Variant Lost (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 1)

by Kaydence Snow

  I continued to take deep breaths as I thought about it. What did I know?

  I knew that that the unbridled power coursing through me was verging on unbearable. The Light was demanding to be released.

  I knew I was connected to the four men standing on the platform with me. I’d learned enough about the nature of Variant Bonds and physiology to be able to recognize this for what it was.

  I knew Tyler always encouraged me to ask questions and learn more, just as he was doing now. He had never been evasive with me.

  I knew Josh was so observant and in tune with my body language and facial expressions that he sometimes knew what I was thinking before I did.

  I knew Ethan had done all he could to make it clear I was his to all the other Variants at Bradford Hills, without actually giving away that we were connected.

  I knew Alec was a total douche bag—but that wasn’t really relevant at the moment.

  I knew they were somehow connected to my mother—to my past before I had any memories of it. The photo I’d found, and that Alec had used my real name, was evidence of that.

  I knew my mother had kept us running my whole life to keep us from something dangerous. But . . .

  I never knew what that was exactly. I had no concrete evidence to suggest it had anything to do with my guys.

  My guys.

  My Bond. The men that I was connected to by a tether stronger than anything on this physical plane.

  I knew they couldn’t harm me if they wanted to. I had stuck my hand in Ethan’s fire enough times to know it was harmless to me. Josh’s telekinesis had items bouncing off me as if I was surrounded by a force field, and Alec . . . Alec had hurt me badly but not with his ability.

  As I puzzled these things out, I was trying, and failing, to get a handle on my Light, but at least my fear was subsiding. When I’d found that photo, I’d assumed the worst, my body going into fight or flight mode and choosing what I’d spent my entire childhood perfecting—flight. My suspicion wasn’t completely gone, but perhaps my fear was unwarranted.

  Someone was calling my name.

  “Eve!” Alec’s almost panicked voice crashed into my consciousness. “Evie!”

  I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him. He had used my childhood nickname, the name my mother used to call me. No one had called me that since before the plane crash.

  But why was he so desperate to get my attention?

  I looked over to the other three. They were all staring intently at my face. Ethan’s eyes, almost of their own accord, flicked down to my body, then back up to my eyes.

  The infuriating itch had spread to every part of my body, and I was frantically running my nails over my skin, from my arms to my shoulders to my belly to my legs. My bare legs . . . Why wasn’t I wearing pants?

  I looked down at myself. Without even being conscious of it, I had stripped down to my underwear, the Light raging through me so uncomfortable that I had removed the constrictive fabric. But that wasn’t the most shocking thing.

  I was glowing!

  Every inch of my body had a soft white luminescence to it. Like a nightlight or a Christmas tree or fucking plutonium!

  Any semblance of trying to get my Light under control went out the window, and I went into full panic mode.

  “What the fuck?” I screeched, my eyes darting around the platform in a futile search for a solution.

  “Eve, please let me help you.” Tyler sounded desperate. He was breathing hard, his messy hair hanging loose over one side of his forehead, his eyes wide.

  “Yes! Make it go away!”

  He was in front of me before I even finished speaking, holding his hands out in the familiar way. I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed him around the wrists, needing something to hold on to.

  As soon as we made skin contact, the Light poured out of me. But unlike our usual transfer sessions, it didn’t channel through my hands and into Tyler at the points where we touched. It burst out of me everywhere, as if every part of my body, every pore on my skin, was releasing Light as freely as any river.

  It was a force of nature.

  “Whoa! You feel that?” Ethan’s voice came from somewhere behind Tyler, followed by the heavy thud of booted feet running up the concrete steps.

  “Yeah . . .” Josh sounded unsure of his answer, which was odd for him.

  “Back up, you two,” Tyler said from right in front of me.

  I was reveling in the relief from the frenetic energy, but I forced myself to open my eyes. Tyler was looked as shocked as he had been the first time we’d done this. He released my arms and placed one hand on my neck. The other he laid flat against the exposed skin on my back.

