Wicked Lucidity

by Wicked Lucidity [lit]

  Lowering my gaze, I smiled. “You and I know that,” I pointed in the direction the man had sped off in, “he didn’t. Plus, he could not dance. Rule number two in my world: If the man can’t dance, then he’s not a keeper.”

  A rather serious look came over her face. “What’s rule number three?”

  “That I’ll never remember all my rules and make them up as I go.”

  “Oh,” she said, laughing.

  I crossed the street and Amber reached up. She put her hand on my forehead and then shrugged. “Well, I can rule out a fever. Try not to keep anymore ice cream men, please. Your pet collection of men is scarily big as it is.”

  “But my brother said....”

  “You’re an only child.”

  I licked my lips and let a smug look settle over me. “I know that.”

  Hilary pointed down the road in the direction the ice truck had disappeared in. “He doesn’t. Men.”

  “I really like you, kid.”

  “Thanks, I like you too. You remind me of my mommy.” Hilary patted my upper thigh. “She would have really liked you. Want to come over and see her picture? She was pretty like you too. But she wasn’t a giant.”

  Eric and Riston gasped. I looked at them, hoping to figure out what had shocked them. The blond’s brow furrowed as he took a step up and stood close to Amber. “Amber?”

  Amber glanced at me and winked. “Yeah, Eric, Hilary’s been very open about Paula since she got here. She took instantly to my friend.”

  I sensed Hilary’s anger the instant it came over her. It radiated off her in tiny waves. She was powerful. Too powerful to be left unchecked. Touching her shoulder, I ushered her several feet away from the group and I bent down fast. “Want to tell me what’s making you so mad?”

  She crossed her arm and turned her nose up. “No.”

  “Great then, we won’t talk about you not talking about mommy ever and getting everyone all worked up about it.”

  Amber’s eyes widened. I knew she didn’t like the comment I’d made. What else was new?

  Hilary nodded, still in her defiant stance. She gave me a good look over. “You make me think of her. She was fun too. But I’m not going to talk about her and you can’t make me.”

  Putting my hand up, I bit my lower lip and shrugged. “Fine. We won’t bring her up.”

  “Good.”

  “Did she like to dance too? I’m only asking because you are a very good dancer.” I did my best to look like I had an attitude too as I waited for her to take the bait.

  Hilary’s eyes widened. “Oh, yes. She loved to dance. She could even dance so daddy turned really, really red. I think it had something to do with her ‘hellos’ but I’m not talking about her anymore.”

  I sat down on the grass and Hilary instantly dropped down in front of me. “That’s good because it will make me miss my mommy too and I don’t like missing her even at my age. My mommy liked to dance and make my daddy really red too. And I’m positive it had something to do with her ‘hellos’ too.”

  “Your mommy is gone too?”

  I nodded.

  “When did she go away?”

  “She and my daddy went away when I six.”

  Her eyes widened. “I’m six. My mommy died in a car accident. How did your mommy die?”

  I tried to think of a nice way to explain it to her. Somehow, telling her that vampire and shifters attacked us in the middle of the night and slaughtered them while I watched wasn’t going to work. “Well, that’s a little hard for me to talk about. One, it hurts in here still.” I touched my chest. “And two, it’s not something that people talk about. Not because they’re worried about hurting my feelings but because it was very, very, very bad.”

  Hilary touched my hand and I felt her power wrap around me. The second she surged it through me, searching for the answer, I pushed her power back into her and held it there. She gasped and ripped her hand away. She stood quickly and stared at me. “They were very bad men and it wasn’t your fault. You were too little to stop them.”

  “I still should have tried,” I whispered, more to myself than to her.

  “Sweets?” Amber asked, sounding confused but managing to draw me out of what could have been a sorrowful moment.

  I looked at Hilary and tipped my head. “Did mommy give you rules about certain things?”

  “Like what?”

  “I think you know what I’m talking about, Hilary.”

  She bent her head down, clearly ashamed. “Yes. I’m sorry. But I wanted to know what happened to them.”

  “I gave you an answer.”

  Amber gasped. “Don’t scold her. She doesn’t normally....”

  I put my hand up, cutting Amber off. “No. They,” I pointed at Riston and Eric, “can try to tell me not to scold her as well and they’ll get the same answer. This little girl is more than just a little girl. She’s very special. And....”

  Hilary sighed. “Being special doesn’t mean I can do anything I want. I have to think about other people. They have feelings and I could hurt them if I’m not careful.”

  Snickering, I leaned forward and tapped her nose. “You got that speech too, huh?”

  “Yes,” she pushed her hand around it the grass. “My Uncle tells me that all the time. I get sick of hearing it.”

  I nodded. “Well, that is almost the same speech I got when I was little. My daddy was the one who gave it to me. And do you know that I would give anything to hear him say it again.”

  “You were a daddy’s girl too?”

  I snickered and nodded my head. “I thought my daddy could hang the moon, sweetheart.” I decided it was time to lighten the conversation. “I most likely got that idea because of the whole lycan moon thing. What do you think?”

  “I think that you don’t get hugged enough,” she said, tossing her arms around me. I held her tight and she kissed my cheek. “You’re wrong.”

