Lost

  But this scream was unlike anything I’d ever heard, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.

  Jessie had gotten into bed with Maggie, and the girls were holding each other tightly. Jessie was crying, and Maggie was as white as a ghost.

  I went to my babies and took them in my arms. “Shh… it’s okay. Mommy’s here. What’s wrong?”

  “I saw Daddy,” Jessie told me, anxiety in her voice. “I saw him. In the window.”

  “Honey, it was just a dream,” I said, trying to calm her nerves. “It’s okay.”

  “No, Mommy. I saw him too,” Maggie told me. “Daddy was right there.”

  She pointed to their window, and Sam stepped over to take a look. “Guys, there’s nothing there. It was just a dream, maybe a bad dream.”

  Hearing the girls claim of seeing their Dad, Jimmy and Carey shuffled back into their rooms. A dream was nothing to get worked up about.

  I told Sam he could go back to sleep. I would take care of getting the girls settled back down. Thirty minutes later, I was back in my bed drifting off to sleep.

  Chapter 51

  He didn’t mean to scare the little girls. He had been watching the house and felt compelled to check on the children.

  The little girl—the one with the long hair—had opened her eyes and screamed when she saw him. He let himself down and hung from the window ledge, then dropped to the ground. He ran to the back of the yard and let the shadows hide him.

  A few minutes later, all the lights went on in the house, and he could hear them rushing into the girls’ room.

  He didn’t want to leave yet. The Woman was around. He caught her stench every so often. She wasn’t close, but he didn’t want to leave them alone.

  And so he went back to his hiding spot and settled in.

  They were safe… for now.

  Chapter 52

  Ethan’s life was a cliche. His wife hadn’t liked being the wife of a detective. Too many family dinners interrupted. Too many nights worrying that she would get a phone call or worse, that the doorbell would ring. So she had left him 8 years ago. She had remarried a good guy, Carl—even Ethan thought he was nice. And she was happy. Because she was happy, she was pretty cool when it came to visitation. Ethan was a very involved father, and as long as he was good to their son, he could see Nathan whenever he could.

  Since he lived alone, he and Walt decided that his apartment was the best place to go over the old files.

  “I can’t believe this is happening again,” Walt said, for what must have been the 20th time.

  “I can’t believe we aren’t batshit crazy,” Ethan replied. “All that crap... all that shit that happened 20 years ago, I think I’d written it off.”

  Walt nodded in agreement. They’d never really spoken about what they saw all those years ago, until now.

  “I feel it, Walt.” Ethan said as he took a drink of his beer. “I feel it. And whatever’s going down, that woman, those kids are right in the middle of it.”

  “Whatever it is… whatever’s going on, we need to finish it this time, E. What happened 20 years ago, if we can stop it... Well, we can’t let it happen again.”

  Ethan looked at Walter. The man had been his best friend for over half his life. Walt had drawn his weapon before, but in his 25+ years on the job, he’d never fired it in the line of duty. And yet, there’s no one Ethan would rather have at his side.

  “If this is the same shit that went down 20 years ago, we won’t let it happen again.”

  And they drank on it.

  * * *

  Twenty years ago, Ethan and Walt were both in uniform. They had been partners for 5 years and were good friends to boot. Word started going around their precinct that some psycho was on the loose. A string of gory murders had left detectives at a loss.

  The M.E. swore that they were animal attacks. But what animal disembowels a guy in an alley behind a crowded nightclub? There were four murders, and then they suddenly stopped.

  July 20, 1993—that date would forever be engraved in their minds. That was the morning, the very early morning, that Ethan and Walter figured out who was committing the murders. That was the day they came face to face with a nightmare.

  Chapter 53

  “Oh, come on! Really?” I woke up to a small hand on my face. Jessie was curled up on my right, and Maggie was on my left, her head on my leg.

