Victoria's Got a Secret

by HelenKay Dimon

  She didn’t bother to correct him. Instead, she tried to slip back and ran smack into the magazine display. Glancing around, she picked out Paul’s back on the other side of the room. He was facing away from her, saying something to the man at the counter as he got out his wallet to pay.

  The older man stepped into her line of sight. “Hey, don’t be shy.

  I like the show. I really like you.”

  “You have me confused—”

  “How about a kiss?” The man reached out to touch her.

  Paul shoved the other man’s hand away and executed the perfect body block. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Just saying hello to the lady. You can wait your turn.” The man tried to look around Paul.

  Paul held his ground. “The lady is with me.”

  The man laughed. “Man, she’s with everyone. Have you seen her on TV?”

  Tension pulsed off Paul. “Get out of here.”

  “It’s okay.” She grabbed the back of his shirt. Gathered up a big wad in her fist and tried to tug him closer. He didn’t budge.

  “Yeah, Paul. The lady is happy with me.” The man smiled at her. “See?”

  “I don’t know where the hell you learned your manners, but they’re rusty. This is a lady, and you don’t touch a lady without her permission. Got it?” Paul didn’t close in or raise a hand to the guy, but the deadly tone to his voice said it all.

  “She’s not—”

  Paul cleared his throat. “One more word and we settle this outside.”

  She yanked the material even tighter in her hand. “Paul!”

  “Hey, man. Just trying to talk to her. Tell her I’m a fan.”

  She couldn’t see Paul’s face, but she saw this guy’s. The color drained right out of him. Something in the way Paul stood or talked or looked got through.

  “Write her a letter.” Paul reached around and slipped an arm around her. “Let’s go.”

  They were halfway down the block before she stopped shaking. It took another block before she could say anything. “I’m sorry.”

  Paul’s eyebrows slid together as he frowned. “Why are you apologizing?”

  She fiddled with her hands, rubbing them together and then linked her fingers to keep from flipping them all around. “Scenes like that don’t happen very often, but every now and then a guy goes too far.”

  “And when he does, I’ll be there to stop it.”

  “I know it’s hard.”

  Paul slowed his pace. “What?”

  “Dealing with what I do.”

  This time he stopped. With his hand on her elbow, he gently pulled her out of the way of sidewalk traffic and brought her up against the concrete building to his right. “Hold on a second.”

  “I just—”

  “Jennifer, look at me.” He waited until she did before talking again. “If you have a problem with what you do, then let’s talk about that. But don’t assume I do. I’m not that guy.”

  “I know that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  She blew out the heavy breath tucked in her chest. “We never talked about it. The Victoria thing, I mean. Other men seeing me. I don’t know how you feel about it.”

  To her, the decision made sense. She’d gone from being led around by someone else to making her own decisions. Coming back to Naked News on her terms gave her strength. For so long she’d talked about women being in control of their bodies and their decisions, and now she was.

  But that was a life she chose on her own, when her decisions affected only her. Now she had Paul to consider. She planned to make a life with him. This time they could unload the baggage of the past and concentrate on a future. So long as he understood her choices and didn’t judge them.

  True, he hadn’t been anything but supportive, but she didn’t know how much a guy could handle. He was better than most— the best, actually—but many would deplore the idea of other men seeing their woman naked. It would feed their insecurities and concerns until it destroyed them.

  She couldn’t do that to Paul. To them.

  “You know what I see when I watch you deliver the news?”

  That was her concern. “No.”

  “A smart and capable businesswoman. You saw a niche and created Victoria to fill it.”

  She couldn’t let him think the outlook she had now, the positive way she viewed the job and her body, was how it had always been. She’d shared with him about parts of her life with Preston, even the hard ones near the end. She talked about the lack of self-confidence and pain in losing her soul.

  In time, she’d tell it all. Until then, she needed him to understand that Victoria rose from a dark place. Maybe she walked in the light now, but she was a reminder of something difficult, too. “Other people created her. Preston would say he made her.”

  “Preston is an ass.”

  “I’m not going to argue with that.”

  “Victoria comes from you.” Paul pressed his palm against her chest, right over her thumping heart. “From here. She wouldn’t exist without you, and if someone tells you something else, send them to me.”

  Being with him made her feel safe and cherished. “I like that you’re protective.”

  He ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. “What I am is in love with you. All of you. All parts. All of the pieces.”

  “Victoria is an act.” One she’d perfected to the point where it almost took over everything else. Pulling back from that edge had been hard, nearly impossible. She could not let that line blur again.

  “She’s in you.” He touched her nose. “But she’s not you.” His fingers trailed down her throat.

  She hadn’t experienced any doubts since finding him again, but she had worried about not being able to live up to the image he had of her in the past. Worse, of not being able to overcome it. With the soft look in his eyes and the husky tone in his sure voice, her last bit of panic faded away.

  He understood her, really saw her for who she was and what she wasn’t. The love didn’t come with conditions or an expiration. “No one has ever understood me before.”

