For Money or Love

by Heather Blackmore

  Had she been right to call Jess out on her facade? Unless Jess was straying from their agreement regarding the internship, it wasn’t any of her business. But even that wasn’t accurate. Jess was becoming her business because TJ cared.

  Wednesday afternoon, Jess was back at Magnate and went straight to TJ’s desk. “Are you at a stopping point?”

  TJ turned to her and felt her face light up. “I can be. What’s up?”

  “Field trip.”

  “I don’t know. My boss is pretty strict.”

  “She won’t notice. Grab your things. You’re not returning today, and you’ll be home in plenty of time before Kara gets off work.”

  The drive was a silent one. TJ was excited yet anxious, unsure where they were heading but relieved Jess was still talking to her. She hoped Jess was taking her to wherever it was she did her Magnate work. TJ wanted to get a sense of the place that inspired Jess to accomplish so much on a daily basis. Part of her hoped seeing it would give her a better sense of what made Jess tick. Another part wanted Jess to acknowledge her role in Magnate’s success.

  They pulled into an underground parking structure next to the tallest building along the Montgomery Hills shoreline. Jess left the car with a valet, and TJ followed as she strode to the elevator. They rode two floors up, exited at street level, rounded the corner to another bank of elevators, and took one to the top floor. Upon exiting, Jess walked down the hallway to a door she opened with a key card. She pushed it open and inclined her head, allowing TJ to enter first.

  What TJ saw took her breath away. “Oh, Jess.” Two levels of floor-to-ceiling windows provided unobstructed views of the Pacific Ocean. A monitor sat atop a simple, modern desk that faced the windows. Off to the side was a seating area with a bar counter that shared the lower half of the same view. Above it was a bedroom she couldn’t see much of. A contemporary kitchen with white cabinets and black granite countertops was on the same floor as the office, and in what TJ suspected was supposed to be the dining room lay a larger version of the putting green Jess had in her office at Magnate. “You really do golf,” TJ said.

  “Actually, I don’t. I need to get up and stretch throughout the day, and putting is a great way to very quickly get my mind off work for a few minutes. Meditation of sorts. Something to drink?”

  “Water, please.” TJ stood in front of one of the many windows and took in the view. The sun’s angle should have made it tough on her eyes, but some sort of UV tinting on the glass protected the unit from the light’s intensity. A glass of water moved into her peripheral vision. Jess was at her side. “Thank you.” TJ took a healthy drink. “I’m sorry if I pressured you.”

  Jess laughed. “No, you’re not.”

  “I won’t lie. I’m interested in finding out more about you, but honestly not at the expense of taking you out of your comfort zone. You work somewhere, that much is obvious.”

  “Obvious? I’ve been at Magnate since I graduated from college, and you’re the first to make the connection.”

  “I’m the first who’s been forced on you like a barnacle. My question is why.”

  “You know as well as I the circumstances of your internship.”

  “I know why I’ve been forced on you. My question is why do you hide how smart you are?”

  Jess walked to an area of the loft where four bar stools were placed beneath a counter that overlooked the expanse of ocean below. She pulled out a stool and sat, then indicated that TJ follow suit.

  “I was asked to,” Jess said.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When I was in ninth grade, a national math competition was held the same night as our homecoming dance. My teacher told me I had a solid chance of winning my age group because I tested far above my grade level. When I chose to attend the competition instead of the dance, the friends in my clique told me I was more interested in formulas than boys, and they abandoned me.

  “I was a wreck. My newly minted stepmother told me their reactions were understandable and that my priorities were wrong. She said it was unbecoming for girls to compete against boys and that I was damaging my stepbrother Gary’s ego because I was way ahead of him in math and science even though he’s two years older.

  “My stepmother told me to ‘dumb it down’ and enrolled me in innumerable classes that had nothing to do with smarts and everything to do with perception. I learned how to walk, talk, flirt, entertain, and still my tongue at every sexist, racist, classist, homophobic remark uttered by the people within my socioeconomic status.

