When Jake wasn’t working, Olivia took the time to go and food shop and get any supplies that the babies might need or that they’d forgotten. Back in L.A. Olivia rarely went food shopping; she’d run in to one specialty food store or another, depending on her mood. But with the current situation, she realized the practicality of doing a mass food shopping to keep trips to the store down to a minimum.
That’s not to say that everything was running smoothly.
The babies were definitely on a schedule of being fed every four to five hours, and so Jake and Olivia did their best to maximize the time when the babies were asleep. Unfortunately, being that both of them were used to a more active lifestyle, all of the sitting around the house was starting to get tedious.
Olivia had brought her camera and her laptop with her, so she spent some of her spare time going through her portfolio and playing around with different effects on her photos. But she longed to do more. Taking pictures was a large part of who she was, and even though she knew that she was supposed to be on a break, her fingers were fairly twitching with the need to touch and hold her camera. Going through her backlog of pictures would only take her so far. She craved a new subject to photograph.
Later that night while she and Jake were sitting on the sofa for the three a.m. feeding, inspiration struck.
“You know, I came home to take a break from work.” Jake nodded. “Well, I’m finding that I’m not really quite ready to do nothing at all.”
“Liv, you’ve been extremely busy since you got here. You can’t possibly tell me that you’re bored.”
“Actually,” she said nervously, “I am.”
“Seriously?” His brows rose along with his voice.
Olivia nodded. “I mean, I know that I’m doing a lot with the babies and helping you out around here, but I really want to take some pictures.”
He looked at her as if he couldn’t understand the problem. “So…take some pictures.”
A slow smile spread across her face. “I’m glad that you said that.”
Something in her tone and her expression waved a red flag at him. What was she getting at? “Why?” he asked, caution lacing his tone.
“I know you may not have thought about this, but these are your children, and you should be documenting this time. You missed out on the pregnancy and their birth; you should totally be taking pictures of them now.”
Jake’s head lolled back as he closed his eyes. It truly was never-ending. “Really?” he asked wearily.
Olivia nodded again. “Really. I think that now that the house is a little more in order and they’re on more of a schedule, we could totally get some great pictures.”
“Aren’t they a little young for photo shoots and portraits?” he asked with only a hint of a nervous laugh.
“I’m not talking a professional photo shoot. I’m just talking about some casual pictures of Maddie and Ben…and you.”
“Me? Why the hell do I have to be involved?” Nerves were now replaced with irritation.
“Because you’re their father,” she said evenly. “There’s going to come a time when you’re going to talk to them about this time in their lives, and they’re not going to believe how small they were. Or…you won’t remember how small they were. Either way, it’s nice to have these memories to look back on. Trust me. Don’t you have pictures from when you were a baby around here someplace?”
“I found a whole box of them up in the attic after my parents died.” Jake grew silent and then startled when he felt Olivia’s hand on his.
“I know I wasn’t here and all, but I really am sorry about your parents, Jake. They were amazing people.” A lump formed in his throat, and all Jake could do was nod. Olivia gave him a moment before speaking again. “You know that they would be over the top with these two little munchkins, right?” Leaning down, she placed a kiss on Ben’s head. “Your parents would have spoiled them rotten, and they would have been proud of you for all that you’re doing for your children.”
“I don’t know about that,” Jake said quietly, and Olivia waited him out for an explanation. He lifted Maddie on to his shoulder and gently rubbed her back. “My parents traveled a lot when I was growing up. Most of the time they didn’t take me with them. I spent a lot of time with aunts and uncles or with the occasional babysitter until I met Mike, and then I spent a lot of time at your house.” He shifted in his seat and shrugged. “I know that they loved me, but they were selfish. I think they just wanted to be together, and I was an inconvenience.”
“Don’t say that,” Olivia said, but Jake quietly cut her off.
