by V, Krissy
Helena laughs. “Well I got carried away with you there hun, he sounds so dreamy.”
“He is, he really is. He has promised to change my mind about Christmas but it will take something spectacular to do that.”
We are pulled away from our desks then to go into a meeting to discuss how Christmas sales are doing this year.
After a long day I am happy to be driving home with my music blaring in the car. When I get home I only have half an hour to get ready before Tully gets here. Once again I find myself stood in front of my wardrobe looking for clothes to wear. I find some black jeans and a jumper to wear, with my Ugg boots to keep my feet warm. I am just finishing brushing my hair when the front door rings.
I run down the stairs and open the door and there stood in front of me is just pure perfection. When he smiles I think I am going to collapse, he really is beautiful.
“Hey how was your day? You look beautiful” he says as he leans in and kisses me on the cheek.
“It was a long day and I only got home half an hour ago.”
“We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to Nollaig. If you’re too tired then we can do this another night.” He looks sad.
“Thank you, but I’m looking forward to doing something fun tonight.” I reach out and grab my jacket and we walk out the door to his waiting bike.
Once I climb on his bike he climbs on too and I grab hold of him tight. It feels good to hold him and I can smell him, he smells amazing, the scent is making me shiver. He smells of oil mixed with spices and freshness, it’s a smell I’m getting used to, a smell I am starting to associate with Tully. He drives into town and parks the bike near O’Connell Street and he takes my hand and pulls me towards the big Christmas Tree near The Spire.
“Years ago this used to be a real tree that was decorated by the Council and there would be baubles and presents on the tree. As the years have gone by people have stolen the baubles and presents and then broken the branches of the tree. They then decided to put up a metal tree to stop that from happening. It is still beautiful though isn’t it?” He stands there holding my hand and looking up at the beautifully lit tree.
It is made up of metal spheres linked together into a tree shape, each of the spheres are lit up in a bright blue colour, it is really beautiful and so tasteful. “It is so pretty Tully, I don’t think I’ve been in town at night before for many years. I thought they still had the big Christmas Tree here. I didn’t know this existed.” I turn to face him and I see he is looking at me, watching my expressions.
He pulls me in close and kisses me. “You look like a little girl in a sweet shop, I’m so happy I brought you here to see this. Tell me how this makes you feel Nollaig.”
I stand there looking up at the tree and I can feel Tully’s arms around my waist. I turn around, taking him with me and I can feel the giggles leaving my mouth. We keep spinning and then I say “it makes me like a girl in a sweet shop. It’s sparkly, beautiful and it makes me feel happy.” We stop spinning because I am starting to get really dizzy. “I wish … I wish I had come to see this before.” I get sad thinking about what else I might have missed out on by dismissing Christmas so much.
He hugs me tight. “Now for the rest of the date. Come on we have to get the Luas.” I don’t like to tell him that I haven’t been on the Luas before, it’s been in Dublin for a few years and is the most up to date transport system in Ireland. It’s like a tram that travels across the city. We don’t have any stops out where I live so I’ve never used it before. He takes my hand and pulls me to the Luas stop where we wait for a few minutes before the Luas comes along. We get on board and it takes us to the Three Arena, I’ve only ever been here for concerts so I’m not sure where he is taking me.
When we get off the Luas we walk around to the front of the Three Arena and there in the middle of the square is an ice rink. “Oh my god Tully I haven’t skated since I was small. Mam used to bring me and Bree when we were little. None of us were very good though.”
“Come on let’s go make fools of ourselves.” He says guiding me through the door with his hand on my lower back. He pays for me and we walk over to the skate hire and get our skates. When we have them on I laugh and grab hold of his arm trying to balance myself and we haven’t even got on the ice yet.
He steps onto the ice and grabs hold of the barrier, at least I know I’m not the only one who can’t skate. I get on and hold onto the barrier as well. We go round a few times holding on to the edge and then we brave it to move away from the side. At one stage I lose my balance and grab hold of Tully. I go down and he comes down with me. I lay there on the ice laughing my head off. “That was so funny, I can’t believe I grabbed hold of you. Sorry I thought you were going to save me.” I have tears coming out of my eyes I am laughing so much.
He is laughing too. “I thought I could save you too but I couldn’t control my legs. Sorry for not stopping you from falling.” He leans over and kisses me on the cheek and the two of us are stuck because we can’t get up. We laugh and we laugh until one of the marshalls comes over and helps us both up. We decide at that point to go around once more but this time holding on to the edge. When we have gone round we step off and take our skates off. I am still laughing.
We walk over to get our shoes and when we walk outside it feels warms compared to inside the ice rink. “That was so much fun, thank you for bringing me here. Will we go into the Gibson Hotel for a drink?”
“Yeah come on.” We hold hands and walk into the hotel to find the bar. “What do you want to drink?”
“Can I have a hot chocolate please? Just to warm my hands, I don’t feel like I need alcohol tonight just a bit of sweetness and warmth.” His eyes open wide as he nods his head and walks to the bar.
When he comes back he has two steaming cups of hot chocolate, topped off with cream and marshmallows. I smile and take my cup from him and take a sip. “This is really good hot chocolate Tully, thank you.”
