by Eric Vall
The Behemoth passed through the now transparent wall, but I timed the release of my spell perfectly so it would capture the monster in the thick concrete. Once the bronze flames subsided, the beast’s momentum was halted, and he was trapped inside of a makeshift, rocky prison.
“Holy fuck,” I panted as my friends ran up to my side. “I didn’t think that would work. Also, Gula? I think that swing put Derek Jeter to shame.”
The redhead blushed and looked at the ground bashfully.
“Stoooop,” she giggled.
“Uh, guys?” Todd interrupted. “I hate to rain on your little flirting parade here, but I don’t think that thing’s gonna hold.”
“What are you talking about?” Cupi chuckled. “That structure is as solid as a--”
Before she could finish her sentence, cracks began to form in the concrete around the creature’s hind end.
“Son of a bitch … ” I muttered as I watched the monster begin to shake free of its prison. “Guys, get behind me!”
The next thing I knew, the Behemoth’s body lurched forward and out of sight. As it disappeared, the cracks in the wall started to stretch all the way up the side of the coliseum, and the structure began to groan intensely.
I threw up a barrier of purple Hellfire around us as the first massive chunk of concrete fell from the structure. It was followed by a landslide of rubble, some of which fell around us harmlessly and some of which smashed violently against my shield. By now, I was able to dispel something as simple as falling rocks with next to no effort, and once the last piece of debris had fallen, I released my violet flames.
“That didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped,” I sighed and looked around for any sign of the creature.
“Well, you’re about to get another shot,” Cupi exclaimed as she pointed toward the massive gap in the side of the coliseum. “Here he comes!”
There was a deep, guttural growl as the monster broke through the pile of rubble and tossed chunks of concrete into the air as if they were made of styrofoam. This thing was probably the physically strongest creature we’d ever faced, but there had to be a chink in its armor somewhere.
“Any more bright ideas, Jakey?” Todd asked hopefully as the creature approached.
“I’m gonna look for a weak spot,” I growled.
“How the fuck are you gonna do that?” Cupi demanded.
I stepped in front of the team, summoned forth purple Hellfire, and then slapped my glowing hand against the breastplate on my torso. Instantly, the spell spread across my body and formed a sort of enchanted suit of armor made of pure protective Hellfire. Then I readied my khopesh and crouched down.
“I’m going for a ride,” I announced.
I didn’t even try to move as the Behemoth closed the distance. Instead, I waited until the last minute and then dropped down, threw the curved end of the sword around the top of the beast’s snout, and grabbed the tip with my other hand as I latched onto the Behemoth.
The creature grunted with frustration as he lifted his head up and then pushed me down against the ground.
I could feel the pavement underneath my back cracking, and the air was filled with an ungodly screech as the enchanted metal dragged against the rocky ground.
Yet, I held on.
When the monster realized his first strategy didn’t work, he stopped himself in his tracks, raised his head up toward the sky, and began to slam me against the ground as hard as he could.
Though my armor held up against the blows, the impact sent waves of pain shooting up my spine. I had to do something, and I had to do it quickly.
In one fell swoop, I threw my armored arm into the beast’s open jaws, flipped my khopesh around in my other hand, and began to slash wildly at the underside of the Behemoth.
The bottom part of the creature was made up of soft flesh, and he wailed in agony as dozens of cuts appeared on his belly. He roared with rage, and I pulled my arm out of his mouth just as his powerful jaws snapped shut.
Then I fell down against the ground as I continued to slash at the monster’s throat and stomach.
The behemoth was now making inhuman sounds of fury as he suffered a literal death by a thousand cuts. Finally, he raised up on his hind legs and aimed for my chest.
I rolled out of the way seconds before his front legs shattered the pavement as if it were made out of a wet paper towel.
Todd and Cupi darted by my position and unleashed another wave of Hellfire to distract the beast.
The Behemoth let out a labored roar at the passing attackers, and I could tell he was starting to feel the effects of our battle.
Of course, so was I.
My entire body felt like it was on fire, and my breaths were now coming out in short, sporadic heaves. The armor around my body was flickering as it threatened to disappear, and I feared I couldn’t take any more blows from the heavy creature.
But, maybe I could use its own weight against it.
The Behemoth turned back to me, and the two of us locked eyes. Gone was the semi-annoyed gaze of an untamed beast who just wanted to be left alone. Now, the monster’s dark pupils were filled with pure rage, and he looked like he wasn’t going to stop until he ripped me limb from limb.
He started to approach, but Gula’s axe caught him in the top of the head before he could make a move. The Behemoth’s jaw cracked into the pavement violently, and miniscule pebbles of concrete spewed into the air.
Before the redhead could react, the monster flung his head up wildly and knocked her axe out of her hands and into a nearby grassy knoll where it stabbed into the ground. Gula tried to jump backward, but she was just a second too late.
The tip of the Behemoth’s armored snout caught her in the gut, and she let out a cry of agony as she was thrown into the wall of a nearby building.
“Gula!” I gasped as I watched her smash through the window of the office building and disappear out of sight.
I needed to end this, and I needed to end this now.