“I don’t blame them; not anymore. They loved each other so much that they only wanted to be together. I didn’t have a bad life, Olivia, but looking back at how I was raised and knowing how I felt every time I was left behind is the reason why I won’t hire a nanny to stay with Ben and Maddie. I don’t ever want them to feel the way that I did. I want them to know that they are more important to me than anything.”
Tears welled in Olivia’s eyes, and she couldn’t hold them back. Silently, she wiped them away as they fell down her cheek, but not before Jake saw them. “You know, you talk about how you don’t feel like you’re doing a good job with the babies or how you feel inept, but let me tell you something, Jake Knight. What you just said is the reason why you’re going to be the best dad in the world. In just a short week you totally grasped what it means to be a parent, and I think that Maddie and Ben are the luckiest kids on the planet.”
Jake felt his heart kick and swell at her words. No one had ever said anything quite so powerful to him before, and the fact that it was coming from Olivia meant so much more. “Thank you,” he said gruffly before standing to get Maddie back to bed. As soon as his daughter was secured in her swaddling, Olivia came up beside him to place Ben down. He stood back and watched for a moment, and when they were certain that both babies were asleep, they turned and looked at one another. “Well,” Jake began, “I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
Olivia nodded, but she wasn’t really tired. She had gone to bed at ten – the same time as the babies – and with five hours of sleep behind her, she didn’t feel ready to go back to sleep. “Sure. See you in a couple of hours.” She looked around the room and tried to think about what she could do at this hour that wouldn’t disrupt anyone.
“Aren’t you going back to sleep?”
She shook her head. “I’m not really tired. Maybe I’ll read for a bit.” Then she realized that she didn’t have anything to read with her. “Or maybe I’ll grab something to drink and check emails.”
“I’m not really tired, either,” Jake said, “and we still haven’t had much time to just sit and relax and get caught up.”
Oh, he remembered, Olivia thought to herself. “Right,” she said, frantically searching her brain for a way to avoid sitting and having more up-close and personal time with Jake. The truth of it was that she’d been having plenty of time to sit and talk with him; she just used that time to talk about anything but personal stuff. How was she supposed to talk about her life for the last seven or eight years without starting with “So remember how you completely were repulsed by me on my eighteenth birthday when I kissed you?” Yeah, probably not the best way to get the conversation started.
“Liv?” Jake prompted. “What do you say? We’re both awake, and we’ve got hours before the kids will be awake and needing our attention…come on. I’d really like to hear about what’s been going on in your life and what it’s like to be a photographer to the rich and famous.”
She rolled her eyes at that one. “It’s not nearly as glamorous as you’d think.”
“Well, I guess you’ll have to tell me all about it and set me straight,” he teased as he reached for her hand and led her from the bedroom.
Oh, help, Olivia thought to herself. Alone and personal time and hand holding? Why couldn’t she just have lied and said that she was going to go to sleep? They stopped in front of the sofas and Jake re
leased her hand. “I’m going to get something to drink. Do you want anything?”
Yes, to go back to the bedroom and to close the door. Not gonna happen. “Do you have any tea?” He nodded and told her he’d be right back and to make herself comfortable. Right. Like that was going to happen. The minutes ticked by and all Olivia could think was how she was possibly going to talk about all of her reasons for hightailing it out of town all those years ago without bringing up the incident.
The incident.
What in the world had she been thinking?
Oh, right, that she was eighteen and thought everything she wanted should be hers. Including Jake.
She tossed her head back on the sofa and groaned. Holy awkwardness, Batman. The thought of simply getting up and going to the bedroom and locking the door was always an option, but she figured that it wouldn’t take Jake long to just come over and knock. And then what would she say? Oops?
Her eyes opened just as Jake was setting their mugs down on the coffee table. “Milk, two sugars, right?” Olivia nodded as she watched him take a seat at the other end of the couch. “So you’re a world famous photographer,” he said with a smile. “I guess I should be honored that you want to take pictures of Maddie and Ben. They’ll be worth millions someday.” He laughed at the thought and then noticed that Olivia didn’t join in. “Hey,” he said softly, “are you all right?”
