Longing For Home

by Christine Lynxwiler

  Elizabeth chuckled. “You know me too well. We have a small agenda, but we’re going to catch up, too.”

  Brandi raised her eyebrow. “Should I be worried?”

  “Not at all. There’s a winter carnival coming up at high school. Have the kids mentioned it?”

  Brandi nodded. They’d all three brought notes home about it. She’d found Michael’s crumpled up in the kitchen next to the cookie jar, Melissa had passed hers on happily, and Valerie had grunted when Brandi asked her if she had a note. “I don’t remember much about it though.”

  “Well, let’s fill our plates, and I’ll tell you about it.” She headed toward the food bar, and Brandi followed.

  They grabbed plates and started with the salad bar.

  “So, anyway,” Elizabeth said, loading her plate down with salad, “the tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grades are doing this as a fund-raiser. The rest of the school and all of the community are invited to come. It’s next Saturday.”

  “Okay, and you’re giving me a personal invitation because—?” Brandi smiled as she took a liberal helping of salad dressing.

  “Because I need your help. The eleventh grade has asked the Friends of the Library to help them set up a bookstore, and in exchange they’re willing to give us twenty-five percent of their earnings.”

  “So you don’t have enough Friends of the Library, and you need to bring in friends in general, huh?” Brandi teased.

  “Something like that.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “Seriously, we have plenty of people to work the bookstore, but I was hoping you’d help me get it set up. I’m doing a book signing, too, so I’ll have to fix a table for that as well.”

  “I’d love to.”

  “Great!” She honed in on the chicken tenders. “That was too easy. I’ll finish my agenda when we get back to the table.”

  Brandi walked back to the table and waited for Elizabeth. They thanked God for the delicious food and then ate in silence for a few minutes.

  “Now that I’ve given you a decent period of time to take the edge off your hunger, on to the second item.” Elizabeth grinned.

  “Shoot.”

  “Steve’s company needs a good computer programmer. Since that’s your area of expertise, we thought you might be interested in the position.”

  Brandi almost choked on a lettuce leaf. “Elizabeth,” she rasped after she swallowed it, “I live in California.”

  “Well, I know that, silly!” Elizabeth said. “But people relocate all the time. Your family lives here, and I heard down at the diner that your grandmother is staying in town.”

  Brandi shook her head. The phrase “news travels fast” didn’t do justice to this town. “Elizabeth, I really appreciate the offer. It means the world to me that you would trust me that much. But Gram is giving me her house. I’m going back in December. It’s where I’ve lived since eighth grade.” She grimaced. “Except the year I made everyone miserable around here.”

  “You didn’t make me miserable. I’ve always thought you were an answer to my prayers. Before you came, Tammy and her group ran over me constantly, but you gave me the courage to stand up to her. I really appreciated it.”

  Brandi stared at her salad. She’d never dreamed that anything good had come from her year in Arkansas. “I’m glad.”

  “Well, we’re not officially taking applications for the job until January, so if you change your mind. . . .”

  Brandi touched Elizabeth’s hand. “Don’t save it for me, Elizabeth. I promise to keep in touch this time, but California is where I belong.”

  “I understand completely. It’s been great seeing you again, and I’m going to hold you to your promise about keeping in touch.”

  Brandi gave her a mock frown. “Hey, I’m not leaving yet. I haven’t even had dessert.”

  “Oh, good. Over dessert you can fill me in on the juicy details of your so-called friendship with Jake. What’s this about Thanksgiving with his family?”

  Brandi cocked a brow. “More diner rumors?”

  “You betcha!” Elizabeth chuckled as she made her way to the dessert bar.

  ❧

  Brandi left the kids outside talking to their friends whose parents or siblings had come early to help set up the winter carnival. She gasped when she walked into the gym. The bleachers had been retracted, and the whole area was decorated with artificial snow and spruce trees. A faux ice-skating pond with cardboard skaters formed a focal point in the middle of the building. Busy workers were adding last-minute details while Christmas music blared from speakers along the walls.

