You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6)

by Lindsay Paige

  I shake my head, taking her hand, and leading her over to sit on the bed. “Only before a big game.” That’s sort of true.

  “Yeah, and tomorrow is a big one.”

  Yes, it is. We’ll either go home champions or go home losers.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. Will you stay?”

  Hadley nods and we get comfortable in my bed. Just like before, we face each other on our sides. She studies me as she takes my hand, placing it over her heart. The familiar beat calms me. I’m positive I could recognize the feel of it if I needed to. Hadley reaches out, her fingers stroking my beard along my jaw. Between that and her heartbeat, it doesn’t take me long to relax and fall back asleep.

  When I wake up in the morning, I get to feel what it’s like to have the love of your life leave before you wake up.

  ~ ~ ~

  I slam my stick against the board in front of the players' bench, snapping it in half. Missing a pass that allows the other team to take the puck and score seconds later isn’t exactly how I want to play in the Final. Not to mention that fucking Jax Godwin is getting under my skin with all his chirping.

  I take the new stick that’s handed to me and take a deep breath. Focus, Luca. It’s the third period. There’s still twelve minutes to play. Twelve minutes to break our current tie. Darryl scores in his next shift, but Godwin scores right back. I jump onto the ice for a face-off.

  I’m able to win it and pass the puck off to someone else as we rush down into the other zone. Every shot gets blocked for both teams. Everything is happening so fast and it seems like time between shifts isn’t lasting long enough to take a deep breath. My eyes follow the puck as I chase after a defenseman. He lifts his head, giving me the chance to pump my legs faster and steal it. We immediately turn and skate down the ice.

  The seconds are counting down in what feels like a rapid speed. We need to score or go into overtime. I pass the puck to Darryl, and he sends it back to me. James is open, so I shoot it his way. He quickly slaps it forward.

  My breathing stops when I see the lamp light up, the crowd erupting around us. We can’t lose at home. We have twenty seconds left on the clock. Twenty seconds is all we need. The Gamblers fight and push the game closer to our net. The one shot they attempt bounces off the crossbar.

  The buzzers sounds.

  Holy shit.

  We won.

  We won!

  Darryl, James, and the rest of our teammates huddle together, hollering and cheering. Once we break apart, we line up for the handshake. Wow, is all I can think as I slap the shoulders of the opposition and truly mean it when I say, “Great game.”

  When the moment comes to lift that cup over my head, my energy has suddenly been replenished. I’m dancing on cloud nine. With the biggest grin ever, I lift the best trophy ever made over my head. My eyes automatically go to the seats behind the players’ bench.

  My smile falters for half a second when I only see my parents. It is one of the best moments in my career and I can’t share it with Hadley. What’s the point of winning, of making this accomplishment, if she’s not here?

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, but I mask it as I hand the trophy to the next person. My parents look so proud. Every single person, every Bucks fan, in this arena is grinning and happy. Yet I can’t even enjoy this.

  This half of my life and all I do with it doesn’t matter unless my other half is here, too. She wasn’t there this morning, which hurt like hell, but I understood it. She’s not here now, and because of my choices, she won’t ever be here. A few hours before the game, she sent me a text that she is having a girl.

  Is it worth it? Is walking away because I don’t want a child worth not giving myself the benefit of the doubt, not raising our daughter together, and being there for Hadley?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hadley

  “Hadley, take care of yourself and our granddaughter.” Mama hugs me tightly.

  “I promise.” I smile.

  “We’ll be back around October or so to make sure we’re here for the birth,” Papa adds.

  “She isn’t coming till December,” I remind him. “There’s no reason to come two months before she’s due.”

  “Hadley.” I know where Luca learned his serious tone.

  I hold my hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, I will see you both in October.”

  They hug me one more time and then head off to the security line and then toward their gate. I rub my belly as I watch them turn the corner. I swear overnight I grew ten more inches. This child is going to be huge. My doctor even said so. I shouldn’t be shocked about that; Luca is huge.

