by Eric Vall
“The chances of that happening are slim to none,” I reminded the succubus. “First, the person would have to find out about the secret entrance, and Charon is the only person who knows about it other than us. He’s a neutral party--”
“Chaotic neutral,” Todd corrected.
“Sorry,” I continued. “Charon is a chaotic neutral party, and one who skews slightly to our side. He’s not going to blab. Secondly, the only way to travel safely along the river of souls is to have a magic boat. Who, aside from Charon and us, has one of those?”
“Nobody, I guess,” Cupi sighed as she crossed her arms.
“Exactly,” I reassured the fit blonde. “I think you might just be overthinking this.”
“It is my job,” she reminded me with a playful pout. “I’m the head of the militia, after all. I wouldn’t be doing my duty if I wasn’t pointing out all of the security issues of this place.”
“The castle survived a siege from the Father of Warfare and a literal army of magical demons,” I reminded her. “I think it’ll hold up just fine.”
We passed through the main landing of the castle, which we had completely redone to fit our own tastes. Gone were Azazel’s neon signs and gaudy velvet carpets, replaced with tasteful wooden floors and walls with a regal red and yellow paint job. There was an official portrait of myself directly next to the grand staircase, and portraits of all of my friends were scattered around the gigantic room.
Most of them were fairly standard, with the subject holding a weapon or wearing a cape or something traditional.
Then there was Todd’s.
The imp insisted his official portrait portray himself as six-feet tall, with the muscles of a bodybuilder and flowing brown locks that would have put Fabio to shame. He stood atop Leviathan, with a blunt in one hand and an assault rifle in the other.
It was totally him.
“Have you seen Invidia lately?” I asked my friends as we passed the portraits and started walking up to the second level. “She keeps disappearing after her broadcast time is over.”
“Unfortunately, Sister Invidia isn’t much of a socializer,” Gula explained. “She never has been. She was always the one to lock herself away in her room with her books and her music and relax all by her lonesome.”
“She might be a tough nut for you to crack, Jakey,” Todd whistled. “Goth girls love playing hard to get. It’s like, their second nature.”
“Please,” Cupi scoffed. “Vidia has already shown more interest in Jacob than she showed Azazel in several millennia. She might act like she’s not interested in you, Jacob, but deep down I can tell she is.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” Gula added with a coy nudge. “He’s like, the perfect human specimen, and now he’s got a full harem of succubi and the title of King!”
“Speaking of which, ‘your highness,’” Superbia’s voice interjected as she came around a corner. “There is a matter I need to speak with you about. Do you have a minute?”
“He’s got all the time in the world, Superbia,” Cupi greeted the madame with a smile. “I was just about to head off to do some training exercises with the Shades.”
“An exercise?” Sia asked with a raised eyebrow. “So soon? You just got back from taking down the Behemoth.”
“I’ll rest when I’m dead,” Cupi shot back with a shrug. “Toodle-loo!”
The fit blonde succubus spun around and strutted toward her wing of the castle. My eyes couldn’t help but wander down to her tight ass as she walked away, and it was all I could do to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.
“I think I’m going to take a breather, as well,” Gula spoke up. “I know I said I’d whip up a batch of cookies for our weekly meeting tomorrow, but--”
I placed my hand lovingly on the redhead’s cheek to cut her off.
“Gula,” I smiled warmly, “don’t worry about it. You’ve already done enough today, you should go get some rest.”
A deep blush came across the Sister of Gluttony’s face, and then her eyes lit up as she nodded in agreement. The succubus turned around and bounded away toward her quarters.
Gula’s dwelling was probably the one I was the least familiar with. I knew her bedchamber quite well, but the redhead had asked me to have the rest of her quarters fitted with top-of-the-line kitchen equipment. She spent many hours in her wing of the castle, whipping up all sorts of fabulous confectionary concoctions and incredible entrees.
It was like we had our own personal chef.
