A Life Apart

by Harriet Knowles

  She laughed. “I wish I had not given in so much to the exhaustion, and then you would never have known.”

  He shook his head. “I do not think you could have prevented yourself being so pale, Elizabeth, and the physician I consulted told me that it is a recognised symptom, if not as common as more distressing ones.”

  “You consulted a physician?” she tried to keep the surprise out of her voice, and he nodded his head.

  “I could not prevent myself, and I apologise now. But I was much reassured when he said you would be yourself again.” He dropped a kiss on her brow. “And you are. I am delighted.”

  “Well.” She let her voice sound severe. “I think you need to make amends for taking the liberty of discussing my condition with a doctor, Mr. Darcy. Right now.”

  “Well, let me see …” he lifted her into his arms and swung her round.

  Chapter 74

  He loved her so much. He loved her teasing, lively manner. He loved that they were so much of the same mind, and he loved the fact that she, like him, loved Pemberley’s quiet, understated grandeur.

  She put her arms round his neck as he carried her to the bed. And he loved and desired her beauty and perfection, too.

  He groaned as he laid her gently onto the covers and allowed his gaze to see the shape of her body beneath the thin muslin shift. He drew an unsteady breath.

  “Elizabeth.” He knew his voice was husky and he lowered his face to hers, wanting nothing else but to be close to her.

  She lifted her face to his. “William.” Her arms lifted to wrap around his neck again. “I love you so very much.”

  He buried his face in her throat. Her body, her scent, her movements, her soft little sighs, and her rising passion — all were so familiar to him now. But he would never tire of her, never want another.

  His hand moved down her arm, feeling the silky smoothness of her skin, her warm roundness, and the slight tremble that followed his touch.

  He lay beside her and she pressed her body closer to him, her breathing rapid and her heart fluttering against his chest. The warm hues of the fire flickered over the cool moonlight lancing in the great window and he let his hand drift over her back, slipping easily over the fabric of her shift. It didn’t prevent him feeling the heat of her body, or the way her breathing became ragged and urgent.

  “Elizabeth,” he murmured, and she opened her eyes, heavy with want. He needed nothing more.

  She lay, curled up in his arms, sleeping, and he delighted in the way she was so relaxed and trusting with him. He was very blessed that she had forgiven him for the abhorrent way he had behaved when they were first married.

  He smiled to himself, it was the same generosity of spirit that had made her decide to see her mother the day before her sister’s marriage, to spare Miss Bennet any embarrassment. He thought she would quite possibly have made the same decision even if she was still feeling anxious. But she was not.

  Somehow, as she had regained her strength, she seemed to be recovering an independence of thought and a lively wit, neither of which were familiar to him. He supposed the circumstances around their meeting and developing acquaintanceship had stifled any such expression of her natural character and he almost laughed. If this was her true nature, he would have some adjustments to make.

  He looked forward to it.

  “I am wondering what is so amusing, Mr. Darcy. And perhaps I might advise you to be wary in your explanation.”

  He hadn’t noticed her waking and he glanced down in surprise. Her tousled hair and half-closed eyes made him wonder how long she had been observing him. “There is no reason, madam,” he said hastily. I was merely enjoying being here with you.”

  She was silent for a moment. “And I am expected to believe that statement, or politely to pretend I believe it?”

  He frowned in concentration. “The latter, I suppose. It is too much to ask of you that you believe me without question.”

  “At least you understand that, Mr. Darcy. To expect any lady not to question you — in exhaustive detail — over any matter which she is expected to believe … well, I can imagine no lady quite that naive.”

  He bent his head and kissed her. “I think it is quite late enough to discontinue this conversation, Elizabeth. Perhaps you need to sleep again. You have a busy few days ahead of you.”

  “As do you, William.” She settled herself closer to him. “If I keep quiet, might you sleep?”

  “Let me see.” Darcy pulled her closer to him, tucking her head under his chin. “There, I think you are close enough, so yes, I will sleep.”

