by Tiffani Lynn
Summer starts to speak, “Honey, if—”
“Nope. Not going there right now. It’s Thea’s birthday and that’s all that matters. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”
I push past them to begin cleaning up. Everyone joins me without a word. The kids all stand over by the fence. Some on their phones and some listening as Carlo tells a story about who knows what. That helps to bring a little smile to my face. At least I was able to give my daughter a party she enjoyed and will remember.
At the end of the night the girls are spread out across my living room floor watching a scary movie and I’m out on the back porch finally having the glass of wine with my brother and Summer.
“So, you gonna tell us what happened today?” my brother asks, and for the first time since they arrived I notice he’s holding her fingers lightly as they hang off the arm of the Adirondack chair. I’ve suspected something was going on with them for a while but no one has offered up the information. This is the perfect opportunity to find out what’s going on. My best friend and my brother. What could be more perfect? They’ve been friends since we were kids and I’ve always thought they would make a great couple, but neither ever seemed interested or so I thought.
“Before we get to me, maybe you need to tell me about you…” I say as I smile and wave a finger between the two of them.
They look at each other with the cheesy grins only people in love can carry off without looking stupid. “We started seeing each other around the time of the stalker incident,” Summer says with a grin.
“Why am I just now finding out?” I ask, trying to act pissed but not able to pull it off.
His hand fully engulfs hers and she says, “We weren’t sure if you’d be upset and we didn’t want things to be weird. You’ve had enough going on.”
“Come on, you guys! You’re two of my favorite people on the planet. This is perfect. I’m happy for you. Do Mom and Dad know? Thomas?”
“Yes, they figured it out right after it started.” Mike replies. “I felt we should tell you in person and besides, we’ve been dealing with conflicting schedules since she got the newest movie roll. She’s been offered a few other parts and will be gone a lot. We weren’t really sure how it was going to pan out for us and we didn’t want to make it weird for you if it didn’t work.”
“I’m so happy for you guys, and for your success too, Summer.” I turn my attention to Mike. “How’s the security team job?”
“It’s good. I like the people I work for. Job is easy for me. For now, it’s good. We’ll see what this year brings. Now quit stalling and tell me what’s going on with Victor and Javier. Only you could go all those years married to a douchebag and come out of that only to end up in a love triangle.”
“I’m not in a love triangle. Quit being an ass.”
“Looked like a love triangle to me. Victor didn’t say anything the whole time in the car after we dropped off the boys. He’s a broody motherfucker when he wants to be.”
I spend the next 15 minutes explaining the backstory with Javier and Victor. At the end Summer asks, “So you don’t think Victor has a thing for you? Y’all are awfully close.”
“No, we decided after our first date we were better as friends. I don’t think he’s quite ready to really date. He still goes to his wife’s grave twice a week. He doesn’t think I know, but I do.”
“Jellybean, no dude spends that much time with a woman unless he’s interested in being more than friends, unless he’s gay, then it might really be just friends.”
“I’m telling you he’s not over his wife.”
They seem to let that go so I move on. “What I don’t get is Javier.”
“He’s got more going on in his head than just being interested in you. He’s trying to decide if he wants to put you through another bout of cancer, one where he possibly loses the fight.” Mike replies like he knows this for sure.
“You don’t even know him.”
“Don’t have to. If you love someone, you want to spare them any heartache. You’d rather risk the pain of losing them forever than put them in a situation where you know they’ll be hurt. I saw the look on his face. You’ve got a battle on your hands if you want him. Is he worth it?”
I look my brother straight in the eyes and answer, “Yes, he absolutely is, but I’m not sure he thinks I am.”
Two weeks go by and I don’t hear a word from Javier. He’s a coward and I’m super pissed about it. I thought he’d get his head out of his butt and approach me, but he hasn’t.
My friendship with Victor has remained the same and I’m so thankful for that. I was afraid after the party he’d back away. His ties to Javier are deeper than they are with me, but when I asked him he said, “There is no reason to choose. You and I are only friends and if he’s jealous, too damn bad. He needs to grow up and grow a pair.” Thank God. Victor’s part of the reason I made it through this last year and I enjoy his company.
Tonight we’re at Dante’s with Rebecca, Quinn and Marina. Marina hasn’t had a night out since baby Belinda, their third child, was born a couple of months ago and although she still can’t drink because she’s breast feeding, she agreed to be the designated driver. Dex practically threw her out of the house to join us and get a break, so we’re going to enjoy her company for as long as we get it. Victor came along because he has nothing else to do and he loves to dance.
When a slow song plays, Rebecca pulls Victor up to dance and I stir the cocktail in front of me with the little umbrella it came with. When I look up to search the dance floor for Victor and Rebecca, I see Javier and his ex-fiancée, Rena, dancing close, like only lovers do, whispering and smiling. It’s then that the bottom drops out from under me. The emotional pain is fast, fierce and crippling.
You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought he didn’t want to date me because he was afraid the cancer would return. I didn’t realize that he went back to Rena and might still be in love with her. I never even thought twice about her. His mom never took down the pictures of them all over the house and maybe this is why. Maybe she always knew they’d get back together.
