Nothing but Trouble

by Cathy Quinn

  Ellen was pale. “I looked it up on the medical databases. It could be all sorts of things.”

  “Blood... that means it’s probably serious, isn’t it? Oh, my God, poor little David. Is he crying? In pain?”

  “David looks just fine,” Robert stressed. “Let’s not jump to conclusions, okay? It’s probably nothing, but we need to have it checked out immediately.”

  Fully dressed she turned to him and grabbed his arm. “I want to come with you to the hospital? Please?” She didn’t explain why, but the unshed tears in her eyes must be explanation enough.

  “Of course you can. But the rest of the kids...”

  “Ellen and Chris should be fine with the kids. Won’t you, Ellen?You can always get your mom from next-door if there’s a problem.”

  “Of course. We’ll be fine,” Ellen said. “Don’t worry, just get David to the doctor.”

  They hurried across the hall into the playroom. David looked fine. He stood against the wall and slowly made his way towards her, laughing. She picked him up and hugged him so tightly he complained. “You’ll be okay, little guy. I promise. We’ll go see the doctor and he’ll make it okay.”

  David was blissfully unaware of anything being wrong. He chatted happily all the way to the emergency room, where Linda nearly had a nervous breakdown as they tried to explain to the nurse what the problem was.

  After the paperwork they had to wait. She sat down with David in her lap and reached for a tattered children’s book. Her voice was shaking, but he seemed happy enough with her reading, and even with all that had happened, she was grateful for the comfort of Robert’s arm over her shoulders. He was silent and tense, and she could feel the fear emanating from him, mirroring her own.

  When David’s name was called, she carried the little boy into the examining room, hugging him so tightly he protested, and only reluctantly handed him over to the nurse. David went happily into her arms, waving back at Linda. Such a friendly, trusting little guy. Linda took a seat, clenched her trembling hands together and watched the doctor fuss over the child. She’d brought the dirty diaper in a bag, and the nurse was examining the contents.

  Her stomach clenched and she reached out for Robert’s hand. He took her hand between both of his, and the warmth of his closeness was comforting. This time around, she was not alone.

  How could parents handle this? Not only the fear that they could never be good enough parents, but also this, worrying that never came to an end, the excruciation when something was wrong, plus all the mundane problems and difficulties of everyday life. She had only known the quadruplets for a few weeks, but this tearing pain at the possibility of something being seriously wrong with David was something she’d only experienced once before.

  Barry, his pale face, framed with dark hair shot into her mind’s eye, and with old pain reawakened she could only clench her eyes shut and shake her head to get rid of the old memory. Desperate to find something else to occupy her thoughts, she glanced around the room.

  A large bulletin board covered half of one wall, filled with cartoons and quotes. One quote caught her eye, a sentence in bold black letters: “The only thing worse than having children is not having them.”

  Her entire universe paused for a second as she contemplated the implications, and through the noise of all her blood rushing to her head, she heard the doctor and nurse laugh.

  “What?” Robert was asking, already standing. “Why are you laughing? Is he going to be okay?”

  “He’s fine,” The doctor picked David up and looked at him with brows together in a mock frown. “You’re quite a guy. Giving people a scare like that for no reason.”

  Linda held out her arms to take the boy, but he was too busy having fun with the doctor’s stethoscope. “What’s wrong with him, doctor?”

  “Food coloring,” the doctor replied succinctly.

  “Food coloring?” Linda repeated, as her brain refused to make sense of this information. “What do you mean ‘food coloring’?”

  “He must have ingested some kind of candy or food with strong color, and that’s what caused his urine to turn red. It’ll all wash out in a few more hours.” He smiled. “Too bad it wasn’t blue or green, then you would have guessed what it was.”

