Keep Me Still

by Caisey Quinn

“Yes to what?”

  “Yes to…all of that,” I say as he sucks all of me into his mouth, and then I’m spinning, swirling away from him, from my body on this bed, unable to care if the whole dorm hears my cries.

  When I come back down to earth, he’s watching me with hungry eyes. “I could watch you come forever.”

  My sex voice woman is missing in action, still floating in outer space somewhere, so I bury my face into the nearest pillow.

  “Look at me,” Landen orders, and dang, he’s demanding about this stuff, I’m realizing. Kind of a control freak. I already knew that about him, but I had no idea he’d be all giving commands and making me say what I want in bed.

  Or that it would get me so hot.

  I move the pillow and look at him, overheating instantly at the sight of his mouth and the memory of what he just did with it. I can’t help but wonder how people do these intimate things to each other and then go on with life business as usual. Pass the salt and all that.

  “You are the most dangerous kind of beautiful,” he says, brushing my messy hair away from my face.

  I can only image what a wreck I look like after that, but with the way he smiles at me, he must actually think I am beautiful right now. I lean in and kiss his mouth. I can taste myself on his lips. It’s kind of strange and kind of a turn on. I pull at his lower lip with my teeth and he groans.

  His voice is raspy against my mouth. “You even taste like peaches, sweet like I knew you would be.”

  “What do you taste like, Landen?” I ask, as my sex voice woman comes back to me. “And more importantly, what’s with all the clothes?”

  “You gonna do something about it?” he challenges, rolling on his back and resting the arm that isn’t wrapped around me above his head.

  “I’m going to try,” I answer, sitting up to straddle him like before. I undo the button fly on his jeans, concentrating all my efforts on it even though I can feel him watching me. Once I’m done, I slide down, pulling his jeans with me. He helps by kicking them off so I don’t have to move off the bed.

  “Shirt,” I say, figuring maybe it’s time I give some orders of my own. He arches an eyebrow at the command but props up on one elbow and reaches behind his head to lift his shirt slowly off. Suddenly I’m lightheaded.

  This isn’t the first time I’ve seen him with his shirt off—I used to watch soccer practice when they played shirts and skins and all that, but having him down to his snug boxer briefs in my bed is another animal entirely.

  I lick my lips, thankful there’s still moisture left in my body, and inch his black underwear down starting at the waistband.

  When his thick, corded erection springs out of the fabric, I gasp out loud. “That is not going to fit inside of me,” I blurt out, mindless with panic.

  A wide self-congratulatory smile spreads across his face as he winks at me. “It will, I promise. Gonna be a tight fit though.” He shrugs like this is a good thing.

  “Holy fuck,” I breathe, shaking my head because I know how tight I was clenched around his finger.

  “You can touch me,” he says, his voice tense. “Go ahead.”

  Sliding my hand around him, I feel every vein in Landen’s dick as I stroke the velvet smoothness of his flesh. Again, silly girl me giggles in my head. Oh my goodness, I’m holding Landen’s penis! But sexy, grown-up woman me pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, glances at his face, and is thrilled to see that his smirk is gone. He’s watching me with a lust-fueled intensity that has my entire body overheating.

  Lowering my mouth to him, I reach out with my tongue and lick, smiling when I feel him go rigid under me. Surely this can’t be that hard. But knowing it’s my first time and not his threatens to splash a cold wave of insecurity over me. The new competitive Layla pushes through, and I remember how good his mouth felt on me. I want to make him feel that good.

  Even better, if that’s possible.

  I pull my lips tight around my teeth and let my tongue massage the sensitive ridge on the underside of him as I sink him into my mouth. Using one of my hands to wrap my hair and hold it out of the way, I let the other one skim slowly up and down his inner thigh, softly raking my nails into his warm skin.

