Regret (Lady of Toryn Trilogy)

by Charity Santiago

  She didn’t realize he had knelt in front of her until his hands covered hers. Ashlyn looked up reluctantly, trying not to think about how she was setting herself up for yet another rejection from him.

  “I push you away, and yet you always seem to find a way back to me,” he said, and his eyes were solemn despite the curve to his mouth. He reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, and his touch was tentative and gentle. “Tell me. What do you want?”

  “Me?” she said numbly, and he nodded. His grip tightened on her fingers, a welcome pressure that distracted her from the confusing jumble of her thoughts.

  She swallowed hard, and met his gaze, knowing that her heart was in her eyes. “I want you.”

  He nodded again, thoughtfully, looking as though he’d expected her answer. “Why?”

  Ashlyn smiled despite herself, an easy grin that might have been followed up with a snarky comeback if it had been anyone else kneeling in front of her. Drake was so serious now, and this was not a situation she’d ever expected to find herself in. She remembered the day he’d carried her away from Soryl, let her cry in his arms, and said exactly the right words to her. He’d been the man she needed then, the man she had always wanted him to be, but she hadn’t realized exactly how deeply she cared for him until the night .he’d rejected her.

  “Because I love you, stupid,” she said wryly, knowing that ignoring the feeling wouldn’t make it go away any more than ignoring Drake would make him disappear. She was both elated and miserable at finally being able to say it out loud, but there was also a sense of defiance in her words. Despite his attempts to rebuff her, Ashlyn’s emotions hadn’t changed. A fifteen-year old girl’s childish crush was one thing, but genuine, lasting love was quite another.

  “Where is Skye?” she asked, wanting to change the subject.

  Drake sighed, and raised a hand to his chin, rubbing pensively as he looked around. “I don’t know. I was fighting the soldiers and he ran. Then I came after you.”

  “So considerate of you,” she muttered.

  “We shared blood,” he reminded her. “We share a bond now that cannot be broken, even if I am without resist.”

  “So I’m the first person you’re going to try to murder every time you snap?”

  Drake rolled his eyes. “You view things so negatively.”

  “Oh, will you…ugh. Whatever. My dad is in the cave behind the waterfall. Assuming you’re done with your bloody rampage, can you please give me a hand with him? He could really use some mending right now.”

  “Ashlyn.”

  She looked up, exasperated. “What?”

  He tilted her chin up with his fingers and leaned down, placing a firm kiss on her lips. “Thank you.”

  He was talking about how she’d saved his psychotic vampire butt with resist, of course, and Ashlyn knew she should make some snarky comeback, but her mind was completely blank. She blushed furiously, unsure what to make of his behavior. “Um…no problem.”

  Chapter 6

  Let Go

  After all the indecision and heartbreak, Ashlyn had expected there to be some ambivalence regarding what had happened with Drake. She supposed, at the very least, that she ought to feel guilty for kissing Drake when Vargo was waiting for her in Toryn.

  Somehow though, she couldn’t find it in herself to be unhappy. She was giddy inside, feeling alive and hopeful for the first time in a long while, and when she opened her eyes in the morning to find herself curled against Drake’s side, his arm draped protectively over her shoulders, she smiled to herself and snuggled closer.

  She’d fallen asleep alone, leaning up against the cave wall and shivering from the cold. Despite their kiss just hours before, Drake’s closeness now came as a surprise. His words and demeanor while he was tending to her father last night had been no different from his usual solemn, distant countenance. He had carefully set the bone in her father’s arm and healed it, then done his best to smooth over the skin that was scabbed and scarred from frequent bloodletting. But there was nothing he could do for Lord Li’s anemic state. Only time would heal that affliction.

  Drake had echoed Ashlyn’s sentiments regarding the danger of trying to use the heal stane on the black horse, and had agreed to leave the injury alone till daylight. Ashlyn suspected he would try to heal the gelding’s leg anyway if it wasn’t better this morning, since they both knew that it was essential they return to Toryn as soon as possible.

  From the back of the cave, a voice croaked her name. “A…Ashlyn.” Her father’s voice was rusty from disuse, barely audible over the roar of the waterfall.