  Ice slowly melted from Linda’s bones. She grabbed David back from the doctor and squeezed him until he protested. “The marzipan,” she accused. “That pink, pink marzipan that you just had to gobble up when I wasn’t looking. Just wait until I feed you candy for dinner next time.” She looked at Robert. “I didn’t tell you yesterday – but he got into some candy I’d bought. Some very pink marzipan.”

  The doctor cleared his throat and she glanced back at him. “It was an accident,” she blundered. “I just looked away for a second and then he had already eaten half the bag. We’re really not in the habit of giving him candy.”

  The doctor chuckled. “I’m not the nutrition police. He looks well taken care of.”

  They thanked the doctor and nurse and returned to the car. David was still babbling happily as she strapped him into the car seat, but as soon as she sat down in her own seat, her trembling increased.

  Robert glanced her way as he started the car. “You okay?”

  “Y-yes,” she stuttered. “He’s okay. He’s really okay. This was my fault. He wouldn’t have eaten that candy if I’d been more careful.”

  “There’s no harm done, Linda.”

  “Not this time. I shouldn’t be around children. I’m not cut out for it.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Oh, God. Why am I shaking like this now that it’s all over? Everything is fine now. It’s not like when Barry... Oh, God.”

  He killed the engine and turned towards her. “Talk to me.”

  “This isn’t the time. David...” She glanced back and saw David’s head against the window, his eyes half-closed.

  “David is almost asleep after all the excitement. Tell me about Barry, Linda.”

  If she’d been feeling anywhere close to normal, she’d have chuckled at his tone. “You’re being bossy again.”

  He slid his hand around the back of her neck, into her hair and just kept it there, angling her head so that she was looking at him. “Tell me, sweetheart.”

  She closed her eyes at the endearment she really didn’t want to hear. “Barry... had mild epilepsy. He was on medication for it.”

  “Did you have to deal with his seizures?”

  “No. The medication worked, and he never had any. Not until...” She swallowed and clenched her fists. “One evening he complained of a bad headache. So I gave him a painkiller. A mild one. Children’s dose. I didn’t know it could interact with the seizure medication. Early next morning he had a seizure, the first one in years.”

  Robert’s hand rubbing back and forth over the nape of her neck provided some distancing from the memories. Calm. Comfort. Otherwise she’d never have been able to get all those words out. “Was it a bad one?” he asked quietly.

  The memory of the little body twitching still had the power to bring tears of guilt and fear to her eyes. “The doctor said it had been a small seizure, but it looked bad. I’d never seen anything like it before. I was alone, Elliot was out of town for a conference. I didn’t know what to do. I had absolutely no idea. It was over very quickly, before I realized what had happened. Afterwards he was just tired. He wanted to sleep, but I was so afraid he wouldn’t wake up again. I took him to the emergency room... and he kept falling asleep on the way.” She drew another trembling breath. “I was so scared. And it was my fault.”

  Robert shook his head. “How could this be your fault if you didn’t even know about the possibility of drugs interacting? It was his father’s responsibility to warn you about that. And knowing that the child had epilepsy, it was also his responsibility to prepare you and train you in what to do.”

  “He wasn’t getting any fits. Not on the drugs. Not when a responsible adult was there, someone who knew what they were doing.”

 
“Linda, you’ve got to see that blaming yourself for this doesn’t make any sense. You couldn’t have known.”

  “I should have asked Elliot. I could have reached him at the conference and consulted him before giving him a painkiller. I shouldn’t have been playing the competent Stepmom when I obviously wasn’t. Any thinking person would have wondered about the possible interaction of the analgesic with the epileptic drug. I didn’t know what I was doing, and it could have killed Barry. I could have killed Barry.”

  Robert swore. “Is that what this idiot told you? That you almost killed the child?”

  The words were still there, at the back of her mind. They still echoed, even after three years. “Yes. That’s what he told me. I know it’s cruel, and that he was a jerk in a lot of ways, but he wasn’t that wrong this time. Anyway, I moved out the next day.” She stared out the window. “I never even saw Barry again.”

