The Truth Is a Theory

by Karyn Bristol

  Allie shimmied off the railing and sat down on Dana’s lap. “I don’t know if I can go back to missing you again.” She nuzzled his neck.

  He didn’t move a muscle; he held onto his beer in one hand, and kept the other planted on the arm of his chair. “I’m sure you have ways to compensate.”

  Allie picked her head up and peered at Dana. She reached out towards his dark Ray Bans and started to slide them off his face; then she hesitated and her hand dropped down to her lap. “What?”

  “You heard me. I’m sure you don’t miss me too much.”

  “You’re kidding, right? You know how much I wish we were together.”

  “If you missed me that much, you wouldn’t be so interested in other diversions.” Even through the shaded lenses, he couldn’t meet her eyes, and he continued to look beyond her out to the water. He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he couldn’t stop himself. He took a long drink from his beer.

  “You’re drunk,” she said, getting off his lap.

  “Yep.”

  Allie sighed. “Do you really want to have this conversation now?”

  “I wish we didn’t have to have this conversation at all,” Dana said, still not looking at her. They sat in silence, which contrasted sharply with the music and laughter floating up from below them on the pool deck. Dana finally looked at her.

  “Isn’t this enough, Allie? I mean us; aren’t we enough?”

  Allie took a deep breath and fiddled with her ponytail holder, pulling it loose. Her hair fell across her shoulders like a dark curtain. “Dana, I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in my whole life.”

  But… Dana waited. He had an urge to flee. He itched to get out of here, away from the tension and from the churning feeling in his stomach. But he couldn’t run, he had started this. The bile in his stomach erupted into words. “Yet you’re screwing other people.”

  “I’m not screwing other people. And hey, you agreed to this. You practically jumped up and down when I suggested it.”

  “I was being supportive.”

  “Supportive?” Her green eyes were on fire, her fists were clenched. “I wasn’t looking for support, I was looking for a conversation. And the way you grabbed pom-poms and did a little cheer pretty much told me where I stand with you, how you feel about me.”

  Dana was quiet. His head was spinning. He loved her and didn’t want to be fighting with her. And yet, he’d started it. He was afraid to open his mouth, he didn’t want to make it worse. He wished he could rewind the last 10 minutes.

  “And… ?” Allie drew out the word, waited a moment, and then punctuated it with, “Quiet.” She mumbled, “Typical.”

  “Anyone for nachos?” Tess sailed out onto the deck with the gourmet concoction of tortilla chips smothered in hot Velveeta.

  Dana stood up. “You’re right. I don’t want to have this conversation now.” He turned and walked through the sliding glass doors and down the stairs.

  ————

  A moment later the two girls watched him march across the pool deck below.

  Tess covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God, I’m sorry, I totally interrupted you guys.”

  “Don’t worry, he would’ve walked out whether you came along or not. He’s good at that.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Allie’s eyes were glued to Dana. She swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. “It’s been brewing all week.” She sank down onto the chair and twisted a chunk of her hair around her finger. “Oh Tess, I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just feel so stuck.” She leaned over and put her head in her hands. “Why is this so hard? I thought love was supposed to be easy.”

  ————

  A little while later, down on the beach and away from the crowd, Megan was stretched out on a bright yellow towel, relishing the last of the sun’s searing rays. Lying on his back next to her, with his arms crossed behind his head, was Mark Skillen, a junior from Erikson. Mark and Megan had only known each other by sight back at school, uttering courteous but empty greetings as they passed on campus. But well after midnight on the first night of vacation, with the silky, tropical darkness cut only by the greenish glow of the pool light, they found themselves draped on deck chairs discussing the essence of politics and music and sibling relationships. Finally, at four in the morning, as their yawns swallowed more and more of the starry sky, they bid each other goodnight and retired to their respective condos. The goodnight kiss that Megan had been half-anticipating and half-dreading hadn’t happened, and she went to bed surprised and intrigued.