  I’m probably glowing bright crimson with the heat filling me, but I don’t care. I don’t care about much right at the moment. He’s always in control, always coming to my rescue. This time I want to watch him lose himself because of me . I lick every inch of him, flicking my tongue up and down and around in circles before drawing him as deep as I can handle into my wet mouth.

  “Fuck, Layla,” he grunts out.

  A shiver of pleasure thrills through me. Now I know why he wanted to hear me say it so badly. “We will baby,” I say, sitting up and imitating his assured patience even though a sharp, needy ache has begun swirling inside of me.

  “Damn right we will,” he growls, sitting up as he grabs me with both arms and flips us so I’m on my back under him. A small yelp escapes my lips and I smile at him.

  “Landen,” I breathe, arching my back as he smiles back at me and begins to place gentle kisses on my throat.

  I want to say his name again and again, let it linger in my mouth. In the tiny space between us. But when his mouth finds my breast and he begins the same worshipful process on my nipples that he performed on my clit earlier, I’m unable to recall my own name, much less his. Noises are coming out of me. I hear them, but I can’t control them.

  I can feel his hard length rubbing steadily against me, and I can take this anymore. I need him inside of me to fill my hollow ache, press against my pulsing muscles, and push me over the edge.

  “Underwear,” I say, even though I’m not exactly in an ideal position to be giving orders.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he mumbles into the dip between my breasts. After he yanks his underwear the rest of the way off, he leans down and picks up his jeans. At first I’m confused, but when he pulls out his black leather wallet, I know what he’s looking for. And this is the tricky part. Because he might say no.

  I sit up and put my hand on the one he has reaching into his wallet. “I just want to feel you, only you, with nothing between us.”

  His eyes go so wide that it’s probably painful. “But babe—“

  “I know, okay? I paid attention in health class. But I’m on the pill. Aunt Kate insisted, and….I trust you.”

  “Layla,” he whispers, seeming lost.

  “Please? Just the first time,” I beg.

  “I’ve never done it without a condom,” he tells me, making me want it that much more.

  He’s thinking it over and I decide just to leave it up to him. He knows what I want, but I’ll take whatever he decides to give me. I pull my hand away and lie back on the pillows, waiting.

  I watch as my lost boy swallows hard and puts his wallet on the nightstand. “Just this once.”

  I notice that he’s unsteady, and for once, I’m not. His hands press into the pillow on either side of my head as he braces himself above me. “Okay,” I whisper.

  “It’s going to hurt at first. I’m sorry. I’ll be careful with you,” he promises. His eyes meet mine and I see the panic in them. The steady throb inside of me pulses more intently, and I’m not exactly sure I want him to be careful with me.

  Reaching up, I put both of my hands on his upper arms, feeling the steady quiver in them. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe, I promise.”

  He smiles, looking down at me from under those thick, dark lashes, and the quivering subsides. “Guess it’s your turn to keep me still,” he says, and I want to laugh. Or cry. Or both. Three very dangerous words threaten from behind my teeth but I hold them in. We’ll deal with that later. For now, he’s mine and I’m his.

  And that’s all that matters.

  Reachin
g my hands up higher and placing them on either side of his face I stare into his eyes until reality shifts and we’re connected on a level that surpasses the physical realm. “I want to keep you always.”

  He nods without breaking eye contact and something passes between us that bonds us even more than our bodies are about to.

  “Oh God,” I moan as his thick, swollen head parts my folded flesh, stroking up and down from cleft to center and I almost lose it.

  “You’re so wet, baby. That should help ease the pain, I promise.”

  I can’t speak so I nod. I trust him.

  A guttural sound tears from his lips as he presses slowly into me. Oh my dear Lord in Heaven. It hurts, worse than I expected. I’m consumed by the pressure of him, pinching and tearing into me. A pained whimper from low in my stomach pushes past my lips, and Landen freezes above me.

  “I’m okay,” I try to assure him but I’m not really. His eyes blaze down into mine, but he doesn’t move. Something’s wrong. “Landen? I’m okay. Really. Please don’t stop.”

