I could see the hunger in his eyes and feel it against my lower belly. “Come, let me feed you,” he said with one last kiss before reaching for my hand, leading me down the hall and to the front door.
“Where are we headed?” I asked him as we drove down the intercoastal highway.
“I’m taking you to dinner.”
“Where?” I asked nervously. I still wasn’t sure if Eddie was playing me or not. I’d meant to grab a weapon for my purse, but Eddie’s affections had distorted my thoughts.
“It’s a surprise,” he said as he pulled into a marina along the bay.
“I thought we were having dinner,” I said to him as I took in the fleet of yachts moored to the piers that extended past my field of vision. Even I could hear the apprehension in my quivering voice. The thought of being so far removed from the public eye was disturbing. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my nerves in check, especially being unarmed.
“We are. Stay there,” he said once he’d parked. He got out of the car and walked around the front before opening my door. Eddie extended his hand to help me out of the low lying car. “You said you liked the water,” he said as he led me down the dock.
“So you didn’t have this planned already?” For some reason that thought set me a little more at ease.
“I made alternative arrangements just in case,” he said as he helped me onto the yacht. “This way.”
He led me into the galley where the captain was waiting to greet us along with the other staff that would be attending to us that evening. The idea of not being completely alone with Eddie made me feel a little better. Still, they were his paid staff, and would not mention anything to the authorities if the boat returned with one less passenger than when it set sail. Some of my unease returned at that thought. After a quick round of introductions, the staff left us to get ready for our voyage and dinner, I presumed.
“Would you like something to drink?” Eddie asked.
“Sure. I mean, yes. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“So amicable today,” he said with a smile.
“Would you prefer an argument?” I asked.
“No,” he said as he shook his head, a wry smile on his face. “But I do enjoy our banter.”
“You’re such a weirdo,” I said, shaking my head and setting my purse down on one of the couches that sat against the walls of the saloon.
“Weirdo? I’ve been called many things in my lifetime, princess, but weirdo has never been among them,” he said as he made his way to me and handed me a champagne flute. I took the crystal from his hands and followed his lead as he lifted his to toast the occasion.
“Here’s to a new life.”
“Yes. To a new life,” I repeated, unsure as to what that really meant to him. This was no new life to me, but the end of many lives that I’d been sent to destroy beginning almost twenty-two years ago.
“Let’s go out to the deck and watch the sunset. We’ll be on our way soon.”
I nodded my head in supplication and we walked out to the deck hand in hand. There was a table dressed in white linen, crystal and hurricane lanterns that were already lit.
“Beautiful,” I said as I turned towards Eddie who was staring at me intently.
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing,” he said almost inaudibly. The fact that he had not looked at the table did not slip past me.
“Are you ready to eat or can you wait a little while longer?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Okay. Excuse me a moment. Please make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back,” he said before turning around and heading inside.
As I awaited his return, I walked to the railing and looked over at my reflection in the water. The wind had blown my hair into a wild mess and I tried to tame it using the water below as a mirror, but it was hopeless. An unsettling feeling was stirring in my abdomen—anxiety tinged with excitement—and I shut my eyes and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to get my nervousness under control. I would be lying to myself if I said I did not understand what caused my unease. It wasn’t the fact that I was weaponless, or the idea of what I was planning. If I was being honest with myself, I would have to admit that it was being in Eddie’s presence that was doing a number on my emotions. Being near him was exciting, and not because it meant I was one step closer to vengeance. It was because— I cut my thought off, not wanting to examine the idea of being on a date with a very handsome and well-mannered man, or anyone who showed interest in getting to know me.
The boat began to move away from the dock, signaling our departure. I turned around, leaving my free hand on the railing to balance myself. Eddie had returned and was staring at me again. The hum of the engines must have hidden the sound of his return. He stalked towards me slowly as I stayed rooted to my spot. His arms came around me and landed on the railing, trapping me yet again. It wasn’t like I had anywhere to run to if I tried. I couldn’t get away even if I wanted to. Why all of a sudden did I feel like I was his target?
“You looked lost. What were you thinking about?” he asked as he brushed an errant lock behind my ear.
“I just don’t know how to act around you,” I replied. It was the truth. I’d originally thought I’d have a few weeks at least to prepare for this false courtship.
“Just be yourself. So far I love what I see,” he replied.
The defenses I set up to protect myself were beginning to crumble after a comment like that. Eddie had been so much more than I expected. It was comforting and frightening all at once. He was not the monster his father was and it was going to make what I had to do much harder to accomplish. Knowing what I did, Eddie was innocent and had shown me nothing but kindness. I knew of nothing that would make me believe he deserved what I was plotting. I had no choice but to continue at this point. It was what I had trained for my entire life. Giving up now would be tantamount to erasing my entire existence. Eddie wanted me to be myself. If only I knew who I was … If only it were that easy … “If I only knew how …” I unintentionally spoke my thought aloud.
“I think you’re doing fine so far,” he said as his fingers traced my collarbone. The gesture sent a rush of need through my system that I had never experienced before. It felt strange, wrong, forbidden … and I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted more.
