At Peace

by Kristen Ashley

  My mind was taken from this when I started to uncross my legs and, when I did, Cal’s hand came back. It curled around my inner thigh and pulled my leg up and over his, where he dropped it on his thigh.

  Vulnerable, tired and one breadstick not cutting through my hunger, I forgot myself, my head turned to him and I snapped, “Why do you keep doin’ that?”

  His head turned to me and his eyes leveled on mine. “You aren’t puttin’ your foot on the floor.”

  “Why not?”

  “Buddy, can’t believe I gotta remind you, but your foot is injured.”

  “You don’t have to remind me.”

  “Then you don’t need to ask why it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

  “Yes, I do,” I was still snapping.

  His head dipped so his face was close to mine. “Aunt Theresa keeps a clean place, still, not takin’ any chances and I don’t want your injured foot on what could be a dirty floor.”

  This was thoughtful and nice which pissed me off, pissed me off enough to lose it and forget my vow to remember, forever and always, that Joe was gone. In fact, Joe never really existed, he was a figment of my imagination and it was Cal who remained.

  I should have never forgotten.

  But I did and therefore hissed, “It has a bandage on it, Joe.”

  The minute I uttered his name, his face changed. I watched stunned, spellbound, as his eyes got soft and his face turned tender. He’d never looked at me like that, not ever, and my stomach got soft again, and warm, my heart started beating harder and I couldn’t help but lean closer, drawn by the power and beauty of that look aimed at me.

  His hand came up, cupped my jaw and I was so thrown, I didn’t jerk my head away.

  And I still didn’t when his mouth touched mine. He’d done that before, definitely, but never that way, never with that tenderness.

  I felt my chest rising and falling because I found it difficult to breathe as his head bent, his mouth coming to my ear on the opposite side so Kate, Keira and Benny couldn’t see or hear him.

  “Your foot stays off the floor until Manny comes back with your flip-flops. Yeah?” he whispered in my ear.

  “Okay,” I replied instantly, whispering too.

  His hand still at my jaw stayed at my jaw and he continued whispering. “Awhile ago, after I installed the system, when you were bein’ a bitch, we were in your livin’ room, you remember what I said?”

  I remembered, I remembered like it happened yesterday. He’d said he was going to spank me and play with me until I begged and squirmed.

  The memory made me squirm in the booth but I nodded.

  His hand at my jaw tensed then he threatened, “You call me anything but Joe again, honey, that’s what you’ll get.”

  I swallowed.

  “Yeah?” he prompted.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Good.”

  He bent his head further, kissed my neck and then his hand dropped from my jaw and he sat back.

  Benny, Kate and Keira were all staring at us. Benny was smiling, huge. Kate was too. Keira looked slightly angry but more confused and I didn’t blame her as I was feeling the exact same way.

  “Well, Joe,” Benny started, still smiling. “See you got your hands full.”

  “Yeah,” Joe replied, giving my thigh a squeeze and sounding like he didn’t mind at all. In fact, sounding like the idea of having his hands full was something he liked.

  A lot.

  “Glad to see it, cugino,” Benny said, his smile smaller but his eyes had gone intense and he repeated, his voice low, heavy, even gruff and just as intense as the look he was aiming at his cousin. “Glad to see it.”

  I avoided his eyes, Kate’s, Keira’s, Joe’s and I decided to let my leg over Joe’s go, Manny would be back soon (I hoped).

  Then I grabbed another breadstick.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Mike Wins

  I woke up, belly to the bed, one knee cocked but I kept my eyes closed, letting my senses test the bed, the room, listening for breathing, feeling for heat, hardness.

  Nothing.

  I opened my eyes and saw the bed beside me was empty.

  Then I rolled to my back and saw the bed behind me was also empty (not Joe’s side so this wasn’t a surprise).

  I stared at the ceiling and listened for noises in the bathroom.

  Nothing.

  Maybe I dreamed it.

  I looked to the clock and it was after ten in the morning.

  Late. Very late.

  Then I sighed and looked at the ceiling again, all of it, the rest of last night and after we got home, tumbling into my head.

