Hadley: crackers.
She could be more informative than that. It’s not like that’s all she’s eating.
Me: And…?
Hadley: I CAN cook, you know. I’ve had you fooled all this time because I knew you liked to cook so much
Me: Next time Mama comes, I’m sure if you’d ask she’ll give you some of her secret recipes.
Hadley: The ones she won’t even give you?
I laugh.
Me: Yeah, she loves you more. She’ll give them to you. I should get some sleep, so should you.
Hadley: Good night, Luca.
I place my phone on the nightstand, roll onto my side, and try to sleep.
~ ~ ~
I’m really starting to hate that coming to my house makes me anxious and slightly uncomfortable. James, Darryl, and Andre are right behind me, talking about something. I’m not really paying attention. I push my key into the doorknob, unlock it, and step inside. Hadley doesn’t seem to be here and for a moment, I wonder if she left because she knew I was coming.
“Hadley,” I call out anyway. “We’re here.”
“Luca?” She comes from the hallway, a towel wrapped around her body and she stopps towel drying her hair when she sees us. Her stomach is a bit larger than the last time I saw her. The towel hugs her pretty well and outlines her baby bump. “Oh, you did say ‘we’.” Confusion passes over her face.
I force my eyes back up to hers. “Make yourself at home for a minute, guys.” I walk over to her, turn her around, and usher her away with my hand on her lower back. Pregnant or not, I don’t want her in a towel around anyone else.
“What are you doing here?” she asks once we enter our bedroom. “Why are they with you?”
“I texted you this morning. Didn’t you get it?”
She picks her phone up from the dresser. “Oh. I missed it. You’re going to clear out the room for the nursery?”
I nod. “Yeah. The guys are here to help. Free labor.” She’s looking at me like she’s having an emotional reaction, so I add, “Everything still going in the building? What do you want to stay in the house?”
That helps snap her out of it. She starts telling me her plans and once she’s done, I nod once before leaving her to get dressed. I have to remove the sheets from the bed first. We move that into the building. By the time we come back, Hadley has planted herself right outside of the room, watching us. The bed and the nightstand are the main things she wanted in the building. While Darryl and James move the dresser, which is going in my workout room for the time being, Andre and I take apart the bed frame.
“Hadley, it looks like you’ve only put on ten pounds. My poor wife is up to twenty almost and eating everything in sight.” Andre gives Hadley a quick glance of acknowledgement when she begins to reply.
“I’ve gained twelve and nothing in my closet fits right. I had to buy all new stuff. Last night, I woke up at one in the morning to go to Taco Bell because I had to have nachos with a ton of cheese.”
“You should have made Luca go.” Andre gives me a disapproving look.
“Oh, um, he was asleep and I didn’t want to disturb him,” she lies.
Andre shakes his head.
“Let’s take the headboard first. They can grab the foot,” I say. I almost wish Andre wouldn’t ask Hadley questions. I don’t know any of what she’s telling him. He assumes I do because as far as everyone knows, we’re a happy couple, waiting for our first child.
When we return, I hear Hadley laugh at a joke Darryl told her. This was a bad idea for me to offer. It hurts too much to be around her like this. I’ll suck it up for now, so I can finish helping her with this. Help that I might not offer again, especially if Andre doesn’t shut the hell up.
“Have you at least made him rub your feet? Isabella’s are swelling a lot. If hockey doesn’t work out, I’ll start massaging people for a living,” he jokes.
“Well, it’s my lower back a lot of the times,” Hadley corrects. “And my fingers seem to swell more too.”
Andre nods like that makes sense with his thinking. “Ah, that’s why you aren’t wearing that rock Luca gave you then.”
My eyes are begging me to look for Hadley’s reaction, but I don’t. She manages to keep her voice normal as she replies, “Um, right, too painful right now.”
“Stop talking and help me lift this,” I snap at him with her answer. We’re about to move a large bookcase that was in the room. James and Darryl have already taken everything off it and just left with the other half of it.