“I’ve never been on a date before,” I said, voicing my thought before I could stop myself. I have no idea why I admitted that. Eddie’s attention was disarming and I needed to watch myself around him before I admitted something I could not excuse away.
He gawked at me, but hid it quickly, his gentlemanly manner hastily taking control of his expression again. “Next you’re going to tell me you’ve never been kissed before, either.”
I looked away since I was too embarrassed to answer what I had made so painfully obvious.
“How?” he asked shaking his head. “How is that possible?” He grabbed my face, forcing me to look him in the eye.
“It just is. I … I don’t even know why I said it. It just kind of slipped out. Can we talk about something a little less embarrassing? Please?”
“Of course, bonita. I just can’t believe it, although I believe you,” he said as he leaned in and pecked my lips. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine, shaking it slowly back and forth. “Thank you for telling me. Now I know I am honored. Come. Let’s sit. Dinner will be served shortly,” he said as he led the way to the table.
Dinner was as amazing as the view of the sunset. I found myself relaxing in his presence as I let my guard down a bit to enjoy what had so far been a pleasant experience—an understatement that I didn’t want to dwell on. It wasn’t an unwelcome feeling to let him in a little, even though I knew it should have felt wrong. Luckily Eddie hadn’t asked much about my family or my past over dinner, but I had the sense it was because he wasn’t ready to answer any questions about his, either.
When we finished dessert and the table was cleared, he stood up and
reached out his hand to me. “Come with me, please.”
I took his hand and stood up to follow him. We walked back into the saloon and Eddie dropped my hand. “Would you like some more champagne?” he asked.
“No, I’m good, but thank you.” I already had more than I should have allowed myself and my limbs were loose, exasperated by the gentle roll of the ocean and the kind attention of the man I was staring at.
He smiled before he turned away, picking something up from off the counter as he went. I couldn’t see what it was or what he was doing. I was instantly on high alert and began searching the room for my purse, but quickly remembered that I had come unarmed. Shit. This wasn’t good. Had I been set up? If so, then Eddie was an Oscar worthy actor. If I was not planning an amazing escape at that moment, I might have asked him how he learned to play me so well. I backed away, looking for some means of escape or protection, but found nothing to aid my panic. He was going to kill me now and dump me overboard. Probably torture me first, too. No one knew I was here. I had no one. My vulnerability had never felt so visceral.
“Hey,” Eddie said as he stood before me. I hadn’t even been aware of his approach since I was lost in my own thoughts. Bebel Gilberto’s sultry voice had begun to play over the hidden speakers. He tossed the remote—the remote—onto the couch beside us. “Dance with me.”
“I, um …” My heart was hammering so hard against my ribcage, I was sure he could hear it. “Uh…” I sounded like an idiot, but I was incapable of forming a coherent sentence just yet. I tried to step away, but he placed his hands on my fevered cheeks to stop my attempted escape.
“Stop worrying. It’s written all over your face. Dance with me, please,” he whispered as he took my hand and pulled me towards the center of the room. We swayed in time to Tanto Tempo. Well, he swayed and stepped and I followed as best I could. My eyes scanned the room as we moved in slow circles. Everywhere I looked I saw reminders as to why I was there in the first place. Pictures of Tony, Eddie and his mother were displayed everywhere. How did I overlook them before? Oh yeah … Eddie. He had a way of distracting me that was not good for my health or survival.
“I need to go,” I said as I stepped out of his grasp.
Eddie looked at me with confusion. “Why? What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer either of those questions even if I wanted to. Not only was I feeling vulnerable, I also felt desperately alone. I was here, where I needed to be. I was making more progress than my father ever had, but at the same time I felt more accepted than I ever had. I was going to be sick. I ran for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. With my back to the door, I leaned into it and sank to the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and tried to breathe through the sobs that were racking my body. At that moment, I didn’t care what I’d been trained to do. I couldn’t do this. I could not do this.
“Roberta,” Eddie said as he knocked gently on the door. “Roberta, are you okay? Please let me in.”
“No. Please leave me alone. I just need to go home.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Would you like some water? Anything?” he asked. Damn it, he was so polite. I didn’t think guys like him existed outside of romance novels. It was killing me to think I’d be killing him.
“No. Please. I just want to go home,” I repeated.
“Okay,” he said, sounding defeated. “Let me go speak to the captain. I’ll be right back.”
My sobs became less quiet as I heard his steps become more distant. I was embarrassed by my reaction, but more ashamed that I was not as strong as I always thought. Here I was, on the last leg of my journey, and I was flailing. I had to pull myself together. Failure was not an option. But what about resignation?
