Variant Lost (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 1)

by Kaydence Snow

Tyler, just like Ethan and Josh, was mine. He was in my Bond.

  “How is this possible?” he whispered, echoing my train of thought.

  “I don’t . . . I . . . I’m . . .” I had no idea what I was trying to say. All I knew was that his lips were mere inches from mine, and I wanted to close the distance.

  It didn’t matter that he was about to be my tutor, that I’d been trying really hard to stop myself from developing a crush on him, that I knew this urge was driven by my Vital instincts—a Light-driven reaction, pushing me to solidify my connection to another member of my Bond. All I could think about was how his lips would feel on mine.

  I flicked my eyes down to those very lips, but that’s what seemed to break the spell for him. He stepped away from me and dropped my hands. The sudden movement startled me, and I couldn’t mask the disappointment that fell over my face.

  “Oh, Eve.” The pity in his eyes made me feel foolish. Like another one of those females on campus harboring fantasies for the hot guy on the staff. Which is exactly what I was—a girl with a crush. Of course he wouldn’t want this. I too would resent being stuck by an uncontrollable supernatural force to someone seven years my junior.

  I went to turn away from him, to try to cover up my childish disappointment, but with a firm hand on my forearm, he stopped me. He pulled me toward him and enveloped me in a hug. It was not the kiss I was hoping for, but it was still contact, some semblance of the intimacy that the Light inside me was pacified by, even if my girlish emotions weren’t.

  I wrapped my arms around his middle and dropped my head on his shoulder.

  “It’s not that I don’t . . .” He sighed. I guess he was struggling with how to process this as well. “We’re in such a delicate situation already. We can’t have the ethics committee sticking their noses in too because it looks like I’m getting too close to one of the students. It’s better if we keep it platonic.”

  He squeezed me a little bit tighter before releasing me.

  I couldn’t help feeling the sting of rejection. I knew he had a point about raising suspicion with the Bradford Hills staff, but I wondered if that was also a convenient excuse for not jumping at the chance to deepen our Bond as enthusiastically as Ethan and Josh had—or as romantically.

  With some effort, I pushed away the self-conscious thoughts; we had bigger things to deal with. I’d hardly had a chance to figure out what was happening between me, Ethan, and Josh in the first place, and now a massive curveball had been thrown at us in the form of Tyler being part of my Bond.

  I gave him my best “I’m OK” smile. He looked relieved, moving to sit behind his wide, heavy desk in a deliberate effort to put some distance between us.

  It was probably best to get the conversation going again. We only had half an hour left of our session, and we had so much to cover. “Well, that was unexpected, but I guess it doesn’t change much. I still need to train. Learn.”

  “Yes.” He nodded definitively. “It certainly was unexpected. I never thought I would have a Vital. It’s less common with passive abilities like mine. Active, physical abilities like Ethan and Josh’s tend to need more Light to sustain them. And the fact that you have two people connected to your Light already . . . three is not unheard of, but it is rare.”

  We spent the remaining half an hour going over my vigorous new schedule. Some of my class commitments had been pulled back, including all my Variant studies. I would now be doing all Variant learning in daily sessions with Tyler. One of the things he wanted me to focus on was meditation. Apparently finding inner Zen was the key to fully controlling my Light. If I could control how much I took into myself, then I could avoid the itchy, sleepless ball of energy situation I’d found myself in the past few days. And if I could control how much I transferred, I wouldn’t be slamming the guys with it every time we touched, making them dangerous to any living (or inanimate) thing in their general vicinity.

  Tyler told me that all four of them had been practicing meditation from an early age. It wasn’t as important for Tyler, considering the benign nature of his ability, but it was crucial for the other three. Apparently Alec had worked very hard for many years, doing daily mindfulness practice, to gain the kind of control he had. Ethan and Josh had some control over theirs already, but the amounts of Light I gave them access to put things on a whole other level. We all had work to do.