  Her soft laugh delighted him, and his heart swelled. He swallowed, he must keep still, allow her to sleep.

  He wondered what Mrs. Bennet would say. Would she be planning her words for when she saw Elizabeth? Or would she say the first things that came into her head?

  He grimaced. If her speech was anything like the many letters he had received, she would say whatever she was thinking, jumping from one thought to another. But he must not think of tomorrow, he must clear his thoughts and sleep.

  Chapter 75

  There was still frost outlining the hedgerows and banks each side of the road as the coach rolled towards Longbourn.

  Elizabeth watched the once familiar landscape open into view, and clenched her fists. It seemed a very long time ago since she had sat in her father’s coach as it had borne her away to London, wondering if she would ever see her family home again.

  Yet, here she was, not just respectable once more, but married to a man many times the consequence of any living locally. She held her head a little higher.

  Her husband was beside her and he touched her hand. “I know you wish to do this, Elizabeth. But remember I am here, and you can send for me whenever you might need me or wish me to join you.”

  “Thank you, William.” She felt a little despondent. “I wish to apologise in advance for the effusions of praise and delight she will heap on you when you are introduced.”

  He laughed comfortably. “I expect I will be able to bear it with equanimity, now that I have been warned.” He looked sideways at her. “I would be far more worried were I in Bingley’s position, and living only three miles from Longbourn.”

  She tried not to laugh. “I feel very sorry for him. Jane will not wish to upset Mama, so Mr. Bingley may see rather more of her than he wishes.”

  “He is an amiable man,” William said. “I think it will not disturb him overmuch.”

  Elizabeth looked at him doubtfully. “I do not know him as well as you do, William, so I must bow to your greater knowledge of him.”

  The coach turned into the driveway. “Oh, we are here.” She took a deep breath. It was time.

  At the door, the housekeeper could not contain her delight. “Miss Elizabeth!” She curtsied. “Oh, I am so sorry. Mrs. Darcy, it is wonderful to see you again!”

  “Thank you, Hill.” Elizabeth smiled at her. “Might we see Father, please?”

  The housekeeper opened the door wider and they went in, Elizabeth looking round. She had forgotten how much smaller her old home was, and now she was used to larger rooms, it seemed very small — but it had been her home, and her eyes misted over.

  William’s arm tightened on her hand. “I am here,” he whispered.

  Papa appeared at the door to his library. “Come in, come in! We can have tea.” He nodded at Hill, who bobbed and went away.

  Her father glanced at William and then to her. “I had thought the arrangement was that you would not meet your mother until the wedding breakfast,” he said mildly. “I suppose you have changed your mind.”

  “Yes, Papa. I have to be here in the morning to assist Jane, remember? I decided that it would not be very nice for Jane if Mama were to berate me while I am helping her to dress.”

  Her father nodded. “I had not considered that you would be here before the ceremony …”

  “Papa! It is what standing up with the bride means — supporting her through the
day until she leaves with her new husband!” Elizabeth was indignant — and even more so when she caught the men exchanging glances. Were they rolling their eyes at her?

  She looked heavenward in feigned offence. “Be very careful, Mr. Darcy, you might be courting trouble.” She allowed a mischievous look at him and he laughed.

  Her father laughed, too. “I am glad you have a husband with whom you can exercise your lively wit, Lizzy. It seems you each understand the other.”

  “Indeed, sir. We now understand how very fortunate we are.” William was serious again.

  Elizabeth rose to her feet. “I will leave you to say what you will about ladies without danger of me overhearing you, and I will go and find Mama.”

  William rose. As he bowed over her hand, he said, “I trust I have not offended you, Elizabeth.” But his eyes were saying something different, unseen by her father. His warm support buoyed her courage, and she smiled at him and left the room.

  The housekeeper was crossing the hall and Elizabeth smiled at her. “Is Mama downstairs, Hill?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” she replied. “Would you like me to bring you some tea?”

  “Yes. Thank you, Hill, I think it would be helpful.”

  She faced the door to the sitting room and took a deep breath before turning the handle. She could do this.