  The book fair dominated one corner, complete with red and green balloons. Across the gym Elizabeth looked up from spreading a bright red cloth over a rectangular table and waved. She pointed toward the huge sign that announced “Hometown Author Elizabeth Campbell” with an exaggerated Vanna White move. Brandi made a clapping movement then laughed when Elizabeth took a bow.

  “You two haven’t changed a bit since high school,” Jake said in Brandi’s ear.

  She jumped. “Where’d you come from?”

  “If the eleventh grade is going to win with me at the helm, I figured I’d better come check out our setup.”

  He gestured toward the carnival booths lining the far wall of the big building. Everything from balloon darts to a milk-bottle toss conspired to entice both children and adults to part with their money. Brandi spied a booth with a sign hanging in front of it: Jake McFadden Autographs—$1.00.

  She bit her lip against a grin. Jake motioned to her to look up. She burst out laughing. The huge banner over the carnival booths boasted a caricature of Jake’s face. Dimples as deep as the Grand Canyon framed his bright smile, and a diamond-like twinkle sparkled from his blue eyes. The words next to the picture proclaimed Jake McFadden Game Gallery.

  “Wow! You’re all that and a bag of chips, aren’t you?” Brandi said when she could talk without laughing.

  “I’m not sure they still say that anymore.” Jake picked up a beanbag and tossed it at her.

  “Who cares?” She caught it and threw it at the milk bottles. “We know what it means.” She looked up again at the banner and shook her head. “Was this your idea?”

  “No, actually I wanted them to put something up there about my campaign against teen drug use.” He held up his finger. “And don’t even look at me like that. I’m kidding!” He glanced back at the flashy gigantic poster. “But it wouldn’t have hurt if they’d have at least mentioned it.”

  “Maybe next year.”

  “Yeah, maybe so.” Jake strolled alongside Brandi as she walked over to help Elizabeth.

  “Hi, Jake, Brandi.” Elizabeth took a second to grin at them before going back to her book arranging.

  Everything looked ready to go. “Um, Elizabeth. What am I supposed to do?”

  “Oh. Well, I didn’t expect to have so many people helping with the bookstore, and I figured I’d have to do that. But since they came to set it up, it only took a minute to get this ready.”

  “What are the seniors having?” Jake nodded toward an elaborate arrangement of curtains and folding chairs.

  “A fashion show,” Brandi answered. “I remember Valerie mentioning it.” She frowned. “Not much seems to be going on there.”

  “Well, that’s actually what I was getting ready to ask you.” Elizabeth straightened the pile of books she’d just arranged. “The person who was supposed to do that didn’t show up. They were wondering if you would fill in.”

  “Me?” Brandi squeaked. “Why would ‘they,’ whoever they are, think of me?”

  “Maybe because I told them you’d be wonderful at it.”

  “What do I have to do?”

  “Just oversee the seniors and describe the fashions as the girls come out.”

  “As in over the loud speaker?”

  Elizabeth nodded.

  “C’mon, Brandi. You’ll do fine,” Jake said.

  “Easy for you to say. Why don’t I sign autographs and let one
of you two do this?”

  “I knew you’d do it. Thanks so much.” Elizabeth jumped up and ran off to tell the powers-that-be that she’d coerced Brandi into running a fashion show of all things.

  “Did you hear me say I’d do it?” she asked Jake.

  “In so many words.”

  Brandi shook her head.

  Twenty minutes later she was holding on to a podium and announcing the girls wearing their home-economics fashions. At least she had note cards. All eyes were on her as she waited for the next model to come out when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder.

  “Hi, sweetie.” Tammy Roland’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, but it was beautiful enough that most people wouldn’t care or notice. She slid the microphone from Brandi’s hand. “I’ll take it from here.” She held her hand over the mic. “What’s your name again? Ginny?”

  “Brandi Delaney. Jake’s girlfriend.” Elizabeth had suddenly appeared at Brandi’s side. “Nice of you to finally show up, Tammy.”

  Brandi, head held high, walked to the back of the seating area, trying to ignore her burning cheeks.

