He Kills Me, He Kills Me Not

by LENA DIAZ,

  Not letting Madison see how he felt about Amanda would be a challenge. Not letting her know how furious he was about her coming to Shadow Falls when he’d asked her not to would be even more challenging.

  Then again, maybe it was a good idea to let her see how furious he was. It might knock some sense into her, make her see that he had serious concerns about her safety. But he didn’t want to scare Amanda, make her dwell on the killer again. It was a hell of a situation.

  “I haven’t told you yet about Logan’s date to the senior prom and his alleged medical condition.” Madison laughed.

  “And you’re not going to.” Logan strode into the room.

  Amanda looked up at Logan standing on the other side of the coffee table, hands on his hips, scowling at his sister.

  “Logan,” Madison said. “You’re home.”

  “And you’re not. Why is that?”

  “I’m on vacation. You knew that.”

  He leaned forward, placing his palms on the coffee table, his scowl even darker. Amanda was glad his anger was targeted at Madison instead of her. She wouldn’t want to face him in his current mood. His sister was grinning, not daunted in the least.

  “You were on vacation the last time I talked to you,” he said. “I told you to either stay where you were or go back to New York. I specifically told you not to come here.”

  “Since when have I ever done what you told me to do?”

  He gritted his teeth together and straightened. “I’m serious, Madison. You shouldn’t have come. It’s not safe.”

  “But it’s safe for Amanda to be here?”

  “That’s different.”

  “Why? Because you don’t want her to leave? You would put your own desires over her safety?”

  A tic started in his cheek. “Do you really think I’d put anything above Mandy’s safety?”

  Madison grinned at Amanda. “He calls you Mandy? How sweet.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” he growled.

  “Oh, for God’s sake, yourself,” Madison said. “I haven’t seen you in months. At least give me a hug before you go all cop on me. I’ve missed you.”

  She jumped off the couch and charged around the coffee table toward him. Amanda thought she was going to tackle him but at the last second, he opened his arms and caught his sister against his chest.

  “I missed you too, trouble.” He gave her a hug and kissed the top of her head. His anger seemed to evaporate as soon as she hugged him, but lines of worry still crinkled his brow.

  He looked over her and gave Amanda a slow, sexy wink.

  Instantly her pulse sped up and an ache started in her belly.

  Oh, boy, did she have it bad.

  Madison pulled back and looked up at him, her face serious for once. “If it makes you feel better, Amanda already lectured me about coming here. She explained what was going on and that I should have listened to you. And if I’d known all the details, I would have followed your advice. But as usual, you tried to protect me by dancing around the issue. All you did was make me curious, which is why I came. So, it’s really your fault that I’m here.”

  “I told you not to come. That’s the only detail you needed.”

  “You hear that, Amanda? My brother thinks telling a woman to do something is the same as asking. It’s going to take a special woman to put up with his archaic views and bring him into the current century.”

  Without giving Amanda a chance to respond, Madison pointed her finger at Logan’s chest and poked it against him with every syllable to emphasize her words. “Amanda is a very special woman. I hope you appreciate her.”

  She turned and strode toward the archway. “I’m going to go upstairs and get ready for bed. I chose the blue bedroom on the opposite side of the house from yours, Logan. I’ll turn my iPod up really, really loud. Good night, you two. Have fun.”

  Amanda’s eyes widened at Madison’s parting words.

  “She’s a real force of nature, isn’t she?” Logan sat in the recliner opposite the couch.

  “I like her,” Amanda said. “I can’t always follow what she’s talking about, but I like her. She’s sweet.”

  “You think she’s sweet?”

  “I do.”

  He laughed, obviously not agreeing with that statement.

  “Logan, I hope you don’t mind but I looked through your files today. The ones on your desk in the study.”

  His grin faded. Tension lined his brow with worry. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”

  “I know, I’m sorry, but I wanted to help. Since my computer program didn’t yield much, I decided to take another stab at it myself. I made a list of suspects based on the interviews and descriptions in the files. If you don’t mind looking at it, I can go grab it.” She started to get up but he waved her back down on the couch.

  “In a minute. First, I want to discuss what Madison said. She has a good point, about me putting my needs above your safety, because God knows I need you. And I can’t stand the thought of you not being here with me. I thought I could keep you safe, but with Branson missing, maybe I should take you to a safe house after all.”

  She frowned at him. “You’ve kept me safe here this long. I don’t see any reason to go anywhere else. About that list I made. If you’ll just take a minute—”

  “You’ve only been safe this long because no one knows where you are. It’s only a matter of time before someone figures that out. Madison’s right. You need to be somewhere safer while I work on the investigation.”

  Pain knifed through her. Last night they’d shared their bodies and their souls. How could he want her to leave? “If you think you’re getting rid of me that easily, you’d better think again. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Get rid of you? Is that what you think I’m trying to do?”

  “Is it?”

  “Hell, no. I want you here, in my house, in my bed. But with Branson missing, and the killer possibly escalating, I can’t risk him finding you. I should turn you over to the Feds tomorrow.”