  I could feel the Light transferring through the spots where Tyler was touching me. It was the first time I’d transferred Light through someplace other than my hands (unless you counted the times I’d done it while kissing), and if the fractured conversation I’d just heard was anything to go by, apparently I didn’t even need the contact.

  But that was impossible according to every bit of research I’d read about how Light transfer works. What the hell was wrong with me? Not only was I releasing Light without skin contact, I was glowing.

  I reached out, still needing something to keep me grounded, and grabbed a fistful of Tyler’s shirt in each hand. With my hands in front of my face, I was beyond relieved to see I was no longer glowing.

  “Incredible.” Tyler’s breath washed over my face. He was holding me close. On a train platform. In one of the busiest terminals in the world. And I was in my underwear!

  I looked around nervously. By some miracle, the platform was completely empty of people. Josh came up behind me and draped my discarded, stolen hoodie over my shoulders.

  I pressed myself a little closer to Tyler and said, with as much conviction as I could, “Thank you.”

  He smiled in relief and gently kissed my forehead in place of a “you’re welcome.” Then he released me into Josh’s arms.

  Josh spun me around and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight. I’d only been on the run for a few hours, but it felt so good to be back with them. How could I have ever felt unsafe with my guys?

  With one final squeeze that expelled all the air from my lungs, Josh released me. He held the hoodie out so I could pull my arms into the sleeves, then darted his eyes around the platform before kissing me quickly on the lips.

  I turned away from Josh to find Ethan still standing in the same spot, arms by his sides, his expression guarded. He’d looked so hurt and rejected when I’d moved away from him in fear, and it was killing me to see the uncertainty still in his eyes.

  I rushed over and launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his middle. He caught me effortlessly, holding me much more gently than Josh had, considering his size. I buried my head in his neck, and he mirrored me, breathing deeply. For a few moments, he rocked us side to side, then lifted his head.

  Unlike Josh, he didn’t bother to look around the platform before kissing me. He just mashed his lips to mine, pouring all his feelings into that fierce kiss. I returned it just as enthusiastically, knowing he needed the reassurance and comfort.

  Just as our tongues met, the kiss deepening naturally, Tyler cleared his throat.

  “We’re running out of time. Alec is keeping the crowd off the platform, but there isn’t much he can do about the train that’s about to roll in.”

  As if to prove his point, the distinctive whirr and clack of an approaching train issued from the darkness of the tunnel. I pushed against Ethan’s shoulders, and after a moment of reluctance, he released me. Once again, Josh was there with clothing, handing me my jeans and shoes.

  I hurried to pull on the pants, and Josh zipped the hoodie up over my bra just as the train rolled into the platform. Tyler shoved my discarded tank top into his pocket and led our group to the stairs, Ethan with his fingers laced through mine and Josh clos
e behind us.

  I had tried and failed to do as my mother would have—to run. I hadn’t even made it out of the state, but I had succeeded at something I’d never even seen her attempt.

  I’d found someone to trust.

  Ethan Paul, Joshua Mason, Tyler Gabriel, and even Alec Zacarias had—through the Light-fueled, supernaturally intense connection we shared—become a part of my life.

  Despite the many complicated issues we had to work through, they were as much a part of me as I was of them. If I couldn’t trust my Bond, whom could I trust?

  Twenty-Three

  Like a sentinel, Alec stood at the top of the stairs with his feet planted wide, his arms crossed. He had pulled the sleeves of his black top up to his elbows, and the tight muscles in his forearms were on full display. There was obvious tension in his shoulders.

  In front of him, a disgruntled mob of New Yorkers was getting increasingly impatient. Many were muttering and throwing pissed-off sideways glances in Alec’s direction. He wasn’t using his ability—no one was doubled over in pain—so I had no idea how he’d managed to keep them all at bay, but none of them were even trying to get past.