  I had been so tired that I didn’t even know the girls had crawled into bed with me. They were sleeping soundly, so I slid down the bed between them. I wanted to let them sleep. Whatever Jessie thought she had seen the night before had scared her half to death. The girls were tough. Growing up with three older brothers, they’d learned to be. But that night... I’d never seen them so scared.

  I admit that I hadn’t paid much attention to the movie, but I didn’t think there was anything scary. I made a mental note to ask Carey if he and the girls had watched something while I had been out with Jimmy.

  Joe had called a few days prior and left a message. They were ready to install my new flooring. This was going to be as good a day as any other, so it was on the schedule. The shower doors and the mirror were in, and they would be putting those in as well. Which meant come Monday night, my room would be back in order.

  Since it was early, I decided to relax and take a bath. I had a huge Jacuzzi tub, though I think Brian used it more than I did. I was a quick in, quick out kind of gal and just didn’t want to lounge around in a tub. Brian could soak for hours if I let him. But, this time, I was gonna soak.

  I looked around, searching for bubble bath or something. Whoever destroyed the bathroom had also decided to dump shampoo, conditioner, and whatever else they could find all over the bathtub and shower, so I didn’t have much left. I would have to pick up some treats next time we went to the mall.

  I finally found some Mr. Bubble. The girls would often take baths in our tub, so I figured why not? There were worse things than smelling like bubble gum. I ran the bath and took off my nightshirt. I looked at myself, with a critical eye, in the mirror.

  Four kids and almost forty—it could be worse. I looked at my breasts and wished for the pair I had at 18. I lifted my arms above my head and turned to the side.

  See how much nicer they look lifted, just a little bit.

  I squeezed my arms together, effectively squishing my breasts together for some nice cleavage. I leaned over to catch a glimpse.

  Hmm.

  I stood up and dropped my arms. It wasn’t going to happen. I’d seen an MTV special about plastic surgery a few years back, and after seeing the way they shove the implants up in your… show me a Victoria’s Secret any day. I just reminded myself how many bras I could buy for the cost of a boob job. Besides, I had no one to impress anymore.

  I settled down in the tub and sighed as the hot water slid up my body. Leaning back, I understood how Brian could spend 45 minutes just laying in the tub.

  Laying there, with nothing to read, no phone to play with, I started thinking about the conversation I’d had with Bee the last night on the ship.

  Ben and Amy had turned in early. Anthony, Sam, and Karie were in the casino. The girls were at a “late night kids party.” And Jimmy, Ant, and Carey were hanging out with new friends. Bee and I had found a seat in one of the lounges and proceeded to drink too many frozen drinks. I think I was on my fourth piña colada when she asked if I had thought about dating again.

  “Are you joking? I’m the mother of five kids, almost 40, and have the boobs to prove it. Who would want to tackle this?”

  Bee gave me a dirty look. “You’re joking, right? Jules, you are a beautiful woman. I wish you saw that.”

  I scoffed at her. “I do see, Bee. I see the crow’s feet coming in every time I look in the mirror, and the white hairs...”

  Bee smacked the table, and I stifled a giggle.

  “I wish you could see… what Brian saw,” Bee said. “Oh, girl, when he looked at you, it was like sunshine shone out your asshole.”
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  Bee and I snorted with laughter and drew a few stares in the process.

  “Shh… shh…” I tried to temper our laughter. “That was a very colorful description.”

  Bee was on her fifth margarita at this point. She loved tequila, but girl could not handle it.

  “I’m serious. It was like there were no other women in the room. Ya know, one time Anthony told me they went to a gentlemen’s club on one of their fishing trips. And Brian told the stripper about you!”

  I was laughing outright at this point. It wasn’t so much the story as much as it was the hiccups that punctuated Bee’s sentences.

  “I mean, she probably had her titties in his face, and he was talking about his wife. I bet that hurt her self-esteem.”

  We went back and forth for at least another hour, and at that point, Anthony had found us—blitzed, but happy. He just shook his head and took us back to our rooms.