  I leave the airport and head back to the house. I stop by a drive-thru and grab a couple burgers, large fry, and a sweet tea. That’s all I seem to be living on right now. Mama baked several pies while she was here and I’m sure I ate most of them. I don’t even think Papa got a piece of the apple. I pretty much took a fork and devoured that on my own.

  I see Luca’s SUV parked in the driveway and my stomach drops. What is he doing here?

  Hadley, you’re a dumbass, I think, and I shake my head. The season is officially over. He’s moving his stuff out.

  I park my car next to his, thinking about the game three days ago. I had been sitting on the couch and was as nervous as Luca looked. I cheered, jumped up and down, and yelled how happy I was for him. He did it. He won the Cup. I cried when he lifted it over his head. His smile was huge and I never thought he would was going to hand the Cup off to the next person, but he did.

  Now, it’s back to reality. It’s back to him moving his stuff out of the house and leaving me for good. I thought that after we had sex the first time we were going to be heading in the right direction, but he didn’t speak to me until he called me with his nightmare.

  I’ll always be there for him. I know how those nightmares affect him. They tear at him and cause him to revert back to when he was fifteen and Valeria died. I wish that he understood that he was young and it wasn’t his fault. However, it’s something he needs to deal with and I don’t know what else I can do for him.

  Nothing.

  That’s why I left before he woke up. I didn’t sleep at all when I was in his hotel room. I studied his face and kept touching his beard. I listened to his soft breathing and watched the twitch of his eyes.

  It broke my heart to leave.

  But this is something I need to accept.

  I did text him about the baby to let him know that it was going to be a girl because he is the father and he has a right to know. I will always keep him updated. He needs to know about her, even if he doesn’t want to be in her life.

  I grab my bag of food and head into the house. I need to stop avoiding this. I yell his name as I go into the house and head toward the kitchen. I open my burger and take a big bite as I take a seat at the breakfast bar. He comes down the stairs and I turn to look at him.

  I begin to choke on my food. “What did you do?” I ask when I’m finally able to say something.

  “What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

  “Luca.” My mouth is still hanging open as I stare at his face. “You shaved?” I haven’t seen his face this clean since we were in college.

  I see his throat move as he swallows hard and looks almost shy. “Yeah. Decided to see if I still looked the same.” He shrugs as if it’s not a big deal.

  I can feel the tears as I try to compose myself. He isn’t mine anymore. He can do as he pleases, but he knows how much I love his beard. “Yeah, you look the same. I can’t believe you shaved, though. It’s been so long.” I can hear my voice cracking as my emotions roll to the surface.

  “I know. It’s weird. I have to look twice when I pass a mirror to make sure it’s me,” he jokes at me.

  “Yeah...sure...right…” I’m still in shock as I study his face. “Um, what are you doing here? Packing up the rest of your stuff?” I turn back to my food.

  “Not exact
ly. I want to talk to you. About the baby.”

  “You want to talk? Um, okay.” I’m confused. He’s already told me he doesn’t want to be part of our little girl’s life. I know that, so what does he want to talk about?

  “I want to try. I’m not promising anything, but,” he stops for a moment to collect his thoughts. “Not having you there when we won nearly ruined it. I love you, Hadley, and I want you there for those moments, so I want to try to work through my issues.”

  “You want to work on your issues?” What does that exactly mean? Is it until she’s born? Will he stay after? Is it about sex? “You want to try to be there for the baby, too, right? Not just me?” I can’t hide the confusion in my voice.

  “I don’t see how I can have one without the other,” he tells me in his usually serious tone. “Yes, for you and our daughter.”

  He said our daughter. Any other time we’ve talked it has been ‘it’ or ‘thing’. Could he really be trying to make a change?

