Variant Lost (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 1)

by Kaydence Snow

  “Can I help you?” His voice was low but still devoid of that smooth sweetness I remembered from the night of the crash.

  I snapped my eyes up to his face, feeling like an idiot for staring. The eyebrow with the scar quirked just a little in amusement, his lips pulled into a crooked smirk.

  “Hey, um . . . sorry, I just . . . uh . . .” Words were eluding me, and now embarrassment was making it even more difficult to get my shit together.

  Usually, by this stage, he would have closed the door in my face, but apparently he wanted to watch me squirm.

  “Yes? What’s up?” The cruel little smirk grew as he leaned one arm on the doorway and grabbed the edge of his towel with the other, pulling it up but then dragging it just a little lower and leaving his thumb tucked into it. Naturally, my eyes were drawn to the newly exposed sliver of skin, and he chuckled.

  He was enjoying torturing me.

  Just as the outrage was about to overpower my ridiculous stupor, Dana sidled up to him, wearing one of his black T-shirts, her blonde hair all messed up.

  What had I been thinking, trying to force my thanks onto him by going to his bedroom?

  Dana looked at me with raised eyebrows, as if asking “what?” but Alec’s face had gone blank.

  When I still didn’t say anything, frozen to the spot by the shock of Alec’s shirtlessness and the sheer awkwardness of the situation, she simply turned her face into his neck, completely ignoring me. Her hand reached for his where it was still holding the towel, and her elegant fingers inched their way under the fabric.

  Alec used his free hand to slam the door closed, but it wasn’t in my face; I had already turned to leave. The overtly sexual act was apparently all I’d needed to snap me out of it.

  Instead of heading back to Josh’s room, I went to the stairs, jogging halfway down the first flight and plonking myself down. I needed a moment.

  With a low, frustrated growl, I banged the side of my head against the railing a few times. Alec had been a dick about the whole thing, purposely making me more uncomfortable, but Alec was always a dick about everything. And Dana’s dismissive attitude had been downright rude, but maybe she just wasn’t a morning person.

  I had been the one to intrude. I was the one who had created the opportunity for the awkwardness and the rudeness.

  I was still sitting there, berating myself, when unintelligible shouting came from above. Alec’s voice boomed from behind a closed door, then the same door slammed, then footsteps hurried in my direction.

  I shot up, not wanting to get caught on the stairs, but before I could make my getaway, Dana bounded past, taking the stairs at breakneck speed and not even slowing down to acknowledge me.

  When I heard Ethan calling my name, I headed back to my guys.

  A few days later, as I walked toward the front gates of Bradford Hills Institute, I caught another venomous look from a girl with short black hair and long, toned legs. I knew Ethan had a reputation, but the number of girls I was getting dirty looks from surprised me. I hadn’t said anything to him, not eager for him to confirm exactly how many women he’d slept with.

  According to Dot, Ethan had never stayed with a girl as long as he had with me, and they were wondering what made me so special. Sometimes out loud, as I walked past. If they only knew . . .

  I ignored the black-haired girl, keeping my eyes trained ahead and focusing on the feel of the warm sun on my back. I was on my way to the Zacarias mansion to get ready for an exclusive gala dinner. Josh had offered to pick me up, but I had insisted on walking, wanting to enjoy the nice weather.

  When I rounded the bend in the path, I saw him leaning on the massive gate. His yellow shirt was perfectly fitted, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows in a way that was unusually casual for him when in public. His dirty blond hair was perfectly set in a neat style, and his head was bent over a small paperback.

  I slowed to take him in for a moment before he noticed me, a smile playing on my lips. Of course they would never let me walk to their house alone, unprotected, but I couldn’t be mad about getting to catch Josh absorbed in a novel, looking like the promise of summer in his cheerful shirt and black sunglasses.

  I walked right past him, keeping my pace steady and fighting the mirth bubbling up inside, threatening to spill over in a fit of giggles.

