Reluctant Hero (TREX Rookies Book 1)

by Allie K. Adams

  I laugh softly, drawing a smile from him that lights up his smoky eyes. “First time talking to a girl without stuttering? Or first time stripping her down and forcing her to talk?”

  “All of the above. And a few other firsts.”

  “Like? I mean, aside from the whole V card.” I’m still flattered and a little freaked out he chose me over all the girls in the world to give up his virginity. Then again, something deep down nags at me. No virgin is that good his first time. The thought he could be playing me plagues me with doubt.

  He traces my hip with his finger, lost in watching the movement. Chills pepper my skin; it feels so good. “I never thought I’d ever have a chance with someone like you.”

  “What’s someone like me?”

  “Smart. Sexy.” He pauses and holds his gaze on me. “Beautiful. Fun. You know,” he starts. I hold my breath, hoping he doesn’t say something else that will force me to dig deeper inside myself to figure out why I’m completely screwed up. “I don’t want you to get a big head or anything, but you’re about as close as it gets to my best friend.” He snaps his brow into a frown as he starts back up on tracing my hipbone, like his admission took everything he had.

  “Who else is going to kick your ass in video games?”

  He chuckles but the smile quickly melts from his face. “Do you think, when this is all over, we’ll still be friends?”

  My heart skips a few beats as that question haunts my thoughts. I’ve been thinking the same thing since our first night together. “I don’t think we’ll be like this,” I say and it hurts to admit.

  “But it’s not off the table,” he repeats my words back to me.

  I smile through the ache in my heart. “I think it is. After the DASH, everything changes. You’ll be released into the wild.”

  He rolls to his back and stares at the ceiling. “What if I don’t want what’s between us to end?”

  This time my heart stops beating altogether. As much as I want to stay with him, he needs to get out there. I want him to myself from here until forever, but I can’t do that to him. He needs to experience what it’s like to be what women want. If he doesn’t, I’ll never know if it’s me he really wants, or if I’m just the first girl to say yes.

  It’s my turn to trace his body. I start by running my finger along his firm abs. “We have a deal, Ryan. It’s too late to back out now.”

  He sighs hard. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “It’s time for baby bird to fly from the nest.”

  He shakes his head. “Where do you come up with your crazy sayings?”

  “It’s just how I roll.”

  “I’m never going to find anyone else like you,” he confesses.

  I close my eyes and rest my head on his chest, fighting against tears. My heart is breaking. Our relationship isn’t real, and yet, it feels real. We’re breaking up at the DASH. That only gives me two days left with him. I don’t want them to be filled with sadness and dread, so I change the subject. “Tomorrow I get my grade on my Java midterm. We’ll see how good you really are.”

  “I predict a solid B.”

  “What?” I push off his chest. “I gave you A material on your paper.”

  “I changed some of it to make it sound more like me. I got a B. You’ve barely gotten Cs on your labs. If you turn in A material, they’ll know you didn’t do it. You could be suspended if they find out you let someone else do your midterm. We both could. Something like this could get us kicked out.”

  I can’t breathe. Kicked out of BU? I’d die. And if I didn’t die, my mom would kill me anyway. I settle back onto his chest. “I guess we just make sure no one finds out.”

  After several seconds of enjoying the silence Ryan speaks up. “There’s something else I want to do before this is all over.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I want to make love to you.” He’s watching me when I sit up. I don’t have the strength to do anything more than stare at him as I process his request. “We’ve only had sex. Friends with benefits keep it physical. No emotion. Tonight, I don’t want to be your friend, Em. Tonight, I want to be your lover.” He rests a hand against my cheek and brushes the pad of his thumb under my eye. “Let me make love to you, babe. Just for tonight, let’s forget about our deal. Let’s love each other. No one will ever know. It’ll be our secret.”

  I’ve never, in all my life, ever had a guy say something so sincere to me. I turn my head and kiss his palm. With his other hand he traces my collarbone. His gaze has darkened to almost black.

  “Just for tonight,” I whisper, unable to find the strength for anything more. Have I ever had any guy look at me with such heated hunger? Shock, and even a little fear, holds me still. I’ve never made love before. Sex, sure. Fucked, yes. But made love, no.

