Secrets of a Sinner

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  When Natalie glanced at the clock it was a quarter to ten. Sylvia was due at the house any minute now. She quickly wiped her tears and managed to get her black knee-length suit on seconds before the doorbell rang. “Hey,” she answered, trying to sound as though she was okay.

  Sylvia, also dressed in black, wiped away the tear from the corner of Natalie’s eye before hugging her. “It’s going to be all right,” she whispered, crushing the brim of her hat against Natalie.

  “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “No need to thank me. I loved your mother like a sister. There’s no way I’d let you go through this by yourself.”

  Natalie forced a smile. Sylvia was definitely a godsend during life-changing events. When Natalie and her mother had run away from the tragedy in Mississippi all those years ago, it was Sylvia’s place that had provided a place of refuge for them. Though she was a newlywed at the time, Sylvia had selflessly opened her heart and home to them for the first three months of their transition.

  Sylvia’s marriage ultimately dissolved, for whatever reason, but the bond of friendship between her and Natalie’s mother had endured, even through death. Sylvia had stood by Natalie’s side, assisting her with all aspects of her mother’s memorial arrangements. Besides a few of her former coworkers, a handful of friends, Richard and maybe a few hospital staff who had been involved with her mother’s care, they didn’t expect many people to attend the service; Sharon’s social circle was rather small. “I’m almost ready. I just need to pin my hair up real quick.”

  “Okay, honey, take your time. We still have an hour before the service starts.” Sylvia made herself comfortable in the living room while Natalie scooted down the hall.

  While staring into the oval mirror fixing her hair, Natalie’s reddened eyes asked why life had been so cruel. She’d been at the hospital at her mother’s bedside faithfully morning after morning, but the one morning she didn’t make it had to be the morning Sharon died. No one knew how hard it had been for Natalie to watch helplessly each day as the cancer took over her mother’s body. Was it wrong for her to have a life outside of the hospital? She’d stopped pursuing her modeling career in New York just to come back and take care of her mother. Didn’t that count for anything? Couldn’t death have waited just a little while longer...at least until she made it to the hospital that day? Natalie now wished that she had gone, but she had made the mistake of taking time for granted, and would consequently pay for the rest of her life. Despite everything else she had done for her mother, the guilt of not being there that day gnawed away at her.

  Natalie was still fixing her hair when the phone rang.

  “You want me to get it?” Sylvia’s voice echoed through the hall.

  Though there was a phone within her reach, Natalie hollered back, “Yes, please!” being just a few hairpins away from a near-perfect French roll. If she let go now, she’d most likely have to start over.

  A few moments later, Sylvia stood at the bedroom door with another house phone in hand. “It’s Ida Mae.”

  “Oh, okay, just a sec.”

  “Give her a minute, she’s fixing her hair,” Sylvia said into the phone. “Yeah, service starts at eleven. Crystal said that she and Earl sent flowers to the funeral home,” Natalie heard her say as she made her way back up the hall.

  Crystal was Sylvia’s younger sister and also Natalie’s aunt because of her marriage to Natalie’s uncle, Earl. Sylvia, still very close to several members of the Coleman family, was the one who had called down to Mississippi to inform Natalie’s grandmother of Sharon’s death. Natalie would have gotten around to it...eventually. She really hadn’t had much contact with her father’s family since she’d moved from there. In light of everything that had happened, it was easier to put the past behind her by not maintaining close connections with anyone from it.

  Natalie finished her hair and grabbed the phone. “Hello.”

  “I’ll talk to you later, Ida Mae,” Sylvia said, hanging up.

  “Hi, baby, how you feelin’ this mornin’?” asked Natalie’s seventy-two-year-old grandmother.

  “I’m okay... Thanks for the card you sent. It came in the mail yesterday. I just didn’t get a chance to call you.”

  “You’re welcome. I didn’t necessarily expect you to call. I just wanted you to know I was thinkin’ about you.”

