by Bianca Vix
Absently I pick up my napkin. “Do you think I’m not interested in you beyond sex? Because that’s just not true.”
“I want to believe you. But I remember feeling like this before. It’s the same way I started to feel with Zach, only I never knew why. I don’t want to be in that position again by a man I’m involved with.”
“What about you?” I turn to Josh. “Do you think the same thing?”
He frowns. “It’s not like I want to be making out in the halls at work or anything like that. But the thing is, you were a lot more open about being with me before, when it was just the two of us. Now it’s like you’re holding back. So, yeah. It’s weird. Kind of uncomfortable, like I have to watch and be careful of what I say or do at work. As if I’m censoring myself.”
Maiya sets down her empty glass. “I got used to the way Zach was. Now I don’t understand why he ever wanted to date me. He wasn’t even that much into sex. I almost didn’t know what I was missing, until now. Until you both. I can’t go back to living like that. Like Josh said, it’s not like I want to have a ten minute makeout session in full view of everyone in the gym. But I want to feel like it’s okay to give you a hug now and then.”
I lean back in my chair. “When you put it that way, I suppose it makes sense. Okay. How about if I ease into it? Would that work for you guys?”
Josh’s collecting our glasses and arranging them on the tray. “Not if you have to force yourself. We need to find a way of being together that works for all of us.”
“I wouldn’t be forcing myself. It’s nothing to do with you guys. It’s all me. I just need some time to adjust to being more public about us. If I can get used to it gradually, that’ll work better for me. Not saying I won’t. Just that I want some time to get more comfortable.”
“Of course.” Maiya smiles at me. We both glance over at Josh at the same time. He’s balling up the wrapper that was covering my bowl. For a moment I think he’s going to argue, but when he lifts his head, he’s smiling too.
“I’m fine with that. What we’ve got going on here is different, and special. We can do us however we want to.”
A wash of affection for both of them rushes over me. We get up to leave and I slip one arm around each of them.
Josh covers my hand with his. “Nice work.”
“It’s not work at all. I meant what I said.”
“I know you did.”
We walk out linked together like this, and I couldn’t care less who notices.
The only people in the world that I’m aware of are Maiya and Josh.
Chapter 15
Ryan
I usually enjoy visiting Sherwood’s office. It’s on the fortieth floor, and the view is something else. It’s huge and every single area is very modern and well-designed. Since I chose my office for convenience only, and I work out of FV the rest of the time, I tend to forget that spaces like this exist. I’ll have one of my own eventually, but it’s too soon. I need to get to a more hands-off stage first.
Today I’m overcome by uneasiness. I don’t know why, but there was something in our last conversation that made me think something’s off with Sherwood. He was also really vague about why he wants to see me. That’s not like him at all.
I’ll find out soon enough. He’s ending a call when I reach his office, gesturing for me to come in. The glass door falls silently shut behind me as I take a seat across from his big sleek desk.
“Ah, Latham. Glad you could make it.” His manner is all business. Good. I don’t really have much time for an unplanned meeting. So the sooner it’s over, the better. “Something important has come to my attention, and I wanted to clear it up with you in person.”
“Of course.”
Sherwood clasps his hands together. “I’ve heard something recently that concerns me. And since I know about it, it should concern you too. As you know, I want to have confidence in every venture I’m investing in. Backing the right company at the right time is how I made a fortune. I rarely make mistakes in my choices, not since I started out.”
“Right.” I’m still not sure what he’s on about. Normally Sherwood is pretty direct about what he wants.
“Your business plan is one of the best I’ve ever seen, and your ability to execute it so far has been admirable. Flawless, really. Everything’s gone according to your projections so far, and I have every reason to believe that will continue. That is, I did. Up until now.”
“Nothing’s changed as far as the expansion plans are going. But if there’s any sort of a issue, I expect we can clear it up easily.”
“Great. That’s great to hear. Because I’ve heard something very concerning about you.”
I frown. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Sherwood.”
“I’ve been told that you’re in something of an unconventional relationship. That you are seeing two people at the same time.” Sherwood’s mouth twists up in distaste. “Both a woman and a man.”
I don’t react. How the hell does he know about Maiya and Josh? “What makes you think that?”
Sherwood still looks like he’s been chewing on a lime. “An employee of mine has been attending FV lately.”
I stare at him. “You’ve had someone spying on me?” I can’t believe it.
“That’s a strong word. I consider examining all aspects of acquiring a business part of doing due diligence.”
My jaw tightens. “You’re not acquiring my business, Sherwood. You’re investing in it.”
He waves his hand dismissively. “I don’t see much difference there. Not as far as the research goes, anyway. However, that’s not important. What we need to clear up is whether or not this is true.”
“With all due respect, I don’t see how my personal life is any of your concern.”
“The fact is that I’m not just investing in the company, Ryan. I’m investing in you as a person.” His voice hardens. “Letting something as unsavory as that become known and public shows a terrible lack of judgement. It’s nearly as bad as doing it in the first place.”