  “He was wrong. He was the incompetent one. When you have an epileptic child, you don’t leave him with a caretaker without making sure that person knows all she needs to know. And with children and epilepsy, you never know when the drugs will work and when they won’t. It’s entirely possible that his seizure didn’t even have anything to do with that analgesic. If he already had a headache, that in itself might indicate a problem.”

  She started to shake her head, but they were interrupted as Robert’s cell phone beeped. She used the time to take some deep breaths and compose herself. Baring her soul in that way hadn’t been the plan.

  “It was Eric,” he told her as he stuffed the phone back into his jacket pocket. “They called from their cell phone and are already on their way, so they’ll be picking the kids up in about an hour.”

  She nodded.

  “Linda... will you please reconsider that doctor’s appointment? Especially with what you just told me, there are some things you need to think about before doing something so drastic.”

  “That has nothing to do with what I just told you,” she muttered. It didn’t, did it?

  “Just postpone it. Just for one month. A week, even. So we can talk it over.”

  “There is no we, Robert. How often do I have to repeat that? This is none of your business.” Her tone was harsh, and his clenched jaw told her she’d hit home. There was silence the rest of the way. As they stopped outside the house, he grabbed her wrist as she was leaving the car.

  “Is that it, Linda? No we? Please separate that from the sterilization issue, and from what happened with Barry. Neither has anything to do with you and me.”

  She shook her head without looking at him, and pulled her wrist out of his grasp. David was heavy in sleep as she carried him inside. The kids would be out of here in a few hours. So would he. Even George would be going back to the lab.

  Would she even see the Quad ever again? Or even George? With a heart broken in six parts, she kissed all the kids – and George - goodbye and escaped to her room.

  The tiny mirror on the wall told her she was crying. She sniffed and turned her back to it. Mirrors lied. Everybody knew that.

  Chapter 10

  Chris had cornered her off in the kitchen. For a whole week she’d been avoiding the pair, or at least always kept one escape open in case one of them would start interrogating her. Explaining the whole mess to them was nowhere near the top of her wishlist. It looked like Chris was on to her, since he’d pushed the kitchen table against the wall, and blocked the other side himself as he sat down next to her on the bench. “Okay, Linda. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “What makes you think anything is going on?”

  “Let’s see. First you and Robert put us newlyweds to shame in the kiss and cuddle department, then we hear some shouting from downstairs, then you almost run Ellen over in your rush to get out of the house muttering something about chocolate, then you hide in your room for the rest of the day, and the next day Robert leaves looking like a thundercloud. Since then, you’ve been moping around the house whenever you’re home, avoiding both me and Ellen, and Ellen tells me Robert is no longer speaking at work. He just growls.”

  “Did Ellen put you up to this?”

  Chris grinned sheepishly. “Yep. I protested, and told her to talk to you herself, but she insisted you’d need a man’s perspective. But if it has something to do with sex, I’m out of here.”

  “It has to do with sex.”

  Chris was already in the doorway when he turned around, eyebrows low in suspicion. “You said that just to get rid of me, didn’t you?”

  “No. You see, it has to do with the location of my G-spot...”

  This time Chris made it half the way up the stairs before she heard his footsteps slow down and then return. For the first time in days, she giggled as he cautiously entered the kitchen again.

  “You won’t get rid of me that easily,” he warned, taking a seat next to her again. “I promised Ellen. Besides, you meddled in my love life, and I owe you. I will now do my best to meddle in yours.” He patted her hand. “I can’t say I’ve much experience at this, but here goes. First, tell Uncle Chris what the problem is.”

  Suddenly she was crying. Damnit. She never cried. Well, not in front of other people, and certainly not in front of Chris.

  “Hell, Linda, not you too? Don’t cry. Ellen cried constantly on our honeymoon because she was ‘so happy’. It drove me absolutely crazy.”