I summoned green Hellfire into my hands and tried to surround the Behemoth with its emerald glow. The flames appeared around the beast’s legs, but sputtered out when it got to his lower body.
I needed to boost my power, and fast.
I closed my eyes and tried to think about all the things we’d experienced since we’d been in Hell. I thought about all the backstabbing that went on down here, not only by the different Demon Kings and Queens, but even by the common Shades like Black Bart the pirate. I thought about how we were stuck down here with no way out, with no way on checking on my cultists or any of my family back on Earth Realm. I thought about how much pain and suffering went on in the other Circles, and how I was basically powerless to stop it from happening.
As I grew increasingly disgusted with the universe, I felt my power level begin to surge. Suddenly, it felt like a ton of weight was resting in my hands, and I opened my eyes to see the Behemoth floating in the air.
The creature flailed around as it tried to escape my jade flames, but it was no use.
I had the fucker right where I wanted him.
Now, all I needed to do was use his own weight against him.
I grunted as I raised the Behemoth even further into the sky. The pavement beneath my boots was beginning to crack from the weight of the monster, but I had to keep going. I lifted the monster about two hundred feet into the air, and then I released my spell.
He kicked his legs wildly and tried to get himself upright, but he wasn’t quick enough. The Behemoth smashed into the ground, and the resulting impact caused both a crater and a shockwave that shattered the windows of the nearby buildings.
“That had to do something, right?” Cupi’s voice asked with concern.
There was silence for a moment, and then I saw the beast slowly pull himself to his feet.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I sighed. “He took a hit like that, and he’s still standing?”
“He might still be standing,” Cupiditas observed,
“but he’s looking pretty worse for wear. We just need to finish him off.”
“Bro,” Todd gasped. “I totally have an idea. The most badass, fucking awesome idea I’ve ever had.”
“Okay … ” I muttered as I raised my eyebrow at the imp.
“Like, the coolest fucking thing you’ll ever see in your lifetime,” Todd continued. “Something that looks like it’s ripped straight out of Die Hard or Fast and the Furious or some shit like that.”
“What is--”
“Something I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the chance to--”
“Todd!” Cupi and I exclaimed in unison.
“Oh, right,” the imp said as he shook his head. “You see that gas station over there? Big, dumb, and ugly is standing right next to it, and I think he’s not going anywhere in a rush. You’re all tuckered out from the fight, but we all have fireballs … ”
I saw where he was going with this. I wanted to argue with my friend, to tell him his idea was needlessly excessive, even if it was going to look badass. But I was too fucking exhausted. I wanted the battle to be over, and I wanted to get back to my castle. I looked over at Cupi, and then I nodded with a sly smile.
“You heard the imp,” I commanded. “This bitch is toast.”
Todd let out a high-pitched squeal.
“Jakey just made a reference!” he gasped. “I’m so proud.”
The three of us summoned red Hellfire into our hands, hauled back, and launched the deadly projectiles in the direction of the Behemoth. However, it wasn’t the massive creature we were shooting for.
It was the set of gas tanks behind him.
Our spells hit the tankers, and they instantly exploded into a huge wall of orange, red, and blue flames that engulfed the Behemoth like an incoming tidal wave. The monster bellowed in pain and then went silent. The fire continued to spread up the metal canopy that stood over the gas pumps and set the entire building ablaze.
Cupi quickly put the fire out with a cast of her blue freezing magic, and the building was left mostly unscathed.
The same could not be said of the metal canopy, which now was a completely melted wreck. Most importantly, the Behemoth was now down on its side, and it was breathing heavily.
The monster tried to lift its head, but it was too weak.
“I think that did the trick,” I laughed as I high-fived Todd and Cupi. “Now we just need to get him back to the castle before he wakes up.”
The sound of shifting rubble and breaking glass arose behind us, and we all turned to see Gula emerge from the building she’d been flung into. The succubus had minor scrapes all over her body, but nothing life-threatening. As she approached, she rubbed her head groggily.
“I’m going to have a headache for a month,” she moaned as she rejoined our group. “How the hell am I going to do my cooking show if I’m overly sensitive to the lights?”
“We can worry about that later,” I reassured the redhead. “Right now, we just need to call up our Shades and see if they can transport the big guy back home.”
Todd walked over to the melted metal pole of the gas station and rapped on it curiously.
“Huh,” he mused, “so fuel really can melt steel beams. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make on the internet, bro.”
“I’m sure you do,” I couldn’t help but laugh at the imp’s predicament. “You’ll have to do a Tuesdays with the Toddster segment on it once we’re back on Earth Realm.”
I said the words cheerfully, but there was a hint of gloom in the back of my mind. I didn’t even know if we could get back to Earth Realm. Even more concerning … I was wondering if I even wanted to go back.
Chapter 2
Once the Behemoth was down, my team and I went around and informed the Shades their city was safe and that they were now free to come out of hiding. For the small price of a few extra helpings of Gula’s vargrat stew, a large group of Shades offered to band together and carry the unconscious biblical beast back to our castle.
Todd, Cupi, Gula, and I arrived via boat, so we bid our friends ado and then returned to our vessel. The trip across the River of Souls was fairly uneventful, and within an hour we were back to our new home.