“So, what’s the deal, Sia?” I asked as I turned back to the Sister of Pride.
The succubus madame shot me a frown, and then she held up a large rolled-up paper.
“This is our problem,” she sighed. “These are the blueprints for my revamp of the area that used to be the Lake of Fire. I figured if we redeveloped it into a sort of ‘resort,’ we could offer Shades vacation days for good behavior. That would increase morale tenfold.”
“I love it,” I said as I clapped my hands together. “This is why you’re our Urban Developer, Sia!”
“I appreciate the flattery, but that doesn’t solve our issue,” she continued. “There are still remnants of the liquid Hellfire rumbling beneath the surface of the ground.”
“We’ve been over this before,” I explained. “The Lake of Fire was one part of the Fourth Circle that had to remain mostly intact. The Charter clearly states it’s a staple of this place, so it must remain in its current location for all of eternity. The best I could do was create a chasm and force it underground.”
“I think you’re both looking at it the wrong way,” Ira’s voice spoke up from behind us.
I turned around to see the breathtaking Sister of Wrath standing on the staircase.
The succubus wore a green halter top that hugged her massive breasts and pushed up her cleavage. She also had on a pair of tight grey slacks, and she completed her ‘professional attire’ with a blazer of the same color. Her black hair swayed back and forth as she made her way down the stairs.
“What are you thinking, Master of Torture?” I said coyly.
Even though I didn’t want to be as brutal as Azazel had been, I still needed somebody to come up with all the different forms of inconveniences that were going to plague my subjects. Who better than the succubus of Wrath?
Ira strutted over to our position and placed her hands firmly on her hips.
“I love your resort idea, Superbia,” she admitted. “I really do. But if the Lake of Fire is non-negotiable, then why don’t we use it for something else? Maybe something a bit more … sadistic?”
“The issue is, we need to get people out of the city,” Sia argued. “The Circles of Hell might be a never-ending void, always expanding to fit all of the sinners of the world, but if we want maximum efficiency in our infrastructure, we need to start developing new settlements.”
“Not to mention, the smell,” Todd added as he plugged his nose. “Ya remember how bad it smelled in that freshman locker room, Jakey? The one where we had fifty sweaty teenagers crammed into a tiny space with no ventilation? Picture that, but on a city-wide scale, and with a lot more feces.”
“I really didn’t want to picture that,” I admitted, “but it makes sense.”
“Why can’t we have both?” Ira asked as a coy smile spread across her lips. “We can build a new settlement on the former Lake of Fire, and we can do your resort somewhere else.”
“Build a settlement on the Lake of Fire?” Sia scoffed. “The heat from the underground would be unbearable.”
“It’d be a dry heat,” Ira shot back jokingly. “Besides, that would be the point. The Shades who live there would always be in mild discomfort. Doesn’t that fit our mantra? To inconvenience, but not torture?”
“Crazy Eyes is onto something.” Todd nodded and pointed at the Sister of Wrath.
“Actually, I kinda dig it,” I admitted. “That’s not something I would have come up with in a million years.”
Ira bowed, and her breasts n
early popped free of her halter top.
“You’re welcome,” she giggled.
“I suppose I could live with that compromise,” Sia conceded. “But I still want to look into expanding the ports in Tybalt. We could make a lot more money if we allowed the pirates from the other Circles to sell their wares here. These Shades were sentenced for being greedy, after all.”
“After what Black Bart pulled on us, I never want to see another pirate again,” I groaned. “But I’ll consider it. Keep up the good work.”
Both of the succubi grinned as I gave them a small nod, and then I turned around to head upstairs. Fighting the Behemoth took a lot of energy out of me. Not to mention, I was constantly exhausted thanks to my newfound responsibilities of being King. If I was quick about it, I could probably sneak in a power nap before the Shades arrived with my mythical creature delivery.
Todd and I continued up the stairs until we came onto the third level of the castle.
