by Bianca Vix
I want to drink until I pass out. But I’ve never been able to do that, not even back in college. I was always the only one left standing at parties. If not exactly standing, then at least awake. It was fun back then. I could tell stories about what went on for days afterwards.
Now I can’t stand it. I just want to shut my mind off for awhile. No thinking. No dreaming. Just have a break for a little while.
Lucy follows me and my vodka into the living room. I try to focus on the TV, although I have no idea what I’m watching. Whatever it is, it’s too damn boring.
I’m losing count of how many drinks I’ve had by the time an idea hits me. Yes. I need to go after what I want. That’s what gets results. I never fail when I make a real effort at something.
The time for taking action is now.
Downing the rest of my drink, I grab my jacket and keys.
“Ryan.” Josh’s disbelief is written all over his face, but I ignore it as I push past him.
“So this is your new place.” I flop down on a chair and look around me. “Not bad.”
He comes over and takes a seat across from me. “Have you been drinking?”
I shrug. “A little bit. Not nearly enough.”
“Okay. Would you like a beer?”
“Sure.”
He disappears and I’m tempted to have a better look around, but I stay where I am. Things are more stable and in focus when I’m not moving around. And I need to try and remember why exactly I decided to drop in on Josh unannounced.
Oh, yeah. Now I know.
He’s back already, passing me a bottle and cracking one open for himself. “It’s been awhile, Ryan. How’re you doing?”
“Great.” I take a long swallow of beer to try and get myself focused. “How’re you?”
“I’m fine. So. What brings you by?”
Right to the point. I like it.
“I want you back.”
From the way he blinks at me, that might’ve been a little too blunt. Maybe it would’ve been better to use a little more finesse in this situation. Win him back, or something. But Josh’s used to me and my bluntness by now. Maybe it’s too much, me telling him something like that flat out, but I’m not one for beating around the bush.
He’s about to answer me when there’s a knock at the door. He hesitates, running his hand through his hair before he gets up. “Hang on, Ryan.”
I expect he’s going to tell whoever it is to fuck off, but he hasn’t. When Josh comes back, he’s not alone.
Maiya’s with him.
For fuck’s sake.
“Hello, Maiya.” I don’t stand up to greet her. What’s she doing here anyway? Dropping in on Josh like this.
“Oh, Ryan.” Clearly I’m the last person she expected to see. “How are you?”
“Great. So, is Josh giving you some extra physio? Some personal home care?”
Neither one of them laughs. Josh glares at me, then turns to Maiya. “Could you give us a moment? There’s something I need to say to Ryan.”
I drink some more beer. “No need. Whatever you have to say, I’m sure she won’t mind. Maiya, we were just talking about–”
“Ryan.” Josh cuts me off sharply. “Do you mind, Maiya?”
“Not at all. I’ll be in the bedroom.”
Another glare from Josh and I bite back the sarcastic remark I was about to make. “So? What do you say?”
“Look. Maiya and I are seeing each other. I should’ve told you, and I would’ve eventually. But you and I keeping our distance from each other has been working, and I didn’t want to make anything tense at work.”
“I already know about her.”
He’s taken aback. “You do?”
“Yes. And it doesn’t matter. You still love me. I still love you. There’s nothing else to do but get back together.”
Josh picks up his own beer, drinking far more than I’ve ever seen him in one long swallow. “Yes. There is. I’m going out with Maiya. I really like her. And you and I don’t work. We’ve tried enough times, Ryan. We need to stop.”
He gets up. “I think you should go now.”
“Okay. I’ll leave. And I won’t come back. Just as soon as you tell me you don’t love me anymore.” Setting my beer down, I get up too and take hold of his hands. “Go on. If that’s true, I’m gone. For good.”
Josh’s eyes are blazing. He’s pissed off at me, more than I’ve ever seen him.
But he’s not doing it. He’s not telling me to get the hell out of his life forever. He’s angry because I’ve nailed it.
I move closer to him. He doesn’t back away. I tighten my grip on his hands as our eyes lock together.
“Say it.”
“I can’t. You know I do.”
We both flinch as a soft noise shatters the moment. It’s Maiya. She’s come back into the living room without either of us noticing.
“Sorry, I left my purse here and I needed to get something from it.” She stops dead when she catches Josh and I holding hands. “I should go.”
“No.” Josh tears himself away from me. “Don’t go. I don’t want you to leave.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to come between you two.”
“You’re not.”
“Yes, I am. It’s so clear that you still have feelings for each other. And you haven’t even been broken up for that long.”
“Ryan and I have known each other for a long time. So, yes. Those feelings don’t just disappear overnight. But that doesn’t mean that we’re going to get back together.”
I break in. “Is that right? Because like you heard just a moment ago, Maiya, Josh was saying he still loves me.”
She blinks. “Is that true?” She’s genuinely shocked. Guess she didn’t catch that part of our exchange.
Josh’s jaw tightens. “I did say that. It’s true, he and I haven’t been broken up for very long. And we’ve known each other a long time. So I do have feelings for Ryan still. But we aren’t together anymore. We broke up for reason, and this is the last time.”
“Why?”
