Life is Short But Wide

by J. California Cooper

  Bertha always smiled big when someone was paying her lonely daughter some attention. She still worried about her daughter, and a man. It frightened her. Still, she always served them a nice lunch she called “tea-time lunch.” Theirs was a nice, comfortable relationship. They enjoyed each other. Bertha had to remember Juliet was old enough to be someone's wife. She didn't trust anyone. (She needn't have worried. Juliet might be crippled in her body, but I think her mind was pretty smart.)

  After a few weeks Herman became bored with doing nothing. So he registered for a class in political science at a junior college in a nearby town, two evenings a week. He also started working regularly at Pink's Automobile Shop.

  Herman had also been going by the Lark's Club once or twice a week. At first it was out of boredom, now it was for company. Soon school would relieve the boredom and he thought, “I will not have time to go to the Lark's Club.”

  He had seen the woman, Wanda, at the club a couple of times. He had bought her drinks and talked for long times. Wanda was an attractive woman, lots of makeup, but well built. She had a full head of jet-black hair, and almost all her teeth. She had two children at home. A home that was often full of neighbors and kids.

  About the third time she met him at the bar, she asked, “How much home cookin you had since you been home?”

  “Not too much; not enough at any rate.”

  She tilted her head to the side, saying, “You always so nice to me; why don't ya let me fix ya a nice dinner one night? I'll clean the house out so we can eat in peace, and I'll fix somethin ya will really, really like.”

  “What?”

  “Well, Herman, I won't know til ya tell me! But I'm a good cook and I can fix it no matter what it is! Or I will do like ya told me you do; I'll get a book and learn how to fix it! On your day off. When is your off-day? How ya like that?”

  “I like that, but you decide. Fix me what you really like to eat. That way I know it should be good. I work all week and some Saturdays, if I feel like it.”

  Wanda was impressed. “Welllll, a man who can choose his own days off!”

  “I didn't say that,” he laughed, “but I don't have to work every Saturday.”

  “Okay, Herman, let's make it next Saturday.” Then she moaned, “Oh, no, the house be all full of kids on Saturdays! That's ya only day off? Ya sure ya ain't got some woman out there lookin for ya to be at her house, or ya'll's house?”

  “It would have to be dinner, then, because I work all other days. And no, there is no woman looking for me to be at her house.”

  Wanda smiled a great huge smile, said, “Well, alright then. This Saturday. I'll figure somethin out so we will have us some peace. Just be two of us, alone together.”

  The next Saturday Herman met Wanda's two young boys, Gary and James. Gary was a round-headed, talk-a-lot boy that grinned all the time, and James, the quiet one, was long faced, and barely spoke. He just looked at Herman steadily. Their mother finally rushed them out with show fare. “Go me home af'ta the show; don't stay but maybe two pictures!” The boys left nodding their heads in agreement, but not really paying attention to their mother.

  The kitchen smelled good. Short ribs smothered in thick onion gravy, rice, collard greens, cornbread, and a sliced tomato salad. Herman ate his full plate with all the proper appreciative sounds, and then she led him to her bedroom. His smiling questioning face made her say, “We gonna sit and talk in here. Too many people come by and we won't have a chance to be alone none. If they don't know nobody's here, they won't try to come in.”

  Wanda really liked Herman; he was different from the men she knew. She thought, “He don't lay around the bar all the time. He must don't gamble, but that don't really matter long as he don't spend all his money out there that I needs round here.”

  She played the few records she had: Sam Cooke, Arthur Prysock, B.B. King, and others that spoke of love and lovin. The Blues. They each drank beer. She smoked a little pot, and he did, too. The evening turned out to be very interesting. Before he left they had made love twice. “It was not bad, in fact,” he thought, “it was pretty good!”

  Good enough to come back for more; and he did, just as she wanted, had planned. Herman was a good man, quiet, hardworking, kind, and trustful. He gauged most women by his mother, Odessa, Rose, and Bertha. He had experience, but it wasn't the rough kind, the cold-blooded people kind.