  “Aside from Dillon, you’re the only person who knows any of this. At the office, no one expects anything from me. In truth, I work seven days a week. I singlehandedly run marketing for a multi-billion-dollar enterprise and am treated as though I sell lemonade curbside for five cents a glass.”

  TJ tried to process it all. She hadn’t known what to expect, but this certainly wasn’t it.

  “You’re shaking your head,” Jess said.

  TJ didn’t understand. Jess and Derrick were close. Jess revered the man. Why would he acquiesce to a plan desiring Jess to be anything less than she was capable of? It was the opposite from what her own father had done, urging TJ to be every bit as much as she could be. Fearing any negative comments about Derrick would push Jess away, TJ asked, “Doesn’t it bother you? Letting people think you’re only on payroll because of nepotism?”

  Jess shook her head. “It used to. But it was worth it to me not to make waves between me and my stepmother. Daddy was devastated when Mom died and threw himself into work. When Lilith came along, he got a spring back in his step. I’d almost forgotten what he was like when he was happy. So when she mandated how I was to behave, it was easiest to comply, though I always hoped he would stand up for me.”

  “But at what cost to you?” For the first time, TJ compared people’s misperceptions and prejudices regarding gays to her own regarding the wealthy. It was common to hear stories about judgmental people condemning gays for their “sins” and “lifestyle” until they actually met a gay person. Then they understood that the world wouldn’t end simply because not everyone was heterosexual and that people should be judged by their actions, not their labels. Now that she’d befriended an extremely wealthy woman, TJ realized she was as guilty of having preconceived, erroneous notions as anyone else. Rich people had their own troubles; having money was not a panacea.

  “I made a choice rendering that question moot,” Jess said.

  “What choice?”

  Jess walked to the wet bar, poured herself a cocktail, and took a sip as if fortifying herself. “When I was a senior in high school, Dillon wanted us to build a life together. When I told my dad and stepmother I wasn’t going to college, that I was going to marry Dillon, Lilith flipped. Dillon didn’t come from a family that met her stringent requirements of a suitable husband, and it was inconceivable that I not attend college. She didn’t care that I learned anything there, mind you, but a child of Derrick Spaulding’s having merely a high school diploma was unthinkable. So she made me choose. I could either go to college or I could marry Dillon, in which case she would ensure I was cut off from my family’s fortune.” She took another sip before facing TJ squarely, raising her chin as if preparing herself for a dressing down.

  “I chose the money. I wasn’t willing to give up the creature comforts I’d grown accustomed to for an uncertain future with someone who loved me for exactly who I was, not who I pretended to be. I wasn’t willing to leave my father behind, and Lilith promised she’d do everything possible to ensure that’s exactly what would happen. I couldn’t believe he’d acquiesce and cut me off financially or emotionally, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want a life like you’ve had, TJ, where you’ve toiled for everything you’ve gotten. I took the easy way out. I chose the money.

  “So you see, the question of the cost to me is irrelevant. I made my choice. Her world. Her rules. Her money.”

  “It’s unconscionable that she made you choose be
tween your family and Dillon.”

  “It’s unconscionable that I chose my bank balance. You never would have done that.”

  “Far more than money was at stake. You had your whole family to consider.”

  Jess shrugged as if she didn’t believe it.

  “You were seventeen. That’s not a decision anyone should have to make at any age, but certainly not seventeen.”

  “If it were you, you would have—”

  “Don’t. I haven’t walked in your shoes. We don’t know what I would have done.”

  “I do.” Jess swirled her drink and stared into it as if it held answers. She set it down without taking a sip and faced TJ squarely, self-reproach written across her face. “You wouldn’t have let money influence your decision.”

  “I’ve never had enough for it to matter.” TJ ran her hand through her hair. “Jess, money isn’t everything, but it’s something. You can’t blame yourself for taking it into consideration. You were put in an impossible situation and did the best you could.”

  “How can you say that? You’ve seen how I am. I always choose me.”