  “Say you want me,” he says, ferocity changing his voice to one I don’t recognize.

  I clench, desperately trying to cling to him as he starts to pull out of me, and I’m torn, in more ways than one. It hurt, but now that he’s been inside of me…I can’t stand the feeling of him not being inside of me. “I want you,” I tell him, need thickening my own voice.

  “Say you want me here, Layla. Say you’re glad that I’m here.” It’s a plea and a command, and I don’t know where he’s going with this.

  I’m turned on and scared at the same time. Why is he angry all of the sudden? Reaching up to touch his face once more as I wrap my legs around him, I do as he says. “I want you here, Landen. I’m glad you’re here.” I love you.

  And then I kiss him, needy for his mouth in so many ways. He groans again as he slides himself all the way back into me. I’m raw and aching, but when the tip of him hits that spot in me, every tense muscle in my body softens around him.

  “Landen,” I whimper, his name straining out of me as I lift my hips until our hipbones chafe against each other. “Yes, please, oh God, yes.”

  Harder. I’m ready for it harder, faster, but I’m not sure how to tell him, so I deepen our kiss, hoping he’ll get the message. I’m sweating and so is he, our damp bodies sliding against each other, and I wish this could go on forever. But I’m not going to last that long. My insides grip him so tightly it’s a struggle for him to move inside me.

  “Baby, I need you to come for me, okay?” he pleads as he pulls back from my mouth. “It will last longer next time, I swear.”

  I whimper because I’m there, now, and it’s so much more intense with him inside of me. My back is arcing off the bed so hard I’d be afraid my spine was going to snap if I could think straight. My fingers dig into his muscular shoulders, probably hurting him, but he doesn’t complain.

  “Come in me, Landen,” I say because I want to feel him pour himself into my pulsating walls—I want him to be a part of me even after this is over. It’s reckless and insane, and if my last EKG hadn’t said what it did I would never do something so impulsive, but who knows what our relationship will be like after this.

  “Layla—”

  “Please. I-I need it.”

  He doesn’t answer as his neck veins bulge and he squeezes me so tightly it’s painful but in the best kind of way. I’m flung over the edge into bliss-filled rapture, shuddering and shivering on my way out of into and out the darkness. He thrusts into me once more, and I feel it. Searing and filling the inside of me in scorching bursts.

  The sensation sets off a series of aftershocks and I’m clenching and tightening around him, rhythmically pulling him in deeper as he comes.

  “Look at me,” I say softly, wanting him to open his eyes so we can have this shared memory. “Please.”

  His previously green eyes are so dark with his dilated pupils that they’re practically black as he releases everything he has into me. “You’re mine, Layla,” he whispers when he finishes and eases down on top of me, never once breaking our eye contact. “Your mine.”

  I nod because he’s right. Partially. I am his. Until my secrets ruin both of us. “I know,” I whisper back, wishing I could promise to be his forever.

  Layla’s body should be sculpted and displayed in a museum somewhere.

  She’s dozing in and out, lying on her stomach next to me with her slender arms tucked under her and a peaceful smile on her lips. Her dark comforter is pulled up to her waist but not far enough that I can’t see the perfect curve where her back dips and rises at the top of her divine ass. I held her for a while afterward, but we were both burning up, so she rolled away from me.

  It was her first time and she seems content, happy even. Hell, she’s practically in a coma, so I’m feeling pretty good about myself. But as much as I enjoyed releasing myself inside of her, I’m all jittery and wound up with emotion. Like I’m the one who just gave up my virginity. In a way, I guess I did.

  I’ve had sex before. Layla knows that. But what I didn’t tell her was that I’d never actually made love to anyone. Never done anything more than screw whatever random girl I was dating at the time, and not really even all that well, because I never gave a shit before. It’s been over a year since I’ve slept with anyone. There’s been no one else since I met Layla, so it’s a wonder I lasted as long as I did.