  He caught up to me almost immediately, tucking the novel into his back pocket and flashing a brilliant smile.

  “You couldn’t wait until I finished the chapter?” He laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets. We still couldn’t hold hands, as much as I wanted to.

  “Oh, hey, Josh,” I said with exaggerated surprise, and that time we both laughed.

  We walked in companionable silence for a while and then started chatting about classes and books and what had been happening over the past few weeks.

  “How are the Reds?” he asked. “Zara still giving you the cold shoulder”

  “Nah, it’s all sorted now.” Zara had eventually apologized for dragging me into a fight that was between her and Dot. I quickly accepted her apology and told her it wasn’t my intention to deceive her; it was a flat out lie and I felt bad about it, but now that I knew my guys could be in danger if our secret came out, my resolve to keep them safe was unwavering.

  Once we cleared the air, we had a group hug—instigated by Beth. She could have thrown her hands up and avoided the whole situation—it had even less to do with her than it did with me—but she helped Zara work through her emotions and encouraged us to talk it out. She was a good friend.

  Things went back to normal with my roomies, but Zara and Dot’s relationship got decidedly more icy. They were both loud, strong, and stubborn, and even Beth couldn’t get them to sit down and talk.

  “Ethan still at baseball practice?” I asked Josh.

  “Football,” he corrected, chuckling. “He should be back any minute now, but he can take his time. I like having you to myself.”

  We shared a loaded look but didn’t let it linger. Being this close and not being able to reach out and touch him was torture. Time alone with either of them was rare, but at least I could be affectionate with Ethan in public.

  He had attempted to apologize for being an overprotective oaf that day, but I’d stopped him halfway through his awkward speech. His hulking presence had turned out to be a lifesaver, and I could understand why he’d done it.

  Josh cleared his throat. “How are your sessions with Gabe going?”

  “Yeah, really good. I’m actually starting to like meditating.”

  The meditation was just one part of my new routine. During the day I attended my science classes and went to my intensive tutoring sessions with Tyler. We were breezing through my Variant studies theory and spent half of each session working on my Light control. Tyler talked me through how to quiet my mind and focus on identifying that low thrum of the Light coursing through me.

  It was pure energy, unadulterated power. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I realized it had always been there; it had always been part of me, under the surface, waiting to find the Variants with the abilities it was created to sustain.

  I practiced transferring Light to him in controlled, deliberate amounts. It was always through our hands, and he would always pull away as soon as it was done, going to sit behind his desk.

  “Do you think your control is improving?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I guess. It’ll take time.”

  “I think you’re doing great. I mean, you haven’t accidentally floated anyone up to the ceiling in days.”

  He grinned. “Oh, come on! That happened once.”

  It had only happened that one time with an actual person, but it had happened plenty of other times with inanimate objects. Tyler was always there to keep us calm and focused though.

  It was fascinating to watch Tyler’s natural leadership shine through and the others take his lead. Apparently, he also had serious clout with Bradford Hills Institute, because no one questioned his decision to
pull me from half my classes and tutor me himself. Zara, however, did raise it one day over lunch, a suspicious look in her eyes. I shrugged and played it off as the Institute’s decision—that because I’d had so little contact with Variants growing up, they wanted me to learn all I could in case my ability manifested.

  She grumbled a bit about “Variants digging their claws into me” and “indoctrination,” but thankfully, she dropped it.

  Beth, on the other hand, was a hopeless romantic, had multiple crushes, and devoured romance novels like I did science journals. She jumped in, gushing about how I got to “spend hours every day locked in a room with Tyler Gabriel.”

  The conversation had then turned to which guys were single, descending into a gossip session, and I’d breathed an internal sigh of relief. Every time I had to actively lie to them, my heart would race, and I would have to work really hard to make sure I looked calm and casual. It was exhausting.

  At least the gossip was no longer about me. Mostly. When it appeared I wasn’t Bonded to anyone and there was no sign of me having an ability, the attention had slowly died down.

