Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3)

by L. Stoddard Hancock

“We have another place for families. It’s far away and anyone who doesn’t want to fight goes there,” he explained.

  “That’s smart,” she said. “Why didn’t Del go there with Ronan?”

  “She did for a while. When he was young. But she came back because she wanted to help. I think she still hopes to save Elvira somehow, but I don’t think it’s possible. Too many people want her dead.”

  “Myself included,” admitted Deryn. “She’s the one who captured me and decided to put me in the slave trade.”

  “Deryn.”

  Deryn turned. Dakota was standing on her other side. She narrowed her eyes.

  “Could we go for a walk?” he asked.

  “Are you sure you want to walk with someone so mentally unstable?”

  Dakota lowered his eyes. “I didn’t mean that.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I can’t go for a walk. I need to get back to Xander.”

  “Then I’ll walk you back.”

  Deryn bit her lip. “I don’t know.”

  “Please,” he pleaded. “We haven’t had a moment to talk yet.”

  That was true. The only moment they’d had alone together was with Xander sleeping beside her.

  “Fine,” she said, heading for the exit. Dakota exchanged a skeptical look with Talon before following her out.

  When they got outside, Deryn started to go back the way she’d come, but barely got two steps before Dakota grabbed her arm and turned her another direction.

  “We’ll pass fewer people if we go this way.”

  She nodded and let him lead. They passed a few scattered people at first, but then there was just a path faintly lit by hanging lanterns.

  “Do you think I’m crazy?” she asked once they were alone.

  “No, of course not.”

  “Then why’d you say that in there?”

  Dakota sighed. “I don’t know. I wasn’t suggesting that we kick Ruby out.”

  “Just keep an eye out for ways he may have brainwashed me.”

  He bit his cheek. “No.”

  “Liar.”

  There was a long pause, Dakota slowing his steps to prolong their walk a bit.

  “If it wasn’t for Xander I wouldn’t be here now,” said Deryn. “I’d either be right back where I started. A slave. Quite possibly the personal slave of Soren Tash. He’d been campaigning pretty hard for it.”

  Dakota winced.

  “Or I’d be dead.”

  “You don’t know -”

  “I was moments away from being caught, Dax. I’m not exaggerating. If he hadn’t been there that night it would have been over for me.”

  “So it’s all because you owe him?”

  Deryn knitted her brow. “No. Of course not.

  “Then why?” he asked, his voice a bit harsher than intended.

  “Dax.”

  Deryn stopped walking and he did the same a few steps ahead of her. He glanced back and she looked sadly at him.

  “For years I dreamed of coming back to you. Even after I escaped that was always the plan. But things changed. I’m not the same person I was all those years ago, and I doubt you are either. And Xander ... He understands what I’ve been through.”

  “Yeah, because he’s been on the other end of it.”

  Deryn’s eyes widened and flamed. “Xander has never owned a slave.”

  Dakota shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

  Their gazes linked again and she stepped forward. “Do you know what happens to slaves in Utopia, Dax?”

  “Of course I do.”

  She tilted her head. “Tell me.”

  Silence.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  Deryn continued walking, having a better sense of direction now. Dakota was a step behind her.

  Just before she was about to take the final turn that would lead her to her room, he placed a hand on her arm. “Could we take a small detour?”

  She looked in the direction of where Xander hopefully slept, though not likely. “I really need to get back.”

  “Five minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”

  She bit her lip. “I’m timing you.”

  Dakota smiled softly. “Some parts of you are still very much the same.”

  He kept his hold on her arm and led her the other direction. Deryn glanced over her shoulder, already regretting her decision.

  Dakota guided her to a wooden staircase with deep and narrow steps. With all of that wood around she certainly hoped they never had bonfires up there. She climbed the steps carefully with Dakota staying behind her, ready to catch her if she fell.

  When she reached the top, the first thing she noticed were several benches gathered in a circle.