  “Good morning, Mama.” She took a seat on the sofa where she and Jane had sat so often. Her mother, sitting in the chair opposite, started in surprise before giving a disdainful sniff and looking the other way.

  Elizabeth smiled. She much preferred being ignored to being the subject of a great tirade, but silence would solve nothing, she knew that.

  “Thank you for ensuring that Jane is going to have a beautiful wedding day, one that she can look back on with delight, Mama.” Her mother would not notice any irony in Elizabeth saying such a thing, and Elizabeth didn’t mean any, either. It was the only way she could think of to break down her mother’s determination.

  “I hope you like Jane’s gown, Mama. I think it makes her the most beautiful bride there will ever have been.”

  Silence.

  “Darcy House is wonderful, so large and gracious. Mr. Darcy has been most generous in ensuring your daughter is outfitted suitably.”

  Silence.

  Elizabeth wanted to laugh. “It will be wonderful to see Aunt Philips and Lady Lucas here at the wedding breakfast tomorrow. They will see how well settled Jane is going to be, how well situated you are. And it will raise your standing with them if they think you are on close terms with Mr. Darcy, who is from such a high place in society.”

  “Oh, yes!” Her mother rose to her feet and began to walk fast between the fire and the table. “I have to know all about Pemberley so I can describe how magnificent it all is!” She turned and glared at Elizabeth. “But Mr. Darcy has been most remiss! I don’t care if he is one of the richest men in England. He has not answered a single one of my letters. I have written so many times to him, it is as if he cares nothing for me, or my other daughters!”

  Elizabeth tried to hide her shock. Mama? Lots of letters? To William?

  “Of course he cares, Mama! After all, it was he who thought it would be a good idea for Jane to meet his great friend, Mr. Bingley. And now she is to be most suitably married!”

  Her mother stared at her. “Mr. Darcy? Introduced Jane to dear Mr. Bingley?” She fell into the chair, fluttering her handkerchief. “Oh, my dear! My dear! How very generous he is, to be sure.” She muttered to herself for a moment. “Generous. Very, very generous. Oh, Lizzy! My dear, dear Lizzy! And such a fine lady. How much pin money you must have, such a fine gown!”

  She reached out and ran her finger down the fine satin of Elizabeth’s gown. Elizabeth stifled a sigh. “Yes, Mama, he is most generous. And kindness itself.”

  “Yes, but … but … my letters, Lizzy! Why were we not invited to Pemberley? I needed to see it, your sisters need to be introduced to his friends!”

  Elizabeth rose to her feet. “My husband will never invite you to Pemberley unless I ask him to. I think we will have to agree not to speak tomorrow. Perhaps your neighbours will not notice that you are not reconciled with me.” Elizabeth sighed to herself. It had been a mistake to imagine that her mother cared for her, her mind was all on the outward show.

  “Oh, but, yes!” her mother pawed at her. “It is important to Jane that we are on good terms.” Her expression changed. “But you coming here, so high and proud. You think yourself above us, no doubt! Not to write to us, so I had no news I could give my sister Philips. You have been determined to make me look foolish!”

  Elizabeth sighed. “Perhaps it’s time to call in the gentlemen, Mama.” She went to the mantel and rang the bell.

  “Please call Papa and Mr. Darcy, Hill.” Elizabeth smiled at the plump housekeeper, who curtsied.

  “Yes, Mrs. Darcy.”

  Chapter 76

  Darcy followed his father-in-law through to the sitting room, impatient at the man’s lack of any sense of urgency. Everything might be all right, but Elizabeth might be upset. He wanted to get to her, find out that all was well.

  But he pushed back any show of emotion, forcing himself to notice the little details of the house as he followed his host through the hall.

  At last they entered the sitting room and his eyes were at once on his wife. Relief surged through him. She was not distressed.

  “Mr. Darcy. You met Mrs. Bennet briefly last year at Gracechurch Street, I believe.” Bennet introduced him to his wife, who curtsied showily, waving her handkerchief.