  Within two months Wanda told Herman she was pregnant … with his child. He did not love her, but she was alright. After much worrying, and a lot of thought, Herman did the “right” thing and married her.

  His place was larger than her little shack, but his landlord did not want children, especially young boys. He found a large house that would even have enough room for the coming baby. He was making good money, and now he would have a family. “No child of mine is going to suffer like I did.”

  Herman dropped the class he had registered for, and took an extra part-time job because something, it was never quite clear what, had happened to Wanda's income; it had just disappeared.

  The house was always full of the kids, their friends, and a few adults that obviously didn't have jobs. Music was always playing. They were always drinking beer, and liquor Herman didn't know he was paying for. It reached a point where he couldn't sleep the few hours he had to sleep. Wanda finally put a cot in the laundry room, and told him to lie down on that. She was never downright mean; she always smiled as she used him up.

  The baby was a boy. Herman was a proud father, he filled the nursery with baby toys, and all the things a little boy would like. There were even some things for when he grew up. Herman talked about the school, and even the college the baby might attend. He did not forget Wanda's sons. He bought socks, shirts, shoes for them; they really needed everything.

  Herman wanted to name the baby Herman, Jr., but Wanda said that it was bad luck to name the baby after the father. She wanted the name to be Jerome. So the baby was named Jerome. Herman didn't really believe what she said about bad luck, but rather than argue, he agreed. It didn't matter anyway, she was going to do what she wanted in the end.

  The laundry room became dirty, and smelly with unwashed diapers. She always ran down and bought some new diapers, thinking, “My husband makin good money! I done washed enough dirty clothes in my life already!”

  The next year brought another baby; a girl. Herman almost lost his mind he was so happy. “A girl! My baby girl! I'm going to name this one. Her name is Rose.”

  “Wanda asked, Rose?”

  Herman replied, “Yes, Rose Bertha.” And the name remained Rose Bertha Tenderman.

  After Rose was born, Herman felt a little better going to work every day. He had been getting tired and weary lately. Couldn't see why he was working all the time, and everybody else at his house was playing.

  He was having trouble with his stepsons. They were becoming willful young men. Herman tried to talk to them about school, and maybe college. They both listened to “the ole man,” but Gary couldn't care less about his words of advice. In fact he didn't understand the words. He brushed them off, saying, “Only fools be sittin up in some dark room stud'in books!

  “He too old to unda'stand life today. Ain't like in his day. We smarter now-a-days. We men!”

  James usually copied his older brother, but, as time passed, and he saw the things Herman did for his mother and Jerome, he became more thoughtful about listening to Herman. He had seen how other men had treated his mother; he had thought it was normal, until now.

  He began to absent-mindedly pick up one of Herman's books, and leaf through it. Herman had seen him and was encouraged, and encouraging. “What do you ever think about that you would love to do, James?” James didn't answer, just smiled in his quiet way, and went outside. The truth was, he had never been asked to think about anything serious before. He didn't know how, or what, to answer.

  Gary was the leader because he was the oldest. The brothers used their mother's marijuana, and drank any liquor they cou
ld steal from the house. This was difficult; their mother watched it closely, until she got drunk, which was often now. They encouraged her to drink. Then they stole some of her money. Didn't dare take it all. “Cause Mama is tough when she come to herself!”

  Lately, Herman would come in from work, and find Wanda drunk, stretched out on the couch he had bought her. Dress or robe hiked up showing her thighs; mouth hanging open, hair a mess. He would think, “This my wife. Lord, I'm glad my children are too young to understand this, and my friends don't come here. I am not happy, Lord. What have I done to myself? I had a future, Lord!” He held the tears back. “But I'll take care of my children You gave me, Lord. I'll sure do that!”

