Finding Acceptance in His Arms

by Thomas Briar

  “Damn you, Trevor,” Evan whispered underneath his breath as he stared at his phone. He canted the screen so Kara could see the text. “He’s still badgering me to star in my latest script. That guy just won’t give up.”

  “But it would jeopardize your moonlighting and you don’t want that,” she stated the obvious. “Besides, it might make you famous and you don’t want that either.”

  Evan’s face lit up. “Thank you! It’s so refreshing to have finally met someone who understands me and my motivations in life. You really are a breath of fresh air. Bethany’s going to love meeting you, by the way. It’s the first time I’ll have ever introduced her to anyone in the business. So there might be some questions.”

  “What do I tell her if she asks how we met and what we’re doing together? I just don’t want to offend her in any way.”

  “Tell her the truth. She’s a very open-minded person. But don’t worry, I can assure you that she will find you fascinating.”

  “Okay.”

  “And here we are.” Evan announced as the cab slowed to a stop in front of a brick apartment building in an upper-class neighborhood.

  Across the street a picturesque park basked in the glow of late evening sunshine. Well-dressed people were strolling about and sitting on benches, as well as having picnics on the lush grass. All in all, it appeared everything was right in the world on this side of the city.

  Yet, a foreboding sensation crept up Kara’s legs the moment she stepped from the cab. She couldn’t explain it, other than it reminded her of the day her aunt had picked her up early from school to tell her that her parents had succumbed to injuries sustained in a horrific car accident.

  In a daze, she walked with Evan up the steps, watched him buzz an apartment, then followed him through the front door to the elevator. The moment the elevator started ascending she leaned back against the wall in hopes of getting her equilibrium back.

  “Are you all right?” Evan regarded her with obvious concern. “You look sick all of a sudden.”

  She managed a subtle shake of her head, not fathoming what could be wrong, but knowing that something was badly off. She grimaced. “Please stop the elevator from moving. I’m getting a little dizzy.”

  Evan stabbed the emergency stop button and the elevator jerked to a halt. Quickly wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close.

  The overwhelming sensation of unspeakable dread slowly dissipated. Everything seemed all right again. She took a deep, cleansing breath and let it out, saying, “Whatever it was, it’s passed. I’m fine now.”

  “Are you sure?” Evan’s eyes searched her face. “I can always come back by Bethany’s later if you want me to take you home so you can lie down.”

  “No. I’m fine now.” She leaned into his embrace, loving him all the more for his protectiveness. No one, not even Jennifer, made her feel as safe and secure as him. So, becoming emboldened, she whispered, “Maybe it was only lovesickness. Because if you’ve haven’t noticed, I’ve fallen in love with you and I’m really scared you won’t love me back.”

  There, she’d said it, and there was no taking it back.

  Evan said nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. He also didn’t tense up or release hold of her.

  “Say something,” she prompted.

  Instead, he kissed her on the top of the head.

  As much as she liked his endearing gesture, it was simply too ambiguous. “That’s not really a reply, Evan.”

  He let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry, Kara, but after last night I’m doing everything I can to not fall more in love with you than I already have.”

  “Why not? What’s wrong with loving me?” She drew her head back, eyes centering on his tortured countenance.

  “Nothing at all. It’s something to do with myself and nothing whatsoever to do with you.”

  “Please tell me why you can’t love me back.”

  “I’m a very possessive guy. How can it ever work out between us with you entering the porn industry? I simply can’t stand the thought of you fucking another man. And even worse than that, I can’t fuck only one woman for the rest of my life. I just can’t do that. It’s not in my DNA.”

  “What if I told you that I never had any real intentions of entering the porn industry and that I don’t want either of us to ever stop fucking other girls?”

  Evan’s eyes narrowed. “From everything that you told me about yourself so far I’d think that you were lying about the first part. And maybe lying about the second part too.”

  “It’s the honest truth.” Kara’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I have no intentions of ever entering the porn industry. After Jennifer told me about what she did with you I wanted to experience it for myself. I just never expected to fall in love with you. That part was a wonderful surprise. And for the record, I’d love to fuck other girls with you for the rest of my life.”

  He snorted. “I once told you that matrimony will never be in my future. Not with anyone. I’m very sorry for both of us on that account.”

  In a last ditch effort to get him to believe her and change his mind, she blurted out, “I’m really Karan Gibbs. It’s the stage name I chose for myself when I landed my first big role in Chicago. The girls in the donut shop weren’t mistaken.”

  “I already know that,” he stated with conviction. “I recognized you the moment I laid eyes on you last Saturday night from having seen you a few months ago on entertainment news.”

  “You knew all along?” Kara stepped back to better stare at him in shock.

  “Isn’t that what I just said?” The undeniable truth was revealed in the sorrow on his face.

  “Why didn’t you bust me on it? I would have run away as fast as I could and saved both of us this heartache.”

  Evan shrugged. “You intrigued me. And the more I talked to you, the more I didn’t want you to run away. But, in my defense, I did try to convince you to go back to your normal life. You outright refused. Why?”

