FRACTURED

by Amber Lynn Natusch

“Youdidn'tthinkyoucouldgetridofme thateasily,didyou?”he purred,makingeveryhaironmybodystandup.Partofmewantedto clingtohimviolently;therestwantedtorunlikehell.Hiscommentwas fartoolacedwithdoublemeaningformyliking.

  Whenhepulledawayslowly,Inervouslywaitedtoseethe expressiononhisface.Iwasmetwithamiddlegroundofsorts.His curioussmirksaid“Arewestillplayingcatandmouse...Ithoughtwe werepastthat,”buthiseyestoldadifferenttale.Theirforestgreenhue didnothelptosettlemyneedtoflee.

  “Iamhermate,”Seanbarkedatthetrio,whohadceasedtomove thesecondheappeared.“Anyoneherecaretochallengethat?”Hestood solidly,staringthemdownacrossthenarrowdivide.

  JannerandBeckettslowlyanddeliberatelyshooktheirheads'no'

  whileAlistairstaredhimdown.

  “Whothefuck―”

  “Alistair!”Jannercried,shuttingtheothermanup.“Foroncewill youpleasekeepyourfootoutofyourmouth?Heisnottobequestioned, understood?”AlistairglaredatthesideofJanner'sface,butsaidnothing else.HeapparentlyfolloweddirectionsbetterthanIdid.“I'm sorry...Alistairis young.Hehasalottolearnyet.”

  IlookedAlistairoveragain,thinkinghedidn'tlookallthatyoungto me,maybealittleolderthanmyself.Thenitdawnedonmethathewasn't talkingchronologicalage―hemeantwerewolfyears.

  “Ithinktheseclownswerejustabouttoleave,Sean,”Coopersaid, turninghisattentionawayfromthemenforthefirsttime.“Perhaps you wouldlikethepleasureofshowingthemout?Ifnot,I'mhappytodoit.

  Whicheveryouprefer.”

  “No,”Isaid,instantlyregrettingmyinsubordination.Iknewit wouldtakeawhileformetogetthehangofnotcontradictingCooperin frontofothers;ourwholerelationshiphadbeenbuiltonbickering.

  “Sorry,”Isaid,bowingmyheadslightly.“It'sjust...I'mkindofcuriousas towhytheydrovethroughoneoftheworststormsinNewEngland's historytocomehere.”

  “IthinkI'denjoyhearingthatmyself,Ruby,”Seansaidfrombehind me.Myhairsstoodonendatthesoundofhisvoice.Itwascalmand collected,buttheundertoneIfeltwasmurderous.Ihadasneaking suspicionthatifhedidn'tlikewhattheyhadtosay,I'dbehavingaPC

  clean-upcrewtakingcareofmylivingroom―again.

  “Ofcourse,”JannersaidwithaninclineofhisheadtoSean.“We wereallmembersoftheSouthLondonpack.I'msureyouheardthatthere wassome... dissonanceamongstthefamily.”

  “Ihad,”Seanrepliedshortly,implyingthatJannerhadbetterstart tellinghimsomethinghe didn'tknow,andfast.

  Janneracknowledgedthesituationwithanodandcontinued.

  “ThenIwon'tbothertogointodetailaboutthemurderandunrest withinthepackasI'msureyou'rewellapprised.I'llalsoassumeyou alreadyknowaboutthechangeinleadershipthattookplacerecently.”He pausedlongenoughforSeantoshoothimacuriouslook.Seanhadno ideawhathewasgettingat.“Oh,Isee,”Jannersaidflatly.“Well,there werethoseofuswhofeltthealphawasgettingintothingsheshouldn't andsoughttocounselhimonthematter.Needlesstosay,themeetingdid notgosowell.Hewaskilled.”

  “AndamItoassumethenthatyouthreewereresponsibleforthat?”

  Jannernoddedonce.

  “Soyoudidn'tmeantotakehisplace?”Seanasked,moving forward.

  “No.Onlytostoptheviolence.”

  “Soyoufled?”

  “Yes,”Jannerreplied,droppinghisgazetoSean'schin.“Hehad manysupporterswithinthefamily,andoneofthemwasalltoohappyto takehisplace,rulingashehad.Itwasbanishmentordeath.Wechosethe former.”