  “Do you know how much I ache for you?” He cups my face and kisses the corner of my lips. “It’s like this hunger inside me. Before I met you, I used to lie awake at night, knowing something was missing but not knowing what. Now I know that something is you.”

  I shudder, both from his words and how he’s running his lips and tongue along my jaw. We’ve only been together three weeks, but it feels like I’ve known him my entire life. An odd warmth centers in my chest and spreads throughout my body. I rest my hands on his shoulders and study the gleam in his eyes.

  There’s a difference in his look. His nostrils flare. His breathing is labored. I’ve always known there’s more between us than sex, and I’m about to find out what. I don’t question how he knows the difference between making love and just having sex, since I haven’t taught him that. Hell, I don’t even know the difference.

  My emotions swallow me as he draws me to him, turning me to press my back to his chest. He lifts the shirt over my head and slowly slides it down my shoulders. Chills pepper my skin. He flattens one hand against my stomach as he moves the other above my breasts. “I’m lost in you.”

  The hard length of his cock presses against my lower back. I want to touch him, to take his rigid flesh in my hand. I want to kiss him, to taste the want on his tongue. I want to feel him inside me, stretching me, melding us together. I’m floored that I’m at a loss. Tonight, the tables have turned. He’s the instructor, me his eager student. “Ryan, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Now, how’s that for a twist?” He chuckles as he nips my ear. “I’m just following my instincts.”

  “And what do your instincts say?”

  “That this is new territory for both of us.” He trails his lips down my neck and along my shoulder. His hands cup the underside of my breasts. I slide my lids closed at how good it feels. When he flicks his thumbs over my hard nipples, I hiss in a breath. He buries his face into my neck, feasting on my flesh.

  He turns me to face him, efficiently disposing of my panties at the same time. It’s a very smooth move.

  “I want tonight to go on forever,” he whispers against my lips.

  I wrap my arms around him. “Kiss me.”

  “God, I love your taste.” He licks my lips open and kisses me with such passion, such raw emotion, that my throat constricts and I whimper. He nips my lower lip. “And your little noises. I love your whimpers. Your cries. Your screams. I love them all. I want to hear them all.”

  I straddle him. He’s already got me so turned on that the instant he enters me, I’ll detonate. “We need to slow down.”

  He ignores my plea and slips his hand between my legs, easing a finger into the aching depths of my pussy. I let out a cross between a whimper and a cry, and rock my hips. “You’re soaking wet.”

  “I need you inside me,” I beg and don’t care how weak I sound. “Ryan, make love to me. I want us to come together, watching each other.”

  He sheaths his erection and easily lifts me by my hips. He positions me and slowly, steadily, I sink down on his cock, shuddering when he’s all the way inside me, stretching me, consuming me.

  “Holy shit with butter on top,” I exclaim as I shudder, fighting
the overwhelming urge to move fast and hard. My libido is pissed I’m not giving in to it.

  He chuckles. “I love your crazy sayings. Move with me.”

  We rock our hips in time. Oh my God. I’ve never had sex sitting like this before. It gives my clit the perfect friction. “Ryan, I’m not going to last long.”

  He grins. “I’ll take it.”

  I kiss him, drunk off his taste. He moves a little faster, a little more deliberate. I match his pace and in no time, my orgasm builds inside me, coiling like an angry snake. We rock even faster, pushing each other to that release.

  “Emma,” he groans and kisses me. “My sweet baby. My sweet Emma.”

  “Ryan,” is all I get out before my climax ignites and sets me on fire. I scream. Ryan swallows it and drives deep into me. His own orgasm detonates and he growls as he pumps hard, keeping my climax at its peak. We continue to move together until I collapse, unable to do anything else but quiver. I hold onto him for dear life, scared if I let him go, it’ll all be over. I’m not ready for reality to crash down.

  “Do you think we did it right?” he asks and kisses my nose.

  I laugh. “I don’t think we did it wrong.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder as I swallow my emotions. I’ve just had the best sex of my life with a man I’m forcing to break up with me.