  But laying there in the tub, in the home we made, I couldn’t imagine dating again. It had been less than a year since I’d lost Brian, but aside from that, I had no interest.

  I’m not saying I subscribe to the idea that everyone has one soul mate out there, but for me… I’d had the best, and anyone that tried to follow would forever be playing catch up. I didn’t see any point in bothering to watch someone fail at every turn. I just didn’t think anyone would live up to Brian.

  And you know what? I was okay with that. I had almost 20 years with a man I adored. I loved Brian with all my heart. There was never a time when I had to fall in love with him “again.” I mean, really. What the fuck is that all about? I loved him, simple as that. The memories could contain me for the next 40 or 50 years, and hopefully in the next ten years or so, I would have a daughter-in-law, maybe a grandbaby…

  Or maybe I would get that dog.

  * * *

  “Mommy?” I heard a voice. “Mommy? Are you in there?”

  I sighed. I had a good 20 minutes of soaking in at this point.

  “Mommy? Can we come in? Mommy?”

  They weren’t going to stop, so I gave them the approval for which they were looking.

  The girls peeked their heads in. “Morning, Mommy!”

  The startling events from the previous night obviously forgotten, as was the late night foray into my room, so I let it be.

  “Morning. How are you guys?”

  “Your bed is awesome!” Jessie told me as she came over and sat on the floor by the tub.

  “Yeah, I want one just like it,” Maggie said as she sat on the floor next to her sister.

  “It is pretty nice, isn’t it?” I asked them, as I started to shave my legs.

  Jessie crawled over and leaned against the tub. “Daddy said you had dancer’s legs.”

  “He did say that, didn’t he?”

  Whatever issues I had with my breasts, the same couldn’t be said for my legs and my behind. I was proud of them. They looked pretty damn good.

  “When can we shave our legs?” Jessie asked.

  “Oh, well, do you want to?” I asked the girls. I hadn’t even thought of that. When did I start shaving my legs?

  “I don’t know. It kind of looks like a pain,” Jessie answered as she watched me lather up my other leg.

  “I’m not gonna shave, yet. I don’t even have armpit hair!” Maggie informed us.

  I laughed. “Well, okay then. I think we can put off shaving for another year or so, okay?”

  Jessie shrugged. “What about a bra?”

  “What about a bra?” I asked her.

  “You have pretty big boobs. I looked at your new bras, and it says a size 34 D. That’s pretty big, isn’t it?”

  Did I have big boobs?

  “I guess so,” I told her. “Sometimes your breasts get bigger after you have babies.”

  “Can I get a bra?” Jessie asked.

  I looked at my little girl, puberty was still a few years off, but a sports bra couldn’t hurt. “Well, how about a sports bra? They have them at Target in your size.”

  “What size is that? Extra, extra small?” Maggie laughed. “We don’t have boobs yet, and bras don’t look comfortable. I’m not gonna wear one until I have too.”

  Jessie just gave her a dirty look. “You don’t get it.”

  Maggie just rolled her eyes. I had finished shaving and was done, so I stood up and grabbed my towel.

  “You’re gonna make pancakes, right?” Maggie asked, already licking her lips.

  “I’m gonna make pancakes,” I told them.

  “Cool, I’m gonna go wake up the guys.” Maggie took off toward her brothers’ rooms. I braced myself for the yelling.

  “AGGHH!! NO. Get out!” That was Carey, and something hit the door.

  “GOD! Go away, Magpie!” Jimmy, louder, but he didn’t throw anything.

  And then laughter. That was Sam. I couldn’t hear what he said to her, but there was no yelling. Our son. I silently thanked the woman that had left and given him to me.

  * * *

  Breakfast went well, considering the looks that Carey and Jimmy shot at their little sister.

  “Okay! Jimmy, tell Ant to run up here. And, Carey, you’re working today, right?” I asked as we were getting ready to leave for the movies.

  “Yep. 1 o’clock.”

  “Sam, what’s on your agenda today?”