  IlookedovertoseeCooper'sexpressionsoftenslightly.Hehad beenamemberofasimilarpackonce,soheunderstoodthequandary theywerein.

  “Butwhyareyou here?”Cooperasked.

  “Wewereallowedtoleavewithwhatwecouldcarryandwhat moneywecouldgatherbeforeouraccountswereshutdown.Weescaped totheairportandgotthefirstflighttotheUSAthatwecould.Oncewe landedinBoston,weaskedwherethebestandmostsecludedcamping areaintheregionwouldbe,whichledustonorthernMaine.We'vebeen hidingouteversince.”

  “Idon'tunderstand,”Isaid,tryingtoworkthroughthelogisticsof whathe'djustsaid.“Whyareyouhidingout?They letyouleave...why notjustgosomewhereyouwanttobeandstartanewlife?”

  “Because,Ruby,theyhavenohonor.They'llcomeforuswhenthey thinkwe'vedroppedourguards―becomecomplacent.It'stheirnature.”

  “Okay,butIstilldon'tgetwhyyou're here,”Iargued.

  “Wesawyouinthewoods,”hesaid,hesitatingslightly.“Thereare stories―rumors―ofawolfsopowerfulthatshecan'tbestoppedby anyoneoranything.ARougeetBlanc,”hesaidcautiously,looking directlyatSean.“WhenIfirstsawyou,Iknewitwastrue.Youarethat wolf.Wewanttojoin you.”

  “AreyousayingIhaveaworldwidereputation?”Iasked, dumbfounded.

  “Jesus,Ruby,”Coopersighed.“Thisishardlyatimetoworryabout yourinternationalstreetcred.”

  “That'snotwhatIwassaying!”Isnappedathim.“I'mjusttryingto clarifythattherearepeoplethatknowaboutme.ThatknowwhatIam.”

  “Yes,Ruby,”Beckettsaidgruffly,stillflankingJannerlikeagood littlesoldier.“Whenyoutorepastusinthewoodsonenight,redeyes blazing,weallknew.Wejustneverimaginedyou'dshowuponour doorstep.It'sasign.”

  “Ilikedyoumorewhenyouwerequiet,”Coopersnarled.“She didn'tshowuponyourdoorstep.ThewayIheardit,youstalkedher throughthewoodsandthenattackedher.”

  Seangrowled,lungingatthetrio.HehadJannerpinnedtothe groundbeforeIevensawhimmove.Beckettknewenoughtostandaside, buthelookedpissedaboutittosaytheleast.Notknowinganybetter, AlistairattemptedtoaidhisbrotherwolfandgottackledbyCooperfor hisefforts.

  “Ruby,”Seangrumbled,stillholdingJannertightlybythethroat.

  “Explain.”

  “Nothinghappened,Sean,”Isaid,finallygraspingtheseverityof thesituation.HewasgoingtokillJannerifhedidn'tfindmyexplanation satisfactory.“Theyfoundme.Theyfedme,clothedme,andbroughtme home.Iwouldn'tbehereifitweren'tforthem.”Hisgriplighteneda minisculeamount.IrealizedIwasn'tansweringtherightquestion.

  Ikneltbesidehim,wrappingmyhandaroundhiswrist,tryingto lowermyfaceintohislineofsight.

  “Sean,”Isaidsoftly,“theydidn't touchme...okay?Nothinglikethat happened,Ipromise.”

  Hiseyeswereblackasnight,butwhentheyfinallymetmine,a flashofemeraldbrokethrough,ifonlyforasecond.HereleasedJanner andstood,hoveringabovehim.IleanedforwardtoseeifJannerwasall right,butSeansnatchedmebytheshoulderandstoodmeupbeforeI couldevengetnearhim.

  “Don'ttouchhim,”heordered,stillholdingtightlyontomyarm.“I thinkit'stimeforyourcompanytogo,Ruby.”

  “Sean,”Istarted,choosingmywordsandtoneverycarefully.“They cametomebecausetheyneedhelp.Theydidasmuchforme.Iwantto hearthemout. Please.”

  Hischestrumbledviolently,buthishostilityneverfullymadeitto hisface―thathekeptasexpressionlessaspossible.