He stops chatting, but it’s mostly because Hadley goes to the kitchen, offering to fix us something to drink. While she’s gone, we take it down and move the rest. All the knickknacks, decorations, and lamps are put away in tubs and stored in my workout room until Hadley decides where she wants it. With there being four of us, it doesn’t take any time at all.
We go into the kitchen where Hadley has four glasses of ice water, plus an array of snacks. Andre is still in baby-talking mode.
“Have you felt the baby move yet? Do you know what it is? Isabella is twenty weeks and we’re having a boy. I’m very excited.” His grin could be seen from space, I’m sure.
“I’m only fourteen. The next time I go to the doctor, I’ll find out what I’m having. It’ll help me with the decorations for the nursery.”
She’ll know if the baby is a boy or a girl soon. I’m not sure how I feel about this piece of information.
“Thanks for helping Luca, you guys” she says.
“Anything for our captain and his girl,” Darryl tells her. “We should go, though.”
They start shuffling out the door. Once they’re gone, I turn to Hadley.
“Thanks, Luca.”
I debate saying anything to her or just leaving. She seems to want me to say something, but the best I can do is, “If you want to paint the room once you find out, I know someone who can do it. I’ll text you his info.” She nods. “Bye, Hadley.” Then, I leave.
Chapter Thirteen
Hadley
I’m dying.
I’m actually going to die from lack of sex. I hope no one puts that on my tombstone, but this is how it’s going to end for me. I can’t even remember being this horny in my whole life.
Great, now I’m hungry.
I lightly poke my stomach. “Hey, I fed you an hour ago. Are you planning to take after your father and eat me out of the house?”
Sadly, I get no response.
I roll over and look at the clock. It’s midnight and I’m hungry and horny. I read in the books that this might happen, but I hoped I would skip this part. Hunger seems to win this battle and I roll out of bed and head down to the kitchen. When I open the fridge, I squint at the bright light, but there’s nothing in here.
Shit.
I meant to go shopping, but I took a nap instead. Since I haven’t been working, I’ve been resting more and more. Mama says it’s because the baby is sleeping. I’m not sure about that. I think my emotions are draining me. I continue to stare at the empty fridge praying that food will just appear, but nothing does. My stomach grumbles and I have the urge to have a bacon cheeseburger.
I gasp.
The Hole in the Wall.
It’s a twenty-four hour open diner that’s on the edge of town. Luca and I found it one night when we were exploring Omaha. It has the best food.
I wonder if Luca–
I stop my thought. I doubt Luca is even awake. I highly doubt he wants to go with me to eat at midnight. My stomach grumbles again and I feel a little weak.
Shit. I can’t drive like this.
I’ve already had one close call of fainting when I don’t eat and I can’t have that again. I quickly go up to the bedroom and grab my phone. I’m not one to beg, but this calls for desperate measures.
Me: Are you awake?
I pray he’s awake. Almost instantly my phone buzzes.
Luca: Yes. Are you okay?
I push away my pride and type out my
plea.
Me: I’m starving and I really want a bacon cheeseburger. I’m feeling a little weak and can’t drive to The Hole. Any chance you want to be my driver for the night?
Oh please let him say yes so I don’t have to call a cab to take me.
Luca: Be there in ten.
I relax on the bed. I didn’t realize how tense I had been waiting for his answer. Elation takes over knowing that I’m going to see Luca.
I sit on the porch steps enjoying the warm night air. It’s the middle of June and even though it’s hot in the daytime, the nights are perfection. I gaze up at the cloudless sky looking at the stars.
I think about the night Luca and I stayed out all night when we graduated college. I stayed in North Dakota until Luca was drafted. Luckily, he didn’t go into the NHL right away. I never had been camping, but Luca said that he and his Papa had done it a lot when he was a kid.
That night we didn’t do anything but make love all night under the stars. We never made it into the tent. It was us, lying on blankets in the woods. I remember his touch, his kisses on my body, and the Russian words he spoke when he was inside of me.