  TJ took Jess’s hand and smiled. “You had your father’s happiness in mind. And by continuing this charade, you still do. You helped us keep our health care when I didn’t deserve it. You helped Kara get a job she loves. The other night, you left a party to make sure I had a ride home. You’re not a selfish woman, Jess. You’re bright, beautiful, and benevolent.” TJ pulled her hand away because of what she was about to say. “I’m sorry to say this, but your family should support you. You should be praised for your brilliance, not chided for it, not hidden away. You shouldn’t have to pretend you’re something you’re not, because what you are is pretty special.”

  Jess gazed at TJ with an unreadable expression, and TJ grew increasingly anxious about the words she’d uttered. She didn’t want Jess to mistake her earnest comments as a come-on. Her attraction to Jess was burgeoning, but Jess was her colleague. More than that, she was her boss.

  Then TJ saw the misting in Jess’s eyes. She needed to apologize, but she wasn’t sure Jess was disturbed by hearing potentially sexually harassing words or hurt by her reproach of Jess’s family. Before she could respond, Jess took her hand.

  “You’re kind to say so,” Jess said, rubbing the back of TJ’s hand with her thumb. She dropped her focus to their joined hands, then brought her other hand into the mix and continued to gently stroke TJ’s. Her hand stilled, and she let TJ go before rising and heading for her keys. Whatever Jess was thinking, she was keeping it to herself. “I’ll take you home,” Jess said as she tucked her purse under her arm.

  “Thank you for bringing me here and sharing this part of you.”

  Jess nodded sadly, as if she’d been offered condolences instead of thanks.

  TJ sensed Jess’s unease but didn’t understand its source. TJ said, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  “I’m certain that’s true,” Jess said as she opened the door, waiting for TJ to exit.

  As TJ passed, she stopped in the doorway next to Jess. Attempting to lighten the mood, TJ asked, “Because you’re going to tape my mouth shut?”

  This remark elicited a barely perceptible upturn of Jess’s lips. “There are better ways.”

  Standing close, TJ noticed Jess’s gaze drop briefly to her mouth. TJ’s belly tightened. With a short lean forward, they could be kissing. She stood still, as if in the path of an endangered animal, not wanting to frighten it away. “Better ways?”

  “To keep you quiet,” Jess said in a low voice.

  Mouth dry as a perfect martini, TJ quietly asked, “Such as?”

  Jess visibly swallowed. Light danced in her eyes, and all traces of melancholy vanished. “Tape would hurt when removed. I’d use something…softer.”

  Wanting Jess’s mouth on hers more than she ever wanted anything, TJ’s synapses misfired and her brain stopped functioning. She couldn’t respond. She caught a trace of Jess’s perfume and had to force herself not to sway toward its source.

  “Would you like to know what it is?” Jess said above a whisper.

  TJ shook her head.

  “No?” Jess asked, a deliciously sexy smile on her lips.

  “My imagination’s doing nicely, thank you,” TJ said.

  Jess pushed TJ out of the way so she could close the door. “So’s mine.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  The end of the week was quiet. Though Jess still came in for one to two hours daily and addressed any pressing questions TJ had on the marketing front, they kept to themselves. Gone was the easy camaraderie they’d achieved before Jess’s confession.

  As Saturday neared, Jess became more uncomfortable at having agreed to join TJ for Muriel’s sunset cruise. Eating became a chore, and she picked at her food disinterestedly. The idea that she might have to watch Muriel’s seduction of TJ was making her sick to her stomach.

  Though TJ’s forgiving reaction to her admission had surprised her, she held no illusion TJ could find her remotely appealing as anything more than a friend. It saddened her to know her revelation would ruin any chance, however small, they might have had to explore something beyond friendship, but Jess wouldn’t lie. Her past choices rendered her undeserving of someone with TJ’s integrity, but at least she was showing TJ all her cards. She should feel grateful TJ was still offering friendship.

  By the time Saturday rolled around, Jess decided to send a car for TJ versus picking her up herself. Jess wasn’t up for one-on-one time during the ride to the harbor. She needed to save the happy-go-lucky energy for the actual cruise.