  Ashlyn scrambled out from underneath Drake’s arm and dashed to Lord Li’s side. “Dad! I’m so glad you’re awake,” she whispered, wanting to hug him but unsure if it would be appropriate. “Can I get you anything?”

  “Water,” he rasped, and she rushed to get a canteen. She smiled hesitantly at Drake, who was just waking up, and one corner of the vampire’s mouth curved in tired acknowledgment. He looked exhausted. He obviously hadn’t slept as well as she had.

  She helped to prop her father’s head up while he drank, and wiped some droplets from the corner of his mouth with her glove when he was finished. She moved to put the canteen back in the saddle bag, but his fingers fluttered weakly, reaching for her hand. Ashlyn sat cross-legged beside him and threaded her fingers through his, unsure of what to say.

  “I thought…I thought you were dead,” he said to her, eyes half-lidded as he struggled to stay awake.

  “You know me better than that,” she said, smiling as she brushed a lock of unkempt hair from his forehead. “But you weren’t the only one that Kou deceived.”

  “Kou…Devlyn.” Now Lord Li did close his eyes, and a tear squeezed out one corner and made its way down his temple. “I…misjudged…him.”

  Ashlyn grimaced. “It must be a weakness of the Li bloodline. I did, too.”

  “He is no…better than…Lord Angelo. He must…be stopped.”

  “I’m not sure if Skye was able to kill him last night or not,” she said, “but if he’s still alive, I’ll find him and put an end to this. Don’t worry, Dad. I won’t let you down.”

  Her dad nodded faintly, his eyes fluttering shut again. Ashlyn leaned down to kiss his hand, reveling at the feel of his knuckles against her cheek. She’d spent so long pushing aside her emotions for the sake of Toryn, trying to convince herself that she could kill her father if it became necessary, that it seemed surreal to be here with him now. She wished he was stronger so they could talk. It had been three years since she’d last seen him, and there was a lot to catch up on.

  After a long moment, she tucked his hand back under the blanket and stood. When she turned, Drake was kneeling next to his horse, light scattering through the curtain of water and highlighting his dark silhouette.

  She picked up her shuriken and her knapsack from the ground, shrugging into the blue straps and securing the weapon on her back. “How is he?” she asked.

  Drake shook his head silently, his gloveless hand gently working its way down the gelding’s leg, which appeared even more swollen than it had been last night.

  Ashlyn folded her arms across her chest, contemplating their options. She felt much better with Drake here, but that didn’t solve the problem of how to get back to Toryn.

  A flash of color caught her eye through the waterfall, and she frowned, moving closer so she could try to see outside. The water kept her from seeing much, but she did make out a small blob of red moving swiftly across the opposite side of the lake. It was high up enough that it could be an unusually-colored bird…or maybe a person with bright red hair…on horseback.

  Vargo!

  Ashlyn rushed to the edge of the cave, holding her hand up to shield her face from the worst of the wet. She heard Drake say her name as she ducked through the waterfall, but she ignored the warning in his voice. There was only one person on the island right now with that exact garnet shade of hair.

  She slippe
d on some moss, and one boot went into the water. Ashlyn grimaced and hastily leaped onto the wet grass at the lake’s edge, shaking her foot. Using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she peered across the clearing and saw Vargo disappearing into the forest.

  Cursing under her breath, she bit her lip. She didn’t particularly want to draw attention to herself by shouting, but the Spartan’s horse was already moving at a fast trot and she wasn’t sure she would be able to catch up.

  “Vargo!” she yelled, running after him. “Wait!”

  She sprinted across the grass as fast as she could, which was pretty fast considering one boot was sopping wet, incredibly slippery and squishing out water with every step.

  Vargo must have heard her though, because she was still at least fifty feet from the edge of the forest when he suddenly burst out from the trees at breakneck speed. Ashlyn came to a sudden halt, both from surprise and an intense desire not to be squashed by a galloping horse.

  The horse hadn’t even come to a complete stop before Vargo jumped off and closed the distance between them in three long strides. Ashlyn was yanked into a hug, his arms going around her as he pulled her to him.

