Xander had to work the dinner shift since he’d missed breakfast and lunch, but when she’d tried to eat in the kitchen with him he’d kicked her out, suggesting that she might want to spend some actual time with her brother. She supposed she did. Things were okay with Talon. Not great, but okay.
Talon put his arm around her as he proudly talked about how she’d knocked several people on their asses while training with her stick - which they’d since learned was called a bo staff - that afternoon.
It was true. Very few people at the base were trained in hand-to-hand combat. She was lucky Luka had been such a good teacher in their short time training together.
Deryn tried to smile at Talon but she couldn’t focus long enough to give him a proper one. An entire table of people were huddled together and whispering, several of them glancing at her as they did so. Hera was among them.
“Ignore them.”
Deryn blinked, her eyes moving and focusing on the blur that spoke. Harper smiled.
“Hera’s a bitch and so is her posse. She’s just jealous. She’s wanted Dax for years and you were always her obstacle,” said Harper, taking a bite of her mashed potatoes.
“Yeah, and now you’re here with someone else and she still doesn’t have him,” said Adrian. “She just wants to blame someone for his rejection since it couldn’t possibly be about her or her crappy personality.”
Deryn raised her eyebrows. “If Xander keeps smoking those cigarettes with you, I won’t be with someone else for much longer,” she said, taking a slow sip of water.
Adrian’s jaw dropped. Harper laughed, accidentally spitting out some of her potatoes.
“Baby, you ratted me out?” he asked, turning his accusatory eyes on his girlfriend.
Harper shrugged. “She smelled the cigarettes and asked where I thought he was getting them. I couldn’t lie!”
“You’re dating a smoker?” said Talon. “The girl who ran to tell Dad when she caught me smoking one because, and I quote, ‘you’re going to die if you do that, big brother!’”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” said Harper.
Deryn chuckled. “Xander had nearly quit. But then ...” She paused and sighed. “Then everything happened and we ended up here, a place where he doesn’t feel welcome.”
“I welcome him!” said Adrian. “We bond over cigarettes every day, sometimes two or three times.”
Deryn narrowed her eyes.
“Wrong thing to say, baby,” whispered Harper.
The door to the mess hall opened and Deryn instinctively glanced at it. She told herself she was waiting for Sam and April but, deep down, she knew that wasn’t true.
And there he was. The object of her current anguish.
Dakota immediately saw her and tensed. She was at his usual table. She knew she was, but she was making an effort and refused to be the one to leave.
Laramie walked in behind him. He put a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder, capturing his attention before guiding him over to the food. When their plates were full, they went to the table where Piz and Matilda sat.
Deryn frowned and stared down at her plate, her small portion of chicken and asparagus barely touched. She pushed it away.
“How long was he with her?” she found herself asking. The question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, just whoever wanted to answer.
“With?” repeated Harper. “He was never dating her, if that’s what you mean. I was honestly surprised by the whole ‘again’ thing today.”
“Same here,” said Talon, fidgeting with the bracelet on his wrist. “I knew he’d thought about it but he told me he never actually ...” He huffed, his eyes flaring. “He lied to me.”
“I knew she liked him but I didn’t know he ...” Harper paused and thought, knowing she had to choose her words carefully. “... followed through with what she was offering. Did you know, baby?”
Adrian shrugged. For the first time since Deryn arrived it seemed he had nothing to say.
“I know he’s your friend but don’t I deserve honesty?” she asked. “Especially if he’s going to make me feel bad about Xander.”
Adrian groaned. “I guess I kinda knew something happened between them, but it was all just hearsay. I don’t have an answer for you, but the rumors claim it happened more than once. But never regularly,” he added.
“Why do you care? You’ve been fucking a Guardian since September.” That was how Everett chose to join their conversation.
Deryn glared at him. “It was November, not September, and it wasn’t just some casual fling.”
Harper grabbed a pea off of Adrian’s plate and flung it at Everett’s head.
“You should just talk to him,” said Talon.
Deryn huffed. “Why? He’s only made any effort to talk to me whenever he thinks maybe he can get me back. I’m not going back to him. Ever!”
“Yes, I realize that,” said Talon, glancing at Dakota. His head was propped up by one hand while he mindlessly moved food around his plate. “Dax needs closure and, frankly, it seems like you do too. You were in love with each other once and you weren’t exactly given the chance to fall out of it. That chance was ripped away from you.”
“But while I was suffering he -”
“I know what he did with Hera was wrong,” Talon interrupted, “but don’t for one second think that means he wasn’t pining for you every fucking day. You want to know ‘why her’? Because he doesn’t care about her and he never will. That’s why. She didn’t get in the way of his waiting, and he was waiting.”
“But -”
“Deryn,” Talon said sternly. “Again, I’m not excusing his behavior, but you came back here in love with someone else. While you see what he did as ‘worse’, it’s the opposite for him. So just ... give the guy a fucking break and, while you’re at it, give him the closure you both need.”
Deryn frowned. “I don’t want to talk to him right now.”
“That’s fine. But you have to eventually.”
She grumbled and stuck her tongue out at him.