  Until we were certain things wouldn’t get out of control, I was to avoid skin contact with Ethan and Josh at all costs and come to Tyler if my Light became unbearable again. It was the only way to avoid suspicion and minimize the chances of a disaster. In the meantime, we would train at their house as often as possible. The privacy of their massive, secure, isolated estate made it the only safe place for me to transfer Light to Ethan and Josh. Having the Reds think I was in a relationship with Ethan would help with that.

  He handed me my new, far busier, schedule at the end of the hour and ushered me toward the door, where he asked me to keep another secret.

  “If you see Ethan and Josh today, don’t tell them about the . . . us,” he finished uncertainly. “Let me tell them later, at home. I don’t want to chance their reactions in public.”

  “Oh. OK.” I wondered what kind of reaction he was worried about, but before I had a chance to ask, his phone rang, and he hustled me out the door before rushing to answer it.

  Naturally, I bumped into Ethan and Josh as soon as I stepped foot outside the building.

  Fifteen

  “Hey, babe!” Ethan flashed me his dimpled grin while Josh waved from behind him. I froze. Busted. I hadn’t had a chance to prepare for this. And what was with the pet name?

  “Oh, h-hey, um, sweetie. What’s up? What’s going on? Why . . . uh. What, whatcha doin’ here?” I ended that eloquent outburst with a stilted laugh and a shuffle of my feet, crossing my arms over my chest before immediately propping them on my hips. Smooth.

  Why was it that lying to government officials about my identity was so easy, but trying to lie to Ethan and Josh was making me feel like the most awkward person on earth?

  They exchanged a look, chuckling but confused.

  “We just thought we would come and see how your meeting with Gabe went.” Ethan said. “Maybe grab some coffee?”

  “Are you OK?” Josh interjected. Crap! Not Josh. Josh knew things just by looking at me. Stupid, observant, sexy . . . no! Focus, dammit!

  I couldn’t look at him, so I addressed his shoulder. “Mmmhmm. Yep. Fine. How are you?”

  “Fine.” He cocked his head to the side, trying to make eye contact. I could practically see the curiosity wafting off him.

  I needed to get things moving before they started asking questions.

  “Sweet. So yeah, gotta get lunch! I’m starving.” I marched off toward the cafeteria, hoping they wouldn’t follow me or notice I had just suggested lunch at 10 a.m.

  Of course they followed me. They had been following me around for the last several weeks; why would they stop now?

  Josh caught up to me first and stepped up on my right. Ethan surprised me by coming up on my left and draping a strong arm over my shoulders. I jumped a little but managed to keep walking. After days of avoiding even speaking too much in public, we were suddenly at the casual touching stage?

  “What are you doing?” I stage-whispered to him out of the corner of my mouth. “Aren’t we supposed to be keeping things secret?” People were already throwing us curious glances, murmuring to one another.

  “Yeah, but only about the Bond,” he whispered into my ear. I could feel his warm breath in my hair. It made me lean into him a little more.

  “Wh-what?” I had to shake my head to clear it. The Light inside me was practically singing at his close proximity. It was thoroughly enjoying being around my Variant guys, especially since I was still on a high from the intense Light transfer with Tyler only half an hour ago.

  “We need to keep our connection a secret, but it’s only a matter of time before everyone starts gossip
ing about why we’re spending so much time together. This way we get to have some control over what the gossip is. Plus, it gives me an excuse to touch you in public.” As he spoke the last sentence, his hand started to travel down my back toward my ass. I slapped it away and fixed him with a glare.

  He laughed out loud, drawing even more attention to us, and returned his arm to my shoulders, dropping a quick kiss to the top of my head.

  “This is so not fair,” Josh muttered on my other side. His gaze was fixed straight ahead, and a tiny muscle was twitching in his jaw.

  We’d made it to the square outside the cafeteria, but instead of heading toward the entrance, Ethan led me to another building. As if they had planned ahead, Josh opened the door so Ethan could hustle me inside.

  “I thought we were going to lunch.” We were inside what looked like another residence hall. It was deserted.