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m elated, but I’m in shock right now. Why the turnaround? I haven’t spoken to you since that night in your hotel room. You didn’t even text me back when I told you about our daughter. Why, Luca?” I rush out my thoughts and hope that he will open up to me.

  “You’re my other half, Hadley. I don’t want to play hockey and win the Cup, only to look behind the bench and you not be there. You’re the person I want to share it with. I want to be the one you share your accomplishments with, too, not Amy or my parents. Me. So, here I am.”

  The first tear finally falls and rolls down my cheek. This is the Luca I remember. I can hear the love in his voice.

  “Are you coming home?”

  “If you’ll let me.”

  I jump from the stool I’m on and leap toward him wrapping my arms around his neck. I bury my head into the crook of his neck and hold him tightly.

  “Luca, I want all those things, too. It’s you and me forever. There’s no one else but you. I want you home so badly. I love you so much. I hated not being there when you won the Cup, but I know that you needed your time, you stubborn Russian.” I laugh as the tears stream faster.

  Luca’s firm tone whispers in my ear, “Don’t be too excited, Hadley. I’m not making long term promises, only that I’ll try.”

  I release his neck and look into his brown eyes, eyes I hope our little girl will have. “I know. I understand. But I know you, Luca. This is going to be a good thing. We’re in it together. You and me forever.”

  “Plus a daughter.” He tries to smile, but I can see the fear and panic in his eyes.

  “Our daughter. You know,” I shouldn’t push my luck since he only told me a minute ago that he wanted to try, but I am. “Have you thought about a name for her? I thought of a name and talked it over with Mama the other night.”

  “I haven’t made it that far yet.”

  “I think that...Valeria would be perfect.” Luca stiffens at my suggestion and goes quiet. “Don’t you think?”

  “You...you want to name her Valeria? You’re sure?” he whispers.

  “I think it’s very fitting. I want to honor your sister, too. Since she can’t be here with us, then she can be in spirit through our daughter.”

  “Not going to go easy on me on my first day back, huh?” he jokes and gives me his smile that makes my knees weak.

  “Ha! You’re right. However, since we are back together on a trial-basis,” a small bit of anger pulses through my as I grab his chin and pull him down to my eye level. “Grow your beard back. You have such a baby face that you look younger than me.”

  He smiles and nod. Luca’s face gets serious before saying, “Valeria would be perfect, I think.”

  ~ ~ ~

  I lean my head back and let the heat of the sun warm my face. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and I can’t even begin to express how happy I am at this very moment. There are no words to describe it.

  For the past week, Luca and I have spent most of time in bed making love, talking, even eating there. Luca is officially moved back in and even though he’s still scared, he’s trying. I know this will work out.

  “Are you asleep?”

  I peek open one eye and see Luca standing over me. “No. I’m resting.”

  Luca chuckles and sits down next to me on the bench.

  “Did you finish up your meeting?” I ask and snuggle closer to him.

  “Yes. It went well. I think this year's new team will do well.”

  “Any new, hot, young Russian stars I can sink my teeth into?” I wink at him.

  “Hadley.”

  I throw my head back and laugh at him. Sometimes he can be jealous even when I’m joking. “Calm down, Luca. I’m not going after any college hockey players.”

  He pulls me tight to him. “Good.”

  We sit there in silence looking over the North Dakota campus. Luca had come up here to talk to the incoming freshmen players. He’s done it a few other times when they ask him. Usually he doesn’t bring me, but we decided to make it a road trip and drove up from Omaha a couple days ago. I hadn’t felt good last night and spent it in the hotel, but once Luca made me eat, I felt better.

  “What are we planning to do today?” I smile at him.

  “A tour.”

  “A tour? Of what?”

  “Of us.” He stands and holds out his hand.

  I smile as I take it and he pulls me up. Luca puts his arm around my shoulders and we head farther into the campus. I slip my hand in his back pocket as he walks us to the media school building. He stands behind me with his arms still around me.

  “Remember this place?”