  “Turn me over? Just like that? Don’t I have any say in it?”

  His face hardened and his eyes took on a flinty color. “No, you don’t.”

  She wasn’t about to back down, not when her heart was at stake. “The answer is no.”

  His knuckles whitened where his hands clenched the arms of his chair. “I didn’t ask. I’ve made my decision. I’ll call Pierce, ask him to come over in the morning and take you to a federal safe house out of town. I’ll have Madison pack your things, and I’ll see that they get to you.”

  Panic sent butterflies swirling through her stomach. “None of this makes sense. I was safe here before, but now that Branson is missing, I’m suddenly not safe? Did something happen to compromise my location?”

  “No.”

  “Then why are you trying to send me away?” she whispered, unable to hide the pain in her voice this time.

  Logan flinched but he didn’t waver. “If I screw up again, if I miss anything . . .” He raked a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you and it was my fault. I need to get you out of here, so I can focus on the case.”

  She felt the blood drain from her face. “I’m a liability now?”

  “Damn straight. I can’t think with you here.”

  “Fine.” She stood, swallowing hard against the tears that threatened to fall. She had to get out while she still had some dignity intact. “Last night obviously meant nothing to you.”

  “The hell it didn’t,” he growled. His eyes narrowed dangerously. He stood and she decided a tactical retreat was in order. She hurried to stand behind the couch. With both the coffee table and the couch between them, she felt relatively safe.

  “It’s okay,” she said, trying to calm his anger and at the same time struggling not to let him see that her heart was breaking. He wanted to send her away. How could he be so cruel after making such sweet love to her last night? “I understand. I put too much importance on what ha
ppened between us. It was just sex.”

  “The hell it was,” he gritted out. He shoved the coffee table out of the way. It slid across the wooden floor and banged against the wall.

  She yelped when she realized he wasn’t slowing down. He vaulted over the couch and she ran for the stairs.

  She’d only made it to the third step before she was yanked off her feet and thrown over his shoulder. Her breath left her with a solid whoosh.

  He didn’t pause. As if she weighed nothing he jogged up the stairs. She was so surprised she didn’t say a word, not that she could have. His shoulder knocked the breath out of her with every step he took.

  At the top of the stairs he headed down the hallway, turning right, toward the master suite. Amanda tried to grab the banister, but he was going too fast and her hands slid off the polished wood.

  “Put me down,” she demanded, wiggling to get out of his grasp.

  He stalked into the bedroom and kicked the door shut with his foot. He didn’t slow as he approached the massive four-poster bed.

  “Put me down,” she insisted again.

  “As you wish.” He dumped her unceremoniously on the bed. The mattress hadn’t stopped bouncing before he followed her with his body, pressing her into the mattress, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, groin to groin.

  His dark, angry eyes bored into hers as he stared down at her. She stared back, amazed at this side of him she’d never seen before, wondering what he was going to do. His eyes dropped to her lips. The tension in him suddenly changed and she felt the pressure against her abdomen increase as his growing erection pressed against her.

  “Mandy, what the hell am I going to do with you?” The words sounded like they were torn out of him, filled with frustration, anger, and something else.

  “Love me?” she whispered, reaching up and gently running her fingers along the side of his face.

  He shuddered beneath her touch. She saw the surrender in his eyes a moment before he leaned down and covered her mouth with his.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Wake up, sleeping beauty.”

  Amanda groaned at the sound of Logan’s cheerful voice. She was lying on her stomach with one arm hanging off the edge of the bed. “Too early.” She threw the sheet over the top of her head.

  He chuckled and relentlessly tugged the sheet back down in spite of her efforts to hang on to it. “My curious sister is already downstairs, asking me all kinds of questions about why you’re so tired this morning. What do you think I should tell her?”

  She cursed and opened her right eye to glare at him.

  “What was that? I didn’t quite understand you, sweetie.”

  The sheet continued its relentless slide down her bare back. Had she actually thought this man was kind and sweet when he’d kissed her scars and made her feel beautiful and cherished? She cleared her throat and spoke louder. “I don’t care what you tell her. Leave me alone. Must . . . sleep. Go away.”

  Logan whisked the sheet off the bed and slapped her bare bottom.

  She shrieked in outrage.

  “Like it or not, we’ve got company. And unless you want me to tell Pierce why you’re so tired, you’d better get hopping.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.” She reluctantly sat up, grabbing a pillow to cover her breasts and block Logan’s view.

  His eyes dipped down to her lap and he gave her a lecherous leer. She gasped and grabbed another pillow to cover up.

  Laughing, he bent down and pressed a quick kiss against her lips. “If you’re not downstairs in ten minutes, I’m going to join that luscious body of yours in bed. I don’t care what Pierce and Madison think.”

  She shoved him off the bed but he caught himself before he fell. When she grabbed a knickknack from the bedside table and threatened to throw it at him, he grinned but hurried from the room, closing the door behind him.