  Now he went out to the laundry room to sleep on the cot without any fussing or encouragement from Wanda. He thought, “I would rather be out there alone.” Sometimes he took the baby, Rose, out there. Just to hold her while they both slept.

  And he was too tired to fuss about all the partying going on at his house. Things didn't get better over the years. They seemed to get worse every day. Always some new faces he didn't recognize. The only thing he could count on from Wanda was waking him up to go to work. She would wake herself up to do that no matter how hung over she was.

  Then Gary and James started staying out all night. Once Wanda had to go down to the police station to talk to them about Gary. She would moan to Herman, “Herman, what we gonna do? I needs money for a lawyer.”

  He replied, “I don't know, Wanda. Gary should have had a job. I'm not going broke for someone who does not care about his future or himself. And he certainly does not care about anything I say.”

  When Gary was not around, James began to talk more to Herman about life. He was interested in the navy. Herman was glad because he thought that would be the best thing for James, to be separated from Gary. James was also interested in the mechanics of automobiles, and admired Herman for what he knew. “When I gets a lit'le older, I'm goin in the navy, like you did, Herman.”

  Herman replied, “You could do with a few days in school, James. Even the navy wants their men to know how to read. You're smart, you can do it. Let your brother make his plans; you make some of your own. Now, let me get some sleep; I got to get ready to go to work later.”

  His last thought before falling asleep was “I have to go see Mz. Rose and Mz. Bertha. It's been a long time. I heard Rose was sick. But these are modern times with modern medicine. I know she'll be alright. But I got to get over there.” Then his mind floated away in unrestful, mind-numbing sleep. But, with the new day, old thoughts faded away; he did not go check on the friends he truly loved. Life was heavy on his back. Time just seemed to evaporate.

  Herman began to save all the money from his second job. He continued, every payday, to give Wanda the money from his regular job. “I'm married to her; I got to take care of her. But this second job money is going into a savings account for a house for my own children; and I am going to see that they go to college.”

  For two years James went to school, sporadically, and finally found his way into the navy. Gary laughed at him, “Ya ain't nothin but a square, man, a fuckin fool.” But still, he looked forlorn and lost when James left. Wanda had sense enough to be proud of James. Herman breathed a sigh of relief, and kept working for his own children.

  Herman's life went on in this way for years. Years that took a toll; he got older, more weary, tired, and disgusted. The money not being so abundant as it once was, Wanda found ways to steal from her husband. With Wanda's encouragement even Herman began to drink to escape his weariness. What stopped him from going too far was he had to be sober to see what happened to his children. They were his life. Rose more than Jerome, because she was a defenseless girl.

  But, lately, he had been hearing about things people did even to young boys. “This world is really changing. It wasn't like this, or as much as this, when I was growing up. I slept outside at night; hobos and all kinds of men were out at night. But these kinds of things didn't happen to me. I didn't hear of them happening much to anybody.

  “The Bible is right, and Satan must be running this world. This sure looks and feels like Satan's system, and it is killing people or making them kill themselves. No one is safe anymore. Everything is moving so fast, too many people can't see what's happening. I've got to watch out for my children.” Then sometimes he would say to himself, “I've got to go see my friends, Mz. Rose and Bertha. And Juliet. Those are the kind of people I want my children to know.”

  (He was beginning to feel as grown as Bertha and Juliet, so he had dropped saying “Mz.” He respected his teacher, Rose, too much for that.)

  But in the rush of life, the steady run of problems, jobs, and trying to rest and get some sleep, he didn't go see his friends. It was always “In a few days, next week or tomorrow.”

  There were many, many more people in Wideland then, with more coming every day. And it seemed as though they all needed their cars worked on. Wanda was fighting all the time for more money. Gary was in and out of the jail, and Jerome was admiring Gary for being a “man.” Herman had to worry about his daughter because he knew Wanda had company when he was at work, and she was drunk.