The bright lights of Luca’s SUV pull me away from the delicious thoughts of our lovemaking. When I hop in, I look over at him. He looks the same as the boy I fell in love with. However, now there’s a new, pained look in his eyes.
“Thank you for this. I know you don’t want to.” I buckle my seatbelt and adjust it around my growing belly.
“It’s fine.”
He turns the music up a little bit more, his cue that he doesn’t want to talk. I lean back against the headrest and watch the stars zoom by as Luca drives out of town.
There are only a few other people besides the employees at The Hole. When I walk in, I inhale the mouth-watering aroma of grease and cheese. Normally, this wouldn’t be so intoxicating, but right now, I almost want to bathe in it.
We find a table and thankfully a waitress greets us quickly. After a small amount of pleasantries, she asks if we’re ready.
“Yes. I want a large glass of sweet tea, a double bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese, and large order of fries. Oh, and can you put shredded cheese on the fries?” I almost need to wipe my mouth from the appetizing words I just spouted off.
The waitress smiles. “Someone sounds like they’re pregnant. I’ll make sure there’s plenty of cheese.” She winks at me and turns to Luca.
He's staring at me with his mouth slightly open.
“Luca, she’s waiting for you.” I nod over at the waitress.
“Oh, right, um, just a cheeseburger and fries. Small portion please.”
The waitress leaves to place our order and Luca is still staring at me.
“Stop it. I’m hungry. I told you that already. I have hardly eaten today.”
Luca frowns at me. “Why aren’t you eating? If there’s ever a time where you definitely need to eat, it’s now.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Ease off the serious tone, Luca. I’m almost sick every time I do eat. It’s only at night that I seem to get my appetite back.”
“You still need something. The crackers and ginger ale aren’t helping anymore?”
“No, they do. Thank you for that. But, it seems like when I go to bed, the baby starts rolling around and demanding food. Pretty sure I’m having a boy with your attitude,” I joke with him, trying to lighten the mood.
“Hopefully not. He would be hard to manage then.”
“I seemed to handle you okay for the past ten years. Well...you know what I mean.” I used to be able to. Now, not so much.
“You’ll be great either way, Hadley. Is Mama still calling you a lot?”
I laugh at him and the thought of his mother calling me all day. I know that he’s trying to change the subject, too.
“Yes, she has, and now Papa has started when we were discussing the nursery. He doesn’t want me to lift a finger for anything. I had the crib delivered, but he wants to put it up. I didn’t dare touch it.” I laugh. Papa told me that I shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy. He doesn’t want anything to happen to me while no one is there. “Have they called you at all? I know the last time you and Mama were together was...you know.”
“He called me that night, but I haven’t talked to them since then. So, they’re coming to town soon?”
“Yea, um, they want to see the final round of the playoffs. Will I still be able to get them tickets? I can drop them off and pick them up at the arena so they don’t have to drive. You know how much Papa hates to drive here.”
Luca chuckles. I’m sure that he’s thinking about Papa’s road rage. “I know. There will be tickets waiting as usual.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to tell Papa how to get the tickets when I drop them off, then.” I try to hold back my tears thinking that I won’t be there to see him in the final round of the playoffs.
“You don’t want to go?” Luca seems upset.
I shake my head and clear my throat. “No, it would be too hard on me. Especially when you win and the family is on the ice. It’s good that your parents will be there for you, though. They want you to win that cup as badly as I…” I don’t finish my sentence. I can’t finish it. Luca has worked so hard to reach this level; it would kill me if I couldn’t hug him and congratulate him. He doesn’t need any more added stress from me being there. He needs to focus on hockey.
Luca doesn’t look at me. He looks down at the table and I wish I knew what he was thinking, but he doesn’t say anything.
Before I can ask, the waitress brings our food. I can barely remember my own name as I practically inhale the burger. It’s slathered with cheese and I chew as fast as I can to get the next bite in my mouth.
“Hadley, you can stop to breathe, you know. The food isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need to choke in the process.”