  The current hot topic was tonight’s exclusive Variant society event. Bradford Hills Institute, with sponsorship from the Melior Group, was hosting a gala in Manhattan. The black-tie event was a fundraiser for Senator Anderson’s upcoming re-election campaign. The New York senator, the woman I had read about online, was one of the only Variants in the Senate and a Bradford Hills Institute alumnus.

  As we started walking up their long, tree-lined driveway, Josh raised the event with a visible cringe. “You still dreading tonight?” He already knew the answer. I’d been complaining about it since realizing I would have to go.

  Anyone who was anyone in American Variant society would be flashing their cash at this gala, and most Variants my age would be using it as one of those networking events Zara had spoken about with such derision. All my fellow Variant students were excited to meet other young Variants in the hope they might find a Bond.

  I already had my Bond, so I had very little interest in the whole thing. Of course, no one knew that, so the guys were insisting I attend in order to avoid suspicion. I’d tried to argue, but Tyler had put his foot down, and since he was in charge of pretty much everything, I had to go.

  “Oh, no! I can’t wait!” I laid the sarcasm on thick, giving Josh a wide fake smile before rolling my eyes and deadpanning, “I would rather listen to a climate change debate.” There was nothing left to debate—the science was solid and definitive.

  “Wow. OK.” Josh chuckled, “I know you don’t want to go, but I’m looking forward to spending some extra time with you. And you’ll finally meet Ethan and Alec’s uncle.”

  I had yet to meet the elusive Lucian Zacarias. The boys had told me he would be at the event tonight but was flying in too late to make an appearance at home, instead staying at their apartment in the city—because of course they had an apartment in the city. On the Upper East Side. Where else?

  “Yeah, it’ll be good to meet him.” I gave Josh a genuine smile as we climbed the stairs to the front door. All the guys had a lot of respect and affection for their absent father figure.

  “Good.” He smiled back, opening the door for me. “Now, can I keep you to myself a little longer before Dot disappears you? What takes all afternoon to get ready?”

  I had no idea, but Dot had insisted. I dared not defy her for fear of having a bear carry me in its claws to her tiny, waiting feet.

  I did hope, however, that she had a dress I could borrow. Even though Zara had flat out refused to go, she’d given me some details on what to expect. This particular event was one of the big ones. It was not a “jeans and nice top” kind of party.

  I had exactly two dresses in my meager wardrobe. One was a T-shirt dress, which was too casual, and the other was my mother’s summer dress. One of a few items that had been salvaged from the plane crash, it had big yellow and red poppies on a black background, and the full skirt fanned out if you twirled on the spot. I couldn’t bring myself to wear it yet, and even if I could, this event was no more a “summer dress” event than a “jeans and nice top” event. I needed a gown.

  “Beats me.” I laughed. “But I’m happy to put it off a little longer.”

  “Come. I have something for you.” Excitement sharpened his features as he took off his sunglasses.

  “Oh?” My curiosity was piqued.

  My sneakers squeaked softly on the polished marble of the entrance hall as I followed him into a room on the right.

  It was a formal sitting room. On the opposite wall was a massive fireplace; in front of it, a wide glass coffee table and two velvet upholstered couches facing each other. After a quick glance to either side, Josh shut the doors behind us.

  As soon as the doors were securely closed, he took two long strides and wrapped his arms around me. Dropping my bag to the floor, I returned the hug eagerly and pressed my cheek into his shoulder, taking a deep breath. His crisp white shirt smelled like clean laundry warmed by the sun.

  In public, Ethan always had an arm slung over my shoulders as we walked, a hand on my knee as we sat together, a palm to my back as we passed through a door; Josh had to suppress his instinct to touch me or even look at me too long. But behind closed doors, it was Josh pulling me back to lean against him as we listened to Tyler explain the next exercise, hugging me tight after a long day, pulling me into his lap as we took a rare break to just hang out and listen to music. As we became closer, the Bond deepening naturally, it was getting more and more frustrating to have to keep a distance.