I stood up to check my appearance in the mirror, which was worse than I expected. Mascara ran down my face in streaks. I tried to clean myself up, but I was a fucking mess on the inside and out. The mirror before me reflected someone I didn’t know, which wasn’t unusual, but definitely disconcerting. Who was I? I asked myself as I stared at my reflection. I needed to figure out the answer, but was afraid of what I might find if I dug too deep. To Estefania, I was the daughter she never had. To Hugo, I was the protégé who was almost quicker than him with a jimmy. To Jenks, I was the wayward child with a knack for memorizing statutes and codes. To my father, I was merely a weapon. To Eddie, I was complete and utter destruction personified, although he was unaware of it. Even so, for the first time in my life, someone wanted to find out who I really was, and knowing that he never would only returned the threat of tears. Being around Eddie made me feel like somebody, even if I didn’t know just yet who that somebody was or could be.
My head turned towards the door as I heard Eddie return, but he didn’t knock. He was being such a gentleman. Once I cleaned my face as best I could, I took a seat on the closed toilet and tried to capture my breath. I knew I had a choice to make, I just hadn’t given myself enough time to make it; that much was apparent by my breakdown. How embarrassing. Even if I wanted to keep moving forward with this, Eddie probably wouldn’t want to after the way I’d just acted.
Maybe it would be easier to cross them off the kill list one by one instead, I thought. It would be more taxing physically, but it would save me from the emotional turmoil I was currently feeling. Anything would be better than this, I tried to convince myself. After all, Eddie was only guilty of being born to an unfortunate choice of a father. Wasn’t I just as guilty in that respect?
My father’s words echoed through my already unsettled mind as Eddie knocked on the door once more. “Roberta, we’re heading back to the marina. It shouldn’t be too long. Are you ready to come out yet?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I replied in a much more steady voice.
When I finally left the safety of the head, I found myself alone. I found my purse, which gave me little comfort, and sat on the large sectional. I closed my eyes to keep from staring at the pictures of the happy family that I had been sent to destroy.
Eddie’s fingers swept my hair from my eyes, causing me to emit a small yelp. He moved so silently, I’d have to figure out how he did that and store it away for future reference. “Wake up, Roberta. We’re back,” he whispered softly.
The gentle pitch and sway of the boat must have lulled me to sleep. I should not have fallen asleep in his company. It wasn’t safe. I wasn’t safe.
He held the door open for me as I got into the car. Eddie had not said a word since he had woken me up. It was apparent that the choice had been made for me. In the expanse of twenty-four hours, I’d secured and ruined the chance I’d been seeking. My father would be so ashamed of me if he knew that it wasn’t weakness of strength that brought me down, but weakness of heart. All we’d ever planned, all we’d ever wanted was coming to fruition, but because of my stupid emotions I’d ruined everything. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I never would be. I needed to go home and think things through.
Eddie finally broke the silence as he pulled up to my house. “Look, Roberta, I’m not sure what happened back there, but I’m sorry if I upset you.” I began to interject, but he raised his hand to stop me as he continued. “Please let me finish,” he said as I closed my mouth to let him speak his piece. “I don’t know what I said or did, but I’m sorry. You told me you’ve never done anything like this before and maybe I moved a little too fast. I didn’t think that I had, but what the hell do I know? I had such a good night. Being with you is just … so easy. You have no expectations and it makes me want to give you everything I have and more. It’s unexpected, but true. Crazy, right?” he ended on a humorless laugh. “There’s just something about you … Familiar but new is the only way I can describe it. I don’t know how to explain it, really. It’s like fate brought me to you. I hope you let me see you again. I’d really like to see you again,” he said as his chin dropped towards his chest and he closed his eyes while he waited for my response.
“Okay,” I replied, not trusting myself to say more than that.
His head snapped up with surprise. “Really?”
“Yes, really. But, can we just … take it slow. I mean—”
“We’ll go as slow as you need, babe.” He cleared his throat. “Can I come in for a bit?” he asked.
“Not tonight,” I said. He couldn’t hide the disappointment on his face. Crap.
“Thank you for tonight,” he said.
“How could you be thanking me? I ruined it.”
“Roberta, I’m thankful for every moment you share with me.”
I looked into his eyes and saw only sincerity. I had to get away. His kind words and proximity were messing with my equilibrium. Falling for Eddie was not part of the plan. Before I could object, he leaned across the center console and placed his lips on mine. “Come,” he said, pulling away. “I’ll walk you to your door.”
He protested as I reached for the handle, so I waited for him to open it for me. We walked towards the house in silence. Would he kiss me again? Did I want him to? I hated that I even had to ask myself those questions. Eddie stood behind me as I searched my purse for my keys and inserted them into the lock. I opened the door and turned around slowly. Desire was in his eyes. I only recognized it because I was feeling it, too. It should have been unwelcome, but I much preferred it to the hate and rage it had begun to replace.
Eddie’s hands reached for mine and he pulled me closer. He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to mine, just breathing. In that moment of stillness, a feeling of peace washed over me. In my entire life, no one had ever stood with me in silence. Eddie was not just a name on a list. He was not a killer. He was so unexpected and it fucking terrified me. Before my thoughts drifted into darkness, I pulled away and took a step into the house.
“Have a good night,” I said weakly.
The Mermaid & The Crocodile (The Kill List Series Book One) Page 10