The large, black castle stretched over the horizon, and I couldn’t help but admire my new palace. We’d left the exterior mostly unchanged, with its shiny black brimstone and medieval architecture. The only thing that was radically different was the former spire, which had been destroyed during our final battle with Azazel. With the help of the Shades, we’d rebuilt it to its former glory, but with one modification. Now, at the top of the enormous tower, sat a large radio transmitter.
I was the new King of the Fourth Circle, and I wanted to show my subjects I wasn’t an evil bastard like their last king had been. According to my vague memories of my college business classes, the best way to do that was through communication. The tower was the home to a small studio, and every morning I would relay a greeting as well as any announcements the Shades needed to hear.
Throughout the rest of the day, my friends made use of the tower in their own ways. Invidia, the gothic Sister of Envy, used it to broadcast the music of all of her favorite punk rock, grunge, and emo bands. Every other day, Gula would use the studio to broadcast her own cooking show where she would instruct Shades on how to get the most use out of the limited resources available down here in the Fourth Circle. When Libidine got her hands on the station, she treated listeners to karaoke renditions of her favorite songs. Cupi and Sia acted as news anchors whenever there were new developments in our realm, and Todd tried to bring his hit podcast Tuesdays with the Toddster to the people of Hell. Unfortunately, the imp struggled to find an audience with the Shades, as they already knew all about the goings-on of the paranormal world.
Tris, on the other hand, refused to do anything. She claimed doing any sort of broadcast was “too much work,” so she spent most of her days hanging out on the couch, smoking a blunt, and watching footage of the other Circles in Azazel’s all-seeing mirror.
“If ever so humble, bro,” Todd laughed and slapped my arm playfully. “There it is, Jakey’s Castle. Home sweet home.”
“We really gotta figure out another name for that place,” I retorted as the castle grew larger on the horizon.
“How about ‘The Fortress of Badassdom?’” the imp suggested.
“Too superheroy.” I shrugged.
“What about ‘The Black Keep?’” Todd continued as he made a picture frame with his fingers. “Or even ‘Castle Black?’”
“Those are both some major trademark infringement,” I laughed.
“I really don’t think you gotta worry about that in Hell, bro,” my friend shot back, “especially in the place where you’re the ruling king. Besides, if anyone came after you with legal issues, the Toddster would be there to take ‘em on.”
“Look at you,” Cupi snorted in jest, “you take on a few cases of overdue parking tickets, and you suddenly think you’re the best lawyer in the universe.”
“Am I not?” the imp gasped. “Did you even see how I handled my last client? He was bitching about how the website didn’t work and how it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t pay his ticket. So ya know what I did? I hit him with a ‘you can’t handle the truth,’ and cracked him like an egg!”
I rolled my eyes as I turned my focus back to the approaching castle.
Unfortunately, even though I could bend the Fourth Circle to my very will, it was still one of the Nine Circles of Hell. The Shades who were down here were judged by the Exalted One to be greedy souls, and the laws of the universe required they be eternally punished. It was right there in the bylaws Sia and Ira had spent countless nights examining. There was no way out of it. If I wanted to be the King of the Fourth Circle, then I needed to punish my subjects.
Ira, no surprise, was all over the idea. Hell, she even offered for her Dom half to be appointed as the Master of Torture under my rule. However, that wasn’t going to be necessary.
Sia had found a loophole that allowed me to be a much more benevolent ruler than the previous King. All of the Shades in the Fourth Circle needed to be punished, yes. The Shades who were sent here were those who lived a life full of sinful greed, and their torment had to match their crime. However, there was no clause in the Charter of the Fourth Circle that stipulated how they needed to be punished. Azazel forced them to live in a society without money and with little material possessions while also forcing them to fight each other for his own personal amusement.
So, what was Jacob Ralston’s grand, sadistic mode of punishment?
Excessive fines.
Now that the cities of the Fourth Circle were up to modern standards, they needed a modern police force. Actually, calling the Financial Enforcement Unit a “police force” was a little much. The FEU didn’t even have weapons, and they were on a first-name basis with most of the people they watched over. Of course, it was their job to dish out fines related to parking violations, jaywalking, disturbing the peace, and stuff like that, but they were pretty timid toward their fellow Shades.
The FEU officers handed out so many ridiculous fines that the courts were packed to the brim with Shades trying to appeal their violations. And who was at the center of it all? None other than the Toddster himself.
My best friend acted as both the appeals judge and lawyer representing my regime.
And he loved every single second of it.
Our small ferry finally reached the dock we’d built for it at the bottom of the castle, and we exited cautiously. Once we had taken over Azazel’s dwelling, we set to work creating a port for our interdimensional boat, as well as a place where our friend Charon could dock if he ever came to visit. There was a large wooden pier that jutted out into the moat around the structure, and then an enchanted door that led to a staircase that took us up to the main level of the castle.
“I still think this is a security risk,” Cupiditas sighed as we ascended the rocky stairs. “If anyone other than Charon found out about this entrance, they could exploit it and break into our castle without anyone noticing.”