She almost laughed. No, she wasn’t all right. She was at a crossroads in her life, and in the midst of her much-needed break, she was sitting in Jake Knight’s living room at four in the morning in her pajamas having tea, and it was beginning to feel like the most natural thing in the world. “I’m fine,” she lied. “I guess I’m still a little out of sorts with things.”
“Imagine how I feel,” he said, and although he tried to sound like he was fine, Olivia heard the tell-tale nervousness there.
“I guess I should be asking if you’re all right,” she said softly.
Leaning forward, Jake rested his elbows on his knees and looked straight ahead, not at Olivia. Taking a steadying breath, he spoke. “I appreciate all of your help with Maddie and Ben. I don’t know how I would have done this without you. I know that they’re too little to understand what’s going on, but I don’t want them to be traumatized. I never want them to feel like they weren’t loved or wanted. I can’t control what Marilyn did, but I can certainly control what happens from this point on. I knew that she really didn’t have any maternal instincts; I just never knew the extent of it until she asked for a check and then just walked away.”
His head hung forward and Olivia waited for him to speak again. “I’m glad that they’ll have no memory of this and that you’re here making them feel loved and cared for.”
Olivia couldn’t remember ever hearing Jake speak like this. She knew he had issues with his family and his upbringing, but there was a vulnerability to him now that made her heart ache for him.
“You’re doing everything that you can, Jake,” she began, “and you’re doing great. Like you said, they’re young, and they’re not going to be able to remember this, but they will always remember how you make them feel. You’re creating a foundation here; a way of life that will help them grow up and feel secure. You should be very proud.”
“I don’t know about that,” he said, his expression grim.
“It’s true. It won’t be long before they really start to recognize you, and when they’re more alert, I know that their faces are simply going to light up when you walk into a room. Why? Because you’re their daddy, and they’ll know that that means love.” Unable to help herself, she scooted closer and placed one hand over his. “Trust me.”
Jake was silent and Olivia knew that there was nothing else she could say to reassure him. It was something he was going to have to figure out on his own. They sat there for long moments; the only sound in the room was their breathing and the ticking of the clock on the fireplace mantle.
When Jake finally spoke, his voice shook. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Olivia. A week ago, I was a single guy rehabbing a house so that I could sell it and move on to the next thing. I wasn’t sure what that next thing was, but I knew it wasn’t staying here and living in this house. I have no idea how I’m going to handle being a single father of twins. I’m not equipped to handle that kind of load. How am I supposed to work and take care of them at the same time? My business is doing well, but it’s not completely self-sufficient. I need to be there. And I know that I need to be here for Maddie and Ben. How do I possibly do both?”
She moved a little bit closer to him as her grip tightened on his hand. “You’re going to find a way, Jake. Not right now, maybe not tomorrow, but in time you’re going to figure out what it is that works for the three of you. I know that you don’t want to hire someone, but maybe that’s not the way to go. Maybe if you hire someone part-time and you make the commitment to keeping it that way, you’ll find that it’s a good thing for all of you. You can’t possibly be the parent that you want to be if you’re burned out or broke.” He turned and looked at her. “And you love them. That’s the best part. Just love them, and soon everything else will fall into place.”
“What if I get selfish? What if I get lazy and start relying too much on the person that I hire?”
She shook her head. “That will never happen. Why? Because you know what it’s like to be them.” Olivia went to move her hand away, but Jake turned his and now clasped her small hand in his large one. Twice in one night and Olivia was starting to get used to the feel of him. He may have hurt her once upon a time, but she knew that right now, she would never retaliate; never call him out on it in a way that was mean or vindictive. He needed a friend, and for now, she was it.