  “About what?” I asked.

  She smiled. “Not everyone who loves you goes away.”

  I couldn’t have responded to that if I tried. It took everything I had to keep my emotions under wraps. Hilary reached out and lifted a stray strand of my hair and began to twirl it around her finger.

  “You have pretty hair. Is it long?”

  I nodded. She beamed. “Your daddy told you that he liked your hair long and you kept it that way.”

  Not wanting to break down, I simply smiled. She was right. My father did like my hair long when he was alive. “You have very long hair too. Did mommy like it that way?”

  “Oh, yes because she had lots and lots of hair. It hit her fanny even.”

  I laughed. “Well, mine only goes to my mid-back. Because....” I stopped short of spilling the truth.

  Hilary didn’t. “Because the bad men use it to grab you at times and the longer it is the easier they can get it.”

  “Yep. Hardly seems fair, does it?”

  “Men.”

  I snorted.

  She giggled. “You have dirt on your face.”

  I nodded. “Amber already told me. Since it’s only dirt I don’t mind. I can think of worse things to have on me.”

  Tears came to her eyes and I had to fight to keep from hugging her. “The day mommy went away we were supposed to go to a birthday party. She told me not to get all dirty because I was in a nice dress. I didn’t listen and got mud all over my pretty dress. Daddy stayed home with me while I took a bath and mommy went to the store without us to get a present. She said she’d be right back. She lied. She never came back.”

  “Is that what you really believe? Do really think mommy lied?” I asked, leaning in close to her.

  She was quiet for a moment. “No. I don’t think so. But why did she say she’d be back if she wasn’t going to come home.”

  I twirled my finger in her pigtail and gave her a soft, warm look. “Because mommy didn’t know she wouldn’t be able to come home, Hilary.” The urge to kiss her was great. I gave in and kissed the tip of h
er nose. “Have you ever fallen and hurt yourself?”

  “Yes,” she answered so low I almost didn’t hear it.

  “Did you know you were going to get hurt before it happened?”

  “No.”

  “Mommy didn’t know either.”

  She looked up with tears in her green eyes. “Why would someone make mommy go away? She wasn’t bad.”

  “My mom and dad weren’t bad either, Hilary. In fact, my daddy’s job involved protecting people from very bad things. He worked very hard with other men like him to make sure that innocents didn’t have to worry about what else lives among us. But he and mommy still had to go.”

  Talking about my parents made my entire body tight and I desperately wanted to cry but the little girl before me needed someone to be strong for her. “Do you know what I think?”

  “What?” she asked staring at my charm necklace. She tipped her head a bit and her eyes lit up. For a moment it looked like she wanted to touch it. She didn’t.

  “I think that the powers and the angels above needed your mommy and my parents to help them there. And when they help there, they help everyone, not just us. What do you think?”

  She continued to stare at my necklace with awe. “I want Mommy here to help me.”

  “And I want mine but if we all took them back who would be left up there to help everyone?”

  “Angels.”

  “They need help too.” I touched the tip of her nose. “In fact, some of the mommies and daddies that go to them to help were already angels to begin with.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. “Yes, angels exist here too. Some were born among us, to live, work, even learn to love what they were born to protect.”

  “Are you telling the truth?”

  “What if I told you that my mommy was a full angel and my daddy was part?”

  Amber made a choked sound and I knew she was disapproving of my topic of conversation but Hilary wanted to talk about it and I was telling her the truth.

  Hilary gasped. “Your daddy was part angel, part lycan?”

  “He sure was. I think that made him very special. I bet your mommy was extra special too. Wasn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “Some people that the angels and the powers need to help them are able to do other things, they’re different but powerful and can help fight the war on a big,” I put my arms out wide, “huge scale.”

  “Like they can do special things?” she asked, still staring at my charm.

  “Yes. And the ones who can do special things are ready to lend a hand because they have spent their lives helping and are very good at it.”

  “My mommy is very helpful to them then.”

  “I am positive that she is one of their best helpers, Hilary.”

  She bit her lower lip. “I think he is too.”

  “Who? My daddy?”

  “Yes, but the other one who had to go play with the angels. The one with the green eyes. The one you didn’t kick in the head when he asked to have a wedding.”

  I heard the words coming from her tiny mouth and my chest tightened to the point it was painful. I knew who she was talking about and I missed him greatly. I tried to smile but failed.

  Hilary touched my chin. “He watches you a lot.” She looked up towards the sky and smiled wide. “He says that you know he does, that you even talk to him when he’s around because you know he’s there and that,” she closed her eyes tight, “he heard you singing. He came to watch you play with me.”

  She lowered her voice as tears filled her eyes. “He says that he was very worried that you might never play again. He says that he loves you and always will. He is a bit upset that you don’t want to see him. What does that mean?”

  “It means that,” I swallowed hard, “I have the ability, when I sense him near, to actually see him there but I don’t use it.”

  “Why? If I could see my mommy I would.” She touched my cheek and pushed her power through me again, this time only enough to find the answer to a bit not the story of my life.