  Linda giggled, even through her misery. She grabbed his arm and pulled him to her side, then threw her arms around his neck. “Just shut up and let me borrow that shoulder,” she hiccupped into his shirt. “I want to be a silly sentimental idiot for a few minutes.”

  To his credit, Chris held his panic in check and patted her back awkwardly while she got rid of a few years’ rations of tears. As she finally opened her eyes the first thing she saw was the sparkle of his new wedding ring. She reached out and touched it with a finger. “Is that ring cramping your style yet?”

  With obvious relief Chris gave her one last pat on the back and with determination straightened her up. As a clear message that crying time was over, he wiped the last tears of her cheeks with his thumb and stuffed her packet of tissue back into her purse, then put the purse out of her reach on the table. “Definitely. Since I got that one, you or your uniformed friends haven’t tried to push me out on a single blind date. I’ll never give up that ring.”

  She grinned. “Are you two planning on any babies?”

  “Yes. Not in nine months time or anything,” he hastened to add. “But eventually.”

  “Uhum.”

  “Spill it, Linda. What happened between you and Robert and what has it got to do with my babies?”

  “I fell in love with him,” she mumbled. “It just happened. Head over heels. Glasses and all, although I still think he should try contacts, mind you.”

  “Okay. Can’t say this is a newsflash. You’re in love with him. And apart from him not wanting contacts, what is the problem?”

  “He wants kids.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “I do now. I think. In a few years time, at least, not necessary right away. But I used to not want them because I was so afraid I couldn’t handle it, and he thinks I don’t. And now he thinks I’ve actually gone ahead and had my tubes tied because I never want children.”

  “I see.” Chris didn’t look at all as if he did see. “And I suppose there is some really good explanation that you can’t tell him you’ve changed your mind?”

  “I dumped him, Chris. I told him it was over, but I didn’t want to tell him it was because of children, because he would say he didn’t care and I know he would care sooner or later and it’s not fair to deprive him of children just because I don’t want them. Didn’t want them,” she amended. “So I said it was just a reflection of all sorts of things that were wrong between us and I can’t just go back and tell him I was lying and dumped him for his own good but now I’ve changed my mind and found out I was just hung up on something that happened a long time ago, and I do want
to have babies with him, which would be a bit premature to say, anyway, let alone asking him to please live happily ever after now so we don’t have to have a custody battle over the mouse, who, incidentally, should be with me, since Robert still thinks he’s an it.”

  Chris blinked. “I’m not even going to pretend I understood that little speech, but exactly why can’t you go back and talk to him? What have you got to lose?”

  “My dignity? I can’t be sure he loves me back,” she mumbled. “Not after what I said to him. He was being so generous and kind, and he helped me realize how screwed up I still was after what happened with my ex and my stepson, and I just kicked him away and refused to even talk to him. How could he be in love with me after that?”

  “He sure acted like he was pretty crazy about you.”

  “Maybe. I don’t know. I think he might have been falling in love with me. He didn’t exactly say it, but then, neither did I.” She sniffed and wiped a few last tears with her hand. “And then there is George.”

  “George? Who is George? There isn’t another guy in the picture, is there?”

  “Of course not! George is the mouse. The one that I had in the cage upstairs, remember? One of his retired lab-mice. The one I should get custody of.”

  Chris rubbed his temples and said one short, succinct word to sum up the situation. “Linda, I swear, if you’re doing to Robert what Ellen did to me, I’ll... I’ll...” Chris seemed at loss at finding a punishment severe enough. “I’ll cut your ponytail off and sell it.”

  She giggled. “I can’t let you do that. Not as long as there’s any hope I could get Robert back. He likes my ponytail. In fact,” she reflected with a watery smile, “some of the things he likes to do with my hair are downright decadent.”

  Chris cleared his throat. “Stop right there, Linda. I will let you use my shoulder as a pillow and a punching bag, but I will not stoop to that sort of girl-talk. I’m taking a stand as a man here.”