  Then she noticed the view.

  Deryn’s jaw dropped and she stepped forward, mesmerized by the trillions of stars shining in the clear, black sky. They were just above the trees, the view clear of branches and reaching to the dark, vast ocean. A beach wasn’t too far and she could hear the waves crashing against the sand.

  “Wow.” There was no better word for it.

  “A far greater view than anything we had in Redwood,” he said.

  Deryn nodded in agreement, still hypnotized by the endless stars and ocean. A breeze brushed past her. It smelled of pine dancing with the ocean’s salty embrace. She’d missed that smell.

  “I can’t wait to take Xander down there.” She said it without thinking. It was just how she felt and it came out before she could stop it. She blushed, though Dakota couldn’t see it in the dark, and glanced sideways at his disappointed expression. “Sorry.”

  “Please stop saying that.”

  Deryn reached out and took his hand. “This is beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me.”

  He nodded, subtly staring down at their cupped hands. His eyes lifted until they reached hers. She smiled and turned toward him, reaching up and giving the messy knot at the top of his head a flick.

  Dakota brushed her off. “Hey!”

  “I’m happy you grew your hair out again. It never looked right when cropped for guard training.”

  He grunted. “Didn’t seem fair the girls all got to keep their long hair.”

  She laughed. “Yes, you said the same thing back then.”

  Their eyes met again and Deryn’s heart thumped. Dakota hadn’t changed much over the years. He still looked eerily similar to the boy she’d grown up with. The first boy she had ever loved and, if things had gone differently, he very well might have been the last. For so long she’d dreamt of that moment. Standing beside him while they stared at stars and the ocean together. He still made her palms sweat and her heart beat fast.

  But ...

  “Five minutes are up.”

  Deryn released his hand and left those dark eyes behind.

  While Dakota still made her heart thump, Xander had it in the palm of his hand. She loved him, and it was a love far stronger than anything she had ever felt for Dakota. He was her past and Xander was her future. There was no choice to be made here.

  “Deryn,” Dakota called from behind her.

  “Not now, please,” she said, walking carefully but quickly down the steps. Why had she gone up there?

  “Deryn.”

  A hand brushed her arm as she reached the bottom of the stairs but she moved out of its grasp. She hurried her steps until she was practically running back to her room. She had left Xander alone for so long, knowing he was terrified to be there. How could she -

  “Deryn, stop!”

  Dakota finally got a hold of her as she reached her bedroom door and twisted her around.

  “What?” she yelled back at him.

  “I ... I don’t know.” He had his hands on her arms and was just holding her there. His whole body was shaking and Deryn knew she had to end this. She had to let him go.

  “Dax, my feelings for you haven’t just vanished, okay? They’re there and I feel them every time I look at you, but ...”

  She paused, not r
eady to see his heart break. But she had to do it.

  “I’m in love with Xander.”

  And there it was, out in the open. And she hadn’t been wrong because, in that moment, she watched Dakota’s heart crumble.

  “Why?” he asked, his voice quivering, like he was afraid of the answer.

  But Deryn didn’t have a logical answer for him. “Things change. I’ve changed.”

  “You don’t seem to have changed that -”

  “I have,” she insisted. “Just because I’m normal now doesn’t mean I was five months ago. Xander helped me through that. And no, it’s not just gratitude. He isn’t the monster you think he is.”

  Dakota rolled his eyes.

  “Please don’t do that. You were my best friend long before you were my boyfriend. And I’ve missed you. Probably more than anyone.”

  He sighed, his eyes glistening under the lantern in the hallway. “I’ve missed you, too. So much that every day hurt more than the last.”

  “Then why can’t you just be happy that I’m here?”

  Dakota’s eyes caught hers. “I am happy. Happier than I can ever explain with words. But I would have waited forever for you, Deryn.”

  Her heart thumped. “I -”

  “Nooo! Deryn!”