  It all crowded in on him, and he was already tired. So, much more time passed, like time does pass: slowly, but fast, at the same time. And much had happened to his dear friends.

  ROSE AND MYINE

  As Wideland was making its history, and Herman was living his plans, the Leroy Aimes household, with Rose and Myine, had been living their history.

  The birth of Myine had completed the happy family. For the next few years no other child seemed to be on its way. The first years of Myine's life were filled with joy and laughter. Her stomach was always full, and whatever was good for a little girl, Rose made sure to get it for her.

  Rose was very happy with her family, grateful not to be alone anymore. She loved Leroy more and more every day. Sometimes she could not believe her life; it was so good, so full. She awoke each morning eager and ready for the day and her daughter. If Leroy was slipping away she did not, at first, notice.

  Over time, while living a life he had never come close to before, Leroy became used to the sameness of his home, even bored with it; the cleanliness, the good meals, and peace. Some human beings are that way.

  In the beginning of his marriage he had stopped in at the juke joints two or three times a week. He was popular. People liked him, and he liked them. He liked to laugh and talk with all kinds of friends.

  A year or so more passed quickly, and he began to drop in some of the new clubs and joints to socialize almost every night. But not Sunday. That was his family day, he told his friends. And he was proud of his family, his house. Then the Lark's Club had opened with its live music and the club became part of his daily routine. Finally he began to go out, after he had gone to church with his family, Sunday nights.

  He never ran into Herman or Joseph, because Joseph was home when he wasn't working. Herman was too tired to go out.

  There was no way to avoid a meeting with Tonya; they had seen each other several times, smiled and waved at each other. Finally, one night she placed her hand on her hip and stopped at his side; she stared at him, and waited. He smiled as he asked about her two sons. She replied, “They jes fine! I got me a daughter now, too!” He wanted to ask, “Who the daddy?” but didn't. Instead he said, “Well, I'm glad you doin so well.” He called the bartender and ordered a drink for her.

  Tonya took a sip of the drink, smiling as she did so, making her dimples show as she had practiced. She looked at him with those eyes that were meant to look as though they had a secret. “Ya been busy ya'self! I hear ya got a little baby. What was it, a boy? a girl?”

  “I have a daughter, Myine.”

  “What kind'a name is that? Ain't neva heard it befo.”

  “It's jes some name that Rose picked out. It's okay. What you doin out here if you got a new daughter? You still runnin the streets!”

  “If I wasn't I wo
uld'n'a met up with ya.” She smiled again, looking at him through lowered lashes.

  “Yea, well.” Tonya was still looking good to Leroy (which is different from good looking). She still looked sweet to Leroy. He remembered their old days; how good she was in bed making love to him. He thought of love-making a lot. He thought, “I got plenty at home, but, well, a strange piece is … Tonya wouldn't be a real strange piece, but strange enough. It's been a long time now.”

  When she turned to speak with someone, he looked at her behind, and smiled. When she turned back to him, he asked, “Who your man now, Tonya?”

  “What ya wan'a know for?”

  “Just askin.”

  “Ya see somethin ya want?”

  “I just might.”

  It didn't happen that night, but he had a warm spot in his heart for her anyway. In a short time, it didn't take long, she had wheedled herself back into his arms, and deep into his life.

  They became an invisible couple. Every night he was out, he wasn't at the Lark's Club, or a juke joint anymore. He was holed up at Tonya's rented shack. That made Tonya more than happy. In an ugly mean streak of her mind, she thought, “Mz. Lady got all that house ova there, but I got her man deep in my pretty yea-yea ova heah!” She gave him as much good loving as she could. Because of her hatred of Rose; because Rose had her own house. Rose, who did not even know Tonya existed.

  Rose was always waiting in some way for her husband. As she was cleaning house for her family, washing, ironing, shopping for food, cooking for her family. Or playing with Myine as though she was a child, herself. She thought of Leroy, her husband. “We are a family!”