  “Thank the gods,” he murmured against her hair, and Ashlyn smiled uneasily, unsure of how to respond. Her arms were pinned to her sides, so she couldn’t return the hug- and, oh yeah, that huge boatload of guilt that she totally hadn’t missed earlier? It was making an appearance now.

  “Are you okay?” he said, pulling back but keeping his hands on her shoulders. “Where’s your father?”

  “I’m fine- he’s in the cave behind the waterfall. He’s not so good.” Her mind was already racing. She could send her dad back to Toryn with Vargo, and stay behind with Drake until Aaron could come pick them up in the airship. Or she could just send Vargo to fetch the airship. She didn’t like the idea of moving her father, but he needed medical care as soon as possible.

  Vargo tucked her wet, tangled hair behind her ears, his hands lingering at her neck. “Skye made it back to Toryn last night. He told us everything, said that you’d be meeting him there, but when you didn’t show this morning, I knew something must be wrong. What happened?”

  “I’m so glad that Skye is okay,” she said, pressing a hand to her suddenly-warm cheek. “My horse tripped while we were escaping, and came up lame. We really need to get my father to Toryn. Can you take him back with you? I can stay here until Aaron can bring the airship.”

  “Hang on just a second,” Vargo replied, and finally let go of her to turn to his horse. He pulled a long red cylinder from the saddle bag and cracked it against his leg, then flung it as far as he could towards the large end of the clearing. The cylinder landed in the yellowing crab grass and began smoking fiercely.

  Ashlyn’s eyes widened. “What are you doing? If Kou’s army sees that smoke, they’ll know we’re-”

  “Relax, princess. Trust me.”

  She bit her lip nervously, and Vargo’s gaze locked with hers. He smiled reassuringly. She noticed for the first time that his eyes were bloodshot and he had a black smear on one cheek.

  “Did you get any sleep last night?” she asked suspiciously.

  One eyebrow quirked. “With you out here alone? Knowing that Lockhart lost resist? Yeah, right.”

  His admission that he’d stayed up waiting for her was strangely touching. “You didn’t have to worry,” she said, smiling. “Drake got resist back, everything’s okay.”

  “I’ll always worry about you when you’re not with me,” he answered, and looked as though he wanted to say more, but just then they heard the familiar hum of machinery, and both turned to see the airship emerging over the trees.

  Ashlyn took a few steps back, holding up a hand in an attempt to block the wind as the ship descended. Vargo grabbed his horse’s reins and followed her, staying close.

  She glanced over her shoulder and saw Drake emerging from the waterfall. He carried her father in his arms, and as he stepped onto the grassy bank, his horse poked its head out from behind the waterfall as well, seemingly contemplating the route before limping out after its master.

  “You stayed the night with Lockhart?” Vargo said from behind her.

  Um…

  “I was really glad to have the extra help with my dad,” she offered lamely.

  At this point Aaron and a Toryn man Ashlyn didn’t recognize were making their way down the ramp, carrying a stretcher between them, with Sara following close behind. Drake stopped next to Ashlyn, and she gave him a tight-lipped smile before reaching over to smooth her father’s damp hair back from his face. He was still asleep, and in the sunlight his face looked even more gaunt and pale than it had the night before.

  “Dad,” she said softly, trying to rouse him.

  “Let him sleep,” Sara advised, pausing in front of Drake. “His body needs to heal itself right now.” She quickly lifted Lord Li’s hand, examining the scarred flesh of his forearm before checking the pulse at his neck. “Drake, would you mind…?” she asked at last, motioning to the stretcher.

  The vampire gently lifted Lord Li onto the stretcher, being very careful as he withdrew his hands from beneath the other man. Ashlyn’s throat tightened as she watched the simple action. Most of her excitement was because her father was alive and safe, but the compassion that Drake was showing to Lord Li made her heart flutter.

  Aaron and the other man began carrying her dad towards the airship, and Ashlyn followed closely. “Is he going to be okay?” she asked Sara.

  The shorter woman shook her head. “We’ll do everything we can for him, but it’s too soon to tell. I’m sorry.” She followed Aaron up the ramp, quietly issuing orders about how to carry her new patient.