I must not be hiding my feelings very well because Quinn looks at me and follows my line of sight. “Damn it!” she growls. “Who the hell is that?”
I shake my head, unable to say anything. I glance back to Javier and take in the man fully. His shoulders are still broad, his body still sturdy, but some of his muscle mass is gone. His now short dark hair is peppered with gray and although his beard’s gone he has a short salt-and-pepper goatee that’s hotter than I would’ve imagined. His smile hasn’t changed, it’s still light-up-the-room gorgeous and my stomach clenches with understanding. His bone to pick with Victor wasn’t ever really about me; it was about something different, obviously something I don’t understand.
I swallow hard and force down the bile-laced hurt that’s crept up my throat. After everything I’ve been through I refuse to allow him to hurt me further, and I definitely won’t allow him to know he hurt me. I’m a tough chick and I’ll go on being that, at least on the surface. I turn away and find something else to look at, which happens to be the bartender that Rebecca used to date, staring daggers at her and Victor. Maybe someone else is a little jealous too.
I take a quick trip to the ladies’ room to gather my composure and have a quick pep talk with myself. While I’m there I freshen up my makeup and make the decision to have a good time even if it kills me. Returning to the table, I find Victor waiting with a concerned look on his face and I ignore it, smiling at him.
Rebecca is now seated, eyes locked on the bartender, who’s flirting as openly as possible with the young girl in front of him. God, why don’t these two just talk about whatever the issue is and work it out? They both obviously want to be together.
Victor leans in and asks, “You okay?”
I plaster on my fake smile and turn to him. “Yeah, I’m great.” He searches my face, looking for the crack in my armor, but obviously doesn’t s
ee it so he says, “Okay, want to dance? I know you love to salsa.” The song is indeed a fun salsa number so I nod and follow him to the floor. We dance so well together that eventually the others on the floor spread out and make a circle around us, cheering for each new move we break out. My earlier bad mood is forgotten as I get all the way into it and enjoy moving with him in perfect unison. Why can’t I be attracted to him? Why can’t I want more with him? He’s perfect. Good looking, great job, amazing dancer, loves hard, protects those he cares about, and he’s such a gentleman.
The end of the song is coming and I know he’s going for the big move; it’s one we’ve practiced at least 20 times in class. We’ve considered competing in an amateur competition near Christmas and using this move at the end. He does a double spin move and dips me using his arm. When he snaps me back up our faces are a quarter inch apart and the crowd is going nuts. His smile is wicked right before he kisses me hard and long. It’s a seriously hot kiss so I participate, but it’s not who I really want and that makes me a bitch for not pushing him away. But damn, it’s a great kiss. It ends suddenly when Victor is yanked away.
“Get the fuck off of her!” Javier yells in his friend’s face.
Oddly, Victor stands there with an irritating smirk on his face. Is he crazy? Doesn’t he see how pissed Javier is?
He pushes Javier in the chest with both hands, provoking a fight. “Why should I get off her, Javie? You obviously don’t want her. You’re here with Rena. You had your chance and walked away. My turn.” Victor winks at Javier, baiting him, and it’s like watching a Tasmanian devil explode. Javier goes after him faster than I thought he could move and punches him in the jaw, making Victor stumble back. I gasp, horrified that he hit his friend. Before it can go any further than that, security guards are pulling them apart and dragging them outside. I run back to our table to grab my purse and follow them out the door. Rena’s right beside me, both of us looking stunned. The bouncers stop and hold both men while we stand a few steps away.
“I don’t understand,” Rena says to Javier.
It’s Victor who responds though. “You wouldn’t because none of us do. He wants Valerie, but he won’t go for it. Then he shows up here with you to rub it in her face and has no idea what to do when I rub back.”
“You need to keep your hands off of her!” Javie shouts, still pissed off, and the bouncer tightens his hold.
“Javier. Look at me,” Rena quietly commands. He looks to her and his face softens in an instant. “Why? You know I love you. You know I want more. Why would you use me to make her jealous?”
“That’s not what happened. I missed you and I wanted to take you out. I don’t want to get back together, but I miss the friendship. I thought I was clear with you about that.”
“If you missed me and wanted to spend time with me then why are we out here with them instead of inside on the dance floor?” The anguish on her face is almost too much for me to watch and I want to do anything to soothe that. Javier wasn’t kidding when he said she wasn’t strong. She’s the kind of woman everyone wants to protect, including other women.
“We’re only friends,” I tell her. “If we’re even that anymore.”
“Valerie,” Javier says and it’s almost a plea.
“Valerie, as in the surgeon, Valerie?” Rena asks.
“Yes,” I respond, missing something major.
“She’s the one,” she says cryptically. Javier stops struggling. They stand staring at each other for a full minute. I’m not sure what’s passing between them but it looks painful.
“I knew it. Don’t call me again, Javier. I’m done. No more.” She walks over to the valet area and speaks to Angel who’s been watching closely but not moving. He picks up his phone and calls someone. Within a minute a taxi pulls up and with one last glance back at Javier, Rena climbs in and rides away.