  Jess stood on the dock, gazing out at the water while waiting for TJ’s arrival. As guest of an invitee, she hadn’t wanted to board the vessel without the half named on the invitation. Try as she might, Jess couldn’t stay focused on the fact that she was here as a Magnate envoy. Beautiful woman after beautiful woman boarded the yacht, and none held her attention. All she could think about was TJ, the only woman who’d ever stirred any kind of arousal within her.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” the familiar voice said from behind.

  Jess turned to see TJ smiling at her. TJ had paired one of the vests Renee had selected for her with a white, long-sleeve shirt, cuffs rolled close to her elbows. The shirt fell untucked just over her jeans, and she looked fantastic. “Small world,” Jess rejoined, wishing she could slide her hands beneath TJ’s shirt.

  “Where’s your helmet and body armor?” TJ asked. “In that sundress, you’re going to need something to keep the lesbians at bay.”

  Jess took TJ’s arm and started walking them to the ship. “Isn’t that what you’re here for? To protect my virtue?”

  TJ laughed and covered Jess’s hand with hers. “As if I had a chance.”

  The rebuttal confused Jess. If she received so much as a smile or nod from another woman during the entire cruise, she’d be shocked. It wasn’t as if TJ was going to have to intervene on her behalf. As they approached the gangplank, Jess asked, “A chance with what?”

  Eyes twinkling, TJ said, “A chance with you.”

  The statement compounded Jess’s confusion. Was TJ being serious? Or was she merely being playful?

  With an exaggerated bow, TJ extended her hand in front of Jess in an invitation to step onto the gangplank. “After you, m’lady.”

  Once TJ was by her side, Jess again took her elbow. She considered her options. As hard as it would be to watch Muriel’s overtures with TJ, at least Jess respected Muriel and understood her appeal. But if Jess were forced to observe multiple advances on TJ from the string of pretty women aboard this vessel, she might retch. Best all-around if she didn’t subject herself to the experience. Jess said, “I know I’m your plus-one, but please don’t feel you have to stay by my side. I’ll be perfectly happy making small talk with the other guests.” The lie came easily.

  “The ship hasn’t left port and you’re already trying to ditch me?”

  “I don’t want you to cramp my styl
e.”

  TJ laughed. “I see. Would it bother you if I stick close by? Understanding, of course, I’d merely be trying to pick up tips from a master?”

  The suggestion infused Jess with a feeling of contentment she’d not encountered in months. She adored TJ’s playful side. “Not at all.”

  Not unexpectedly, Muriel was in high demand, and it took half an hour chitchatting among her guests before she freed herself up enough to welcome them. Unfortunately from Jess’s point of view, the greeting occurred while Jess was in line at one of the bars. While the bartender mixed their drinks, Jess watched as Muriel took TJ’s hands, kissed her cheeks in greeting, and leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

  Jess’s blood began to boil in a way she’d never experienced. She always thought the phrase spoke of a puerile instinct she’d never succumb to, but the cabin seemed to heat up, not at all gradual in its climb. While she flipped through murderous images involving Muriel’s untimely demise, such as death by aggressive seagull, tidal wave, and giant squid, the large tentacles she imagined wrapping around Muriel and pulling her off the deck withdrew from her mind as a woman’s voice said, “Excuse me.”

  Jess took a few seconds to focus on the gorgeous woman in front of her instead of visions of giant suction cups latching onto Muriel’s body and tugging her overboard. “Hello.”

  The woman, who appeared to be of Italian descent with olive skin, long wavy black hair, and warm brown eyes, handed Jess two drinks. “I believe these are yours. They’ve been sitting here a little while, but the bartender wasn’t able to get your attention. I’m Carmela, by the way.” Her slight accent convinced Jess she’d guessed right about the Italian thing.

  Jess took the drinks and smiled. “Jess.” She held up a glass. “Thanks for these. My mind was elsewhere.”

  Carmela’s gaze followed Jess’s. “Is she with you?”

  “Who, Muriel?”

  “No. The young brunette.”