The door to the mess hall flew open and Cress hurried inside. Deryn watched as his eyes met Hera’s and he hurried over to her, clutching something tightly. He put whatever it was in front of her on the table and everyone else sitting there gathered around. Then they all simultaneously turned and looked at her.
“What are those fuckers up to now?” said Everett, noticing the shift at the distant table.
Everyone at Deryn’s table turned and looked right back at them.
Hera picked up whatever Cress had brought, which Deryn now saw was a notebook, and carried it over to her. She looked Deryn straight in the eye as she approached, though it was unclear if she was smiling or glowering. The entire room was silent as Hera slammed down the notebook in front of Deryn.
“What the hell is this?” demanded Hera, pointing at the open page.
Deryn glanced down, forgetting how to breathe as she found herself staring at a list of names.
Xander’s list of names.
The names of everyone he’d killed. It was his notebook.
Without answering Deryn tried to snatch it, but Hera beat her to it.
“I recognize several of the names in here,” she said. “They’re all dead.”
“What are you going on about?” asked Talon coldly.
“What I’m going on about is your Guardian-loving whore sister has a notebook with a list of dead people’s names. Murdered people,” spat Hera. “And I don’t believe she’s the one who wrote it.”
Even without seeing Xander, Deryn felt his presence. She glanced in the direction of the kitchen and there he was, carrying a big bowl of pudding for dessert. He caught sight of her and froze.
“Give me that,” said Deryn, again trying to snatch the notebook.
Hera moved away. “Not until you admit what it is to everyone.”
“It’s my fucking property, that’s what it is.” Deryn shot up from her seat and stepped toward the woman. “My pr
operty that was locked in my room, meaning that, for you to have it, someone would’ve had to break into my room. Now, give it to me.”
“No.”
“Give it to me, you fucking bitch!”
Deryn leapt at her, grabbing the notebook and using Hera’s grip on it to flip the bitch onto her back. She had never wanted to claw someone’s eyes out so much before. They were supposed to be on the same side but she kept attacking and attacking, and Deryn was not going to be silent any longer.
Hera swung at her while Deryn wrestled with her fingers, still wrapped around the damn notebook. Deryn dodged and grabbed Hera’s hair, shaking her while trying to get her to relinquish her grip.
Somehow, Hera managed to get out from underneath Deryn, the two of them brawling while people started crowding around them. Talon tried to grab Deryn, to hold her back, but Hera took that moment to strike.
Xander dropped the pudding and ran over, diving into the chaos and trying to get a hold of Hera while Talon went for Deryn again.
“Don’t touch me, you fucking murderer!” shouted Hera, flinging the hand that held the notebook at Xander, successfully hitting him but finally losing her grip. It bounced off of his arm and went flying into the crowd. The crowd parted until Dakota stood front and center holding the notebook. He opened it to the first page and scanned the names.
“Read them, Dax!” yelled Hera, shoving Xander far away from her. “It’s a list of the people he’s killed! His fucking trophy!”
“No!” yelled Deryn, pushing Talon away and staring desperately at her oldest friend. “Dax, please. Don’t read that. It’s not what you think.”
Hera scoffed. “Your filthy boyfriend has a list of dead people. It’s exactly what we think!”
“It’s not!”
Dakota flipped the page. “Then what is it?”
Deryn sniffled and looked at Xander. He sighed.
“It’s not a trophy,” he said. “It’s so I don’t forget.”
“So you can brag!” spat Hera.
Xander chuckled. “You’re so fucking ridiculous. Who wants to brag about their kill list? Especially since mine is relatively small by Guardian standards.” He took several slow steps toward Hera, holding her gaze. “I killed only those who left me no other choice and those I was ordered to execute. I made a list to remember them because I felt guilty. It was kill or be killed and I still feel guilty.” He stopped walking, his face only inches from hers. “But let me make one thing very clear. If you ever touch my girlfriend again, ever call her a whore or any other equivalent, I will not hesitate to add your name to that list. And, I promise you, I won’t feel a drop of guilt, you fucking twat.”
Hera’s face turned red while Xander spoke, her breath quickening with every word. “Did you hear that? He just threatened me!” She turned to Dakota. “Read the list!”
Dakota looked at her and then at the notebook. He pursed his lips and tore out the first few pages. Then he tossed the notebook onto the closest table and took something out of his pocket.
Click.
Everyone gasped as the pages went up in flames. He slipped his lighter back into his pocket.
“What are you doing?” Hera rushed over and whacked the burning pages out of his hand. She danced on the flames but it was already too late. By the time the fire was out nothing but ash remained. “Why would you do that?” she demanded.
Dakota shrugged. “It’s none of our business. You’ve probably killed more people than the amount on that list. I know I have.”
“But we kill bad people!”
“That’s pretty subjective,” said Talon.
Her angry eyes quickly switched to him. “Talk like that is exactly why you shouldn’t be in charge.”
Before Talon could respond, there was a collective gasp among the crowd.
Xander had been distracted when Cress grabbed him, his foul breath running over him as they stood nose to nose.
“You’re going to tell me every name on that list,” ordered Cress.
“I’m really, really not,” said Xander, crinkling his nose as the foul breath hit him once more.