  Her words warmed Natalie’s heart. She hadn’t seen her grandmother or the rest of her family in a very long time—nearly eighteen years, to be exact. It wasn’t as if Natalie didn’t miss her grandmother. On the contrary, in the early years, she had missed her very much. There were numerous occasions when Natalie had asked her mother when they were going back to visit and Sharon would always reply, “Maybe one day.” That day never came. By the time Natalie was an adult and able to make the choice to return to Mississippi on her own, the lack of consistent communication with her paternal relatives and her resolve to leave the past behind had dulled the nostalgia she had once felt.

  “I won’t hold you, I know you’re tryin’ to get ready,” her grandmother continued. “If it’s okay, I wanna say a quick prayer with you.”

  Big Mama had always been a God-of-the-Bible believing-and-loving woman, so it came as no surprise to Natalie that her grandmother would be the one to offer spiritual support. “Sure, I think a prayer would be nice,” she said with a slight smile.

  “Father God, I thank You for this opportunity to come before You. I ask that You comfort Natalie durin’ this time of loss. Will You fill the void left by Sharon’s death? Lord, show her Your loving kindness, even in the midst of pain. Give Natalie strength in the days ahead. Watch over and protect her, Dear Lord. May Your presence be at the memorial service. May You touch the heart of anyone there who does not know You. All this I ask in the name of Jesus, Amen.”

  * * *

  “Are you going to be all right?” Richard knelt down and asked after the funeral service.

  Natalie dabbed her eyes with the already tear-soaked tissue and nodded. She appreciated his concern and felt bad about how discourteous she’d been to him after he’d rescued her from jail. Richard was the only man that Natalie had known her mother to become involved with since her divorce from Jesse. They’d been together since Natalie was in college, and she’d had no qualms about listing his name in the obituary, believing that her mother would have wanted it that way. Though her mother had turned down Richard’s marriage proposal, Natalie knew the rejection had less to do with Richard’s character and more to do with the problems that had plagued Sharon’s second marriage, which had ended sourly. If her mother had accepted the proposal, Natalie was certain that Richard would have made a good stepfather. His kind nature was proven by the genuine love and care he displayed toward Natalie during her time of need. When he’d learned of her mother’s death, it was as though Natalie’s rude behavior earlier that day hadn’t happened. His first reaction was to hold her tight, allowing her to cry in his arms, just as Sylvia had done.

  “Make sure you call me if you need anything, okay?” he said to her.

  “Thanks, Richard...I really mean it.”

  He smiled. “I know you do, sweetheart.” He stood up, kissed Natalie’s forehead, and then turned to Sylvia who stood nearby. “You be sure to call me, too, if you need anything.”

  Chapter 4

  New York State of Mind

  “Hi, Ms. Coleman, this is Karen with Dennison Financial Solutions. We received your application online for a financial analyst and would like to set up an interview with you if you’re still interested in the position.”

  “Yes, of course I am!”

  “Could you come in next Tuesday at two o’clock?”

  “Yes, that’s fine.”

  “Great! I’ll mark you down. Do you need directions to our office?”

  “You’re in Westerville, right?
” Natalie referred to a northeastern suburb of Columbus.

  “Yes, that’s correct. Off I-270 and Cleveland.”

  “I know exactly where you are.”

  “Okay. Your interview will be with Alex Jennings. If something happens and you can’t make it, please call ahead of time.”

  “I’ll definitely be there,” Natalie affirmed. She couldn’t afford to miss this opportunity. No matter how many times she crunched the numbers in her checkbook, things weren’t looking pretty. Her mother had left a little money in a small insurance policy, but nearly six weeks after her death, that money was very close to being extinct. Thankfully, the whole legal ordeal with Skyler’s was finally put behind her as she had made restitution arrangements with the owner. Now she had to find some means of keeping up with her other financial responsibilities—the mortgage, utilities and general living expenses.