  “Cooper,maybeyoushouldtakethesemuttsoutofhereforawhile.

  Canyouhandlethat?”

  “I'mnotwildaboutyourplan,Rubes,”Coopersaid,addressingme beforeheansweredSean'squestion.Alwaysapissingcontestwiththose two."Butyes,Icantakethemoutofhereforabit.Maybewe'llgo somewherereallyniceandprivatesoIcangetsomerealanswersoutof theseaccent-wieldingchuckleheads.”

  “Cooper...,”Isighed,hatinghisattitude.

  “Iknow,Iknow.Benicetothestrays,Igetit,”hemoaned.“You're suchabuzz
killsometimes.”Helookedovertothehomelesstrioand motionedforthemtofollowhimout.Muchtomysurprise,theyfollowed withoutsomuchasaword―notevenfromAlistair.

  IcaughtCooper'seyebeforeheshutthedoor. Becareful, mygaze toldhim.HiseyesdriftedtoSeanbrieflythenbacktomesaying, be carefulyourself.

  Thedoorclosedheavily,leavingSeanandmeshutinwithour growingsilence.Icouldfeelhispenetratingstarewillingmetolookat him,butIcouldn't.Iwasemotionallywastedandphysicallyexhausted, andnotupforthetalkthatIknewwehadtohave.Howdoyouapologize fornearlykillingtheoneyoulove?

  Withoutexplanation,Islowlystarteddownthehallwaytomyroom, knowingthathewouldlikelyfollowmylead.Hewasn'tgoingtoletme walkaway;he'dsaidasmuchwhenheshowedupatmyapartment.What Iwasn'tsureaboutwashowthatconversationwasgoingtogoonceit started.

  Myroomwasdarkandchaoticasusual.I'dleftforMatty'sfuneral inafrenzy,andtheclothesstrewnallthroughmyroomwereevidenceof that.Itwasn'tsurprising―“vintagedisaster”seemedtobethethemefor itatalltimesunlesssomeoneelsecleaneditforme.Ididn'tevenbother makingexcusesforit;Seanwasusedtomyaffinityformessiness.

  SinceI'darrivedhome,I’dneverhadthechancetochangemy clothes,oreventakemycoatoffforthatmatter,andIfoundmyself desperatelywantingtogetoutofmysomber,tatteredattireandinto somethingfarmoreappealing,likearattyT-shirtandsweats.Instead,I schleppedmyselfovertothewindowseat,whichwasdimlylitfromthe streetlightsoutside.Iploppedmybuttontotheupholsteredcushion,then pulledmykneesuptomyrightside,leaningmyleftshoulderagainstthe wallforsupport,andstaredoutthelargeglasspane.

  Myeyessuddenlyfeltheavyandbegantoclose,shuttingout everythingaroundme―evenSean.Myexhaustionknewnobounds.

  “Ruby,”hesaidcalmly,promptingmetoacknowledgehim.I couldn'treadhistonethough;heseemedreserved,likehewaspurposely holdingbackfromme.Iwonderedifthatwasforhisbenefitormyown.

  “Sean,I'msorryabout―”

  “I'mheretotalk,notlisten,”hesaid,cuttingmeoff.Itwasprobably forthebest,givenmytrackrecordofdiggingholesdeeperthantheywere tostartwith.“Whathappenedthatnight...Iknowitwasn't you. Youwere notbehindthoseactions.”Iturnedtoseehisface,allhisfeatures beautifullyhighlightedbythetinystrandsoflightthatpermeatedfar enoughintotheroom.Iwishedhe'dwornanexpressiontomatch.“But westillhaveaproblem,youandI,”hecontinued.“Yourinabilitytotrust mehasonceagaincausedariftbetweenus.”

  “Seemslikealittlemorethanarift,”Imutteredtomyself.

  “Quiet!”hesnapped,andIjumpedattheharshnessinhisvoice.He slowlyadvancedtowardme,andIwantedtomoldmybodyagainstthe wall,frightenedbyhisbehavior.“After everythingwe'vebeenthrough—

  allthedrama...thedeath,”hegrowled,stillclosingthedistancebetween us.“Whenyoucametomethatnightintherain―thenightyousaidyou choseme―Ithoughtthingschanged,andyet,onlydayslater,Ifound myselfnailedtothefloorwithknives,courtesyofScarlet'sloverand mate.”Hewasn'tshoutingatme,buthisvoicewasloudandmenacing, andI'dhavegivenanythingtohavebeenanywherebutinthatroomwith himinthatmoment.I'dseenthatragebefore,butneverdirectedatme.