Victor turns to the guy holding him and says, “You can let me go. I think we’re done.”
The guy looks back and forth between them long and hard before he finally lets him go and nods to the other bouncer, who does the same. “You aren’t going back in there tonight, guys.”
“You don’t have to worry, I don’t want to.” Victor adjusts his shirt and reaches his hand out for me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
I glance over at Javier, who still hasn’t even said hello to me, hoping he’ll say something. I stare but still he says nothing. My heart sinks again and I grasp Victor’s hand and let him lead me to his car. The drive to my house is silent except for the Maroon 5 album he has playing quietly in the background. When we arrive at my house he walks me to the door.
“Don’t be upset with me. I was trying help. I knew if I kissed you he couldn’t stand there and watch anymore. I have no idea why he brought Rena there tonight, but I know it’s you he wants; he just won’t let himself hope or wish for a future. It was time to make him take action. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. Lady, you can kiss, but I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. Tonight brought something to light for me too. It’s time for me to let Carol go and move on. I think I’ve been hiding behind you. If I had you to do things with I had no need to face the prospect of dating. You’ve been a safe haven for me and it’s time I moved on.”
“Victor…” I don’t know what to say.
“I still want to be friends, but I think I need a little space to figure out how to do that. If you need me though I’ll be here, just call.”
He kisses me softly and quickly on the lips, then turns and strides to the car. The engine in his little sports car revs and takes off down the road at a speed fast enough to make me cringe. What a messed-up night.
I go inside and slip into an emerald green satin nightgown that feels good against my skin and hangs to about mid-thigh. Then I remove my makeup, grab my book and relax on the couch. I need to think about anything except the last couple of hours.
I’m only about four paragraphs in when there’s a light knock on the door. Who the heck is here this late? I hurry to my room and grab the matching robe and pull it on, then I look through the peephole. Javier is standing with his hands on his hips, looking irritated and impatient. His shirt is open several buttons down and the little bit of hair on top of his head is sticking straight up like he was running his hands through it and forgot to smooth it back down. What the hell does he want?
I open the door a crack since I’m not dressed for visitors.
“It’s late, Javie.”
“I know. Can I come in?”
“Maybe you should come back tomorrow.”
“I’m not coming back tomorrow. I’ll sit here until you let me in.”
Great, a stubborn pain in the butt.
“Fine.” I let him in and stay behind the door until it’s closed again. I clutch the robe closed, wishing I would’ve picked sweatpants or something different to wear tonight. His eyes travel the length of me, starting at my toes and ending at my eyes. My core heats at his obvious perusal but I ignore it because I’m pissed that he’s blown me off and hurt that I could so easily be cast aside.
“What do you want, Javier?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Your silence has said everything.”
“No, it hasn’t, I want to apologize.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little late for that? There’s only so much someone can put up with before it’s too much.”
“I deserve that. I know I do, but I really want to do this. Please let me apologize.”
“For?” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Everything. The way I treated you, the mixed signals, not being appreciative of all you’ve done for me and my family.”
“You’ve said it, I accept. You can go now.” I’m not hiding my irritation. I wish I could accept and everything could go right back to normal, but I’ll have to see an improvement this time.
“I’m not done.” He runs his hand over his goatee and drops it to hang limp at his side, almost as i
f he’s trying to understand what it will take for me to believe him.
“What?” I ask, exasperated. What else could there be? He looks so damn good, and him standing in front of me like this makes it harder. I want him so bad, but I don’t want another quickie against the wall that he can walk away from. I want it all with him.
“I’m sorry for not being honest,” he says.
“About what?” I don’t remember honesty being an issue for him. What could he have lied about?
He steps in closer so I’m forced to look up at him, and dear Lord, help me, but I think he’s hotter now with the salt-and-pepper, short-haired look than he was with the head full of black hair. He looks sexy and distinguished.
“About this.” He cups my face as he kisses me. I thought Victor’s kiss was hot. It had nothing on this. He starts it slow, his mouth opening, his tongue coaxing mine out to play. His fingers slip into the hair at the side of my head and hold me still while he makes magic with my mouth. He backs me up until I’m flush with the wall, never breaking the kiss. When his lips finally leave mine, they trail across my cheek and down my neck, causing goose bumps to spread down my neck and arms. The warmth of his breath slides down over my breasts and my nipples peak, poking into the fabric of my nightgown. I’m like putty in his hands. He could mold me any way he wants to and I would probably conform at this point. He took me from stiff and grumpy to soft and sweet. It all feels so good.
“Valerie,” he whispers by my ear. “Ask me to stay.” When he pulls back I know I’ve got that dreamy look on my face that young girls have after their first kiss and I remember why this is a bad idea. My conscience steps to the forefront, attempting to clear the fog of lust clouding my rational mind.
“Why? You’ll just break my heart.” Sadly, I think facing a broken heart at his hands will be much worse than it was with Ron and I don’t know if I want to take that risk.