  “So you were out late last night,” Allie said the next morning as Megan straggled into the kitchenette wearing a tee shirt that was as crumpled as her hair.

  Megan yawned and reached for the coffee pot. “Unexpectedly.”

  “Mark Skillen?”

  Megan poured her coffee. “Wasn’t he in a class of yours?”

  “I was trying to remember, I think it was Western Civ. He was pretty quiet, cute. I think he plays guitar in some band.”

  “He does. With Delusion, we saw them last year at Springfest. They’re pretty good.” She picked up a Sweet-n-Low and shook it. “I guess I can see quiet. He was very… earnest last night. We talked forever, about everything. At one point we even talked about grandmothers.” She ripped open the pink packet and dumped sweetener into her coffee. “He is cute, isn’t he?”

  “Wow. I haven’t heard you say that in a long time.”

  “Weird, huh?” Since the Baker incident last year, she hadn’t so much sworn off men as she just hadn’t found anyone worth the risk. “And you know what’s strange? There was chemistry there, but we didn’t even kiss. It was like he knew a kiss would have changed the night somehow, made it less-than. Does that sound crazy?”

  “No.” Allie paused. “Wow, grandmothers and chivalry. Maybe you’ve stumbled into a gentleman.”

  Megan stirred her coffee.

  ————

  When they finally did kiss, two nights and many long conversations later, Megan made sure that it was more than just a gentlemanly impulse that was holding Mark in check.

  “I need this to happen slowly,” she said as she pulled back from his embrace. Excuses and history jumped up and down on her tongue; she swallowed them back.

  He leaned in, his face close, his eyes on hers. “I get that.” He kissed her again and Megan melted into his lips.

  ————

  “How come we get the best sunset on our last day? It’s like a cosmic, haha, you’re going back to snow,” Megan said as she gestured to the rich collage of orange and pink above them.

  “Do you think we can call up this moment when we’re knee-deep in finals?” Mark said.

  “I don’t even want to think about exams.”

  They had been basking for hours, purposely separated from the spirited mob, listening to the wind-whipped music from the distant party and the sound of the crashing waves. After chugging his beer, Mark rolled towards Megan and began to kiss her. She responded enthusiastically, and the two of them wiggled closer to each other and continued to kiss, gently at first, and then harder, their tongues hungrily exploring.

  Mark’s hand started tentatively down her body, and goosebumps popped up all over Megan’s skin from the combination of the disappearing sun, the ocean breeze, and Mark’s touch. She pulled back abruptly, as if she knew that if she didn’t do it fast, she wouldn’t have the willpower to do it at all. She was very turned on, but she was also aware that they were completely exposed, with only a bathing suit between the thrill of exploration and the roped-off, unbounded danger zone.

  “Not now, Mark,” she said with a small giggle that sounded more ragged than amused. She sat up and fiddled with her top, making minor adjustments for maximum coverage.

  He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her wit
h a quizzical half-smile.

  “Someone could walk by,” she said.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t stop myself.”

  “It’s okay.” She turned away from him and grabbed her half-full beer, which was planted in the hot sand next to her. She took a sip and then gagged. “It’s hot. I’m going to get a new one.”

  “I’ll come, I could use a new one too.” Mark got up and reached for his towel.

  “Do you think anyone motivated and got stuff for the barbeque tonight?” Megan said as they started walking.

  “I think Allie said she’d go, or maybe it was Steph.”

  “It definitely wasn’t Allie, she hates the supermarket.”

  Mark looked at her.

  “She says it’s a giant petri dish of kids behaving badly.”

  Mark chuckled. “I’ve never really thought about it. I only notice the mind-numbing muzak.”

  “Well, I hope someone went, because I’m starving.” She hadn’t eaten much all day and the beer was undulating in her empty stomach.