  Tammy’s sultry laughter filled the gym. “Let’s give a big hand to Brandi Delancey, who was a good sport to take a stab at emceeing in my absence.”

  The audience politely applauded. When Brandi knew they weren’t looking at her anymore, she turned to Elizabeth. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?” she hissed.

  “She’s been on again, off again, more times than I can count. And when she didn’t show by ten minutes till, I didn’t think she was going to put in an appearance.”

  “She’s here now. Bigger than life. You could have warned me she was a possibility.”

  “I’m sorry, Bran. I knew if I did you wouldn’t have come.”

  “You’ve got that right,” Brandi muttered and looked over to where Jake was still in his booth signing autographs for an exclusively male line. That and the game booths gave the men something to do during the fashion show. Had he known Tammy was coming?

  “So was that why you really wanted me to come, Elizabeth? Because you knew Tammy would be here?”

  Elizabeth shrugged. “Look—she’s always been able to get her claws back into Jake. I didn’t want that to happen again. He’s crazy about you. I thought if you were here, the contrast between the two of you would make his choice clear.”

  Brandi’s heart sank. Elizabeth obviously thought Tammy could have Jake back in a second if she wanted him. “I understand. Listen—I think I’m going back to the house. I’ll come pick up the kids when it’s over.”

  Elizabeth grabbed her arm. “Since when do you let Tammy Roland control your actions?”

  Brandi shook her head. “Nice try, but I’m still going.”

  She walked outside and breathed in the cold air. Her face still burned from Tammy’s attempt to humiliate her. Since she’d left her jacket under Elizabeth’s table, maybe the embarrassment would keep her warm.

  “Brandi.”

  She spun around to see Jake running down the sidewalk.

  “Wait.”

  “What’s up?” She tried for casual.

  “I missed you.”

  “Shouldn’t you be in there signing autographs?”

  He reached for her. She let him fold her into his jacket. “Everybody deserves a break.”

  The steady beat of his heart soothed her raw nerves. She didn’t know how long they stood there on the sidewalk. Only that she heard a snatch of a Christmas carol as the door opened and someone yelled, “McFadden, we need you!”

  He pulled back and tilted her face up toward him with his finger. “Please come back in. I don’t want to be away from you a minute tonight.” Something she couldn’t define lurked in the shadowy depths of his eyes. Regret?

  She nodded and allowed him to take her hand and lead her inside.

  ❧

  Jake took a sip of his soda and looked across the gym. Brandi and Michael were throwing darts at balloons and laughing. What would happen when he went to St. Louis? His shoulder didn’t hurt at all anymore, and he felt positive they’d offer him a new contract. No way could he turn it down.

  The noise of the carnival swirled around him, but he let it go for a minute.

  God, thank You for all the blessings You’ve poured down on me. We both know how unworthy I am. I need Your help again. In my small understanding this door seems to be locked, but I know there’s a window somewhere for me to crawl through. You’ve always given me one when I’ve gotten in a tight spot, but this time I’m not seeing it. Help me convince Brandi that traveling doesn’t mean she has to give up her family or having a home. Or prepare me to live without her. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  ❧

  “Brandi, how nice to see you again.”

  Brandi took her soda from the lady at the concession stand and turned slowly. She knew that voice. “Tammy.”

  The girl hadn’t changed a bit, from the Southern drawl to the perfectly made-up face.

  “So you’re Jake’s off-season romance.” Tammy put a manicured hand on Brandi’s arm.

  Her venomous tongue hadn’t changed a bit either. Brandi’s hand ached with the desire to spill her soda accidentally on the model’s white pantsuit. “I have to go.” She slid her arm from the other girl’s grasp.

  “Wait.” Tammy’s eyes narrowed. “Just a word of advice from someone who knows. You may think he loves you, but when he gets out on that field it’s all about him and being in the spotlight.” The brunette smiled sweetly and started to walk away.

  “Tammy.”

  “Yes?” Tammy turned back and arched one perfectly plucked eyebrow.