  Ashlyn stopped at the base of the ramp, feeling very discouraged and worried. She shouldn’t be surprised- Sara was a realist, and Ashlyn didn’t want the other girl to lie to her, not really. But right now all she wanted to hear was that her father was going to be all right. After everything they’d gone through, after she’d waged war inside herself for the past several weeks over whether she could truly challenge him or not…after thinking that he might be lost to her forever, Ashlyn couldn’t help but feel that a little optimism was deserved. Her father had fought to survive against all odds, when people were draining his body of its life force. Sara would save him. Perhaps Aaron could even take Lord Li to Cosmea, where the healers were renowned as the greatest in Kresmir.

  “Don’t sweat it, Ash,” Vargo said to her, squeezing her shoulder. “Your dad’s gonna be fine.”

  She smiled up at him, grateful for his unexpected kindness. “Thanks.”

  “Ashlyn.” Drake appeared beside her, and gestured up the ramp, indicating that she should ascend. He followed by placing his hand at the small of her back, pushing lightly. Confused, Ashlyn obeyed the pressure, and Drake walked up the ramp beside her, keeping his hand against her back, his horse following behind them.

  It occurred too late to Ashlyn that Drake was deliberately moving her away from Vargo, and also making his intentions towards Ashlyn clear to the red-haired Spartan. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Vargo standing at the bottom of the ramp, eyes narrowed as he stared at her.

  He wasn’t stupid- he had to know that something was going on.

  The last thing Ashlyn wanted to do was cause tension within FLD. Her feelings towards Vargo were decidedly mixed, especially now. She’d thought earlier that there was no danger of ambivalence regarding the situation with Drake, but after seeing Vargo again, she felt…well…she felt confused and sick to her stomach over the entire situation.

  When Drake turned towards the wing of the airship where the horse stalls were located, Ashlyn firmly stepped away from him. “I’m going with my dad,” she said. Drake nodded, but she knew that as astute as he normally was, he probably would not miss the warning in her eyes. She didn’t like the thought of men fighting over her, and she especially disliked the idea of Drake staking his claim as though she was a piece of property.


  By the time she made it to the infirmary, her dad had already been moved into a bed. Aaron was gone- presumably prepping the airship for lift off- but Sara was carefully inserting a needle into Lord Li’s arm. The older woman looked up as Ashlyn entered the room, and her blue eyes were warm behind her glasses.

  “I’m going to set him up with an IV,” she said. “He needs to get hydrated if he’s going to recover.” She worked quickly and efficiently, hooking a tube to the needle and connecting it to a hanging bag of clear fluid. “I hope I didn’t scare you earlier, Ash. I didn’t want to give you false hope, but honestly, the fact that your father has made it this far bodes well for him. He must have been in exceptional physical condition before this ordeal began.”

  “He was…getting a little tubby the last time I saw him,” Ashlyn said affectionately, smiling slightly at the memory. “But he’s always been fit.” She stared down at her father’s thin face, noting how very different it was now than it had been during Lord Angelo’s reign. It doesn’t seem right, she thought. Lord Angelo couldn’t break my dad, even when he had control of Toryn, but Kou managed to do it just by telling him that I was dead.

  “Aaron wants to talk to you,” Sara said. She had a stethoscope around her neck, and fidgeted with the earpieces for a moment. “You should probably head to the bridge. I’ll let you know if anything changes with your father’s condition.”

  Just then, the airship rose off the ground, and Ashlyn clutched the railing on the side of the bed, her stomach flip-flopping. “I hate flying,” she said out loud, and sighed, shaking her head. You’d think at almost nineteen I’d be over this. “But I’ll go find Aaron. Thanks, Sara.”

  The other woman nodded to her distractedly, and Ashlyn turned to leave.

  She half-expected either Vargo or Drake to be outside the infirmary, waiting, but she was relieved to see that the corridor was completely empty. She just didn’t want to deal with romantic entanglements right now. Holding one hand to her stomach and the other one to the wall as she walked, she made her way up the hall towards the bridge.