  Irony is a cruel bitch.

  37

  {Emma}

  “Because it’s after nine and I have to work early.” Ryan’s voice booms through the mod. I throw on one of his shirts and pad out into the living room to find out who he’s talking to. He’s pacing, his phone to his ear. “No, it’s been raining. I don’t like riding the Vespa in the rain. No, Dad. I don’t need you coming here. Can’t this wait?”

  Dad?

  He must be talking to Stuart Ryan. The Stuart Ryan. The guy who singlehandedly makes it possible for students like me to go to BU by providing scholarships when financial aid doesn’t cover the cost of attendance. I’ve been a recipient of one of the Ryan Foundation Scholarships every semester.

  A quick and terrifying thought pops into my head. What if my involvement with Ryan somehow jeopardizes my scholarship? I’ll be forced to leave school. Is that why Stuart Ryan sounds like he’s insisting on seeing his son tonight?

  “You’re where?” Ryan whips around, facing the door. “No, I’m—” A knock at the door cuts him off. He ends the call as he drops a few F-bombs.

  “Your dad is here?” I tug at the shirt, like covering my upper thighs will in any way make this less embarrassing. Shit. Shit! I race into the bedroom as the front door opens, slamming the bedroom door behind me. The walls are paper thin, and I hear everything as I scramble to find my clothes.

  “What are you doing here?” Ryan doesn’t sound happy. “Oh, great. You brought Derek. Just when I thought my night couldn’t get any worse.”

  “Yo, bro. Look at you. You look so normal now.” A man sounding remarkably like Ryan but with a deeper voice spoke up. I find my panties and jeans, and even my shirt. Now if I can just find my bra. I know I had one on when I got here. “Why’d you get a mod? You didn’t get me a mod, Dad.”

  “We aren’t here to discuss living arrangements.”

  That must be Stuart Ryan. I’d love to meet him and throw covers off the bed in search of my bra. It has to be here somewhere. I can’t go out there without it. Being at the mod at night is telling enough. I don’t need to advertise the fact I’m sleeping with the youngest Ryan by walking out braless.

  “Why are you here?” Ryan asks, his tone harsh.

  His dad answers with a question of his own. “Do you have someone here?”

  “None of your business.”

  “I take that as a yes.” There’s a long pause and I still as I listen. “Well? Don’t be rude, Harold. Go and get her. I’d like to meet the girl who has the power to turn my son into the man before me.”

  “How do you know I have a girl over?”

  “Aside from you admitting it by asking that question?” Stuart Ryan doesn’t waste any time establishing himself as the alpha in the room. I want to meet the man, thank him for the scholarship keeping me in school. If I can just find that damn bra. I’m working up a sweat looking for the elusive thing. “There are two wineglasses on the table. A pair of running shoes too small to be yours.”

  Silence. And then Ryan’s curse. “She’s sleeping.”

  “Then wake her. I’ll wait.” I picture them in a stare down, Ryan against Ryan, before my Ryan gives in.

  There’s a knock on the door, startling me into action. I grab my shirt and hold it in front of me just as the door opens and Ryan pops his head in. He takes one look at the fact I’m still naked from the waist up and frowns as he steps inside the bedroom. “Why aren’t you dressed, yet?”

  “I can’t find my bra,” I whisper fiercely. “What’d you do with it?”

  “Where’d you take it off?” He matches my hissing whisper with his own.

  “I didn’t take it off. You did.”

  He shakes his head. “No. You did. Remember? Your arms disappeared and then reappeared, bra in hand.”

  “Shit! That was out there.” My eyes are so wide they hurt. His expression matches mine as we both come to the same conclusion. We’re screwed.

  He pales. And then he colors as he glances at the door. “Your bra is in the living room. With my dad. And my brother.” He grits his teeth as he forces a grin. “Awesome.”

  “What are we going to do?” I demand in a sharp whisper.

  “Stay here.” He leaves. I hear him a few seconds later right outside the door. “What are you doing?”

  “Here.” It’s Derek, his voice low. “Dad didn’t see it.”

  “Thanks.” The door opens just enough for Ryan to toss my bra inside the room before it shuts again.