  The breadsticks at Vinnie’s Pizzeria were good. The antipasto platter yummy. The pie was the best pizza I’d ever had and I’d done copious pizza tasting research so it might be the best pizza ever made. The mascarpone cheesecake was sublime (the girls had big bowls of spumoni ice cream, homemade, I’d tasted it and even with a gun to my head, I couldn’t have told you if the ice cream or cheesecake was better). And the Chianti couldn’t be beat. I’d never had better wine in my life.

  This might have been why I drank the whole bottle.

  Or, perhaps, it was because we were at the restaurant for hours.

  The entire time we ate, and after, Vinnie, Theresa, Manny and Benny all came and went, sitting and chatting, standing and chatting. Between pizza and dessert, Vinnie came and got the girls in order to give them a tour of the kitchen while Theresa sat on their side and chatted to Joe and me. Then Vinnie came back with the girls and Theresa took them on a tour of the front of the house while Vinnie sat with us and chatted. Then we had dessert.

  Then later, when most of the customers were gone (and all of my wine was gone), Theresa took me on a tour of the photos, most of which she told me she took herself. As she moved me around the restaurant, she shared stories of her kids, her brothers, sisters, Vinnie’s sister (Cal’s Mom), her aunts and uncles, Vinnie’s aunts and uncles and all her kids’ grandparents. There was love in her voice and laughter as she guided me around the room, smiling at her remaining customers, pointing at photos, sharing her life and her family through her words and her remarkable pictures.

  I couldn’t help but smile and laugh with her, even when she talked about Cal who sounded like a lovable hooligan (as told by her). He also definitely sounded like a member of the family, the unit, one of her kids, not a nephew and I learned this was because, once his Mom died and his Dad lost it, Vinnie and Theresa had weekend and vacation adopted him. If he didn’t have to go to school the next day or he wasn’t in juvie, he was in Chicago at their house in the bunk bed over Vinnie Junior.

  The girls joined me halfway through the photo tour, listening and appearing even more fascinated than me. Vinnie joined us at the end when we were at the front of the restaurant staring at a photo, place of honor, right when you hit the hostess station, the biggest one in the house.

  It was taken at the front of the restaurant and it depicted Vinnie and a taller man, even more handsome than Vinnie (who was hot when he was younger). That man was Joe’s father, Big Joe (Vinnie told me) and he and Vinnie were standing together in the middle of the grouping. Theresa was on Vinnie’s right, Angela, Joe’s Mom, on her husband’s left. A young Joe was standing in front of her, her hand on his shoulder, her husband’s arm around Angela’s shoulders, holding her snug to his side. Vinnie Junior with his sister Carmella in front of Theresa and Vinnie, Benny, a toddler, on her hip, Manny in Theresa’s swollen belly. All of them were laughing, even the kids, even baby Benny had his head tipped back and was smiling up at his mother.

  Cal was six in that photo, we knew this because Vinnie told us.

  “Two days later, they found the tumor,” he said softly and I heard Kate and Keira join me in pulling in breath. “Two years after that, almost to the day that picture was taken, Angela lost her fight.”

  At this news, Kate moved into me.

  But my Keira, she moved into Vinnie.


  He seemed startled for a second as she got close. His eyes had been staring at the picture, his mind elsewhere. Then he smiled a sad smile at Keira and slid his arm around her shoulders, his eyes coming to me.

  “You never forget, cara,” he whispered, knowing my pain, I felt the tears sting my eyes and Kate pressed in closer. “But, with time, you learn you don’t want to.”

  I nodded and, silent as usual, Joe moved in behind me, his arm sliding around my stomach, pulling me and Kate into his front, another something I didn’t fight because at that moment, I couldn’t.

  “Thanks, Vinnie,” I whispered.

  “You wanna talk, cara, have Cal give you my number,” he offered.

  I nodded.

  “I mean that, Vi,” he told me.

  “Thank you.” I was still whispering.

  “We’ll come down and visit soon, yes?” Theresa chimed in and I looked at her, instantly forgetting my lovely moment with Vinnie and feeling panic.

  “Yeah, Aunt Theresa, that’d be good,” Joe replied, Theresa beamed and my stomach dropped. “Gotta get them home,” Joe finished, moving us to the door.