  “Why do you hate me so much?” She honestly didn’t want to have it out with Tammy, but she’d always wanted to know.

  “Hate you?”

  Oh, here it comes. Little ’ol me? Hate you? What are you talking about, honey child?

  Instead Tammy leaned in close and spoke in a low voice. “You came in with your California tan and your long blond hair and tried to take what I’d worked for years to get. I sent you packing then. But I won’t have to this time. If you want to travel around and play second-fiddle to a little white ball and hoards of screaming fans, then you’re welcome to him until he gets tired of you.” Somewhere in the numb disbelief inside Brandi’s brain, the fact registered that Tammy had lost her accent. “Has he told you why he plays baseball?” Tammy chuckled. “I see he hasn’t. Ask him about his friend who was bound for major-league ball but ended up in a wheelchair instead because of your precious Jake. Guilt has Jake so twisted up he has to be some kind of a saint instead of a real man.” She threw her hair back over her shoulder. “If I’d have been satisfied with that, I’d still be with him. So how special does that make you?”

  Before Brandi could reply, Tammy was regally threading her way through the throng of kids.

  “Brandi? Are you okay?” Concern covered Melissa’s face.

  “Yeah, honey, I’m going to be fine.” Brandi put her arm around her sister. “I think it’s time to go home, though.”

  Eighteen

  Jake let himself into the house and stepped quietly into the foyer. He’d felt as if he had to stay and help clean up, even though his mind had been on Brandi’s abrupt departure. And, since all the nightlights were on, it looked as if she’d already gone to bed.

  “Hi.” Brandi’s voice floated to him from the den. He peeked in the doorway, and she was sitting in the semidarkness on the couch, knees up, clutching a throw pillow.

  “Hey, there. You feeling okay?”

  “I guess.”

  He sat down beside her on the couch. “What happened back there? Why did you leave so quickly?”

  Brandi shook her head. “I’d had all of Tammy I could take.”

  Jake’s heart sank. Tammy. He should have known. He’d managed to avoid her, but it hadn’t been easy. “What did she say?”

  Brandi looked up at him. “A lot of things. None of them good.”

  “You
know how she is, Brandi. How she did us in high school.”

  Brandi rested her chin on the throw pillow. “Yeah, I know.”

  “So are you going to tell me what she said that upset you the most?”

  “Are you playing ball because of what happened to your first baseman when you were in college?”

  Jake frowned. He’d intended to tell her the whole story, but it had never been a good time to disillusion her about him. “What did she tell you?”

  “That you had a buddy who was headed toward the major league but ended up in a wheelchair because of something you did. So you’ve been trying ever since to live out his dream for him.”

  His mouth twisted into a distorted grin. “Well, for once in her life Tammy told the truth.”

  “Jake, what happened?” Brandi put her hand on his arm. In spite of the fact that she was obviously upset by her confrontation with Tammy, concern for him tinged her voice.

  He put his head back against the couch and stared up at the soft yellow glow of the nightlight on the ceiling. Lord, please help her not to hate me.

  “Like I said that night when we had our blind date with Denise—he was in an alcohol-related accident. The rest of the story is that I was driving.”

  He kept his eyes on the ceiling. He couldn’t stand to see the disappointment and pity he knew would be in her eyes. “I got a few months of community service, but he got a lifetime of broken dreams.”

  “Tammy mentioned a wheelchair. He was paralyzed?”

  Jake shook his head. “No, his leg was crushed. For about a year he was in a wheelchair, but then he was able to walk after that.” He finally looked at her. “But he could never play baseball again.”

  “So you did it for him.”

  Jake snorted. “Let’s don’t make it sound as if I made some kind of noble sacrifice. I was a drunk driver, Brandi. One of those people everyone despises.”

  “Jake, everyone makes mistakes. You were how old? Nineteen?” Brandi rubbed his arm lightly.

  He nodded. “I know that. Believe me, I’ve repeated it to myself often enough. And I don’t struggle with guilt anymore. I did a terrible thing, but I know I’m forgiven.”

  “Then why are you still trying to make it right?”