This was the “shared living room” of the building, complete with all the furniture, games, and books we were able to scrounge from the rest of Hell. Tristitia was laying on the couch nonchalantly with a blunt in her hand as she watched the images in the magic mirror.
“Anything good on, Slothy?” Todd asked curiously as he ran over and plopped down on a nearby chair.
The Sister of Sloth just sighed.
“I dunno, dude,” she muttered. “All the Circles have been unusually boring today, so I flipped it over to a rerun of our battle with Vermis the Devil Worm.”
“Wasn’t that the one where I went all Super Saiyan, blasted a hole through the worm’s chest, and then ripped his heart out Kano-style?” Todd questioned as he bounced up and down on the couch excitedly.
“There’s only one way to find out,” Tris giggled and pressed “play” on the remote.
Meanwhile, Libidine was sitting off to the left in a chair. The curvy Sister of Lust had her nose buried in a book, and she barely noticed me as I approached.
I crossed my arms over my chest, shifted my weight, and then cleared my throat obnoxiously.
“Hello, Jacob,” Libidine said playfully without looking up.
“Whatcha got there?” I asked as I bent down and squinted at the title of her book.
Magia est Facilis
Or, in English, “Magic Made Easy.”
“Brushing up on your abilities?” I prodded. “You’re already head and shoulders above everyone else in the group when it comes to mind control.”
“Thanks,” she mused as she finally looked up at me, “but I’m trying to see if there’s any way for me to discover new powers. I always feel like I’m not contributing to the group as much as I should be.”
“Liby,” I reassured the succubus, “your yellow Hellfire and your telekinetic powers have gotten us out of more jams than I can possibly count.”
“I know,” she sighed. “But I figured maybe I could become the bookworm of the team, you know? Like a walking Thesaurus of magical information.”
“Easy there, Lib,” Todd warned jokingly. “The only walking dinosaur with magical knowledge around here is me.”
Both of the succubi and I stared at the imp in silence, and then realization spread up his face.
“A Thesaurus isn’t a dinosaur, is it?” he asked aloud, even though he already knew the answer. “Never mind me, I’m just gonna hang my head in shame for awhile.”
“Anyways,” Liby continued, “I’m just trying to find my niche in the group. Everyone else has an obvious role, and I wanted to figure out mine.”
“Does being my original succubus not count?” I flirted with the dark-haired woman. “Remember, when I wrote that note to Lilith, the one that laid out my innermost desires, she sent me you. There’s a reason you were my first succubus. We were made for each other.”
“Stopppp,” Liby shot back bashfully.
“It’s true,” I promised. “You already have your niche, Liby. You’re the one who started it all, and my original love. You can’t have a better role than that.”
“Uh, I’d say ‘Beast Tamer’ is a way more important role, bro,” Todd interjected, but then he shrunk when he realized he had interrupted our moment. “But, uh, nobody asked me.”
“Shhhh!” Tris hissed. “This is the part where I pumped the worm full of lead.”
Suddenly, I heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. Before I knew it, Cupi’s fit figure was standing at the top of the staircase, and the succubus was nearly doubled over.
“J-Jacob,” she panted. “There’s a figure approaching.”
“Is it Eligor?” I asked curiously. “She was going back to report to Lilith, but I was expecting her back any day now.”
“It’s definitely not Eligor,” Cupi continued with a grim tone. “It’s Dolo.”
The room went eerily silent, and I looked around at my friends with confusion.
“What the fuck is a Dolo?” I asked aloud.
“Dolo is Lucifer’s right-hand demon,” Libidine gasped. “He only appears to Demon Kings when he’s carrying a direct message from Lucifer himself.”
My heart sank into my stomach as I felt the color drain from my face. Was this it? Did Lucifer find out about my Divine powers? Was he going to demand my presence?
This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.
I stood up and followed Cupi down to the main overlook at the castle’s edge. Tris, Liby, and Todd came with us, as well, and we were soon looking out over the side of the black walls.