  “I missed you,” Josh mumbled into my hair.

  “I saw you yesterday in class, you goof.” I chuckled, but I knew what he meant. Having to sit side by side and be constantly wary that someone could be paying too much attention was torture. It was almost worse than not seeing each other at all. “I missed you too,” I added, because I really had.

  We stood like that for a few moments, just holding each other.

  My relationship with my Bond was still undefined and confusing, but I couldn’t deny that I craved each of their company. I needed Ethan’s infectious positivity; Josh’s observant, caring attention; Tyler’s confident leadership and challenging conversation. The Light was pushing me toward my Variants, but I needed them in ways that had nothing to do with the Light.

  With a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth, he released me and reached for a flat, rectangular box—big enough to fit two of my science textbooks—that had been sitting on the coffee table.

  “What did you do? What is this?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about impromptu gifts from my kind of, not really boyfriend, whom I was definitely attracted to.

  “Open it.” With the excitement in his face, you would think he was the one who’d just been presented with a surprise gift.

  I undid the black silk bow and lifted the silver lid, placing it on the table. Tissue paper—held together by a little round sticker with “Dior” embossed on it—concealed the box’s contents.

  I hesitated. I may not have had a keen interest in fashion, but even I knew Dior. This was a very expensive gift, probably more than I could guess at. I wasn’t sure I could accept something so extravagant.

  “Stop.” As usual, Josh knew what I was fretting about. “Please don’t let something as petty as money ruin this moment. I got it not because it’s expensive. I got it because it’s beautiful, and I want to see you in it. And also because I figured you would need something to wear tonight. Let me do this for you.”

  I could have argued. I could have told him it was just too much; there are plenty of beautiful things that don’t cost more than an average car. But I didn’t want to ruin the moment, so I chose to accept it graciously. Once again, Josh had done something thoughtful for me.

  I smiled at him and shook my head, tearing the tissue paper and lifting the dress out. It tumbled down between us in a cascade of soft fabric and delicate beading. It was easily the most beautiful thing I
had ever held. The dress was a dark, gunmetal gray, the bottom of it covered in rich emerald-green beading, dense at the bottom and getting sparser toward the middle.

  I launched myself at Josh, squishing the garment between us, and he dropped the box to return the hug. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed my mouth to his enthusiastically, and as naturally as I’d initiated, he responded. His arms circled my middle, and he deepened the kiss, sighing with what could not be mistaken for anything other than satisfaction and relief.

  It was the first time we’d kissed since the night of the party, but just as it had that night, it felt as if we’d been doing it for years. Our lips moved against each other in perfect rhythm, our bodies pressing together as though they were made to fit.

  As I reveled in the moment, thoroughly enjoying the new level of intimacy, I vaguely registered the logical part of my brain reminding me why we hadn’t been kissing all this time. The kiss had been spontaneous, and I hadn’t made sure my Light flow was locked down.

  As the kiss gained a new level of heated intensity, the alarm bells in my head got louder too. The Light was flowing freely and fast out of me and straight into Josh.

  He grunted in frustration before pulling away and looking at me, the green in his eyes more vibrant than I’d ever seen it. “You can’t go kissing me like that.”

  He had a point. The coffee table next to us was floating in midair. Josh focused his gaze on it, managing to lower it to the ground gently and without smashing the giant piece of glass that composed the top.

  I grinned at him. “No harm done! See? You’re getting better at that.”

  “Mmmhmm,” he murmured, no longer listening. Instead he buried his face in my neck, running his lips feather soft up to my ear. “If that’s the reaction I get, I’m buying you a dress every damn day.”

  “Don’t you dare.” I meant it to sound firm, but it came out on a whisper. Someone had to put a stop to this, or I really would run out of time to get ready. I took a deep breath and nudged his shoulder. “Hey, you’re ruining my new dress, you brute.”