  “I’ll get Mom’s purse,” Keira said then she started to move away, stopped, turned into Vinnie, gave him a hug around the middle with her cheek at his chest, tore free and started to run to our booth.

  Vinnie’s eyes watched her go then they went to Joe and the gentle and content look in them made my stomach drop more.

  “Don’t forget Mom’s shoes, Keirry!” Kate called. “They’re on the floor.”

  “Gotcha,” Keira yelled back like they’d often been honored guests, family stopping for dinner at Uncle Vinnie’s pizzeria and they could yell at each other and run through the restaurant.

  We waited for her to get back and all of them, sans Benny who was sorting out his kitchen after Vinnie had let loose in it again, walked us out to the car. We got big hugs from Vinnie, Manny and Theresa then the girls piled into the car.

  As Joe opened his side after getting another back pounding from Vinnie, Vinnie still with him, their hands in a grip, Vinnie close and talking about something that looked serious but I couldn’t quite hear; Theresa caught my attention by catching my hand.

  “Next time you’re here,” she started and my heart clenched because I knew there wasn’t going to be a next time, “when it’s a good time, a happy time, one you wanna remember, we’ll get your photo. Put you and the girls on the wall with the rest of the family.”

  “Theresa –” I began, not knowing what to say and again pissed at Cal for putting me in that position at the same time confused why in the hell he would.

  She squeezed my hand, cutting me off and whispering, “Bring him back to his family soon, yeah, cara mia?”

  Shit.

  “Yeah,” I whispered back. I mean, what could I do?

  “Thank you,” she replied, kissed my cheek then stepped out of my door.

  I turned to look at Joe who was staring down at his uncle. I saw, somewhat astonished, that Joe’s face was set tight. Vinnie’s face was pale and, I gawked, angry.

  What was that all about?

  “You get what I’m sayin’ to you?” I heard Joe ask quietly.

  “I get it, son,” Vinnie’s voice was tense.

  “Whatever it takes,” Joe finished, I knew this was the finish for I saw Vinnie nod once, his hand jerked Joe’s and then he clapped him on the shoulder, let his hand go and stepped away.

  I thought I imagined the look on his face, his tense voice, when Vinnie looked at me and gave me a gentle smile.

  “See you soon, Vi,” he called.

  “Yeah,” I said again because there was nothing else to say.

  I climbed in, Joe folded in, we slammed our doors and the girls and I waved at Vinnie, Theresa and Manny as Joe pulled away.

  I thought, nursing my anger, there was no way I’d fall asleep.

  But breadsticks, antipasto, great pizza, delicious cheesecake, a full bottle of wine and a weird and emotional day got the better of me and I passed out before we were out of Chicago.

  I woke up with Joe’s hand at my knee, his mouth at my ear.

  “Wake up, baby.”

  My eyes fluttered open and I saw we were home and he was bent into my open door.

  “The girls are out,” he went on and I turned to see this was true. “Get out, buddy,” he finished gently.

  I exited the car and moved out of the way as Joe pushed the seat forward and then bent in. Seconds later, he moved out again with Keira in his arms.

  “I get her to bed, you can deal with her, yeah?” Joe asked but didn’t wait for me to answer; he was striding to the door.

  I fumbled with my purse, pulled out the remote, hitting the buttons then lamely hustled around him and unlocked it, pushing open the door as he walked through.

  I tried not to let this affect me, Joe carrying Keira to bed, but it did, strong, hard, a sock to the gut, but a weirdly warm one and, even partly asleep and it being the middle of the night, it still pissed me off.

  I hurried after them as best I could on my foot, catching up to them in Keira’s room after Joe had put Keira on her bed and Joe walked by me as I walked into her room. His eyes caught mine but he kept going and I closed the door halfway and went to my daughter who always slept like a log. I took off her shoes and struggled with her dress, so much she half-woke. Helping her, we got on her pjs and I pulled back the covers.

  “Where’s Joe?” she mumbled sleepily as she settled in and I heard movement outside, footsteps, Joe and Kate.

  “He’s bringing Kate in.”

