. Sliding my hand beneath his arm offers me that same warmth he always radiates and I fight the urge to tuck my whole body into his.

  We approach the counter and provide our tickets. Carter pays for the snacks, we gather everything, and head into the theater. Picking a spot closer to the back, we settle in.

  Carter flicks a piece of popcorn in the air and catches it in his mouth. I try to do the same, but it falls into my shirt and my cheeks get warm as I laugh and dig it out.

  “That was fun to watch.”

  Tossing the kernel at him, he catches it, flicks it in the air and grabs it with his tongue as it comes back down.

  “That was in my shirt.”

  Carter shrugs. “Maybe you should put more in there. I’ll help you dig them out.”

  I shove his shoulder and he laughs. The previews start, drawing my attention to the screen. A sensation swims across my skin and I notice Carter staring at me.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” he says, “just looking at how beautiful you are.” Sliding an arm around the back of my chair, he leans over and kisses my cheek.

  “Smooth lines like that won’t guarantee you a second date.”

  “So, this is a date?” he whispers in my ear.

  My stupid mouth.

  “A friend date, I mean.”

  “Call it whatever you want as long as I get to spend time with you.”

  Carter’s eyes drop to my lips as I nibble the bottom one. I sense his desire to kiss me, and I quickly turn to the screen.

  By the end of the movie, I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying. We glance at each other and our laughing settles. It’s time to go and I don’t think either one of us wants to.

  “I’ll walk you out.” Carter takes my hand and we stay that way as we walk to my car. As we approach, I release his hand.

  “I had a great time tonight. You were right. I needed the distraction.”