  Neither of them answered me as they walked toward the back of the building. Josh opened another door under the stairway, standing next to it like a butler, and Ethan ushered me into what I now saw was a storage closet. Mops and brooms were stacked on one wall, a shelving unit with cleaning supplies on the other.

  “What the hell? What are we doing here?”

  Josh closed the door behind him, and Ethan reached up to pull the cord on a little light bulb swinging from the ceiling.

  It was a small space, not intended for three people to stand inside. Definitely not intended for someone Ethan’s size. We were cramped, and it should have been uncomfortable, but I found myself liking the proximity to both of them.

  I was facing Ethan, his broad, white-cotton-clad chest just inches away. Josh stood directly behind me, blocking the door.

  “Something is wrong, and you’re trying to keep it from us.” Ethan crossed his arms over his chest. “Spill.” He had that serious look on his face, the one that disappeared the dimples.

  “What are you talking about? I’m fine.” More than fine now that I’m alone in a confined space with the two of you. The Light was apparently not as determined as I was to ignore the whole “getting involved with multiple people” thing. It churned inside me, chomping at the bit to flow into the guys crammed with me in the storage closet. It was making me confuse the supernatural urge for a more basic, physical one.

  Or was it? How much of my attraction could be attributed to the Bond connection, and how much was just me?

  Josh placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and pulled lightly, trying to get me to turn to him. I knew I should resist, that Josh’s way of picking up on unspoken things was freakishly accurate, but I melted into his touch. Behind me, Ethan stepped in a little closer.

  I was careful not to meet Josh’s eyes. Like a child playing hide and seek, I was trying to convince myself that if I couldn’t see him, then he couldn’t see me and my secret.

  “Eve.” His voice was soft but firm. “What happened? We only want to help. It’s all we ever want when it comes to you—to help and to protect. I know it has something to do with your session with Tyler this morning.”

  My eyes snapped up. “How . . . ?” and then I immediately realized my mistake. He smirked, satisfied. I had just confirmed his suspicion.

  “No fair!” I half-heartedly slapped his chest, but instead of removing my hand, I left it resting just over his heart, feeling the soft fabric of his mint-green shirt and the warmth of his body under my palm.

  “What did he tell you that freaked you out? I’m sure whatever it is, it’s perfectly normal . . .”

  I chuckled. “Oh, I know it’s normal. Or as normal as a paranormal connection can be.” My voice had dropped to a mutter, and Josh frowned.

  Ethan grunted in frustration behind me, his chest bumping my back. He was having trouble figuring out what we were talking about, and I didn’t blame him.

  “Eve.” Josh narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t remove my hand from its position on his chest.

  “Look, it’s nothing bad. I don’t think. Tyler is going to tell you tonight anyway. We really should get to class.”

  Unsurprisingly, my attempt at deflecting didn’t work.

  “So there is something to tell then,” Josh said. “Come on, Eve. What is it?”

  I shook my head and pressed my lips together.

  “Eve.” I wished he would stop saying my name with increasing levels of disapproval in his voice.

  “We’re not leaving this dirty storage room until you tell us what’s going on.” Ethan stepped impossibly closer, pressing his body flush with my back.

  My brain latched onto his use of the word dirty. Logically I knew he was referring to our current location, but coupled with his body heat radiating behind me and the feel of his hard chest pressed into my spine, I was considering all the other connotations of the word.

  “Please . . .” I wasn’t sure how I’d originally intended that sentence to end, but I collected my thoughts enough to say: “I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

  I immediately groaned in frustration. I’d given them another clue. I’d also given away the fact that their proximity was directly correlated to how much information I was giving away.

  “It’s something Tyler wants you to keep from us?” Josh’s voice was considerably lower now, his intense green eyes trained on me. “Why?”

  Again, I shook my head, refusing to answer. But it was too late. They had figured out my weakness.

  Moving in tandem, Ethan placed his hands on my waist just as Josh stepped forward and grabbed my arm, lifting it from his chest to his shoulder. Instinctively I raised my other arm, and Josh grabbed it so he was holding both my wrists. He ran his hands slowly up my arms, stopping at my shoulders, at the very edge of my shirt’s collar, careful not to actually touch my skin.