He takes a sip of his. “It’s delicious but not as good as your French Vanilla. Can I taste yours to see if it is as good as mine?” I feel my heart racing and I nod my head.
He leans over the table and puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me close, then he takes my bottom lip into his mouth and sucks on it. He then releases me and sits back down. “Yours always tastes nicer than mine.” He says with a smile.
I laugh and we drink our hot chocolates and talk about what we are doing over Christmas. “I usually stay on my own on Christmas Day” I say looking down at the floor “I’m not normally happy so I don’t like to upset the kids at my sisters.”
“That is sad Nollaig. No one should be on their own on Christmas Day. It’s your birthday that day as well, you should be celebrating. I know you’re parents died on Christmas Eve but they wouldn’t be happy knowing that you’re so sad.”
“You don’t know anything about my parents.” I start to get annoyed, he comes into my life and within a few days he thinks he knows all about me. I go to stand up and he reaches across and puts his hand on top of mine.
“Nollaig, I’m not trying to pretend I know you well at all, I’m just saying that if your parents loved you half as much as you still love them then they wouldn’t want you to be unhappy. They would want you to live your life to the fullest that you can. That’s all, please sit down, don’t go!”
I take a deep breath and sit back down. “I know you’re right but it hurts so much sometimes. Can you imagine not seeing your Mam again? Not laughing or joking with her or even arguing with her?”
“No I can’t” he says as he moves over to my side of the table. “I can’t imagine it at all and I don’t want to think about it but more than anything I want you to be happy. You deserve some happiness in your life, whether that is me or not is for you to decide, but I want to be there for you and help you through Christmas this year.” He is now sat next to me and pulls me into his side. “I’m not going to give up you know Nollaig, I feel like you were meant to
fall in front of me the other day. I feel like all I want to do is to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy, I haven’t been this happy for a long time.” I say with tears running down my face. He pulls back a little bit and looks at my face, he wipes my tears.
Then he says “Well if this is you happy I would hate to see you when you’re sad.” I laugh.
“Come on let’s go back and find the bike and then I can take you home. I think we’ve had enough excitement for one night.” He says standing up and holding out his hand for me to take so that he can help me up. We walk back to the bike because it is quite mild out and then we ride back to my house. He doesn’t come in tonight and I feel a little bit sad about that but I’m too tired to worry about it.
I fall into bed thinking about Mam and Dad and how much Mam loved taking us ice skating as kids. I dream of ice skating and hot chocolate.
Day 4
Tuesday 16th December
I don’t have much time to think about Tully today as we are really busy at work. We are trying to develop a new chocolate which will be released in the New Year. It should have a fresh flavour, like starting afresh. We have tried the chocolate orange and lemon combination, so it is proving hard to find the right blend of tastes.
I don’t even stop for lunch today and it is half way through the day when there is a knock on the lab door. I stop what I’m doing and walk over to open the door and there in front of me is a huge bunch of flowers. Joey is carrying them, he had disappeared about 10 minutes beforehand.
“Wow Joey who are they for?” I ask admiring them.
“Check out the card” he says and I reach over and take out the card.
“To my Christmas Angel who fell at my feet. I am going to try and make this a Christmas you’ll never forget. Hugs Tully xx” I read it out. I can feel myself getting upset because I have never been sent flowers before.
Helena comes over and hugs me. “This guy is one in a million Nollaig, you need to keep hold of him.”
“I know Helena, I know. That’s what I’m worried about though. What if I’m cursed and everyone I love dies?”
“Don’t be so silly, you love Bree and she hasn’t left you. We love you and we haven’t left you. You have to see past your Mam and Dad and it’s time you started living your life.” She comes over and hugs me.
There’s a little cough and we both turn to see Joey still stood there with the flowers in his hands. Both me and Helena start laughing because we had both forgotten he was there.
I take the flowers from him and put them in the corner so that I won’t forget them when I am leaving. I take the opportunity to take my phone out of my bag and send Tully a text.
“Thank you so much for my flowers, they are really beautiful. I love lilies so much, thank you.”
I get a reply almost immediately.
“I’m so glad you like them, the lilies reminded me of you – delicate, elegant but so beautiful!”
“Thanks I’ll have a smile on my face now for the rest of the day. Will you come round for dinner tonight so that I can thank you properly?”
“Try and keep me away”
“See you at eight then”
“See you then x”
So now I have to get home earlier than last night and make some dinner, I can feel myself getting stressed out already.
“Helena I’m going to be leaving early today, I have just invited Tully to come over and have dinner. Why did I do that? What am I going to cook?”
She starts laughing. “Would you look at you? Miss Organised. Miss I Never Get Flustered.”
I laugh. “I know but he does things to me that turn me inside out.”
“I can see that Nollaig. You need to go home and start getting ready for dinner. Make him something hearty, he sounds like he would prefer that to something fancy.”
“Yeah you’re right, I might make lasagne or something. I’ll go shopping on the way home.” I decide that I have to leave to go and buy everything in for dinner.