  It wasn’t until she was in the shower that what he’d said sank in. Pierce was here? In spite of the wonderful night she and Logan had shared, had Logan called Pierce this morning to take her to a safe house as he’d threatened to do last night?

  The rest of her shower was taken amidst a series of stomps and curses as she vented her anger. She purposely took longer than ten minutes just to see if he would dare to come upstairs, now that she was awake enough to realize what he’d done.

  When he failed to show, she grudgingly admitted he knew her better than she thought. She reluctantly headed downstairs.

  Amanda located Pierce, Madison, and Logan on the back deck, sitting at one of the round tables with an assortment of bagels and cream cheese.

  Logan stood and pulled out a chair for her next to him. She ignored him and grabbed another chair, scooting it in between Madison and Pierce, forcing them to move over to let her sit down.

  “Good morning, Pierce, Madison.” She forced a cheerfulness into her voice she didn’t feel.

  Madison exchanged a quizzical look with Pierce. “Good morning, Amanda.”

  Logan stood beside his chair with a scowl on his face. “Wouldn’t you rather sit over here? You’re crowding the others.”

  “Pierce? Am I bothering you sitting here?” Amanda asked sweetly, turning her sunny smile on him.

  He shot a glance at Logan then looked back at her. “Uh, no, not at all. There’s plenty of room.”

  “Good. Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

  Logan sat. He leaned back with his long legs spread out in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re normally not much of a breakfast person. You must have worked up quite an appetite last night to be so hungry.”

  Madison choked on the water she was drinking.

  Amanda stabbed at a container of cream cheese and smacked a glob of it onto the top of a blueberry bagel. “Actually, I must have slept through the whole night because I can’t remember anything . . . well . . . memorable.”

  His face darkened and he leaned forward, his jaw tensed. “Do you need me to remind you what we were doing? Sweetheart?”

  Her face flushed but she returned his glare with a smoldering one of her own.

  Madison smacked her hands on the table and stood. “You two obviously need some privacy to work out whatever is bothering you. Pierce, would you join me inside, please?”

  She crossed to the French door and yanked it open. “Pierce?”

  He glanced at Logan. “Am I still going to take her to the—”

  “Yes,” Logan said.

  “No,” Amanda said at the same time.

  Pierce held his hands up in surrender and followed Madison into the house.

  “What was that about?” Logan demanded.

  “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” She grabbed the can of Dr. Pepper he’d obviously brought out for her and took a deep swallow.

  “Let’s take a walk,” he said.

  “I’m eating.”

  “No, you’re not. We need to talk.”

  She dropped her bagel on her plate. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not going with Pierce. Period. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

  “I don’t want you to leave. I need you to leave, so I know you’re safe. If something happened to you . . .” He shook his head and looked away, his fists clenched on the table.

  She felt her anger draining away. She was being childish, she knew it, but it was so difficult to think about leaving him after everything that had happened in the past two days. Her love for him was so new, her need for him so raw she couldn’t stand the thought of not being with him.

  It wasn’t fair for her to be angry at him for wanting to protect her when that was one of the reasons she was drawn to him in the first place. He had a sense of honor and duty, and put everything he had into his work. And no matter how much it galled her, right now she was part of that work, and she needed to let him do what he felt should be done. If leaving was what it took for him to be able to do his job, then she would have to leave.

  That didn’t mean she was happy about it.


  She shoved away from the table and he was suddenly behind her, pulling out her chair.

  “Can you at least tell me where I’m going?” she asked. “And tell me how long I’ll be gone, before you send me away?”

  “I wasn’t going to toss you in the car without discussing anything.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

  She noticed his hair was starting to look a little ragged, longer than he normally wore it. He needed a haircut. There were shadows beneath his eyes too. Not just since last night. She’d noticed them several days ago.

  He was tired, wasn’t sleeping well, and wasn’t putting himself first. Instead, he was putting her first: working long hours and still coming home and making time for her, like when they’d gone boating, even though he was running on adrenaline and exhaustion.

  And here she was giving him a hard time. She wanted to kick herself.

  “Is that offer for a walk still open?” she asked, hoping he would want to go to the bench by the creek, or maybe even all the way to the dock. They could sit and watch the pelicans and seagulls fly by, take off their shoes and let their feet hang in the cooling current.

  It would be a wonderful way to say goodbye, because that’s what she had to do. Say goodbye, go to the safe house so she didn’t distract him any further, so he could work on the case without worrying about her.

  He leaned down and tenderly kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go.”

  They held hands and walked across the deck, down onto the soft carpet of grass. She smiled as he led her toward the now-familiar opening in the pines.

  When they neared the woods, a small section of bark erupted from the tree near Logan’s head, accompanied by a loud cracking noise.

  Logan wrapped his arms around her, pulled her tightly against his chest as he lunged toward the protective cover of the trees. He twisted in midair so he landed on his back with her on top of him.

  Before she could gather her wits and figure out what was happening he yanked her to her feet and pulled her with him down the path in a mad dash, weaving like a drunken sailor from one side to the other.