  Kara’s motivations seemed so petty now that he’d put her on the spot. She hung her head in shame. “You are my one chance to live out one of my fantasies in a safe environment before I become famous and start living in a fishbowl.”

  Evan leaned back against the wall of the elevator to let out a sigh of frustration. “Well, come Saturday, you’ll get what you were really after. But don’t expect me to profess my love for you today or any other day. I just can’t be the guy that you fly in to see only when you want to have sex, no matter how many women I’m fucking on the side.”

  Searing pain shattered Kara’s heart into a thousand pieces. She couldn’t stop the tears from welling in her eyes. “It wouldn’t be like that. I really do love you and want to be with you.”

  “Just take a moment to think it through. As soon as the paparazzi see us together in public they’ll do some digging and guess what they’re going to find out about me?”

  “But I really do love you and want to share my life with you.”

  “I’m sorry. But I just don’t believe you’ll want me for the long term, Kara. You love the limelight too much to ever jeopardize your career. And I’m okay with that. It’s not a problem in the least. Just don’t ever ask me again to love you back when you know you’re going to eventually choose your career over me. This way saves both of us some heartache down the road.”

  He released the emergency stop to let the elevator resume its ascension.

  “But I have a solution that will allow us to stay together permanently.” She punched the emergency stop button to make the elevator jerk to a halt again. “And it’s foolproof.”

  Annoyance flitted across Evan’s face. “Listen to me and understand. I’m fine with only getting to spend a week with you before you go back to your amazing career in New York. I’m even sure I’ll forget all about you once you leave. So let’s just stick to the plan and see this thing to its inevitable conclusion on Saturday. Okay?”

  Kara quickly determined she wasn’t going to let
him dismiss their one chance for a happily ever after so easily. “What if you start writing mainstream scripts? You definitely have the talent if the script you wrote for us is any indication, and I’ve got the contacts to get them read by prominent people in the movie studios.”

  “Why don’t you just go ahead and castrate me?” Contempt filled his face. “I don’t want to write mainstream scripts. I love what I do, every aspect of it, every new sex scene that I write. So what other solution do you have lurking around inside that pretty head of yours, Problem Solver?”

  The nickname hurt Kara this time. Tears spilling down her face, she slumped against the wall. “That’s all I have.”

  “Well then, we’re right back to where we started, aren’t we?”

  She reluctantly nodded, knowing it was time to embrace reality. She resolved not to cry anymore. Besides, Evan had already made up his mind so what would it really help.

  He released the emergency stop. A tortured sigh escaped his lips. “I really do appreciate you trying, Kara. But it’s useless. And it always will be with impossible relationships. So let’s just enjoy each other’s company for what it really is and forget all about trying to stay together afterward.”

  Withdrawing a tissue and a compact from her pocketbook, she dabbed her tears away and quickly touched up her makeup as best she could in the short time it took them to reach the sixth floor.

  Before stepping from the elevator, Evan took her hand in his. Directly before them was a small vestibule with a door. He rang the doorbell, saying, “Just be yourself and Bethany will fall in love with you, Kara. Same as I did.”

  The sentiment in those words threatened to grind the jagged bits of her broken heart into nothingness. She sniffled, determined not to break down.

  The moment the door opened she put on her best smile. But the pretty red-headed woman, who wore a burgundy pants suit and looked nothing like Evan, didn’t spare her a single glance. She only stared at Evan with fear and anxiety displayed on her pasty white face and in her bloodshot eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Bethany?” Evan demanded. When his sister didn’t make any reply, the blood slowly drained from his face and his shoulders slumped as if he might crumple to the floor any second. He shook his head, whispering, “No. It can’t be. Please tell me it isn’t happening again, Bethany.”

  The woman staggered into his arms to succumb to wracking sobs. Underneath her sobs, she murmured, “The doctors think the leukemia is back. I go for more tests in the morning and should know for certain by late tomorrow afternoon.”

  Blindsided by this unexpected turn of events, Kara watched in growing horror as Evan wrapped his sister up inside his protective embrace.

  Within seconds he seemed to gain enormous strength. His back straightened, his chest swelled, and his expression became determined in spite of the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. His voice took on the property of grinding metal. “We kicked its ass last time and we will again. Whatever it takes. I’m not going to let you die on me, Bethany. You’re all I’ve got left in this world.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Evan,” Bethany mumbled, still clinging to him. “I’m so scared.”

  “It’s going to be all right,” he assured. “I promise it will.”

  Kara, feeling uncomfortable and very out of place, knew there was nothing to do except wait until they acknowledged her presence. Afterward, she would politely excuse herself so as to give them the privacy they needed.

  “Who’s your lady friend?” Bethany stepped back to wipe the tears from her face with the sleeve of her jacket.

  “Uh…her name is Kara.” Evan glanced around as if trying to get his bearings. “Um…she’s someone I like very much and I just wanted to introduce you two to each other.”

  Kara took a step backward towards the elevator. “I’m really nobody and I’ve just remembered that I have somewhere else I need to be right now. I really wish I could have met you under better circumstances, Bethany. Evan, I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow evening, maybe?”