“I want to hear you say the names.”
“No.”
“Tell me the names!”
“No,” Xander repeated coolly. He placed his hands on top of Cress’s and attempted to remove them from his shirt, but that only made his grip tighten.
“Tell me!” Cress pulled a knife out of his belt and held it to Xander’s throat.
Deryn gasped.
“No weapons in the mess hall!” shouted Talon.
“That’s your concern?” his sister shouted. “Drop that knife right now or I’ll kill you with my bare hands!”
In a much more relaxed voice, Xander said, “Remove your blade from my neck.”
“Tell me! Tell me! TELL ME!”
“Why?” shouted Xander, veins popping out of his forehead as he stood up straight and stared into Cress’s eyes. Deryn tried to pounce but he held out a hand to stop her.
Cress ground his teeth, his eyes bloodthirsty as he pressed the knife in deeper, drawing a thin line of blood from Xander’s throat. “Because my cousin’s name was on that list! He was the last of my family, you fucking bastard!”
Deryn grabbed Cress’s wrist and twisted until he dropped the knife, but that didn’t stop him from attacking. He swung his fist and hit Xander in the jaw.
Before he could swing again, Xander grabbed his wrists and wrestled Cress off of him. The other occupants of Cress’s table leapt into action. They took hold of Xander’s arms and held him still so Cress could hit him again.
“Stop!” shouted Deryn, shoving the fallen knife into her pocket and trying to intervene.
But she wasn’t able to get to them before someone grabbed her. They held her kicking and screaming while Cress continued to pound his fists into Xander.
“Get off me!”
Adrian ran to help, but someone hit him before he could get to Deryn or Xander.
Piz and Matilda were trying to get there from across the room, but a full-on riot had commenced and it was impossible.
Talon had barely taken a step when two people blocked him, Harper was trying to help Adrian, and Everett had bolted toward Evangeline, who was near the kitchen door. He was trying to stop her from entering the crowd, but her fist was already raised and ready to strike. Nita swooped past him, swinging hard and knocking one of the men holding Xander to the floor. Evangeline finally arrived, Everett at her heels, and struck the other.
The three team members started fighting with them, giving Xander the freedom he needed to pounce on Cress, hitting him back with twice the amount of strength the prick had used against him.
Laramie made it from across the room and tried to pull Cress back while Dakota grabbed Xander.
Cress, who had somehow accumulated super-human strength, shoved Laramie off of him and pressed a button on the ring he wore. When he punched Xander a wave of electricity shot through him. Xander collapsed, slipping from Dakota’s arms and writhing in pain as he hit the floor.
Deryn screamed, still wrestling with whoever was behind her. She knew that ring. It was a weapon Chelsea had made and she’d brought it to their room so she could study it. Cress had done more than just steal the notebook.
“What are you doing?” she shouted, finally getting a good grip on the arm that held her and flipping the person over her shoulder. It was no surprise when Hera landed on the floor in front of her.
“He killed my cousin! I can do whatever I want!”
Cress raised his fist again. In a heroic effort, Adrian escaped his current battle and leapt in front of Xander, taking the second wave of electricity for himself.
“Stop!” Deryn grabbed the fallen Hera by the hair and yanked her to her feet. She took the knife out of her pocket and held it to the woman’s throat. “Cress, I swear, if you don’t stop right now I will send this bitch straight to hell!”
Cress hesitated, his arm slightly lowering.
Deryn groaned. She found Dakota standing behind the fallen Xander, his face bright red as he avoided her gaze. “This morning?”
He shook his head. “For god’s sake, Deryn. I haven’t done anything with her for over a year. She stopped by this morning to check on me after I ditched her last night and I kicked her out. That’s it!”
Hera pushed Deryn off of her and stepped away. “You never deserved him!”
Deryn raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me! He waited for you! He loves you! But you ... you’re just the ungrateful whore of Guardians! Just how many of them did you fuck?”
Everyone’s jaws collectively fell to the floor.
Cress’s fist dropped completely. Even he knew Hera had gone too far.
“Did you even think about Dax at all while you were fucking every Guardian in Saevus’s inner circle? Plus some!” And it seemed she was going farther.
“Shut up!” shouted Dakota, his body quivering with anger. “Just shut up!”
Deryn’s head sank a little but she refused to cry. She stepped forward in silence, looked Hera straight in the eye and handed her Cress’s knife. Hera flinched but took it.
“I won’t let someone like you make me feel bad about myself,” said Deryn. “I was raped by each and every one of those men. Women too. It wasn’t my choice. Xander is my choice, the first choice I’ve made for myself in five very long years, and I don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks about that.”
Deryn walked away. She went to Xander and knelt down beside him. Taking his beaten face in her hands, she finally let herself whimper.
“Let’s get you out of here,” she said, placing his arm around her shoulders.
“Hold up. I promised to kill that bitch if she ever called you that word again,” said Xander, showing off his blood-stained teeth as he smiled.
Deryn both chuckled and sobbed. “Just let it go.”
As they reached the door, Sam and April walked through it. The two foreigners looked at Xander and then at the state of the room.
Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3) Page 26