  Deryn jumped as Xander’s voice pounded through the wall. She fumbled with the key in her pocket, then tried jamming it into the lock, missing it over and over again. Her hand was shaking and Dakota ended up taking the key from her, successfully putting it in the lock and turning.

  “Thank you,” she said, shoving him aside and bursting into the room.

  Xander was still screaming, thrashing around the bed with his eyes closed.

  A nightmare.

  She ran to him and grabbed his wriggling body, doing her best to hold him still. “Xander!”

  “Deryn!” he cried.

  “Yes, Xander! It’s me! I’m here!

  “Don’t touch her! Don’t -”

  “Xander!” She gave him a hard shake and he jerked upward, his eyes bursting open. His breathing was heavy as he scanned the room, first seeing Dakota standing frozen in the doorway before finding Deryn by his side.

  His eyes swelled with tears as he looked at her. Older than the girl in his dreams, stronger, yet more broken. And her scars ... the small white marks covering her face that had been left behind after years of abuse from those men. Not men. Monsters.

  Deryn stroked his cheek and his tears spilled over.

  “Xander, I’m here and I’m okay. Everything you saw is far in the past.”

  He nodded but didn’t look convinced.

  Deryn looked at Dakota, who was still just standing there.

  “Dax, could you please go?”

  He opened his mouth to say something. When no words emerged, he took the key out of the lock, put it on the closest table and shut the door behind him.

  CHAPTER 17

  Deryn and Xander awoke the next morning to a loud knocking on their door. Their limbs had tangled together throughout the night and Deryn had to weave her way free. Her foot was still caught partway under his leg when she tried to roll of the bed and she ended up hanging upside down. He chuckled and took her arm so she wouldn’t fall any further before freeing her foot.

  She then rolled off of the bed successfully and stumbled toward the door. When she opened it, the bright and smiling faces of Adrian and Harper stood on the other side.

  “Hi there!” they both said, far too energetically.

  “We brought breakfast,” said Adrian, holding up a basket of food.

  “And coffee!” added Harper, holding up a couple of thermoses.

  Deryn grabbed one of the thermoses and started chugging from it before stepping aside so the two of them could enter.

  “Bring the coffee here,” said Xander, waving his arm at Harper.

  She brought it to him, sneaking a peek at the cuts on his back and face.

  “Maybe I’m just being hopeful, but I think they’re already looking better,” she said. “How’s the ankle?”

  “Don’t know. I haven’t been on it.”

  “The right answer!”

  “Oh god, when did I last eat?” said Deryn, whose teeth were already buried deep inside a muffin.

  “It’s been over twenty-four hours. But we didn’t have much in the tunnels before our rescue mission. You especially,” said Adrian.

  “My stomach was too knotted to eat,” she admitted.

  Adrian brought the basket over to Xander. He went through it and chose an apple and a biscuit. The biscuit went down first, and quickly.

  “We were thinking that after you two eat a little something you might like a shower,” said Harper.

  “Yes.” Deryn took another long sip of coffee. She’d been in the same clothes for several days and so had Xander, their skin still smudged with dirt and blood.

  “The bathroom and showers are communal,” said Harper. “They have their own stalls but we’ll more than likely run into a few people. It’s early enough that there shouldn’t be too many. That’s why we figured you’d want to go now.”

  Xander paused mid-chew of his current bite of apple. He looked unsurely at Deryn.

  “We brought a chair so you won’t have to walk on your ankle,” continued Harper. “And Adrian is armed. Just in case.”

  “But I don’t think anyone will try anything,” Adrian added. “No one is allowed to touch you during this trial period. If they do, they risk getting kicked out and no one wants that.”

  “Trial period?” Xander cocked an eyebrow.

  “I didn’t get the chance to tell you about that,” said Deryn, going back into the basket and grabbing a biscuit this time. “The majority voted to give you a one-month trial period. As long as you contribute here and don’t cause any problems, you’ll be allowed to stay permanently. Which means no sass.”