  They ambled up the beach toward the bright colors and dark tans of a mash of kids, fused together by the high of carelessness and top-40 tunes. Mark took her hand; it felt comfortable in his now. She snuck a glance at him. Every night he had backed off with an easy smile whenever she slammed on the brakes, although his foot was always heavy lead on the accelerator until the last minute. She wondered if he was getting annoyed. She sighed. As much as she liked him, if going all the way became a deal-breaker for him, then so be it. There was no way she was going to have sex with him so soon in their relationship.

  The smell of grilled burgers and charred hot dogs made Megan’s stomach roll with hunger as they approached the party, which was already in full swing around the pool. A sweating keg sat in a tub of ice in one corner and blenders were whipping up colorful fruit and alcohol concoctions at every outdoor power outlet. Even though some people had showered and changed out of their wet bathing suits, skin remained the fashion must-have of the evening.

  “I’m going to get us some beers and grab a shirt. I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes?” Mark leaned over and gave Megan a quick kiss.

  She smiled warmly. Wouldn’t it be amazing if this worked out?

  She headed towards her condo. What she really wanted was a shower, but she’d settle for just changing out of her bikini; she knew that eating was the priority. She wove her way through the crowd, cheerfully greeting everyone she passed.

  “Hi!” she called out to Dana without missing a step. “Where’s Allie?”

  “Don’t know,” he answered gruffly.

  Megan stopped walking; Dana was never unfriendly. “Are you okay?”

  “Sorry. I’m fine. Allie and I… we needed a little space.” He shrugged his shoulders, and the movement unbalanced him for a moment. He grabbed the back of a chair.

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  Dana shook his head. “Nah, I’m fine, we’re fine, everything’s fine. We’re on vacation, right?” He raised his beer bottle in the air.

  “Right. Okay. See you later.” She made a mental note to check on him.

  Inside the condo, Megan peeled off her suit and pulled on clean underwear and a midnight-blue sundress that was cut to highlight her curves. Without a shower she needed all the help she could get, and everyone had always complimented her on the dress. She appraised herself in the mirror. The threads of gold in her brown eyes flickered warmly against her tan face. She shook out her long copper hair—sand rained down on her bare feet—and smoothed it out with a brush. Not bad. Some sun can enhance anything.

  She followed the animated voices coming from the kitchen, and found Allie and Tess sitting at the breakfast bar, eating tortilla chips and drinking red frozen drinks.

  “Here you are.” Megan leaned over and grabbed a fistful of chips. “Sorry,” she said with her mouth full, “I’m starving.”

  “Want a daiquiri?” Allie stood up to get a glass.

  “Absolutely.” Megan pulled up a stool. “They look great.”

  “Where were you?” Tess said.

  “Down on the beach with Mark.” Megan blushed through her tan.

  “Enjoying your last day in paradise?” Allie said.

  Megan giggled. “Mark’s great; he seems great at least.”

  “He is great… if his friends are any indication, which they usually are, don’t you think?” Tess said.

  “We’ll see. I mean about me and Mark; we’ll see when we get back to school if he’s still into it.”

  “He will be,” Allie said.

  “You guys don’t know how lucky you have it. This dating thing sucks.” Megan crunched on a chip and turned to Tess. “Did you finally get hold of Gavin?”

  Tess’s face lit up, her spine sprung to attention. “Finally is right! It’s so weird that we haven’t talked in a few days. He said he’s been working a ton.” She fiddled with her necklace. “He sounded really tired.”

  ————

  Tess had been dating Gavin for a year now, and she still couldn’t believe her luck, especially when she remembered that he’d fallen for her while he was with Zoe. Zoe. For the life of her she had no idea how that had happened. All her life she had run with the homecoming queens, never for a moment considering herself crown-worthy. She was always the brainy sidekick to the cheerleader, the plain bridesmaid to the luminous bride. She had never wowed anyone before, especially not with her looks. Yet here she was, in a serious relationship with Gavin Keller. He introduced her as his girlfriend, he told her she was beautiful. It was electrifying, mostly because while his warm words washed over her, she actually felt beautiful.