  “Yeah, I’ll try to make it,” he said. “Uh, do you want me to escort you down and hail you a cab?”

  “Not necessary. You two need some time alone together and I don’t want to impose any more than I already have.”

  “Thanks for understanding, Kara.” Evan presented a hollow smile. “I’ll be with Bethany all day tomorrow but I should be able to drop by to see you tomorrow evening for a few minutes. If for some reason I can’t, I’ll call you or text you tomorrow night.”

  “Okay.” Kara nodded before entering the elevator to head home so she could cry her heart out inside Jennifer’s arms at all the unfairness of life.

  Chapter Ten

  The hours of Friday passed by as slow as a snail crawls. Kara tried to keep her mind occupied so as to not fixate on the terrible ordeal Evan and Bethany were certainly going through. She did all the laundry, cleaned the apartment, texted with friends in Chicago and New York, requested well-wishes for Bethany on social media, anything she could think of to keep from getting sucked down the rabbit hole of despair.

  Come five o’clock, she’d never been more relieved to see Jennifer walking through the front door. She rushed to give her best friend a hug.

  “Any news?” Jennifer hugged Kara back tenderly, as if she was scared she might break her.

  A sense of calm flowed into Kara, quelling the anxiety wanting to overwhelm her. “I haven’t heard a thing. Something may have delayed the results. Or maybe Evan doesn’t want to talk to me about it. I’m kind of torn as to which it might be.”

  “Let’s make supper and afterward a pitcher of margaritas,” Jennifer suggested. “We’ll save the pitcher to celebrate the good news or to commiserate the bad news after Evan calls or comes by. Okay?”

  Kara nodded and followed Jennifer into the kitchen. Supper didn’t take long to prepare as it was nothing more than two TV dinners heated up in the microwave. Eating supper though, proved impossible. They both just picked at their food.

  “She’s already beaten it one time. I’m sure she’ll beat it again if it turns out she has it,” Jennifer offered.

  “I really hope so. I can’t even begin to imagine what she and Evan are going through.”

  “Me neither.”

  The very next moment Kara’s phone rang. She snatched it up without ascertaining the caller’s identity. “Evan?”

  “Karan? Who’s Evan and who’s this anonymous friend you’re asking well-wishes for on social media? And when did you leave Fiji for Atlanta?”

  Kara’s disposition soured even more at recognizing her manager’s voice since it meant more lying on her part. “Hi to you too, Linda. For your information, Evan is the brother of an old friend of mine. I cut my vacation short to visit when I heard she was possibly ill.”

  “Oh, I see. By the way, the Good Samaritan act on your part has elevated your numbers. So it’s proving to be very good for your growing popularity. And you know how much the movie industry loves popular people.”

  “What do you want, Linda? I’m waiting to find out if my friend has leukemia right now. So please make it short, sweet, and to the point.”

  “I was calling to ask how you might feel about cutting your vacation short. The producers of the movie want to put you in a room with two possible choices for your co-star to see if you have any chemistry with either of them. Both are hotties, girl, so you might want to double up on your panties.”

  “When and where?” Kara bristled at Linda’s juvenile joking, which, under different circumstances she would have found somewhat amusing.

  “Monday morning at the Ritz Carlton in New York City. Yes or no?”

  “I’ll catch a flight out on Sunday evening and meet you at your office first thing Monday morning.”

  “And that’s why I love representing you, Karan. You’re a people pleaser who always knows what’s best for you and your career.”

  “Is that it?”

  “See you first thing Monday morning. O
h yeah, I’m sorry to hear about your friend and hope everything turns out all right.”

  “Bye, Linda.”

  “You’re going back early.” Disappointment marred Jennifer’s pretty features.

  “I’ve got to help pick out my co-star for the movie apparently. The producers want to see if I have chemistry with either of their first two choices.”

  “That sounds really fun. Will there be any kissing involved?”

  “Don’t know and don’t really care right now because neither of them will be Evan.”

  “I’m not going there with you tonight, Kara.” Jennifer shook her head for emphasis. “I just can’t handle you sobbing on me again like you did last night. It was heart-wrenching and I can’t stand to see you like that. So please don’t go there. Not tonight.”

  Kara nodded her acquiesce, knowing her friend was right and that crying one’s heart out never solved anything.

  “So how about helping me fix that pitcher of margaritas?” Jennifer gathered up their uneaten dinners and threw both into the trash. “I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to getting drunk tonight.”

  Kara retrieved the ice, alcohol, and margarita mix from the fridge. After Jennifer poured all the ingredients into the blender, Kara let the concoction whirl around until the ice cubes were nothing more than slush. At the very moment she shut off the blender, her phone chirped.

  Darting to the phone, she stared at the words on the screen as relief flooded her body. She reread them a second time to be certain she hadn’t missed anything.

  Not leukemia! Borderline anemic instead. Doctors insist it isn’t life-threatening at this point. Relieved beyond words but completely wiped out from the stress of today and too exhausted to drop by this evening. Sure you will do fine tomorrow morning. Will pick you up at nine.