  And I damn sure never went in without a condom on. Ever.

  Just the memory of sinking into Layla’s tightness, the perfect fit of her warm, wet opening around my dick, is enough to make me hard all over again. And looking into her eyes, her voice pleading with me to come inside of her, I was so gone—beyond reason, beyond sense. So totally and completely bound to this girl. And what’s worse, I’m goddamn thrilled about it. And terrified, because I have to tell her how I ended up here and why. I should’ve already told her. Maybe it’s too late now.

  I let go of the breath I’ve been holding, hoping it will take some of the tension in my chest with it. No such luck.

  “Was it okay for you?” Layla’s sleepy voice asks, tearing me from my thoughts.

  “Is that a serious question?” I turn over on my side to face her. “Because pizza is okay. Hell, perfectly cooked steak is okay. That was…that was not even in the same universe as okay .”

  Her smug little grin calms my nerves and eases the tension from before, though it tightens some other vital parts of me. “Mm.”

  “Was it okay for you?” I ask, running my hand gently down her arm and hoping she’s not too sore.

  “Mmhm,” she murmurs. “Milkshakes are okay, Landen, and I love milkshakes, but that was…that was extra cherries and chocolate syrup and warm caramel and—”

  My laughter cuts her off, and three words I’ve been dying to tell her catch in my throat. But until she knows the truth, I can’t burden her with that. Before I lose myself in thoughts of the many ways I can royally fuck this up, she leans forward and presses her mouth to mine.

  “Is it normal that I already want to do it again?” she asks against my lips.

  “Who the hell cares about normal?” I reach out, pulling her still naked body onto mine.

  “What if I can never get enough?” she asks just before she slips her moist tongue into my mouth.

  “Hmm,” I groan against her lips. “I’m sure we could work something out. I’m not going anywhere.” I won’t leave you like before, swear to God.

  My words must be enough to reassure her because her eyes flash with mischief and she grins. “Won’t they miss you at the scrimmage tomorrow?”

  “Nah, I’ll be too drained to play anyways.”

  She growls a ferocious little sound from her chest, probably the sexiest sound I’ll ever hear, and pulls herself up onto me. “But I was planning to come tomor
row,” she pouts, thrusting out her swollen lower lip and looking down at me like she’s an expert in seduction. Maybe she is. Maybe some people are just born with these abilities, and they don’t come from experience.

  “Oh, you will come tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day.” Sitting up, I pull her to me and kiss her until my head swims from lack of oxygen.

  “Landen,” she says softly, pulling back and using a finger to trace the round bruise forming on my chest from our accident.

  “It’s okay. My arm hurts worse than that, to be honest.” Thank God they put a bandage over the stitches, or I would’ve probably already pulled those fuckers out by now.

  “Will you really be okay for tomorrow?” The concern filling her eyes sends my heart thudding against my chest.

  “I will be…if you don’t kill me, that is.”

  Concern turns to something darker and more dangerous as she slides herself over my erection. Condom, we have got to use a condom. But as she brushes her slick, folded flesh up the length of me, I don’t care if she wants to get pregnant, get married, move to the ass end of Georgia, and do this every day for the rest of life. Whatever she wants, I will give it to her.

  Forever if she’ll let me.

  “I should get going so you can get some rest,” I tell her as the sun beats in through the window.

  She grunts her disapproval, too weak from what we’ve been doing to each other to formulate words, so I don’t make a move to leave. But we both have class in a few hours, and I have practice at noon, followed by a team meal before the scrimmage. I know Dean and the others are going to the Intro class, but she and I both have classes right after, so it’s not like we can sleep in much.

  Though I would if she wanted to. Knowing her, she won’t want to miss class, even for this. I lean over, grab my phone from my jeans, and set an alarm. Her grip tightens on my chest. “Relax, I’m staying.”

  “I know you are,” she murmurs.