  Natalie’s specialty was men—more specifically, men with money—and she knew she could easily live comfortably for a while by doing favors for some male associates of hers. What some would call prostitution, she called survival. Thanks to former high-school teachers, college professors and other well-to-do men, Natalie had been able to get out of many financial binds. Though tempted, she was trying not to go that route because for the amount of money she needed, getting a job was the more sensible and less tiring solution.

  About forty minutes later the phone rang again. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Natalie.”

  “Hey,” she said to her grandmother. Ida Mae had consistently called her weekly since her mother’s death. Her efforts somewhat helped Natalie combat her feelings of isolation. She really didn’t have any friends she could lean on for support. Besides one or two calls from Richard in the weeks immediately following her mother’s service, Sylvia was the only other person who’d checked in on Natalie, and now even phone calls from her were winding down.

  “I just called to see what you were doin’.”

  “Looking for a job online.”

  “How’s it goin’?”

  “So-so... I did get a call earlier, and I have an interview on Tuesday.”

  “Praise God!” Ida Mae shouted.

  “Don’t go celebrating just yet, Big Mama. It’s only an interview, I don’t have the job. The way my luck’s been going, I’m not going to hold my breath.”

  “Baby, you gotta think positive. If you go to the interview with that kind of attitude, you definitely won’t get the job and you might as well stay home.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the possibility. I just don’t want to get my hopes up too high.” If Natalie did get this job—or any job for that matter—after getting her finances together, she planned to move. With her mother gone, she no longer had a reason to stay in Columbus and thus she found herself in a New York state of mind.

  “Well, I’m gonna be prayin’ that God grants you favor. In the meantime, remember that attitude determines altitude. You’ll only go as far in life as your attitude will take you.”

  “All I’m saying is that it’s out of my control.”

  “It’s out of your control, but not God’s.”

  “Okay...I get your point,” Natalie said, hoping this little lecture wouldn’t drag.

  “I’m sorry...I don’t mean to fuss. I’m just concerned ’bout you. I hope you know how much I love you. I’ve really missed you over the years.” There was a brief moment of silence, which provided the perfect opportunity for Natalie to say I’ve missed you, too, but expressing her feelings was something she wasn’t good at doing. “I—I wish you’d never left, but I understand Sharon wanting to start fresh someplace where the two of you didn’t have to be reminded about—”

  “I don’t want to talk about that,” Natalie quickly snapped. It still hurt to recall how many powerful people in the city had turned their backs on her and her mother when their situation had come to light. Though Natalie’s family had stood by them back then, their support had done little to change the final outcome of things.

  “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I know...I didn’t mean to sound harsh...I just don’t want to dwell on the past. Please promise me that you will never bring that situation up again.”

  “I promise. But know that if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

  “Thanks, but I’ve learned to live with what happened, and I’m fine now.” Natalie tried her best to sound convincing. Truth was, she had never gotten over it. How could a person really get over something like that? It was the one thing that haunted her over the years.

  Chapter 5

  Plan B

  Clothes hangers screeched across the rack as Natalie searched for something to wear to her job interview. Her grandmother had called earlier and said a rather lengthy prayer; Natalie had unwillingly participated, not having the heart to object. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Why was she so nervous? She studied her slender frame in the mirror, modeling a navy-blue pant suit and ultimately deciding not to wear it. Frustrated, she ripped the outfit off and threw it on the pile of clothes already on her bed that she hadn’t been satisfied with for one reason or another.

  She wanted to wear the perfect outfit—one that didn’t look as though she was purposely trying to get her prospective boss to notice her physical attributes, but also one that might prompt him to notice them. Sure, her grandmother had prayed for grace, favor and all that other stuff, but she’d been blessed with a gorgeous look. Why not use it to her advantage? She was interviewing with someone named Alex Jennings. The one thing Natalie knew for sure about men was how to get their attention.