“You’re not going to find all of the answers in a day or a week or maybe even a month,” she said. “But eventually, you will. And then you’re going to wonder why you were so worried. You’ll be giving parenting advice to all of your friends, and they’ll seek you out because you’ll have this so under control. I believe in you.”
He was stroking the back of her hand with his thumb as she spoke, and Olivia found his touch to be mesmerizing. Jake looked up and she saw a myriad of emotions there. “I hate that I took away your vacation time.” His words were spoken so softly that Olivia wasn’t sure she heard him at first. “I know this wasn’t the way you had planned to spend your time, and even though I am sorry, I know that I can get through this because of you. You’re an amazing woman, Olivia.”
Oh, hell. How was she supposed to remain indifferent when he said things like that? She blushed and whispered a thank you as she ducked her head. With his free hand, Jake tucked a finger under her chin and gently forced her to look at him. The gentle expression on his face was mesmerizing, and Olivia felt as if she were being pulled toward him. She swayed. She sighed.
And then he kissed her.
Maybe this was his way of saying thank you.
Maybe he had fallen asleep and his lips just happened to brush hers.
Either way, the fact was that Jake was kissing her. Gently at first and then it kicked up a notch into something more.
Jake crowded closer to her, and he released her hands so that his could roam up her torso and up to skim her neck and then anchor in her hair. Part of Olivia was questioning if she was actually awake or if this was a dream , while another part of her told her to just shut up and enjoy the kiss. Lord knew that the first time around, they didn’t get this far because Jake had pretty much shoved her away. But he was kissing her now. Really kissing her, and oh, how the man could kiss.
Placing her hands on his shoulders, Olivia moved closer. His hands left her hair and smoothed their way down her back until she was wrapped in his arms. It took very little effort until he had her sprawled across his lap. She was warring with herself internally even as she did her best to move closer.
His mouth was hot and passionate, and even as she pressed against him, he was pulling her in. It was like noth
ing Olivia had ever experienced before. There was so much emotion being expressed without uttering a word, and she wanted him so much – more than she even dared to admit – and he wasn’t shoving her away! Once she let that fact settle in, Olivia relaxed a little and let her hands get in on the action – moving from his hard biceps up to his shoulders, his neck and then into his thick hair. She held on, silently praying that he didn’t want to let her go – that he wanted to take this to the next level as much as she did.
As her tongue reached out and dueled and mated with his, Jake groaned as if in pain, and then hauled her impossibly closer. His tongue teased her, explored her – set off fireworks inside of her. She needed air, needed to breathe, but the thought of never ending this moment was the greater need.
Twisting in his arms, Olivia went from laying across him, to straddling him and as she settled snugly against what was becoming an extremely impressive erection, she began to move. It felt so good, so right, she was so close and…
She was suddenly sitting alone on the couch.
What the…?
Jake was across the room before Olivia could even register that he’d moved. He stood in the far corner, his back to her, and looked out the window toward the blackened back yard. She didn’t have to ask if he was all right, his body language said it all. His head dropped to his chest , and he was just as breathless as she was.
Dammit.
When was she ever going to learn? For all she knew he never intended to kiss her at all. He was probably just going to give her a peck on the cheek to say thanks, and she had gone and pounced. Again. Yikes. There was no way to graciously get out of this one, and there was no way she could simply run away. There were babies to consider, and as much as she was completely mortified right now, there was no way that she was going to up and leave them. They’d already had that happen to them once; and in Olivia’s mind, that was one time too many.
Tears began to well in her eyes, and she cursed herself. She didn’t cry. As a rule, Olivia always did her best to keep her emotions in check – especially where Jake was concerned. And there was no way in the world that she was going to let him see her cry. The door to the bedroom was only about ten feet away. She could stand and be there in less than five seconds. The only thing stopping her was the fact that her entire body was trembling, and she didn’t think she’d be capable of walking without falling and making an even bigger fool of herself.
Baby, Be Mine (Life, Love And Babies Book 3) Page 6