I’m floored. “It’s really not anything you need to be worried about. But since you ask, yes. That’s the type of relationship I’m in.”
“I have to wonder about how stable your business really is, if you can’t keep your personal life private and under control. I’ll give you until the end of the week to take care of this situation.”
For fuck’s sake. The nerve of this guy, actually wanting me to end my relationship. “It’s not a situation, Sherwood. And it’s certainly not something that I intend to change.”
“I suggestion you reconsider your position, Ryan. You need my investment to get your expansion off the ground.” His eyes narrow. “But you also need me for something that’s much more important than that.”
I try to relax my clenched fists. “Really. And what’s that?”
He leans in closer to me. “You need my silence, Ryan.” His gaze is full of ice. “Because I know what you’re hiding. The big secret that you’ve kept for so long. The one that you’d do anything to keep from coming out.”
There’s no way Sherwood can know about that. In spite of myself, my blood runs cold. I have to call his bluff. “What’re you talking about?” But I can see it in his expression.
He does know.
“How?” I manage. “How did you find out?”
Sherwood snorts. “I’ve always known. That’s why I took an interest in you in the first place.”
He keeps talking. I barely take in what he’s saying. By the time I leave his office, he’s got me so shaken my hands are twitching.
The last thing he said to me won’t stop echoing in my mind.
I own you, Ryan.
And he does.
Chapter 16
Ryan
Back at FV, nothing’s the same. Every single person who passes me by, I’m viewing with suspicion now. It’s a very creepy feeling, knowing you’re being spied on. Let alone not knowing who’s doing it. Who told Sherwo
od about our threesome? Who betrayed me?
No-one stands out. I checked the new member records. There’s way too many to narrow it down. FV’s a popular fitness destination. There aren’t any names that jump out at me.
Of course, Sherwood would’ve made sure of that. He wouldn’t use anyone I’d recognize. He wouldn’t be able to. None of the colleagues we have in common would do something like this.
Or that’s what I thought. If they’re friends with Sherwood, who knows what else they have in common with him as far as ethics and professional courtesy goes.
This is the absolute least of my concerns, but I can’t figure out what to do about anything else that changed my entire world today. It’s an easy distraction because it doesn’t matter. Nothing can change the fact that Sherwood knows about us. And he’s made his disapproval crystal clear.
He’s not the man I thought he was. Not at all. And he’s gone from being someone who can help me make my vision come true to a guy who’s threatening to screw up my entire life unless I do what he wants. Everything I’ve worked for since I finished college is on the line now.
Not to mention my relationship. Because if Maiya or Josh ever found out who I really am, they’d walk away in a heartbeat.
I slump behind my desk. Sherwood’s final threat was clear. I do what he wants, or not only will he pull the funding out from under me, he’ll reveal my secret to the world.
“Hey, Ryan.”
I about jump out of my skin when Josh appears in my doorway. “Hi.”
“I’m heading out now. Maiya’ll be at my place soon, and I want to get a jump on starting dinner. Are you done here, can you leave with me now?”
Dinner tonight. At Josh’s place. I was looking forward to it, right up until the meeting that pushed everything else in the world straight out of my thoughts.
“I’d like to, but I can’t. I’ll come by later.”
“Okay. See you then.”
He shuts the door behind him and I drop my head into my hands. I have to figure this whole thing out, and fast. But for the first time in my life, I have no idea what to do.
Maiya lets me into Josh’s place when I arrive. “Perfect timing. Everything’s just about ready.”
“Great.” She’s all relaxed and happy. I’m the total opposite.
She peers questioningly at me. “Are you feeling alright?”
“Yeah. Sure.” I move past her. I don’t want to answer any questions at all. Especially ones about myself. “What are we drinking tonight?”
Josh appears from the kitchen. “Ah, good. You’re here.” He comes right over and gives me a hug. I tense up, and of course he notices. Now he’s looking at me the same way Maiya was. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine. Just hungry.” I’m not. The very last thing I want right now is food. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this dinner as it is.
“Wine’s in the kitchen, if you don’t mind bringing it in.”
“No problem.” I’ll take any reason I can get to not be around either one of them. I shouldn’t have come over. I could leave. They both already believe there might be something wrong with me.
There is. Just not what they think.
I stall in the kitchen as long as I can, but Josh comes back in. “Come on, everything’s on the table.”
“Right.”
We go out to the table and I busy myself with pouring wine for everyone, downing half of mine before Maiya’s even lifted up her glass.
“Josh, everything looks so good.” She’s passing me a dish so I can serve myself.
I take it from her, then set it down on the table. “Yeah. It does.” I can’t do this. “I need to go.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” Both of them are giving me puzzled looks.
I swallow hard. I have to force myself to say it. “This isn’t working out. Us, I mean.” I glance between Maiya and Josh. They both deserve better. “It’s not something I can do. I want to.” Believe me, I want to. “But I can’t.”