  “Gonna do some laundry, and then I think I’m gonna go meet some friends.”

  Nice. He hadn’t spent much time with his old friends this summer.

  “Okay. Well, you guys are on your own for dinner. We’re going to the movies, and then I’ll probably take the kids out for an early dinner.”

  “Mommy, are you wearing that?” Jessie was tugging on my arm.

  I looked down at the short sleeve blouse and printed shorts I’d bought at Loft the other day. “Umm… I am. What’s wrong with this?”

  “You look so pretty in blue,” Jessie told me, taking in the black top and red printed shorts.

  I just shook my head and shooed them out the door. Ant was jogging up the street, and he and Jimmy climbed into the back of the van. Jessie and Maggie sat in the seat closest to me.

  “Buckle up!” I told them. I waited until I heard four clicks, and we were off.

  Chapter 54

  He was stiff. He’d fallen asleep and didn’t wake up until she did.

  He heard her go into the bathroom and saw her open the blinds. He watched the window for a while, and then he saw her stand up.

  He saw the water slide down over the slope of her breasts. She had put her hair up, and it was curling around her face. She wrapped a towel around her and adjusted the blinds again.

  She had no makeup on, and her hair was a mess, but she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

  Chapter 55

  I was heating up leftovers for myself. The girls, Jimmy, and Ant were at the table scarfing down pizza rolls—not the best dinner, but at least they were all eating some fruit I had cut up. The kids hadn’t been able to decide on a restaurant, and rather than listen to them argue, I just drove on home.

  “Man of Steel was… AWESOME!” Jimmy dragged out the word.

  “Yep. Best Superman movie, hands down,” Ant agreed.

  “I don’t know… Christopher Reeve was a very handsome Superman,”I told the kids, coming in with plate of spaghetti.

  The boys looked at me like I’d grown another head. The girls just continued to eat.

  “Mom! Really?” Jimmy made me sound like a moron.

  “Yeah, really! His Clark Kent was hilarious.”

  “Mrs. J, you need to see Man of Steel before you can say anything. I’m telling you, best Superman movie ever,” Ant said this to me as a way to back up his best friend.

  “I’m sure I will, when it comes out on DVD. I’m just saying.”

  “Can we not even get into the lame special effects,” Jimmy reminded me.

  “Jimmy, it was the late 70’s, early 80’s. What do you expect?” I wondered.

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bsp; “Umm… that’s my point, Mom.”

  Obviously, I was out of my league, so I just shut up.

  The kids all had a great time. Obviously, the boys enjoyed Man of Steel, and Iron Man 3 wasn’t as ridiculous as I thought it would be. Ant was spending the night, and the kids were all eating an early dinner.

  “So what’s the plan for tonight?” I asked them.

  The girls shrugged. They would no doubt find something to occupy their time.

  “Okay. Hear me out before you say ‘no,’” Jimmy said. “Please?”

  I gave him a sideways glance and nodded, so he continued.

  “The new Friday the 13th is on Netflix Instant Queue. Can we watch it?”

  “It’s Rated R. 17 and up.” That was my standard response to this type of question.

  “Carey saw it, and he’s only 16.”

  Touché‎.

  “Ant, what do your parents say?” I wasn’t going to say yes, and then have my friends pissed at me.

  He shrugged and told me he hadn’t asked them.

  “Ask them, and we’ll go from there.”

  Ant pulled out his cell phone and called his mom. He spoke with her for a few minutes, and then hung up.

  “My mom said it’s okay with her, but if I have nightmares, that’s my problem.” It sounded like something Bee would say.

  I took a deep breath. Brian, Sam, Carey, and I all loved horror movies, or rather, I guess Brian did. Why should Jimmy be any different?

  “Alright, but I don’t want to hear about any nightmares. And no, you girls aren’t watching it.” I turned to the girls and cut them off just as they were opening their mouths.

  “Fine, but that means their gonna be on the TV. I wanted to play a game on the Wii U.” Maggie pouted.