  “Ha,” I scoff. “I spent most of my college career in this building. Trust me, I remember it.”

  “How many times did we have sex in this building?”

  I giggle and my cheeks heat up. I hold up two fingers. “Once when I was pulling an all-nighter for a final and once when you came back early from World Juniors.”

  Luca leans in and whispers, “We almost got caught that time.”

  I nod. “Good thing you were able to hide under the desk.”

  “Come.” He guides me to the center of the campus courtyard until we make it over to the hockey rink.

  “How many times, baby?” he whispers in my ear, sending my hormones into a frenzy.

  I hold up one finger and bite down on my lip. I turn around and face him. “It was in the showers right before we left for the draft.”

  “Almost got caught then, too.”

  “Yeah, we’re not really quiet.”

  Luca laughs, a rare full-out laugh, causing me to follow suit. “No, baby, we aren’t. We never have been.”

  He looks down at me and studies my face. I run my nails lightly over his coarse beard. I miss the softness of it, but I’m glad he’s growing it out again. I can’t wait to feel that again.

  “Were you scared the first time we had sex?”

  I furrow my forehead at Luca. “Why are you asking that and what’s with the memory lane trip?”

  “Please, baby.” He isn’t going to answer me until I answer him.

  “No, I wasn’t scared. I mean, I was nervous, but it was the first time I’d had sex. I’ve never been scared with you, Luca. Now, answer me.”

  Luca takes a deep breath and steps back from me. He looks around to make sure we’re still alone. “When we were here, we didn’t have a care in the world. I had hockey and you had classes. Everything was right and now…” he shakes his head. “I don’t know, baby. I’m nervous. I’m never this way.”

  “I know you’re not and I know it’s because of our daughter, but don’t you think I’m scared and nervous? Luca, I’ve never been around a baby before. Ever. I have no clue how to take care of her.” Luca pales a little bit and I know that he’s on the verge of bolting again. “My doctor told me about a parenting class. It’s for first-time parents and it helps us with the basics. Why don’t we sign up and try it out? You and me.” I squeeze his hands.

/>   “You and me,” he mumbles.

  I take his face in my hands and force him to look at me. “Listen to me. I love you. I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I’ve given you my virginity, my heart and soul, and my life. I only love you. There’s no one but you, Luca. You’re my soulmate. You and me are in this for the long haul. We’re co-captains in our daughter’s life. We can do this as long as we are together.”

  Why is he so damn hardheaded? Why can’t he see what a great father he’s going to be?

  “Okay. Let’s take the class.”

  ~ ~ ~

  “A spa day?”

  “A couple’s spa day,” Luca corrects me as he take me into the luxurious building. “You need some relaxing.”

  “I thought that’s what we did this morning on the kitchen counter,” I tease.

  Luca chuckles as he walks up to the receptionist and gives her our names. The lady escorts us to the back where we can change into our robes.

  “Don’t you look sexy in your white robe and fuzzy slippers.” I pinch Luca’s side as we walk down the hall to the massage rooms.

  “Don’t tell the guys.”

  “Ha! I’m going to tell them, take pictures, and maybe even a YouTube video for the world to see,” I tease as we go into the room. Luca growls, making me laugh.

  After a half hour of the woman’s firm, but gentle hands on my back, I feel like a brand new person. Until I sit down for the pedicure. I can care less if she paints my toes, I'm in euphoria as she rubs my feet.

  “You know,” Luca leans over to me, whispering in my ear. “You usually only make those sounds with me.”

  “True. However, you have never rubbed my feet like this.” I wink at him.

  “I promise from now on, I will.” He kisses my hand.

  ~ ~ ~

  I look over at Luca and he looks pale. I swear if he passes out, I may laugh for a second before I help him up. I’ve never seen him this nervous and he’s a hockey player. He’s supposed to be rough and tough.

  “Luca, calm down. Everything is fine.”