  After the warm shower passed however, and Gavin’s attention was momentarily elsewhere, she was alone again with the cold, damp chill of her own insecurity. Her gushing delight and wide-eyed adoration would suddenly seem foolish, childlike.

  Get a grip.

  But she didn’t want to. There was nothing better than being in love with Gavin. It was like the joy of learning to ride a bike—the exhilaration of flying, the rush of the wind in her face, the ballooning pride as she catapulted along the concrete. But along with her euphoria, she was always aware that a cutting crash was imminent. And Tess knew when that happened, she wouldn’t just suffer a skinned knee; the repercussions of a crash with Gavin could be life-threatening.

  “I can’t wait to see him next weekend. It’s only been three weeks, but it feels like it’s been forever. I wish he could’ve come on this trip; our weekends are always so short.” She beamed at Allie. “I’ve been jealous of you and Dana all week; I would kill for seven days together in tropical paradise.”

  “I still can’t believe you and Dana ended up with the same break,” Megan said. “Speaking of which, what’s up with you guys? I just saw him outside and he seemed pretty raw.”

  “See what paradise does to you?” Allie said to Tess. She put down her daiquiri. “I need to go find him. He was upset about the dating-other-people thing, and we kind of got into it—or should I say, he threw a grenade and walked away.” She shook her head. “We’ve been having such an awesome vacation, or so I thought. I’m not sure what triggered it. Maybe the fact that he’s swimming in beers.”

  Megan looked down at her drink.

  Allie touched Megan’s arm. “Not your fault.”

  Tess looked back and forth between Allie and Megan.

  Allie said to Tess, “Megan now feels responsible whenever Dana and I bump heads.” She turned back to Megan and squeezed her arm. “You didn’t push me into that conversation with him last year. Well, actually you did, but you were right, as always. It felt good to tell him how screwed up I am.” She smiled weakly. “I was finally honest, but I’m not so sure he was. Although if that’s the case then he deserves an Oscar for his portrayal of a man set free.”
/>   “We all put on a costume from time to time,” Tess said, sipping her drink.

  They were quiet for a moment. Then Megan said, “But then he can’t be mad at you.”

  “Tell that to Dana.” Allie sighed. “Maybe tonight it will be Dana’s turn to be honest.”

  “I hope not,” Megan said, stuffing another chip into her mouth, “He was pretty wasted.”

  “Fabulous,” Allie said, shaking her head. “I should go get him.” She looked more closely at Megan. “You look great by the way; even with chips all over your face.”

  “Oh, I haven’t showered or anything.” Megan stood up and brushed the chips off her dress. “And I can’t stop eating, I’m starving. I didn’t eat lunch.” She stole one more fistful. “I’ll walk out with you. Coming, Tess?”

  ————

  When Allie spied Dana outside, she broke away from Megan and Tess. “Wish me luck,” she said in a low voice. She sidled up to him and put her arms around him from behind. After a moment, the girls saw him turn into her and give her a long hug, and soon after that they watched Allie and Dana slip down towards the beach with their arms around each other.

  “Phew,” Megan said to Tess.

  Tess wished for the umpteenth time that Gavin was here.

  ————

  Much later that night, after the kegs had been pumped dry, the bottles of vodka and rum had been emptied, and the last of the food had been ravaged, Megan and Mark headed down towards the beach as well. As Allie and Dana had hours earlier, they walked in the wet sand with their arms around each other, the warm surf licking their bare toes. But unlike Allie and Dana, they staggered and weaved in the dark, the waves tripping them at times, their footprints making a dizzying zigzag. Megan, who had only eaten tortilla chips for dinner, leaned against Mark as he steered her down the beach, as if there was something he wanted to show her out where the glow from the dying party didn’t extend. After a few minutes they trudged out of the wet sand and collapsed up on the dry beach, which was still emanating heat from the burning rays of the day.