Wild Thoughts

by Delaney Diamond

  “Are you out of your mind?” Stephan asked. “You really think we would have that type of information and not share it with you? Come on, Malik. You know us better than that. You’re family. Neither I nor Reese would keep that kind of information from you. All I knew was that he was a terrible businessman, and he committed suicide. She never talked about her dad. It was obvious it wasn’t a pleasant topic for her.”

  Malik dropped onto one of the steps, and Daisy trotted off to chase squirrels. “What do the two of you have to say?”

  “Actually, I’m here to talk about Lindsay, but I dragged Reese along for the ride. Listen, I know that you guys were a real couple, not this fake crap you started out with. I know you cared about her, and I know she cared about you.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure about that last part.”

  “Don’t give me that. You were into her, and she was into you.”

  “So what? Relationships end. I’ve ended plenty over the years, or have you forgotten?”

  “I’m supposed to believe she was like any other woman you been involved with before? Because I’m not buying that. You guys split and no damage was done to your truck or any of your belongings. That alone proves what a great woman she is.”

  Malik wasn’t sure if he was being funny or serious when he made the point about the lack of damage to his property. “You should get your own podcast,” he said sarcastically.

  Stephan came closer. “She should have told you about the connection between your parents. I get that. But maybe she had good reason not to.”

  “And what reason is that?” Malik asked.

  Reese interjected. “We all know how much you loved your mother. We all know how much it affected you when she died, and we all know how much anger you still carry at the people you feel caused her death.”

  “They murdered her, just as sure as if they had taken a gun, put it to her head, and pulled the trigger.” Malik spoke slowly, enunciating every word.

  Stephan nodded. “And maybe that’s why Lindsay never told you. Can you imagine how hard it would be to tell someone you care about that your parent was the reason for their parent dying?”

  “No matter her reason, she should have told me.” Malik rubbed a hand across the back of his neck.

  “She should have. But can you understand why she didn’t?”

  Malik stared at the road beyond the gate. “You didn’t see my mother before she died. You guys weren’t around then.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, but I hope you know you don’t have to go through anything else alone again.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “I can’t tell you what to do,” Stephan said. “Well I can, but you probably won’t listen. Lindsay is my friend, and I’m not going to stop being friends with her because you’re upset with her.”

  “I never expected you to cut her off. This is my shit to deal with.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Maybe let the relationship fizzle out, because all I can think about is Abe Steele when I see her, and I really hate that guy.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  His gaze flicked to Stephan. “You think I don’t know that?”

  “She shouldn’t have to pay for her father’s crimes. I know Lindsay acts as if she’s all tough, but deep down, she’s a marshmallow. And she’s a sweetheart who would do anything for anybody.”

  “Are you done?”

  “Keep playing, and she’ll find herself a new man, which won’t be hard. Hell, I’m interested my damn self.”

  Malik glared at his cousin.

  “I’m just saying, she can get another man like that.” Stephan snapped his fingers. “But since you’re done with her, I guess I made the right decision, then.”

  “About what?”

  “An old buddy of mine, Brandon, asked for her number when he found out she was going to New York for the book signing. He’s been interested in her for a minute. They met before, at one of my parties, so I gave him—”

  “You gave him her number? Shouldn’t that be her call?”

  “He said he’d show her around. I figured since it was her first time in New York, she wouldn’t mind the company.”

  “You really know how to push my buttons, don’t you? It’s been three goddamn days, Stephan. Thanks, cuz.”

  “So you’re still interested?” Stephan asked.

  “How about the two of you get off my property. Right now.”

  “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face,” Reese said.

  “Thank you for those words of wisdom. Bye.”

  Reese pushed off the hood and climbed back into the car.

  Stephan didn’t move. He and Malik stared at each other.

  “She’s been through a lot, and she’s carried the burden of her dad like a cross that isn’t hers to bear. Did you ever really love her, or were those just words?”

  Stephan climbed into the car, and the brothers pulled away in a cloud of dust.

  He did love her. He loved her to distraction and wanted her with him every moment of every day. But how could he trust her after what she’d kept from him?

  Chapter 25

  “This is it. This is what you’ve been working toward,” Hal said. His brow wrinkled. “You don’t look happy. Missing your fiancé?”

  “Yes.” Lindsay peeked at the door. No Malik. She checked her phone again. No message from Malik.

  She’d told Hal that Malik hadn’t made the trip to New York because of another engagement. The truth was, she hadn’t spoken to him since last week, though she’d hoped he’d call and keep his promise to be with her on this momentous occasion, but she was too chicken to reach out because she couldn’t bear for him to be cruel to her. Nothing would ever be the same again. Not with life in general, and certainly not with her heart.

  Hal came to stand behind her, and his reflection appeared in the mirror beside hers. “Well, you look fantastic. Put a smile on your face and get out there and wow your fans. I’ll be outside.” He gave her shoulders a supportive squeeze.