“I’m fine. I’m starving and this is so good.”
“Then savor it,” he almost barks the order to me. I slow down a little bit because I know he’s right. “Do you have any more dinners or anything planned before you start with THN?”
He’s only asking to get me to talk more, but I take some fries before I answer. “A couple in July, nothing as big as before. Amy is going to go with me to the Media Awards. I was nominated again with KSPN. Mr. York seems pleased that my name is still ‘out there’ and making moves, as he calls it.” I don’t tell him I'm up for producer of the year again. I hate that he’s not going to be there with me. It’ll be the first time he won’t be.
“That’s fantastic, Hadley. I’m really proud of you for being nominated again and for doing what you do best. You’ll win, I’m sure.”
I try to shrug it off like I don’t care about it. “I have no idea if I will win this year. There are a lot of good people in that category. Anyway, I might not go. I’ll be a lot bigger in a month and I’m sure I won’t be able to find anything to wear.”
“The Awards are huge, Hadley. You have to go. It’ll be hard to accept it if you’re at home instead. You need to go. Go shopping, find something, and take Amy with you.”
“Speaking of shopping,” I need to change the subject so that I don’t cry and break down right in front of him. “We need to discuss taking me off the checking account and I need help trading in my car. I need something bigger because a car seat won’t fit well in the back. I can’t trade it in since you’re on the title. I know how much of the checking account is mine. I can send it over to the lawyers if you want?”
“We can keep your name on it. If you want, I’ll get a separate one for myself, but if we keep the one we already have, it’ll be easier to put money into it for you. As for the car, can it wait until the season is over?”
“The car can wait until later. I wanted to bring it up since I don’t know when we’ll talk again. I prefer not to be on the checking account, but I owe you some money. I went a bit crazy on the maternity clothes and baby furniture. I blame that on my hormones.” I had been overcome by all the stuff I was look
ing at, I kept adding to my shopping cart until it was damn near full.
Luca shakes his head and I think I see a small smile on his face. “I saw the statements, but you don’t owe me anything. I already told you that I’d give you money and don’t even say you don’t want it or that it’s not what it’s about. You have no reason not to take it for the baby.”
I open my mouth to yell at him, to make him see that he wants this baby, too. I stop myself and shove fries in my mouth instead. “Well, that only leaves the house then. Do you want me to buy you out, or do you want to sell it? I’d like to know before I begin redecorating.”
“It’s yours if you want it. What else are you redecorating?” I can hear a touch of worry in his voice. He must be thinking that I’m pushing him away. I know he loves me, but I can still push his buttons a bit. I shouldn’t do it. It’s only going to hurt me in the end too.
“The bedroom. There’s a lot of reminders in there and I can’t…” The tears are building up more and I push my fries away.
“Might as well buy you a new house,” he mumbles. “What are you going to do to my workout room?”
“Luca, don’t pretend to me.” There it is. There’s the rage that’s been hiding behind the hurt. “I know that you’re not coming back. I know you well enough that you’re staying in that hotel room until you can find a place of your own,” I snap at him. “I won’t throw anything of yours away. When you’re ready for it, then it’ll be there at the house. I just...I hate that everywhere I turn, you’re there. It doesn’t matter if it’s a picture or a memory. It’s in every corner of that house. I love it and I hate it at the same time.” I can’t fight the tears anymore and harshly wipe them from my cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I just,” Luca stops for a moment. Damn, I wish I knew what he was thinking. “I guess it just really hit me; I’m leaving and not just staying at a hotel like I’m away for a game.”
Finally, he tells me his feelings. He’s starting to open up. I send a quick thank you to the Hockey Gods. Then it hits me. A game? He thinks he’s at a game?
“But you're not, Luca. This is our life. I’m not getting rid of our baby. I’m not. And you’re too much of a stubborn Russian to realize that all I want is you and us to be a family. But you don’t want that. No matter how much I want it.” I need to stop being nice to him. If he wants the truth, he’s going to get it.
You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6) Page 7