  “Because you weren’t with the right guy then.”

  “I am now.”

  He kissed her. “Definitely.”

  Twenty-Nine

  Right woman. Right time.

  —Paul Gobits

  PAUL SAT IN HIS FAVORITE LAWN CHAIR AND LOOKED out over the water of Lake Orr. Boston and Luna romped in the yard, smelling something particularly interesting by the tree and ignoring the humans.

  Jennifer had spent the afternoon cooking something with barley. He didn’t care what its name was because he wasn’t eating it. She could mix up whatever mash-up of vegetables and grains she wanted, he’d stick with corn.

  “For you.” She handed him a glass of iced tea then slid into the chair beside him.

  “You are the perfect woman.”

  “And flattery will get you anything.”

  He let his hands drop against the armrests. “I’m still recovering from last night.”

  She smiled at him over the rim of her glass. “I think we traumatized the dogs.”

  “They’ve seen worse.”

  “I wonder how much doggy therapy costs.”

  “You are talking about animals that sniff each other’s butts. Anything we do is tame in comparison.”

  The breeze grabbed her hair, so she tucked the strands behind her ears. “There’s a visual image I didn’t need.”

  He stared at the tips of his grass-stained sneakers. “I love it here.”

  “Me too.” The ice jingled in the glass as she swirled the liquid. “Have you recovered from lunch?”

  “Never.” He rested his head against the back of the seat.

  “It’s good for you.”

  “So is pizza.”

  “Wrong.”

  Comfortable silence descended. In the past, this is when she unloaded and left. Just when he settled in, she got wanderlust.

 
As the days flipped by this time around, each one better than the one before, he waited for her to slam another door shut. He doubted he’d survive another round, but he couldn’t hold back. He’d lose either way.

  In his mind, they were together forever. When she accepted his invitation and walked into that bar, they’d made an unspoken deal. He didn’t want anyone else. He was done with dating and looking. He didn’t have to play the field.

  He was forty. He’d seen a lot of life and knew the best parts led back to her. Whether she saw their life unfolding the same way was the question.

  “Why do you do that?” she asked.

  He opened his eyes and saw her staring at him. For a minute he thought he might have voiced his worries out loud. When she didn’t yell or launch into a fight, he guessed it was something else.

  “What?”

  “Tense.”

  It sounded like she was throwing out words without context.

  “I’m not following this conversation.”

  “When we fall into these quiet times, and I come to sit with you, your shoulders tense. It’s as if you’re putting up a barrier against me.”

  Damn, she saw it. “Just your imagination.”

  Her face closed. “Don’t do that.”

  He wasn’t sure what to say or how to apologize for just sitting there. “Okay.”

  If the blow was coming, he wanted it to land and be done.

  Instead, she slipped her hand into his and leaned in as close as the big chairs would allow. “I’m not leaving.”

  This time his body jerked. “I . . .”

  “That’s it, right? You think I’m going to get bored and go. You are basing this time on what happened before, when we were kids.”

  “Not every time.”

  “We weren’t mature. That was my point.”

  “It wouldn’t be the first time you left.”

  Sadness dimmed her eyes. “Did I do this to you?”

  He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “Let’s let this go.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  The harsh whisper burned through him. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  It took him years to come to that conclusion. For so many, he blamed her. She chased her dreams and forgot his. But then he watched other women in his life struggle as he failed to commit.

  He developed dreams of his own. With that came an understanding that timing mattered. Not being ready was a real answer, not just a lame excuse to bolt.

  “Paul, this is it.” She lowered his head until he met her intense gaze head on. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m not looking for anything. I’ve found it.”

  “At Naked News.”

  She rolled her eyes. “With you.”

  “I never got that.”

  “What?”

  He focused on the water as he spoke. “You were this beautiful, almost untouchable girl. You carried that into adulthood, becoming this smart and exhausting woman who zings from topic to topic and never rests.”

  “Guilty.”

  He turned back to her and asked the one question he wasn’t sure he wanted her to answer. “Why me?”

  “What?”

  “I was a kid without a family, an adult without direction.”

  “Oh, Paul.” She lifted there joint hands and brushed a kiss over his knuckles. “You found your way.”

  “You could have had anyone.”

  “It’s always been you.”

  His insides caught fire when she talked like that. “I love you.”

  “And I love you.”

  But those feelings were there before. Unspoken, yes, but clear. He’d never doubted she loved him, and he knew he loved her. “Is it enough this time?”

  “It’s everything. There is no me without you.”

  The combination of her eyes and her death grip on his hand got through. She was willing him to get it. “You’ve found what you’re looking for.”

  “With you. Here. Us.”

  The last of his fears slipped away. He leaned in close. “Let’s go scare the dogs.”

  Christmas came fast that year. They’d been working and moving and making plans for the future. By the time everyone gathered at her parent’s house, Jennifer was exhausted. She loved them but wanted them all out so she could snuggle with Paul.