  Tyler reached the top first and whispered something to Alec before pushing through the crowd. Alec nodded once, and just as Ethan and I made it to the top, he dropped his arms by his sides. His hand landed right next to mine, and he wrapped his warm, calloused fingers around it.

  When our hands connected, he didn’t even turn his head to look at me. He just held on and took the lead, dragging me along behind him. The intense Light transfer I’d just experienced on the platform was keeping the energy satiated for the time being—I felt only a light tingling where we touched, a tiny amount of Light passing from me to him.

  Still, the Light was pulling us toward each other like magnets. I’d just had an intense couple of days, punctuated by the most overwhelming Light overflow I’d experienced to date—I mean, I fucking glowed!—and the Light was demanding closeness to my Bond. I’d melted into my guys on the platform like chocolate left in the sun. Each of them, in their unique way, made me feel as if that was exactly where I belonged—in their arms.

  Now the Light was pushing me to bring Alec into that fold too. At least, I was pretty sure I was experiencing an instinctual reaction to our connection. Why else would my traitor hand grab on to Alec’s and hold on? I was still pretty pissed off at him, and the logical side of my mind was reminding me he was still a massive jerk.

  But there we were, hand in hand, pushing through the grumbling crowd. With Ethan still holding firmly on to my other hand, we made a short human chain as we rushed toward the exit.

  Tyler’s black SUV came to a screeching halt in front of us just as we stepped out onto the street. Josh took shotgun, and I found myself squished into the middle between Alec and Ethan.

  As soon as all the doors were shut, Tyler took off as if we were in a high-speed car chase. Ethan draped an arm over my shoulders and held me so tight I wasn’t sure I even needed my seatbelt, but Alec made me put it on anyway, holding the clip out at my side silently while dialing a number on his phone.

  He made several efficient calls, speaking softly but firmly and saying things like “contain the situation,” “pacify the civilians,” and “acquire CCTV footage.” I tried to listen in, but the motion of the car and the softness of Ethan’s embrace lulled me. Other than Alec’s few phone calls, the car was silent.

  A few minutes after his last call, Alec’s hand landed on my thigh. I opened my eyes to look at him, but he had his face angled toward the window.

  He took a deep breath and squeezed my leg firmly, his quiet voice carrying in the silent car. “Don’t ever do that again, Evelyn.”

  Next to me, Ethan tensed. All of my sleepiness vanished, replaced by more of the rage that had coursed through me in Tyler’s study. I sat up straight, shrugging Ethan’s arm off.

  “Do what?” I demanded through gritted teeth. “Lie? Evade? Keep secrets?”

  He snapped his head around, and for the first time since I’d come face to face with him on the platform, I looked properly into his vibrant ice-blue eyes. Pain flickered across his face before that familiar emotionless mask fell into place.

  Before he had a chance to reply, Tyler raised his voice from the front seat. “Enough! We will discuss this like adults, or we won’t discuss it at all.”

  Alec clamped his mouth shut and glowered at me, but I wasn’t willing to back down. I clenched my hands into fists.

  “The hell we won’t! I deserve answers!” Of course, taking my anger at Alec out on Tyler wasn’t fair, but the frustration was growing fast.

  “Yes, you do,” Tyler answered in a level voice, fixing me with a look in the rearview mirror. “But can we try to do it without everyone getting so worked up? Or do you want to go another round of glow-in-the-dark, Eve?”

  That sobered me up, and I checked in with my body. Sure enough, my elevated emotions had caused my control to slip again, and I was surprised to find Light coursing through me so soon after I’d expelled it into Tyler. I took a few deep breaths and slammed the mental door shut, preventing it from getting out of hand.

  I had forgotten Alec’s hand still resting on my leg, so I was startled when he suddenly whipped it away, pressing himself to the car door and as far away from me as possible. I looked over, giving him my best “what the fuck” look. His reaction was confusing, considering how drawn the other three were to my Light, their abilities pushing them to instinctively seek me out.