  He'dbeenangry,evenfearsomewhenthewholeincidentinquestiontook place,buthe’dneverhadtheenergytobackitup.Corneringmeinmy roomthatevening,hedid.

  “You'rescaringme,”Isaid,tryingnottosoundlikethesniveling weaklingIwas.

  “Good,”hesaid,leaninginclose.“Iwantyou terrified.”Hisblack eyestoldmeeverythingIneededtoknow.Whateverproclamationhehad madeearlierinthenightaboutbeingmymatewasaruse;hewantedto coneveryoneoutoftheapartmentsohecouldpunishme.I'dseenthe justicehewascapableofhandingoutandheardtalesofworse.Myday was notlookingup.

  Thetremorsstartedlow,coursingthroughmybody,especiallymy hands,growinguntiltheyhitcriticalmass.Atthatpoint,therewasno concealingthesheerhorrorIfeltasmybodyknockedagainstthewallin aspastic,uncontrollableseizure.Ifeltlikeitwastryingtopurge somethingbyliterallyshakingitoutofme.Didmynervoussystemwant toejectScarlettoneutralizethethreat?Ifso,Idefinitelypreferredmy blackoutstothenewalternative.

  ItwashardtoreadSean'sexpressionbecauseIcouldn'tgethisface tostaystillenough,butsomethinginhimshiftedslightly.Theragewas dyingout.

  “Whereisshe?”hegrowled,pinningmyfaceagainstthewallinan efforttolookmeintheeyes.Myjawwasspasmingsobadlythatitmade ittoohardtotalk.“Tellthatbitchtogetouthere,now,”heseethed,his griptightening.

  Ifeltthetearsrollinajerkypatterndownmyface.

  “She'sgone,”Istammered,tryingmybesttobecoherent.

  “Where.Is.She?”heaskedonelasttime,hisirisesandpupils bleedingintoonelargeblackorbofwarning.

  “Sean...please,”Ibegged.“She'sgone....I...Idon'tknowhow.

  Please, pleaseletmego.”Hisgripeasedandhebackedawayafootor two,leavingmesomebreathingroom.

  “Whatdoyoumean'gone'?”

  “IthoughtCoopertoldyou,”Isaid,scramblingfurtherawayfrom himuntilIwaspressedagainstthecoldpanesofglass.“WhenJannerand theothertwofoundmeinMaineacoupleofdaysago,thatwasthefirst timethat IhadbeenletoutinwhatIlaterfoundoutwasthreeweeks’

  time.ScarlettotallyflippedoutoverMatty'sdeath.Idon'tknowwhatshe did,orhowshedidit,butshestuffedmeawaysomewhereinmymind, lockedthedoor,andthrewawaythekey.”

  Heeyedmedubiously.

  “Soforthreeweeksyouhadnoideawhatwasgoingonaroundyou?

  Whatshewasdoing?”heasked,foldinghishandsoverhischest.He thoughtIwaslying.

  “No!Ihadnoidea,that'swhatI'mtryingtotellyou,”Iyelled,my voicegettingtightwithemotion.“I'mnotsuresheplannedoneverletting meoutinitially,butforwhateverreason,sheleftmeinthewoods,cold andnaked.She knewthosethreeweretrackingher.I'dbetmylifeonit.I thinksheleftmetheretorelivemypast―thenightmyparentsdied,”I whispered,pickingatthetatteredhemofmycoat.“Shewantedmeto pay,Sean.Forbothofustopay.”

  Irubbedmyeyes,tryingtoclearmyvision,butitwasnouse.The fatigueandexcessiveamountsofcryingthroughoutthedayhadleftthem blurryandtired.ReadingSean'sfacewasgrowingincreasinglydifficult, andIonceagaincouldn'tgetafeelonhisenergy.He,liketheboysfrom Maine,wasshieldingmefromsomething.