My question causes both of them to turn and stare at me. Josh takes a deep breath, as if he’s trying to stay calm. It’s not working out that well for him.
“We have different things we want out of a relationship. But it’s not just that. It’s because I really like Maiya. I told you that before.” Josh turns to face her. “I want to be with you. I wouldn’t have asked you out if that wasn’t the case.”
“I believe you. But it also seems like you want to be with Ryan too. I mean, it goes beyond your relationship having just ended. It’s the way you talk about him. The way you were looking at each other just now. It’s not the first time I’ve thought about this. I was actually going to bring it up tonight.”
Maiya bites at her lower lip. “I don’t want to be with someone who’s not totally committed to me. I know it’s way too early to ask for that, and that’s not what I’m doing. I just need to know that there’s the possibility of a commitment in the future for us. Because this isn’t going to go anywhere good if you’re still into Ryan. Or in love with him. Whatever.”
I lean against the wall. Interesting. I want to sit down, but I don’t want to miss anything about this conversation. And I have something to say myself. “You know, Josh. You don’t have to choose between us. Remember what we talked about before?”
He frowns. “What’re you talking about?”
“Way back, when we both first met Maiya. You’ve been talking about her since then. Remember when you suggested? That having a threesome with her would be fun?”
Maiya’s eyes pop wide open. “A threesome? You said that?”
Josh’s eyes have daggers in them. And they’re directed at me. “That was a joke.” He draws the words out in anger. “Just a joke. You knew that back then.”
“Do you know what I know? That there’s truth in jokes. And besides, you’re the one who’s actually had a threesome. So you know what it’s all about. Not me.
I take it you haven’t either, have you Maiya?”
She shakes her head definitively. “No, I’ve never done anything like that.”
“Do you have a problem with it?” I ask her.
“I don’t know. I don’t have a problem with it. What do they say? The more the merrier?”
I smile at her. “You’re joking. But like I said, there’s truth in jokes. If you’re willing to give it a try, so am I.”
“Are you serious? Because you seem kind of drunk.” Maiya’s not pissed off or flustered by anything I’m talking about. Huh. Very interesting.
“Yes. To both. But I’m not that drunk. Not so much that I can’t see what a great idea this is.”
As if she needs a minute to consider what I’ve said, she turns to Josh. “You’ve really had a threesome?
He squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second. “Yes. Let’s go sit down. And I could use a drink. Would you like something, Maiya?”
“Oh, yes. Definitely.”
“Me too.”
Josh sets his jaw. “No. I’m cutting you off, Ryan. You’ve had way too much already.”
I laugh as he walks off. Maiya’s gaping after him, like she can’t believe what he said.
He’s not wrong. I started early and I’ve kept going. Still, I grab for Josh’s beer bottle and down what he’s left behind.
“I don’t mean to freak you out or anything,” I say to Maiya. “But I think my solution is brilliant.”
“Solution?” she echoes. “Having a threesome is a solution?”
“Sure. And it’s a brilliant one. Look, I know Josh really well. Better than you do. He’s truly torn between us. And I’m not just saying that because I want him back. I could tell there was something between you and him from the moment you first started working together.”
“Oh, no. Ryan. There wasn’t anything going on between us back then. Not at all.”
“I know. That’s not what I meant.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Josh wouldn’t cheat. He’s not a cheater. Neither am I. And I suspect you aren’t either.”
She shakes her head. “No, I’m not.”
“So there you go. Let’s say we have a threesome. Then Josh gets to try both of us at once. And you and I get to be together too. If that’s something you want, then that’s how we can make it happen. Josh’s not the only one who’s been attracted to you from the beginning. That’s why the subject of a threesome even came up between us.”
Maiya goes to take a seat, and I sit down beside her. “Yeah, it was kind of joking at the time. But there was something else behind it too. I have to say that Josh’s the one who planted the idea in my mind. And I was going to bring it up for real sometime in the future.”
“You really think it’s a good idea?”
“Of course. Look, the worst that can happen is that we have some great sex. Nothing wrong with that. And the best that could happen is that we want to do it again. All of us. And keep it going beyond the bedroom.”
Maiya tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. “This is a lot to take in.”
“Here you go.” Josh’s back, and handing her a mixed drink.
“Hey, I didn’t think you had any liquor here,” I protest.
“You didn’t ask. And I figured you had enough already. Here.” He hands me a tall glass.
“Water?”
“That’s right. Water.”
I’m not going to argue with him. Not now, when there’s a much more pressing issue on the table.
“Okay. I never got into any specifics with Ryan, and there’s no need for detail now.” Josh takes a long drink before he speaks again. “But yes. I had a threesome. It was a while ago, back in college. It was one drunken night.”
I raise my water glass to him, but he doesn’t think that’s funny. I don’t know why he’s so uptight all of a sudden. Josh used to be the more relaxed one out of the two of us. Now it’s like our roles are reversed.
I like it this way. He’s fun to tease.
“I was with a couple of friends. I don’t quite remember how it came about. Like I said, we were all pretty wasted. But yeah. It was a lot of fun. And it’s something that I always wanted to try again sober. Do it right.”