  I pulled her hand away fast and gave her a stern look. Yelling at her wasn’t an option. Huge tears ran down her tiny face as she shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault. You always blame yourself. If you would let him by you, see him and hear him he would have told you that already. But you’re stubborn.” She laughed through her tears.

  I wiped them from her face. “Don’t cry for me, Hilary.”

  “You don’t cry for you. Someone has to.” She cupped my cheeks firmly. “I cry for me, late at night when I know daddy is sleeping, I cry because I miss mommy. But I don’t tell him because I don’t want him to be sad anymore. He just started smiling and laughing again. Amber makes sure of that.”

  “She’s good at that, huh?”

  “Yep. She helps take care of me. If it wasn’t for her, my daddy and my uncle would still have a hair brush stuck in my hair.”

  I laughed hard and Hilary gave into it as well. She reached and touched my triple knot charm, I smiled. “How did you get one of those too?”

  “Did mommy wear one too?”

  “Yes.”

  I felt it then, the loving, warm energy that moved in around Hilary and held her close. It was so familiar, so loving, so warm--it was a mother’s love. Her eyelids fluttered closed for just a second and she swayed back and forth.

  “Would you like me to give you a charm like mommy’s?”

  She nodded. “Yes, she didn’t give me one.”

  The energy moved over me, seeming to concentrate its power point directly at me. I listened to the silence and understood it. “Hilary, what if I told you she did?”

  She shook her head and then stopped fast, staring up at me with wide eyes. “Ooo, my doll, Morgan has one. Mommy and daddy got her for me for my birthday last year.”

  “I’ll tell you what. I have lots of these. If you want, the second I find the box they’re in, I’ll give you one. You can take Morgan’s and give her the one from me. How does that sound?”

  “Good.”

  “Hilary,” I lifted her chin and gave her a warm smile, “do you think you could get the dress I gave you all dirty? You can get this one that I have on all dirty too. You can even roll in the mud in it.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “I get the feeling that you think you’re making mommy happy by doing what she asked. That’s why you worried so much about the two dresses you have on after you showed me your rockin’ summersault, isn’t it?”

  She nodded and looked away.

  “Honey, that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It shows how much you still love her.”

  “It does?”

  “Yep.”

  Hilary stood and tossed her arms around my neck. “Will you come back and visit again?”

  “I’ll do one better.” I tried to get up but Hilary wouldn’t let go of my neck. “Sweetheart, if you let me stand, I’ll tell you where I live so you can visit as often as you like.”

  She let go instantly. Getting to my feet, I smiled down at her. “Close your eyes.”

  She did.

  I turned her around several times and then stopped, leaving her facing my house. Bending down, I pressed my mouth to her ear. “Open them.”

  The second she did, I watched as the realization of what I was telling her sunk in. She squealed and leapt into my arms. I stood and held her up high. As I turned, I found Amber crying and holding Eric’s hand as tears streaked his cheeks as well. I carried Hilary over to him. “You need to go to daddy now, Hilary. I think he needs a hug.”

  He held his arms arm out and practically tore Hilary from my arms. He squeezed her tight and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Miss.”

  Chapter Two

  I glanced at everyone and nodded before turning and walking away. I didn’t stop to look back. Instead, I headed into the house and went straight to the kitchen. For some reason, I felt comfortable in that room. The dinning room also had a strange pull on me. It was as though my
body recognized it as a safe haven. I only hoped that were true. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was home.

  Putting my hands on the counter, I let out the tears I’d been holding back. I let them all go. For so many years I’d kept it in me, not wanting to show my weakness to anyone. Seeing Hilary going through what I went through had been the final straw.

  I pulled the red rag from my head and ripped the tie out, allowing my hair to spill down to my back. Leaning down, I turned the icy cold water on and began to scrub my face to get the dirt off it.

  I struggled to get out of the wedding dress as I cried. Not quite able to reach the zipper, I dropped my head and let out a shaky laugh. “It figures I’d get stuck in asshole’s dress at a time like this. Is someone trying to tell me something?”

  I wiped my tears away and did my best to stop crying. Suddenly, I felt something tugging at the zipper and undoing it for me. The dress dropped to the floor on its own. I stepped out fast. I kicked it far from me before turning to face the person who helped me. Riston stood there looking like he wanted to help but wasn’t sure how. Why hadn’t I sensed him in the room with me?

  He rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a great view of his bulging biceps. “Eric wanted me to thank you again for what you did.”

  “It was nothing.”

  “Paula died eleven months ago and Hilary hasn’t brought her up once the entire time. It’s a huge thing you did for her.” He locked gazes with me. “I’d like to thank you too. Hilary is my niece.”

  “Niece?”

  He nodded and cast me a pained look. “Paula was my sister.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss.” As I stood there looking at him, the feeling of knowing him crept over me again. I pushed it down. It flared back to the surface. Sometimes, my powers were as stubborn as I was.

  He shrugged. “I’m sorry that talking to her opened old wounds for you.”

  “Yeah, well, if someone would have sat me down like that after it happened, I might not be in the ridiculous crying fit I’m in at the moment. You know what? I feel like letting out some aggression. Want to burn a dress with me?”