  Keira rolled to her side, her hands going under her cheek as she asked, mostly still asleep, “Do we have him back?”

  That hit me too, a sock to the gut.

  “No, baby,” I answered honestly but she didn’t hear me, she was asleep.

  I pulled the covers over her, tucked them around and then bent and kissed her hair.

  Then I moved out, saw Kate’s door closed and I went to it, knocking softly and going in at her call.

  “Hey Mawdy,” she said, I’d caught her with her knee in the bed, she’d already changed. “Joe helped me in,” she finished as she collapsed in bed and pulled up the covers.

  I moved to her and tucked them tight all around.

  Then I slid her hair away from her face. “That’s good.”

  “I asked him to sleep on the couch, like Mike,” she told me and I felt my body freeze then I forced it to move and I bent and kissed her hair.

  “What did he say?” I asked her hair.

  “He said, ‘sure, girl’,” she muttered, her lips tipping up in a drowsy smile and she cuddled deeper into her pillows.

  I was going to fucking kill him.

  “All right, baby, go to sleep,” I encouraged but it was a wasted effort, she was already asleep.

  I turned out her light, left her room and closed her door.

  Joe was dumping my purse on the kitchen counter, my pumps on the floor when I limped into the living room and then through it, right to him.

  I leaned in and hissed on a whisper, “You’re not spending the night.”

  He took me in for a moment then replied, “Promised Kate.”

  “Then it’ll suck, you needing to break your promise, because you’re not spending the night.”

  “Yeah, Vi, I am.”

  “No, Joe, you’re not.”

  “Baby –”

  I leaned in further and demanded angrily, “Don’t call me that.”

  His hand came to my neck and I was so furious, I jerked free. His hand stayed suspended in mid-air then both his hands moved quick, grasping my hips. They yanked me forward, my body slammed into his and his arms locked around me, one low at my waist, one high up my back. Caged.

  “Let me go,” I ordered, pushing against his shoulders.

  “We gotta talk.”

  “Yeah, we do, later, when I don’t wanna rip your head off, we’ll talk. There’s a few things I wanna say to you.
Now, you’re gonna go.”

  “Nope.”

  “Joe!”

  “Shut it, buddy.”

  I tried a different strategy. “The girls are both going with Dane and his parents to the lake early tomorrow. They’ll be gone by eight. That’s four hours away. I’m sure we’ll be safe for four hours.”

  “I am too,” he replied and I knew what he meant.

  “Joe –”

  “Go to bed, Vi.”

  “Joe –”

  His face came close and I stopped talking.

  “You can go to bed or you can stay in my arms and argue. I’ll tell you right now, baby, I’m tired and need sleep so I’m not arguin’. You stay in my arms, I’ll be forced to find creative ways to stop that mouth of yours. You want that?”

  He could just not be believed!

  “We’re over,” I reminded him.

  “I didn’t agree to that decision,” he shot back and I felt my body turn to stone.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Go to bed, Vi.”

  “But, Nadia… you said –”

  He cut me off, threatening, “Should I get creative?”

  I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head.

  Joe held me awhile, staring at my face in the dark.

  Then he leaned in and kissed my neck, lifting slightly, he whispered in my ear, “Sleep.”

  Then he let me go.

  I instantly turned and walked (okay, limped) as calmly as I could to my room.

  I was trembling as I got ready for bed, my mind too full, too active, too crazed, I didn’t even think when I pulled Joe’s tee out from under my pillow and, after I took off my suit, brushed my teeth, washed my face, I slipped it on.

  Then I got into bed.

  My mind so active, so crazed, I thought I’d never sleep.

  But I did.

  And I did it soundly.

  But I woke up when I heard the muted noises of the girls moving around and I felt him there, his shoulder against my cheek, his arm curled around my waist, my thigh thrown over his.

  I didn’t have a chance to react when he slid out from under me carefully then pulled the covers over me while I acted like a chicken and feigned being asleep. Nearly silent, he got dressed and left the room. But he left the door open partway and I heard the girls and Joe murmuring. Then I heard the doorbell, Dane’s murmur mingled with theirs then the door closed.