After shopping on the way home I walk into the house and put my flowers into a vase and put it in the middle of the dinner table. When I have made the lasagne and it’s in the oven I go upstairs and look in my wardrobe for something pretty to wear. I realise that I don’t need anything to keep me warm tonight and I pick out a floaty dress and some high heeled sandals.
Bang on 8pm there is a knock at my door, it’s Tully so I let him in. He does a double take at the door and then hugs me and kisses me on the lips. When he pulls away he says “now that’s the kind of greeting I could get used to.” He smiles and I move into the dining room where I pour a glass of wine for myself.
“Do you want a glass of wine?” I ask.
“I can’t I’m on the bike.” He looks sad.
I decide to do the one thing I never thought I would do. “You can stay the night if you want.” I can’t look him in the eye, but when I dare to glance up I see his eyes are wide with a sparkle in them.
“Are you sure Nollaig? I want nothing more than to spend the night with you but don’t say it just because you want me to have a drink.”
“I’m sure I want you to stay the night. I want to wake up in your arms tomorrow morning.” He smiles at me and I know I’ve made the right decision.
“Well then I’d love a drink please.” He says holding his glass out for me to fill. I blush and fill his glass.
I serve the dinner and we eat and talk about our childhoods and we tell each other silly stories about our siblings. “I can’t wait to meet Bree, she sounds like a real laugh.” He says laughing at one of the stories I’ve told him about her.
“You’ll get to meet her one day I promise. I’d like to meet your brothers they sound mad, every one of them.”
He laughs. “They’re a mad bunch alright.”
After dinner we tidy the table up and put everything in the kitchen, then I put the coffee machine on to make some French Vanilla’s and while the machine is brewing he takes me into his arms and kisses me. It is a really passionate kiss but it feels so much more than a kiss, it feels like he is trying to tell me something. I don’t know what, but it makes me feel settled and happy. I make the coffees and we go into the lounge to sit and drink them. “I love the taste of these, but mine never taste as good as yours.” He smiles looking at my lips.
He leans forward and takes my bottom lip in between his and sucks on it gently, then he licks my lips and at the same time he moans. “Oh it definitely tastes better on your lips” he says into my mouth.
I didn’t realise I had closed my eyes, but when I open them he is staring into them. I pull away slowly and reach out to drink some more out of my cup. Then I turn to face him again and say “Do you want some more?”
He takes me up on my offer and he drinks more than my cup’s worth of French Vanilla. He carries me up to bed. “You’re so beautiful Nollaig, I really don’t know what I did to deserve having you fall into my life like that.”
“I don’t know but I think I’m the lucky one.”
He lays me down on the bed and kisses me again.
I sleep well and dream of Tully holding me tight.
Day 5
Wednesday 17th December
When I wake up I roll onto my side and see a pair of deep velvet chocolate eyes looking back at me. I smile as his hand reaches out to touch my face gently. “Good morning” he smiles.
“Good morning.” I reply somewhat embarrassed.
“Don’t shy away from me this morning Nollaig.” He runs his thumb down over my cheek and across my lower lip. I see his eyes are staring at them and I can feel the pulse in my neck beating fast, I can hear it in my head. Thump, thump, thumpity thump. I want him to kiss me so bad, but he doesn’t, he keeps rubbing his thumb over my lip and then all of a sudden his eyes move from my lips and up to my eyes. I can’t believe what I see in them, the lust, the hunger. I gasp!
“Tully” I say huskily.
He slowly lowers himself down towards my l
ips, I take a breath and hold it. He seems to be taking forever so I start to slowly rise up to meet this lips and I’m glad I do because I can’t wait any more. His lips touch mine and it feels like there are fireworks going off in my brain, in my heart. The kiss goes on for what seems like a very long time. When we pull apart I am breathless. I roll back onto my back and sigh.
“Well good morning to you too Tully.” I say and start laughing.
He laughs too and then says “good morning to you again”.
After about five minutes of the two of us laughing, I roll over in the bed and sit on the edge. “I have to get ready for work, so I’m going to take a shower.” I look over my shoulder and smile at him. He is laid on his side with his arm bent holding his head up, he looks like a model laying on my bed. I can’t believe that this amazing man is here in my bed. I shake my head and stand up and start walking to the bathroom.
“No problem I need to get ready for work too, and I need to organise where we are going tonight, if you still want me to help change your mind about Christmas?” He says smiling at me as he sits up and puts his legs on the floor, the sheet is covering him across the waist so all I can see is his chest. It really is a phenomenal chest! “I’ll go make some coffee for you to have before you go to work.”
I nod and make my way into the bathroom, turn on the shower and then stand with my hands on the worktop and just stand looking in the mirror. Things are happening really fast with Tully and it scares me a lot. I don’t let people into my life easily because I don’t want to feel the pain that comes with loss in any respect. With Tully it feels different because he is forcing his way into my life and not giving me much choice but to accept him, but I know that his loss will hit me hard. Am I ready for that? Can I survive it? I shake my head and get in under the running water and let the tears flow because I know that loss will come and I know it can come in many forms. He could be taken from me or he could just walk away from me, either way would be really painful. Do I continue with whatever is happening between us and line myself up for the pain that follows or do I just go with the flow and see what happens next?