  “I like his sass,” said Adrian.

  “Minimal sass,” she corrected.

  Xander pursed his lips. “Is that where you disappeared to last night?”

  Deryn shrugged. “Someone who actually knows you needed to speak for you. And it worked, didn’t it?”

  “I heard you gave quite the speech,” said Harper. “Sorry I missed it. I was stuck in the medical ward most of the night with Danny and Chelsea. That’s three more votes that would have been in your favor.”

  “So, shower?” said Adrian, putting down the basket before Deryn’s hungry hands could make another pass through it. “You can eat more after. Digest first.”

  She pouted but agreed, putting down her coffee and helping Xander climb out of bed.

  Adrian went out of the room and came back wheeling a chair.

  “Well, this is humiliating,” said Xander, carefully maneuvering his ass into the seat.

  “Any more humiliating than me carrying you there like a damsel in need of rescuing?” asked Adrian.

  “Talon already did that yesterday.” Deryn winked at Xander but he was not amused.

  Harper took hold of the chair and wheeled Xander out of the room. Adrian took the lead. While he doubted he would need his weapon, he still kept a firm hand on it as they moved along the wooden pathways.

  They weren’t far from the communal restrooms. Harper permitted Xander to escort himself into a bathroom stall but, when it came to shower, she insisted he use the larger shower toward the end with a bench built in for older citizens of Blackbird.

  There were a few people in there, but most just went about their business without paying them much mind. One girl smiled and another gave a disapproving look, but she didn’t vocalize her opinion.

  Deryn had a hard time focusing on her shower when she kept thinking about Xander in his own stall. She had wanted to go in there with him but that was ‘against the rules’. Although Adrian did whisper to her that he and Harper sometimes managed to get some alone time in there, late at night while everyone else was sleeping. Deryn quickly decided that all of their future showers would be late at
night.

  “Are you okay over there?” she asked while picking some dried blood out of her fingernails. Despite already shampooing and scrubbing hard, some of it was still lingering.

  “Yes, Mother!”

  Deryn rolled her eyes.

  “Stop doing that!”

  She smiled. “I didn’t do anything.”

  “I know you too well to ever believe that.”

  Her smile broadened. He had that right. She rolled her eyes again, just for fun.

  “I saw that.”

  “You saw nothing!”

  Deryn scrubbed her body for the third time with a huge smile on her face. She stepped out of the shower into a small, curtained changing area, toweled off and put on the clean clothes she had brought. As tempted as she was just to throw out the dirty ones, her clothing there was limited. To squeeze some of Xander’s things into her rucksack, she’d had to make sacrifices. The lacy pink and black bra was one of them.

  Outside of the changing room, Adrian and Harper were sitting on a bench, grinning madly at her.

  “You two are adorable,” said Adrian.

  A few people behind them with toothbrushes in their mouths were also watching her. She blushed. “Were we loud?”

  “No, but things kind of echo in here,” said Harper. “So, if you come late at night, shhh ...” She held a finger to her lips.

  “If we come late at night it will just be to shower,” said Deryn, taking a seat beside Harper and brushing her hair with her fingers. Sadness clipped her voice. Harper and Adrian noticed but, aside from exchanging a worried look, they didn’t question it.

  “Deryn, I am in need of your assistance,” Xander called through the curtain.

  “Am I allowed?” she asked Harper.

  The woman nodded. “Just no hanky panky.”

  “My injured boyfriend needing help changing is hardly sexually stimulating,” she said, standing up and going behind the curtain covering Xander.

  He was hopping around back there, trying to pull his boxer shorts over his injured foot. She laughed and went over to help him.

  “Boyfriend, huh?” he said, smiling as she successfully snapped the elastic of his underwear around his waist.

  Deryn deliberately caught his gaze before rolling her eyes. “Obviously, Xander. What did you think?”