“Why not? Everything’s going great.”
I shake my head. This is the very last thing I want to do. But I press on. “The thing is, nothing’s changed.”
I face Josh. “Not from when it was just you and I. I can’t manage to be in a relationship right now. I simply don’t have the time. I know you couldn’t stand that before. It’s not fair to do it again now. You shouldn’t be subjected to that either, Maiya.”
Josh sets his glass down. “It’s been okay on that front, Ryan. I mean, it’s always nicer if we can spend more time together. But things have been better now than they were before. It’s not a problem.”
Of the two of them, I didn’t expect Josh to be the one protesting. “It’s not right. I can’t do what I need to on all fronts. I’m stretched too thin. Things are falling through the cracks with the expansion, and it’s getting down to the wire. I have to focus even more than I have been. I haven’t been spending enough time on work as it is. I need to do more.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I can’t do it. It’s over. I should go.”
“We can figure this out, Ryan.” Maiya grabs at my arm.
As gently as I can, I pull myself free from her. “You deserve more than I have to give, Maiya. You too, Josh.”
He doesn’t try to stop me, although they both walk with me to the door. He’s pissed off, too much to even say anything. Maiya’s still stunned.
“It’s for the best.” I can’t look at them as I walk out. I can’t stand that I’m doing this to them.
I have to leave before I start choking on my words. This is the last thing I want to do and it’s ripping my heart into shreds. I hate to lie to them.
Even though I should be used to it by now.
Chapter 17
Josh
I like it here, walking along the East River. I haven’t been here in so long, and it’s the first time I’ve ever come with Maiya. It’s a beautiful day, bright and sunny without being too hot.
That doesn’t make Ryan’s absence any less noticeable. We’re both very aware that he’s not with us. Maiya and I have been carefully avoiding talking about what he did. Finally Maiya brings it up.
“Have you heard from Ryan?”
“Not a word. I haven’t called him either. What about you?”
“I called him last night.”
I perk up in spite of myself. “Really? What did he have to say?”
“Nothing much. Same things he told us that night at your place. Do you believe him?”
I keep going back and forth between hating Ryan and missing him. It never occurred to me to doubt him. “I guess. Why not?”
“It’s just that he was acting so strangely that night. He wasn’t himself at all, don’t you think?”
“Letting a relationship fall apart because he’s too busy is exactly like Ryan. Yeah, he was a little off. But probably because I’m usually the one breaking up with him, not the other way around.”
We stop to check out the view of Manhattan. Maiya takes a couple of pictures with her phone before we start our slow stroll again. These days it’s as if everything I do in slow motion. I can’t believe I’m back here again. I promised myself I wouldn’t let Ryan back into my life, because I knew where I’d end up again.
I was right.
And it’s not worth it.
“But everything was fine. I don’t understand why he’d break up with us all of a sudden like he did.”
She’s unhappy. I hate that Ryan’s the one that made her feel this way, more than him doing it to me too. I’m used to it. Well, as much as anyone can get used to this kind of tortured, back-and-forth kind of relationship. I’m at the point now where I’m certain that I’m done with Ryan for good.
But Maiya’s not there. Not yet.
I cast around for something to say that’ll make her feel better. “You can’t blame yourself. It’s him. I don’t think he really wants to be in a relationship. Not a functional one anyway. A t
hreesome was way too much. There’s no way Ryan could handle something like that.”
“But it was his idea.” Maiya turns to me, grabbing my hands. “Why would he even suggest it if that’s not what he wanted?”
I stop walking, and pull her in close. “I don’t know. I really don’t, Maiya. I mean, maybe he does want to be with us. But then it gets too overwhelming or something. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind. What I do know is that I’m done with him.”
She tilts her head up to look me in the eyes. “You won’t give him another chance?”
I want to give Maiya everything she needs. This is something I can’t do. “Even if he wanted one, I can’t do this again. And I’m not convinced that he will want another chance.”
We start walking again. We’re coming up on the Brooklyn Bridge. “Do you want to get some coffee?”
“No. I’d rather just keep on walking. But there’s something I need to know first.”
“What’s that?”
“What about me? About us? Do we just keep on going without Ryan?”
“If you want to.” I stop and clasp her hands. “I know I do. And you know what? We were doing just fine before Ryan came along with his whole threesome idea. I’d be happy going back to the way we were.”
Maybe not happy. Yes, happy. I’m more into Maiya than any other woman I’ve ever wanted before. But when it was the three of us, it was something else. Beyond intense. We all worked perfectly together. It was so different, so much better than anything else I’d ever experienced before.
But that’s over now. A threesome is no longer an option. And nothing’s changed with how I feel about Maiya. At least Ryan didn’t ruin that.
“What about you, Maiya? Are you only into me now if Ryan’s part of the deal?” It’s a question I hate asking, but I need to know the truth now. Being with someone who’s not all in too is just torture for me. I can’t go through it again.