  I didn’t have time to dwell on it though. I had so many other questions.

  “OK, fine,” I said in a much calmer voice. “I’ll behave. But can someone please start speaking?”

  Surprisingly, it was Josh who answered, leaving Tyler to concentrate on the road. At the speed he was maintaining, we would be back in Bradford Hills in record time.

  “The photo you found, of your mother—the other women in it are our mothers. They were all friends a long time ago. For the first five years of your life, Eve, we were like family. Our parents were close, and we spent almost every day together. Then one day, your mother and you just disappeared. I was only seven at the time, so I don’t remember much, but I remember everyone being really upset about it. They refused to answer any of our questions. I think they knew more than they told us, but I guess now we’ll never know.”

  He leaned his head on the window, seemingly lost in thought.

  Ethan spoke next, but instead of picking up where Josh had left off, he knocked the breath out of me with his soft, insecure voice. “Why did you run?”

  I took his big hand in both of mine and squeezed tightly, swallowing around the lump in my throat. I hated that I’d hurt him.

  Before I had a chance to explain myself, Tyler did it for me. “She thought her mother had kept them on the run all those years because she was trying to keep her from us.”

  Shocked, I looked to the front of the car, but he didn’t meet my eyes.

  “She saw the photo of her mother, she was already in a highly emotional state, she panicked. She was reeling from Alec’s revelation, and she wondered what else we could be keeping from her. She spent her childhood running from place to place, her mother keeping them constantly on the move to evade an unexplained threat. It came naturally to her to run.”

  The car descended into silence, all of us staring at him in astonishment.

  “How . . . ?” I was positive I hadn’t told Tyler anything about my mother keeping us on the run, not even how much I’d moved around as a child. I knew I hadn’t told any of them how panicked I was when I found the photo, although I guess that would be a logical conclusion.

  He cleared his throat and glanced at me in the mirror. “I’ve been noticing some . . . enhancements to my ability with all the extra Light I’ve been receiving. With a particularly large dose, like just now, not only can I tell when someone is being untruthful, I can tell what they are being untruthful about and what the basic truth behind the
situation is.”

  After another beat of silence, the car erupted into animated noise, all of us shouting over one another. Ethan was asking if that would apply to all their abilities and what enhancements he might experience, Josh was outraged that Tyler had not told us all about this sooner, Alec was demanding to know what else Tyler “knew to be the truth,” and I wanted to know more about how it worked. How much Light was needed to kick this into action? How long did it last?

  Unfortunately, none of us got any answers. We pulled into the parking garage at the mansion, and Tyler shut off the engine. Turning in his seat, he silenced us all with a stern look.

  “Look, this is pretty new, and I’m still figuring it out, but in the interest of transparency”—he looked pointedly at Alec—“I wanted to share it with you all. Going forward, I think we need to be more honest with one another, and I’m trying to lead by example. Now, I don’t know about any of you, but it’s nearly dinner time, and I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I’m still hungover, and I need food.”

  Without waiting for a response, he got out of the car and went inside.

  As soon as Tyler mentioned food, my stomach grumbled. I too hadn’t eaten since my breakfast bagel. Was that only this morning? Not to mention that intense, unbridled Light transference had left me feeling depleted in every way, just as it had on the night Ethan nearly died.

  An unspoken agreement settled between us, to put the heavy conversation on hold until our bellies were full. We sat in companionable silence around the big kitchen island, wolfing down leftovers.

  Ethan situated himself next to me and ate one-handed, his other hand resting on my knee. He’d refused to leave my side since the train station. I hated seeing the larger-than-life, boisterous show-off acting so insecure. I hadn’t seen a hint of the dimples since that morning.

  Alec was the first to finish eating. Sitting at the head of the bench, he was resting his chin on his clasped hands and watching me intently.