  She rewarded him with a wan smile before he left. Taking a deep breath, she double-checked her appearance. For the evening event, she went with the Bohemian style of a loose-fitting dress that draped off one shoulder. The green brought out the green flecks in her eyes. Colorful bracelets climbed up each arm, and she’d braided her hair with blonde extensions, which she’d stacked on top of her head in a loose design. She looked like a sexy diva, even if she didn’t feel like one.

  This was her day. Her big event, and she wasn’t enjoying it. She felt hollow inside because she didn’t have anyone to share the moment with. Hal didn’t count. It was his job to be here. Her sister was thousands of miles away in another country, and the last time she spoke to Stephan, he’d given her a vague answer about whether or not he could attend, so she definitely wasn’t counting on him.

  The bookstore special events coordinator, Debbie, came into the back room, a young white woman with curly brown hair. “Almost showtime,” she said, setting a bouquet of flowers on the table. “Someone sent these for you.” She left Lindsay alone again.

  Flowers. Her heart soared with excitement. Maybe Malik decided to send her flowers, to show that he was thinking about her even if he couldn’t be there. With trembling fingers, Lindsay pulled the card from the envelope and read the words.

  Her heart sank.

  The flowers were from Lucas Baylor, her mentor.

  Congratulations. I’m proud of you.

  Lindsay swallowed her disappointment and tucked the card back into the envelope. She’d have to send a thank you to him later, but for now, people were waiting for her.

  She’d gotten this far alone. She could finish alone. She didn’t need Malik.

  She was beautiful.

  She was smart.

  She was a winner.

  She was strong.

  Lindsay stepped into the open doorway and watched Debbie on
a small elevated stage speak to the crowd that had gathered. Hundreds of people filled the bookstore, awaiting her appearance.

  A few minutes later, Debbie smiled and extended a hand to Lindsay. “And now, let’s give a very special welcome to the diva herself, Lindsay Winthrop!”

  Cheers went up from the audience, and as Lindsay stepped onto the elevated platform, cameras flashed rapidly. She waved both hands at the gathered group and smiled the widest smile possible. Placing her hands on her hips, Lindsay cocked a brow at the gathering of mostly women.

  “What are you all doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your hot dates?”

  Laughter filled the audience.

  “I’m kidding. Thank you for coming, for choosing to spend your valuable time with me. There’s nothing I would rather be doing than spending this Saturday evening with you.”

  “Except maybe spending it with your hunky fiancé,” someone yelled from the back.

  Lindsay laughed along with them as pain and regret lanced through her. “True, but I’m genuinely happy to be here with you tonight. Many of you are my listeners, so we know each other already, on a very intimate level.” She winked, which resulted in soft laughter rippling through the crowd. “This book is a culmination of years of work, which I couldn’t have accomplished without every one of you and your support. Give yourselves a round of applause.”

  She started clapping, and the audience joined in. A few people whistled.

  The door at the front of the store opened, and Lindsay’s eyes were drawn to the person entering. She was surprised to see Reese Brooks walk in, looking dapper in a vest and long-sleeved shirt under it. They made eye contact and smiled at each other. Right behind him was Stephan in a fur vest over a wife beater shirt. Only Stephan could wear something so outrageous, in the summer no less, and still look sharp and perfectly appropriate. He winked at her, and the heavy load of sadness she’d been carrying lightened.

  Then time stood still, because the last person through the door was Malik in a black short-sleeved shirt that hugged the contours of his chest and the muscles in his arms. Unlike his cousins, he didn’t smile or wink when their gazes met. The three of them stood side-by-side in the back of the room. Three beautiful men, two golden-skinned and one covered in copper, all three hard to miss because of their heights.

  “Lindsay?” Debbie touched her arm, and Lindsay realized she’d simply been standing there, staring at Malik. The laughter in the room had long since died down.

  She mentally shook off her stupor. “As I was saying, some of you have been by my side from day one, and I love you all so much. I thank you. You’ve propped me up and helped me reach where I am today. I couldn’t have done this without you, and you know who you are.” She cleared her hoarse throat. “All right, folks, let’s get started.”

  For the first hour, she read passages from The Sexy Diva Talks Dating and took questions from the floor. Like during her podcasts, she gave frank advice.

  “Honey, you’re not being paranoid. No man should make you feel coerced into doing something you don’t want to do. That’s a red flag. If you’ve made yourself clear, and he’s still insistent, it may be best for you to find a man who understands your needs better and with whom you’re more compatible. Sex should be exciting. The bedroom should be a safe place. You should not experience fear with your partner.”

  To another woman, she said, one hand on her hip, “Why should men have all the fun? And how else will you know what you like if you don’t sample other flavors? Just make sure you’re practicing safe sex and being honest with your partners.”

  The second hour she signed books and took photos with fans. She answered impromptu questions about sex and relationships and graciously accepted gifts and words of praise from listeners who swore she’d either saved their relationships or taught them how to better appreciate their worth so they’d have a healthy relationship.

  In the end, her hand was cramped from signing so many books, and her cheeks were sore, but she’d never been happier—except during the moments she’d spent with Malik.

  Lindsay signed extra copies for the bookstore to keep on hand, and after a quick consultation with Hal and the events coordinator, made her way to the back where the Brooks men chatted and noshed on refreshments.