  I wiggle into it and throw on my shirt. I’ve never been so nervous and out of sorts getting dressed. I’m meeting Ryan’s dad. I’m about to meet the Stuart Ryan. My heart is in my throat. I should be wearing a dress. A skirt, at least. Not jeans frayed at the hem since they drag the ground whenever I walk. My shirt shouldn’t be a faded concert T-shirt two sizes too big I bought at the thrift store. I debate staying in the bedroom. I’m a mess. I’ve been crying. I have bed head.

  My curiosity and want to meet Ryan’s family pushes past my insecurities. I open the door and, head held high, I pad out of the bedroom and down the short hall. As I enter the living room, all three men turn to me. My cheeks flame as I force a smile. I’m so damn nervous, my stomach flips and I swallow hard. That cheap wine curdles and threatens to make a second appearance.

  “Emma,” Ryan greets and approaches. I hold his gaze, searching it for strength. He gives me a slight smile, but I see the turmoil tightening his expression. He’s just as nervous. As soon as he’s close enough, I reach for his hand and hold it tight. I need to feel him, need to channel his confidence in me since I can’t seem to find any at the moment. “Dad, Derek, this is Emma Rae.”

  “Hey.” Derek grins and nods as he gives me a slow and steady assessment. My cheeks flame harder. He’s a few years older than Ryan, with tightly trimmed dark hair and the same steely eyes as his brother. Same handsome features of a straight nose, high cheekbones, and strong jaw. He’s broader in the shoulders and a few inches taller than Ryan. These two hit the genetic lottery.

  “I’m Stuart.” He steps forward, his hand extended. I accept it quickly and match the pressure as we shake. I always feel weird shaking hands with a stranger. Do I let go first? How many shakes is too many? Is it like the theory of a guy shaking his penis? Too many times and he’s playing with himself? The fact I’m even thinking about a guy playing with himself as I shake Stuart Ryan’s hand has me mortified.

  “It’s really great to meet you.” I release his hand and fight the urge to wipe my palm on my jeans. God, I’m so nervous I’m sweating.

  Stuart assesses me, giving me time to do the same. I immediately see where the Ryan boy
s get their good looks. He has dark hair peppered with gray and the same chiseled features I admire about Ryan. His stormy eyes are accented by the rimless glasses perched high on the bridge of his nose. Well-built, well-dressed, and well-poised. He sported a cashmere sweater and sported it very well. I recall the sweater I forced Ryan to buy. It doesn’t look much different than Stuart’s.

  “What do you have to drink, bitch?” Derek asks, already in the kitchen searching the cupboards.

  Ryan closes his eyes when his brother calls him bitch. I know why. Brad uses that term with all his frat brothers. The fact Derek talks like a Delta doesn’t settle well. Forcing a hard smile, Ryan joins his brother in the kitchen. “Wine.”

  “No beer?”

  “No beer.”

  “Dude, have I taught you nothing?”

  “No, Derek. You’ve literally taught me nothing.”

  Awkward. I avoid the tension in the kitchen by smiling at Stuart, wishing I were anywhere else. It was a terrible idea wanting to meet Ryan’s family. After the breakdown earlier, I’m still raw. My vulnerability has to be showing. Can they tell we had sex earlier? Does it show on my face? Oh, God. What if they can? What if someone says something? I’ll die.

  “Where’s all your food?” Derek asks as he checks the fridge. “You’ve taken the term starving college student a little too far, dude.”

  “You aren’t staying long enough to eat something.” Ryan closes the fridge and blocks the door to make his point. Derek straightens and edges closer as they challenge one another.

  “That’s enough,” Stuart orders, and they both immediately back down. “Derek, if you’re hungry, go to the store and get something to make. Don’t eat your brother’s food.”

  “He doesn’t have any food. Besides, I don’t know where the store is.”

  “Take your brother.” They both draw in breaths to protest. Stuart simply looks at them. Derek nods. Ryan doesn’t.

  “No, Dad. You guys can’t just drop in like this and stay for dinner.”

  “From the sounds of it, you need food.” Stuart nods at Derek. “Take care of it.”