  At least some of us had the presence of mind to avoid sudden and violent Light transfer. It certainly wasn’t in the forefront of my mind.

  “Eve.” When he whispered my name again, it was more pleading than demanding. Ethan wasn’t saying anything, but his chest pressed into my back with each heavy breath he took, the warm air tickling my scalp. His fingers dug into my sides, and I immediately arched into him, inadvertently pressing my chest against Josh, tight as we were against each other.

  His sudden intake of breath told me I wasn’t the only one affected by our current situation. The hardness pressing into both my backside and low on my belly confirmed it. Josh’s hands left my shoulders and replaced Ethan’s on my waist as Ethan’s warm hands slid down over my T-shirt, stopping on my hips.

  Ethan’s forehead came to rest on the back of my head, and he cursed softly. “If she doesn’t tell us what this is about soon, I’m going to break the ‘no skin contact’ rule. In a big way.”

  “Eve. Please.” This time Josh actually did plead with me, punctuating it with a squeeze of his hands on my waist.

  I was torn. My Light-driven instinct was to please the members of my Bond, to strengthen the connection. But what the hell was I supposed to do when I would end up disappointing one of them regardless? Plus I had no idea how to actually tell them. “This is so hard. You guys have put me in a really tight spot.”

  Ethan groaned, and they both chuckled. I realized what I had just said and laughed. At least some of the tension was dispelled.

  “What I mean to say is, I don’t want to disappoint you or let you down. It feels painful to think about. But I also don’t want to disappoint Tyler or let him down. That’s just as painful.”

  I equally hoped that they would get the idea and that they would be more confused and drop it.

  “Holy shit.” Of course Josh got it right away.

  “What?” Ethan was nuzzling his nose in my hair. I wasn’t sure he’d even heard what I said.

  “She’s his Vital. Tyler is part of our Bond.”

  “What? Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” Josh and I answered at the same time.

  “I don’t know how to feel about this,” Ethan said. Josh just stared at me, looking as if he wasn’t
sure what to make of it either.

  And now I understood why Tyler had wanted to tell them himself. Would they be angry? Would they be disappointed in me?

  Ethan must have suspected our connection when we first shook hands, and Josh had thought I was his for several weeks, even if I’d had no idea what was going on. A couple days ago they’d had to deal with the fact that they would be sharing me. Now they would be sharing me with Tyler too. Was there enough of me to go around? Could I handle that much Light coursing through me?

  And what would this mean for their relationship? These guys were like family—in some ways more than family. I didn’t want to be the thing that came between them. Josh was already bothered that Ethan had an excuse to touch me in public when he couldn’t. That didn’t sit well with me either; I wanted to give them equal attention, equal Light.

  How would that work with Tyler in the mix? Considering our current position—the guys pressed up against me, all of us breathing hard, using every ounce of self-control to avoid the skin contact we knew was unsafe—it was clear they were interested in a romantic and physical relationship. And while I needed some time to get my head around being with more than one person, I wanted them too. How was I supposed to keep things even when Tyler had made it clear he wanted our relationship to be platonic?

  The tight proximity of two warm bodies I’d craved moments ago suddenly felt stifling, and I swallowed hard and pushed on Josh’s chest. He backed away immediately, and I saw he was staring at Ethan over my head. While I’d been having my quiet mental freak out, they’d been having a silent conversation. The look on his face was incomprehensible. How was he able to read me so clearly when I couldn’t decipher his feelings at all? It wasn’t fair.

  “If there had to be another one . . .” Josh looked down at me as he spoke, but it was Ethan who finished the thought.

  “. . . better him than anyone else.” I heard a smile in his voice as he said it.

  Predictably, Josh saw the inner turmoil written on my face and gave a confident smile. “It’s OK, Eve. I can see why Gabe might have been wary of our reaction, but we’re OK with this.”