  The months leading up to the big day had been so perfect with Paul. They fed off each other’s love, shared their dreams and nurtured their desires. Neither of them looked to a future without seeing the other.

  They sat around the sunken living room with all the people who had come to mean so much to them both. They passed the wrapped packages to the right recipients. Everyone huddled and laughed. There was an over-abundance of coffee and sweet things that guaranteed to make them all hyper. It was a holiday after all.

  Paul handed her a small box. “For you.”

  The noise in the room faded and all eyes grew huge. It was as if everyone held a collective breath once they saw the size of the package.

  She didn’t need to guess. She knew. She felt the unspoken question when she touched the box.

  She tore into the paper and stared at the small velvet box. It was beautiful just like this. It didn’t matter what was inside. It was all a symbol for something greater.

  “Aren’t you going to open it?” Paul joked.

  She flipped the top open as her heartbeat thundered in her ears. If anyone was talking, she couldn’t hear them. The moment narrowed to her and Paul and a pretty black box.

  With a creak, the box revealed the perfect red ruby. Not a diamond. He wouldn’t do that. He knew she wasn’t a huge fan. No, this went deeper. It was one more example of how he understood her. All of her.

  She stared up at him and knew. The ring was the question, so personal and private that he wouldn’t say it in front of everyone.

  She lifted it out of the box as everyone around them froze. When she slid it on, her gaze went to Paul’s face. It was all written right there. His heart, his life, was in that ring. By wearing it, she was saying yes.

  Without a word, she slipped into his arms and stayed there. The silent communication said everything. Or it did to them. When they turned to leave the room, her father spoke up.

  “What does this mean?”

  Paul never took his gaze from hers. “It means I love your daughter.”

  They left the family room with their hands linked. In silence, they walked along the train tracks that still ran behind her parents’ home. They traveled this same path over the years. Like so many times before, they shuffled, enjoying the silence until one of them stepped in.

  He stopped and faced her. “I love you.”

  Nothing felt better than hearing him say the words. “I know.”

  “The ring is a promise.” He didn’t get down on one knee. He spoke from the heart with a voice as clear as the wind.

  She knew what he meant because she felt it, too. “It’s forever.”

  “Forever.” He kissed her then. Long and deep with a note that echoed the promise in their words. “I will do everything I can to make you happy. I will never hurt you or leave you. You’re my everything.”

  She held his hands and repeated the words back to him. By the time they were done, she didn’t need the big ceremony or official words.

  In her mind, they were married. Bound together forever. She knew he felt the same way.

  They were the only ones. Weeks after Christmas, notes congratulating them on the engagement started to arrive. With each envelope, Paul handed her the card and she hung it up. They never talked about a wedding, but everyone decided they were engaged.

  Without an official announcement, she never thought this would be an issue. What was enough for them was a constant source of curiosity from their friends and family.

  One day she and Paul sat with her two best friends, Andrea and Michelle, in the parlor of the new five-bedroom house she and Paul had bought in Toronto with an eye toward establishing roots. It was big and old
and lovely. She adored every inch of the historical property.

  As much as she loved the house and all that it stood for— stability and a future—the people around her meant so much more. Andrea and Michelle had stuck by her through everything, supported her and celebrated her joys. They were the friends every woman needed and deserved.

  And it was clear they were on a mission today. They sat on either side of Paul. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance.

  The breakfast dishes clanked as Andrea passed a plate to Paul.

  “So, about the ring.”

  He frowned. “Don’t you start.”

  Michelle patted Paul’s arm. “You’ll thank us for this one day.”

  Jennifer knew what he was thinking. He wanted decisions about where they went from here to remain private and couldn’t understand why all of these people cared so much. He was a guy, but really, she agreed. She didn’t need a rush to the altar. Being engaged suited her.

  Andrea and Michelle apparently disagreed.

  “Do you have it?” Andrea asked as she held her hand out across the table in Michelle’s general direction.

  Michelle dragged out a calendar from her bag and set it on the edge of the table. “Here you go.”

  Studying the pages, Andrea glanced around the table. “What are you two doing on September ninth?”

  Jennifer looked at Paul and saw his eyes sparkle. He wasn’t angry. He’d long ago learned that Andrea was a whirlwind and Michelle was the perfect sidekick, and he took it in stride.

  “Getting married?” Jennifer suggested.

  “Right.” Andrea inked a big circle around the ninth day of month nine. “It’s a date.”

  Michelle smiled. “Now we can eat.”

  Thirty

  Love is only the beginning.

  —Grandma Gladys, The Duchess

  IT WAS THE WEEK BEFORE THEIR WEDDING, AND PAUL hadn’t suffered one second of jitters. His only regret was that it had taken so long to get here.

  He used the time while Jennifer shopped for dresses and a host of other activities he didn’t care about at all to get everything in order. She could handle the details. He was counting down the days to the honeymoon.

  And getting his life in order. That took more time than he expected.