  “Why yes, indeed! Welcome to Longbourn, Mr. Darcy!”

  “Delighted, madam,” he murmured, bowing politely, before turning at once to Elizabeth.

  “Are you well?” He kept his voice almost silent, and her answering nod was just as imperceptible.

  He turned again, prepared to shoulder the attentions of Mrs. Bennet and allow Elizabeth to be relieved of the attention.

  But Elizabeth was beside him, looking at her father. “Mama and I are at least agreed that we will be able to be civil tomorrow, so that disagreement does not mar Jane’s day.”

  Darcy listened to her voice. It seemed to indicate disappointment, but resignation. He thought perhaps it might be the best that could be expected at the current time.

  But he would do the best he could, for Elizabeth’s sake.

  “It is very, very kind of you to call, Mr. Darcy! Why, I was only telling Mr. Bennet the other day that we needed to move in better circles now that Mr. Bingley is joining the family. Oh!” She flapped her hand excitedly. “And Lizzy tells me we have you to thank for introducing our dear Jane to Mr. Bingley.” She sank in her chair with the effort of her excitement. “Sweet, dear Jane! She will make him the perfect wife. He is so fortunate!”

  Mr. Darcy sat stoically under the wave of noise. Mrs. Bennet was not likely to stop her monologue soon.

  “But, Mr. Darcy, notwithstanding that, you have been most remiss. I was telling Lizzy just now that I would need to berate you on this, that you have been most remiss in not benefitting my other daughters by introductions to your friends!”

  She wagged a finger at him, to his inner disgust. “It would have been so much easier if you had invited us all to Pemberley, as I suggested to you in my many letters, Mr. Darcy.”

  He stiffened, wondering how Elizabeth had reacted when she learned that her mother had been writing to him. But he dare not even look at her, Mrs. Bennet was still waving her finger at him. He kept his face impassive.

  “I said to Lizzy that you ought to have replied, that we should have been invited to Pemberley.” She leaned forward, her heavily rouged features working. “You know what she said to me, Mr. Darcy? You know? She said that you would never invite us to Pemberley unless she asked you to! Well!” Mrs. Bennet sat back.

  “Well, I know that is all wrong. Such a great estate. You are the master of Pemberley, and you will make the decisions! You must make sure Lizzy knows her place
, that you decide who is to call.” She gave a disapproving sniff.

  Darcy leaned forward. “Thank you, madam, for your advice. I pray that I might reassure you. I am indeed the master of Pemberley. And it is indeed a great estate.” He flashed a glance at Elizabeth and then turned his gaze back to her mother.

  “I can assure you that I make the decisions of who is to be invited to Pemberley. And my decision is that I will invite those my wife wishes me to. I will never invite anyone whom my wife does not wish me to.”

  He leaned back and smiled. “Mrs. Darcy has my full confidence that she knows what is best for the family and the estate.”

  Elizabeth touched his arm. “Might I say something, William?”

  “Of course.” He deferred to her.

  “Perhaps we might suggest that any further communication to us comes from Papa. After all, he is the master of Longbourn and that might be most appropriate?”

  He would not let himself smile, however much he appreciated her words.

  “Perhaps that discussion might be best for another day, Elizabeth. We are mainly concerned that nothing mar your sister’s wedding day.” He turned back to his host. “I am sure the family has much to do in the way of preparations and it may be better if we leave you now.” He bent a stern eye on Mr. Bennet.

  “I hope I can be confident that when Mrs. Darcy arrives here in the morning to attend her sister, there will be nothing untoward in her welcome.”

  The older man deferred to him, of course. He had expected nothing less.

  He rose to his feet and turned to his wife. “Let us take our leave, Elizabeth.”

  She rose with a smile and to the arm he offered, and she curtsied to her parents. “Thank you, Papa, and Mama. I hope the preparations go well, and I will see you — and Jane — in the morning.”

  In the coach he sat very close to her. “I think you probably obtained the best outcome it was possible to get, do you not?”