  “We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy,” Stephan said, bowing before her with exaggerated deference.

  “Quit it.” She slapped his arm, and he pulled her into a quick hug.

  “Can I get your autograph?” Reese held up a copy of her book.

  “Don’t tell me you bought a copy. I could have given you one,” Lindsay said.

  “No way. Gotta support you,” he said with a grin. He handed her a pen, and she wrote a personal note and signed her name.

  The entire time she was aware of Malik’s gaze on her. So aware that she almost misspelled Reese’s name because having Malik within a few feet, paying such close attention to her, made her nervous. She handed over the autographed book.

  “Thank you,” Reese said.

  “Why don’t we head over here and talk to our fellow readers?” Stephan said to his brother.

  “Excellent idea,” Reese replied. Both sauntered in the direction of a trio of women huddled together, talking near a bookcase that contained foreign language books.

  Alone at last with Malik, Lindsay didn’t know what to say. She clasped her hands before her.

  He spoke first. “Hi.”

  “Hey. I’m glad you came.”

  He looked around the bookstore. Stragglers from the event hung around chatting and shopping. “Me too. You had a good turnout.”

  “Thanks.” She couldn’t do this. She was falling apart on the inside. “Are you still mad at me?” She wanted to get to the heart of the matter. If he was there, he couldn’t still be completely mad at her, could he?

  “Yeah, but I’m working through it.” He pushed out a breath. “We need to talk. Do you have anything else planned for tonight?”

  “Hal invited me to dinner with a few people. A celebratory thing.”

  “Oh.”

  “But I could skip it.”

  “No, I don’t want you to do that.”

  “I don’t mind. I’d much rather be with you.” She didn’t care about baring her soul. She wanted him to know because without saying a word, he’d bared his soul. He’d flown all this way to see her. It meant something.

  He remained reserved. “You sure it’s okay?”

  “They won’t care, believe me.” And if they did, so what? She wanted to spend time with Malik.

  “I need to tell Reese and Stephan I’m abandoning them.”

  They both glanced over to where the brothers had gone. Stephan had his arms around the shoulders of two different woman, and Reese had sat down in a nearby chair with the third woman on his lap.

  “I think they’ll be all right.”

  Malik shook his head. “I think you’re right.”

  “Give me a few minutes. I’ll let Hal know I can’t make the dinner, and I’ll grab my stuff from the back room. Don’t move.” She gave him a tentative smile.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She wanted to kiss him but didn’t want to push her luck. Instead, she hurried off to do exactly what she told him she would. Minutes later, she returned with the flowers, her purse, and a small box filled with books and gifts from adoring fans. Stephan and Reese were no longer in the store, but Malik was waiting for her right where she left him.

  “Here, let me take that.” He took the box and tucked it under his arm. “Let’s get out of here.”

  He took her hand, and her body went haywire. She held on tight and let him lead the way.

  Chapter 26

  They sat quietly in the hotel room as Malik thought about where to begin.

  Lindsay had intrigued him from the first time they met. Once he got to know her, he only wanted to know more and peel back the layers to discover what was underneath. What did sh
e desire more than the goals she shared with him? What did she fear?

  Now he knew. The same fear engulfed him, as well. He didn’t want to go back to life before Lindsay, a barren wasteland with no excitement and very little to look forward to. Post Lindsay, he laughed more, went out more. He woke each morning with renewed vigor. He even took more risks. She was the best part of his day, and if the best part were removed, there was not much left.

  “I’m sorry,” Lindsay said. She was seated beside him on the sofa.

  “No, I’m sorry.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. I kept important information from you, and for that, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. I intended to tell you after this trip. You have to believe me.”

  “I do.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes.” He’d thought long and hard about the last time he saw her in person and better understood his reaction to the revelation from Shawn. “My mother and I were really close. She didn’t have much family and didn’t have anything to do with the Brooks side, so for years it was just the two of us. When she died, I felt as if I had nothing and no one.” He swallowed. “She had a big heart and always wanted to protect me. She used to say, ‘It’s just the two of us, you and me.’ In trying to protect me, she never told me how serious her diagnosis was, and when she took a turn for the worse, I felt...helpless. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t have anyone to turn to. She died, and I was alone, until Unc found me and let me know that I had family who would have supported us, and our lives could have been better.”

  Malik hesitated, the confession he was about to make shaming him to his core. “I was so angry at her for dying,” he said hoarsely.

  “Malik...” Lindsay briefly touched his shoulder.

  “I know. Ain’t that some shit? It’s not like she gave herself cancer, but I was pissed. When Unc let me know that his side of the family would have been there for us, I was pissed even more. When I found out she could have sold that old house and gotten a few dollars that might have helped, but she was more worried about leaving something for me, I became so angry. I could have had her with me for a little longer. I had so many questions. Why didn’t she tell me how bad the cancer was? Why didn’t she reach out to the Brooks side and get help? Why didn’t she sell the house and maybe give herself a little longer to live? Why did she keep all those secrets?” He blew out a rough breath and looked at Lindsay. “I hate when people keep things from me, because I’ve never seen any good come from keeping secrets.”