  “Youcan'tsenseher?”

  “No.”

  “Youcan'thearher?”

  “No.”

  “Soshewouldhaveleftyoutofacemywrathalone?”heasked incredulously.

  “Yes,shewould.SheleftmetofacetherefugeetrioinMainealone, andshewasatotalno-showwhenCooperflippedoutuponmyreturn.”

  Mybodystillshook,buttheconvulsivenatureofthemovements hadsimmereddowntoamuchdullerroar,andmyheartratewasfinally slowing.Iwantedtostand,tofacehisangerhead-on,butIcouldn't.After everythingthathadhappened,thatangerwaswarranted.Itwashardto blamehimforhishostility,especiallywithScarlet.Thoughmyfear demandedIrun,Ididsomethingelseentirely.Isubmitted.

  Understandingmyactions,hisdemeanorsoftenedeversoslightly.

  “Idon'tseehowthisispossible,”hesaidmatteroffactly,though thereseemedtheslightesthintofquestioninginhistone.“She'sapartof you.Shecan'tjustdisappear.”

  “She'sageneticexpression,Sean.Youtoldmethat.Maybethe environmentthatfirstallowedhertocomeforwardhasnowsenther back.YousaidRB'sChangedbecauseoftrauma.Maybetraumacan Changethemback...”

  �
��Somethingisoffaboutyou.Isenseditatthefuneral,”hesaidto himself.“Soyouthinkshe'strulygone?”heasked,steppingcautiously towardsme.

  Ishrugged,bitingmyliptofightbackthetearswellinginmyeyes.

  Heturnedawayfromme,pacingtheroomasheranhishand throughhishairslowly.

  Thenheputitthroughmywall.

  “Fuck!”heyelled,slamminghisotherarmagainstmybedroom door.Hisangerstartledme,andIonceagainfoundmyselfshaking uncontrollably.Theragethathadsimmeredwasbubblingoveragain.

  Whatevershieldhehadinplacewasn'tcapableofretainingthat.

  “ThisisnotwhatIwanted,”hegrumbled,hiswordscomingfrom deepwithinhischest.“NotwhatIplanned.”Isaidnothinginresponse, thinkingthatplayingpossumonthewindowseatwasthebestgameplan.

  Heseemedtobetalkingmoretohimselfanyway.“She'stheonewho needstopay,”hesaidaloudashepacedalongsidemybed.“Notyou.

  Thisisall herfault,andnowshe'sconvenientlygone.”

  “Sean?”Iasked,movingtowardstheedgeoftheseat.I'dneverseen himsounraveled,uncomposed―unhinged.

  “Doyouhaveanyideahow maddeninglosingyouhasbeen?”

  Hejumpedthebedinasingle,effortlessleaptolandrightatmy feet.“Allthistime,”hesaid,staringoutthewindowabovemewith vengefuleyesthatseemedtofluctuateincolorbythesecond.“Allthis timeIthoughtyou chosetoleaveme...wantedtoescapeme,andyethere youare.”

  Inthatmoment,Ididwanttoescapehim.

  “WhywouldIchoosetoleaveyouwhenIonlyjustgotyou,Sean?

  Thatmakesnosense,”Iprotestedgently,reachingforhimbefore droppingmyarmtomyside.

  “Andyou'rethequeenofrationalthought?”heaskedinamocking tone,hisdarkeyesovertakinghim.

  “Hey!YouhavenoideawhatIdidtokeepyousafe.I begged Scarlet.Threatenedher.DideverythingIcouldthinkoftomakeherstop Matty.Intheend,shedidittoavoidherowndestiny.SheknewMatty wasbecomingwhatmadehimandshewouldnotbesuffocatedbyhis love,”Isaid,standingtofacehimfinally.Apparently,submissionwasn't whatSeanwantedafterall.HeappearedtowanttoknowthatIhadsome skininthegameandthatIdidn'tjustwalkoutonhimatthemost convenientopportunity.Icouldgivehimthatinspades.“AllIthought aboutwhenIwaslockedawayinmyownbodywashowIcouldgetout andgetto you,” Itoldhim,steelingmyselfagainsthisglare.“You consumedmyeverythought.Ididn'tevenknowifyou’dsurvived,Sean!”