Below us stood a mischievous looking demon. He was only about five feet tall, with a large, crooked nose and two all-black beady eyes. The demon was built like an acrobat, with a lanky figure and a head that looked like it was double the size of his body. Atop his bald dome sat a pair of horns that must have been no more than a few inches in length. He had on a loincloth made of burlap, but nothing else.
“Greetings, oh King of the Fourth Circle,” Dolo began. “Lucifer has heard of your great deeds, and he wished for me to visit you at once.”
“At once?” I called out. “I’ve been ruling over the Fourth Circle for five months now.”
“You must understand that five months is but a drop in the bucket of eternity,” the demon continued. “My master has been busy with much more … pressing matters. Now, if you’d please let me in, I have a message for you.”
“Why can’t you just tell us from here, bro?” Todd asked sarcastically. “We’re all ears.”
“Because, imp,” Dolo sneered, “that’s not how this works. In Hell, Demon Kings show courtesy to their peers, especially the ones who represent Lucifer himself.”
I thought the situation over in my mind for a moment. It was unwise to just open the gate and let in a demon I didn’t know. But, on the other hand, pissing off Lucifer right out of the gate wasn’t in my best interest, either. It sounded like I had gotten away with my little Divine spell, so maybe it would just be best if I bit the bullet and got this over with.
“Let him in,” I commanded. “I want to hear what he has to say.”
Cupi and Libidine dashed over to the large cranks that operated the door and began to turn them vigorously. There was a loud, metallic clanging as the drawbridge lowered and then smashed against the ground with a heavy thud.
“As soon as he’s inside, put it back up,” I warned the succubi as Todd, Tris, and I made our way down to meet Dolo.
The demon walked into the courtyard of the castle, looked around, and then whistled.
“You’re made a lot of improvements, I see,” he mused as we approached. “Azazel never really was one for style, I suppose.”
The three of us halted and stared down the five-foot demon.
“What is your message, Dolo?” I commanded in an authoritative voice.
“I assure you, my friend,” he said as an evil smile crept up the corners of his mouth. “It’s a very, very important one.”
Dolo tensed up his body and threw his arms out to the side. The second he did so
, his red skin began to bubble, and his figure began to stretch and grow. A bushy tail sprouted out of his rear, and striped fur began to appear all across his body. Most curiously, his arms and legs morphed from fleshy appendages into four curved, razor-sharp swords that glowed bright with an ectoplasmic magic. When all was said and done, there was a half-human, half-ferret creature standing in front of us.
The creature formerly known as Dolo raised his swords in the air, and a small funnel of wind kicked up below his figure and raised him into the sky.
“Aw, fuck,” Todd gasped. “It’s a shape changing Kamaitachi. I thought those things only existed in anime.”
“I’m afraid not, imp,” the assassin cackled. “My real name is Sora, but I do come bearing a message. Jacob Ralston, your reign as the King of the Fourth Circle is about to be cut short.”
Chapter 3
Without another word, I leapt into action. I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath, enchanted it with a wave of red Hellfire, and then readied it at my side.
At the same time, Tris called forth her pistols.
“I was really looking forward to having the day off,” she mumbled to herself.
“Uh oh,” Todd cackled. “You’re standing between Slothy and her TV. Men have died for less than that.”
“The only one who will die here is you!” Sora hissed and lunged forward.
The assassin took a swing at me with his front leg swords, but I was able to catch them with my own black blade. Simultaneously, he whipped his hind legs into the air and twisted them around to attack Todd and Tris, but both of my friends were able to dodge out of the way before they were diced by the razor-sharp weapons.
Tris came up firing, but Sora was able to twist his body around and knock away the bullets with his lightning-fast reflexes.
Of course, his actions also left him wide open for an attack.
Todd launched a series of tiny fireballs at the Kamaitachi at the same time I swung at it with my Unhallowed Sword, but somehow, some way, Sora was able to duck beneath the fireballs and dispel my blow with a flick of his back legs.