  “Ta-dah!” She nestled into a tan jacket and a skirt which stopped just above her knees. It wasn’t too short, but it did show off her slender, long legs. Most guys were suckers for long legs. With luck Mr. Jennings would be, too. The suit jacket came down low enough that it didn’t look sleazy, but he could get a good look at her cleavage—if he wanted to. It wasn’t as if she was planning to sleep with the man. She just wanted to use her looks to get her in the door, then she’d show Mr. Jennings that in addition to being beautiful, she also had brains. Satisfied with her apparel, she carefully applied makeup, sprayed a hint of perfume and headed out the door.

  * * *

  “Excuse me,” a man said and brushed past Natalie as he stepped off the elevator. Following the instructions given to her by the receptionist, she headed to the second floor as the elevator groaned on its way up.

  “Hi, are you Natalie?” A middle-aged woman with auburn hair was waiting to greet her.

  “Yes...”

  The lady extended her hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Alexis Jennings, but please, call me Alex. I’m one of the senior managers here and the person you’ll be interviewing with today.”

  What! A warm feeling of embarrassment came over her. “Nice to meet you, too.” She forced a smile and shook Alex’s hand, wishing she’d worn something else.

  “Follow me, I’ll take you into my office and we’ll get started.” Alex led Natalie to a set of secured double glass doors where she swiped her identification card. They walked through a set of cubicles. Several heads turned and smiled Natalie’s way as if to wish her “good luck.” Without drawing suspicion, Natalie tried to tighten the gap of her suit jacket, but without some extra material and safety pins her efforts were useless.

  “Please, have a seat,” Alex instructed once they were inside her office. Besides a couple of framed degrees, and a picture on her desk of what appeared to be her family, there weren’t any personal items.

  Natalie sat down on the dark-blue, cloth-covered guest chair on the other side of Alex’s desk, gently tugging her skirt down and making sure her knees stayed glued together. Her plan to silently seduce her way into employment was crumbling and she was a nervous wreck. Time for plan B—draw on
the things her grandmother had said. Something about attitude...

  “Let me tell you a little about Dennison Financial Solutions.” Alex took her seat on the other side of the desk. “The company was started in 1987 and provides a range of services to other companies and individuals. We do everything from preparing budget and revenue projections for our various subsidiaries to giving financial advice. There are eleven branches throughout the U.S. The main location is in Florida and besides this office in Ohio, there are three in California, two in New York and one each in Arizona, Texas, Wisconsin and D.C.”

  Natalie was especially interested in the New York offices, which could offer the possibility of a transfer.

  “I am one of three senior managers here—” Alex continued. “There’s one of us on each floor. We each oversee a different aspect of the company. The people who work with me deal more with small businesses which gross one hundred thousand dollars or less. We’ll get more into the ins and outs of Dennison later. Now, I want you to tell me about you. I’ve read over your résumé very thoroughly, so I already know you have a finance and business administration degree, and I’m aware of your previous work experience. I say that because usually at this part of the interview, people start repeating everything that their résumé stated. I already know you look good on paper, or else you wouldn’t be here. Right now you must make yourself look good in person, too. First, list three attributes you have that make you right for a position with our company.”

  Alex locked her eyes on Natalie, causing her a bit of discomfort. Maybe it was just paranoia, but she felt as though there was a you-have-some-nerve-coming-to-an-interview-dressed-like-that meaning behind Alex’s gaze. Natalie refused to even look down at her chest, afraid of what her own reaction would be if she saw her girls peeking out. Instead, she answered as confidently as she could under the circumstances. “I’m a multi-tasker. I enjoy working on several different projects at a time, yet I’m still able to give each one adequate attention in order to ensure accuracy. I’m flexible. Whether I’m working alone or with a team, I will make sure the job gets done. Finally, I handle pressure well. I’m sure you probably already know being a financial analyst can be stressful at times.” Natalie watched as Alex nodded her head in agreement. “Be it deadlines, multiple reports, fiscal budgets or whatever—I’m not one to crack under pressure.”