Breaking Free

by Ellie Rose

  While waiting to heal, I heard more things about Joshua. He pleaded guilty to all the charges, and they sent him to a prison upstate. I was just as relieved as my parents to hear that Joshua wasn’t on the loose anymore. And, for peace of mind, my parents put a restraining order on him, just in case.

  Joshua’s father stepped down from being chief. They arrested him with his son for knowing about squad corruption and not putting a stop to any of it. Apparently, he knew about Officer Combs operations. Plus, Officer Cunnings found out that drinking wasn’t the only thing he was doing.

  Officer Cunnings left town shortly after for another assignment, but she told me she would be back to check on me. She still felt guilty about shooting me, but I told her: “Don’t. Just think of it this way, I have a survivor’s scar from a war I won.” She was satisfied with that.

  After they allowed me to leave my house for more than a few hours, I went to see Wendy. The first thing I noticed was her name on the nametag pinned to the front of her shirt, and she was smiling. I hugged her and thanked her for coming forward. She said: “You gave me the strength to. I would still be looking over my shoulder if it weren’t for you.”

  I haven’t seen Beth at all. But I was told by my parents she wasn’t being charged for what she did. They explained to me that Joshua’s control over her for all these years weighed heavily on the Judge’s decision to put her in an institution to receive help. As much as I hated to hear this, I knew it was the right thing for her. I’m not sure if she knew what she was doing was wrong. And one day I hope that I will see her and tell her I forgive her.

  Seth told his parents about joining the military. He said, at first, his mom started crying, and his dad’s face paled. After what felt like the longest minutes of his life, his dad got up from the couch and hugged him. His dad told him he was proud of him for making that decision. His mom still cries about it, but she has come around to the idea. He is leaving for boot camp in June, just a few weeks after graduation.

  Going back to school several weeks after everything that happened, I was afraid. Afraid of what everyone would think of me and what everyone would say. Seth and Anna both reassured me that everything was fine. Nobody was talking about it. I know they were only saying this to make me feel better, and I appreciated it.

  Getting out of the Jeep, I notice the stares already from those standing in the student parking lot. I hear Seth take a deep breath as he reaches me. “You ready?” Anna gives me an encouraging smile.

  I wait for the familiar feeling of nausea to hit me. The feeling that I’m going to be suffocated if I continue any further. But it never came.

  “Yes.” I grab his hand.

  And I am.

  I don’t look down at my feet like before. I stare straight ahead with my head held high. Anyone who sees me coming moves quickly out of my way, and I watch the pity cross their face. But I ignore them.

  Seth reaches the double doors before I do and opens them. I close my eyes for just a brief second and inhale before letting it out slowly. This is something my therapist told me to keep doing. I started seeing her once a week after the incident. She said, “You are breathing in the good air and letting the bad air out. It’ll help you relax when you are feeling nervous or afraid.” And it does.

  Anna goes before me. I follow, stopping in my tracks a few feet away from the door. The whispering is still there.

  “I can’t believe what happened to her.”

  “Do you think she will get over it?”

  “I heard that she went to his house. It must have been horrible.”

  “Do you think it’s actually true? What if she was lying, and now he’s in jail because of her?”

  “SHUT UP!” I whirl around to see Wendy standing in the doorway. Her face is pale, and she looks just as scared to be there as I am. “Would you all just shut up? It’s none of your business. We told the truth, and if you don’t believe that, then that’s on you. We are here to go to school, not to rehash everything that has happened. So, keep your mouths shut and move along.” Everyone in the hallway becomes silent as they stare at Wendy in shock. “Oh, and one more thing. Rape is not an ‘It.’ What Joshua did is not an object. Rape is an action that, once done, can never be undone. Joshua will pay for everything he did to me, to Paige, and whoever else he hurt. What’s done is done, and we are living survivors of the aftermath.”

  There is a crowd of people around us now.

  “That’s right,” I say, suddenly feeling brave. “And, if anyone, at all, needs someone to talk to, I’m here. You are not alone. You are never alone. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are worthless dumb and that you deserved to be raped. Being raped wasn’t your fault. We will fight this together. If we all come together as one, we can fight as one. We’ll be strong for each other.” I turn around in a circle, looking at everyone. “Never let them win. Never let them believe that they outsmarted you. They are the dumb ones. They are the ones who crossed that line of no return. And, for once, let them live in fear. Because fighting back is the only thing they don’t expect. Turn the tables on them and let them know that you are in control, don’t let them have control over you. I promise you they will live to regret ever touching you.”

  Nobody says anything as they stare; some with wide eyes, and other mouths are dropped open. It’s so silent, other than the occasional beeping of a car outside, that you could hear a pin drop.

  Then the clapping and whistles begin. So loud that it becomes deafening.

  Wendy walks up and hugs me. “Let’s get to class.”

  I stretch my hand out to Seth’s, and he grabs it. We make our way through the crowd that is still clapping. Seth leans down to whisper in my ear. “You did great.”

  When we finally make it to my homeroom, and the crowd of clappers have dispersed to head to their own class, Wendy stops in front of me. “Well, now that is over. I’m hoping the whispering will stop, and we can all move on.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back to school?” I ask her.

  Wendy shrugs. “I wanted it to be a surprise. I almost didn’t come, but I knew you were coming back too. I didn’t want you to be the only one being whispered about.”

  The bell rings above us. Anna leaves, promising to meet up with us at lunch. Wendy follows her but stops and turns around. “I love your blond hair. It’s so much better than black.” She grins at me before disappearing through the throng of other students.

  “I don’t know. I think you looked great with your black hair.” Seth says, bringing me into his arms. “But black or blond or even purple hair, I still love you just the way you are.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and look up into his green eyes. “And I love you.”

  And then, in the hallway right in front of my homeroom with tons of people walking around us, Seth kisses me.

  And in that moment, I have never felt happier.