He casts a glance at me. “I was actually going to seek it out around the time when we met. Once you and I got into our relationship, I didn’t really think about it again.”
“So you were just friends with these people?” Maiya asks. “You didn’t stay together afterwards, like as some kind of a couple? Not a couple, I mean the three of you together? If that makes sense.”
“No. And it didn’t happen again with them either. But I don’t really know what you mean by stay together.”
“Like Ryan was just talking about. That if we do this, and the sex goes well, we could be all together. All three of us, outside of the bedroom too.”
Josh’s head whips around. “What? Just how drunk are you?”
“A lot less than I’d like to be,” I shoot back. “But this is something I’ve thought about before. You know. Back when you suggested a threesome. I thought a lot about it afterwards.”
“I didn’t suggest it.” Josh’s exasperated. “It was a joke.”
I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter. Joke or not, it’s a good idea. Admit it. You want us both. So do I.”
“Is that true?” Maiya asks him. “Do you want us both?”
Josh’s fingers tighten around his glass. For a moment I think he’s not going to answer. But he appears to change his mind. “Yes. I do. I can’t think of anything better than being with the two of you. But it’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?” Maiya asks.
Josh and I are caught right off guard. Is Maiya into this? I didn’t think she’d be. But then again, she hasn’t run out the door screaming yet either. Maybe she’s more open-minded than I figured.
Josh definitely wasn’t expecting her question either. “Are you saying want this to happen?”
“I’m interested. I think it would be fun, like Ryan says. My ex never wanted to do anything new. Our sex life wasn’t exactly the high point of our relationship. I mean, I had to talk him into even doing more than one position. Now that I’m free from him, I want to try new things. A threesome sounds perfect. I mean, I’m not saying I could be on board with anything beyond tonight. But as far as the sex goes? Yes. I’d give it a try. Absolutely.”
Yes. Excellent. I check Josh out. He’s still looking shell-shocked as all hell.
“Of course it’d be fun. But I want things to work out with you. I don’t want something like this to affect what could be our future.”
My mouth twists up. “I have to confess something too. I thought you were hot when I first met you, Maiya. That’s why the threesome thing first came up.”
Maiya cheeks are reddening. “Me too. I mean, that’s what I thought about you too.”
Josh’s eyebrows shoot up. But he doesn’t look pissed off about what she’s just confessed.
I swallow some of my water. “Okay. I’m in for a threesome. Sounds like you are too, Maiya.”
“I am.” She’s still blushing, but her words are firm.
“That leaves you, Josh. You’re the only one who hasn’t agreed. What’s up with that?”
He takes a drink. He’s stalling for time. I know why he’s holding back. He’ll never admit to it, but I could tell. I’m not a guy who’s good at reading other people. That’s Josh’s thing.
But it was crystal clear when I grabbed his hands before, and he couldn’t look away from me. Josh’s eyes were burning with a desire so strong, I wouldn’t have been surprised if we both caught on fire. There was no way he could hide how much he still wanted me.
That’s why he’s not jumping all over the chance to be with both Maiya and I at the same time.
Josh doesn’t want to go for it, because then he might have to admit it. That it’s not over between us.
“So?” I prompt. “What do you say, Josh? Are you in or not?”
>
Chapter 12
Josh
Ryan stands up. It’s like he’s moving in slow motion as he comes over and sits down beside me. I don’t say a word, even when he sets his hand on my leg. Even when he starts moving it higher.
My gaze goes to Maiya. Her eyes are on us and even though I’m finding it hard to believe, she’s not bothered by what Ryan’s doing. She really is into it.
My better judgement is yelling at me to stop this. It can’t lead anywhere good. I know that from experience. There’s a reason that I never told Ryan about the details of the threesome I had. Or what happened after it. How it messed things up, and that none of us were ever friends again.
But I don’t want to. Ryan’s a perceptive bastard when he wants to be. When there’s something at stake for him, he’s practically a fucking mind reader. If only he put that skill to use for something outside of his work, he’d do a lot better with people.
Not that it’s not pissing me off that he’s reading me like an open book right now. This isn’t the time for him to become more sensitive to what’s going on around him. He should’ve done that weeks ago.
Not now.
I catch Maiya’s eyes again, but there’s no help there. She wants to try this out as much as Ryan does. Easy for them. They don’t know what the consequences can be. And I can’t even try to convince them, because I can’t bring myself to stop Ryan’s hand from sliding up my thigh.
Christ, I’ve missed him more than I thought was possible.
It’s not just about Ryan, who I’ve wanted every moment since we first laid eyes on each other. And I haven’t stopped since then.
It’s that being with him and Maiya is a dream I never thought would come true. What I’m feeling for her grows every moment that I’m with her. It’s almost too much to take.
Just like what Ryan’s doing to me now. I can’t hide my need for him, not in any way. He smirks when his roaming fingers find my swollen cock.
I wipe that smirk off his face when I grab him by his shirt. Our lips smash together, harder than I expected them too. I don’t let him go until I can’t breathe.
He’s gasping too, but he doesn’t stop groping at my aching erection. “I’ll take that as a yes. You’re into it.”