The Crow King's Wife

by Melissa Myers

  His eyes were locked on the black gem lying on the rough wooden floor before him and he couldn’t pull his gaze away. It was barely bigger than a hen’s egg with bright shining faucets covering its entire surface and looked so perfectly harmless. Another man might confuse it as something valuable, which Shade himself had in fact done the morning he had awoken to find it resting on the table beside him. Then he had examined it and realized what it was, a memory stone.

  He wasn’t sure who had left it for him, but he knew the memories inside too well to cast it aside. His entire life rested inside the harmless looking stone with bitter truths hidden in every faucet. Every failure and every success he had ever experienced in his life was resting on the floor before him with painstaking details on how he had been used or tricked into playing puppet for his family. No matter what choice he had made with his life it all boiled down to one simple fact. Myth had been manipulating him and he had been too blind and stupid to see it until someone hand delivered the proof to him in the form of a gem.

  He had come to Sanctuary with every intention of rescuing Charm and facing Myth, but his ambitions had faded the moment he had touched the gem. It had been delivered to him on the first day and now four days later he still hadn’t bothered to search the prison for Charm. There were three reasons for his hesitation, but he couldn’t say for sure which was motivating his procrastination the most. The first reason was the realization that Charm was bait for him. The second was the simple fact that after viewing the gem he honestly didn’t think he could get inside the prison and out again without Myth catching him. The third and final reason was the last faucet of the gem. It hadn’t contained a memory, only a message for him. Wait until the council to move. It is the only chance you have to succeed. Myth will be occupied that night. He knew the message itself might be a trap, but combined with the other two reasons he found himself ignoring the potential danger and biding his time in a rotting Inn.

  So he sat listlessly with a bottle of cheap wine, half a dozen cigarettes, and enough memories to haunt him for weeks waiting for either his chance to move, or Myth to find him, whichever happened first.

  He pushed idly at the gem and took another swig from his bottle. It was bitter stuff, but it was cheap, and spending large coins drew attention that he didn’t need. With a sigh Shade dropped the bottle carelessly down beside him and drew one of his remaining cigarettes from his case. A fresh noise drew his attention as he lit the cigarette and took a long drag. Cocking his head toward the inn door Shade heightened his hearing and listened carefully as the thud of boots grew louder. Someone was climbing the stairs toward him. He calmly pushed away the impulse to jump to his feet and settled back against the railing instead. The footsteps grew closer as he folded his knees before him and picked his bottle up once more.

  If it was Myth there was no real point to attempting to fight. He knew that much from what he had seen in the gem. If it wasn’t Myth and simply someone searching for a place to rest it was probably best if he didn’t greet them with a drawn dagger.

  The door of the balcony shifted slightly and Shade watched in bitter amusement as the dark clad figure of a Priest of Fear stepped from the shadows of the inn. He wore the traditional ankle length black coat with tiny silver skulls embroidered down the sleeves and spiked pauldrons that covered his shoulders. His features were all but obscured by the deep cowl that was pulled low over his face, but even so Shade recognized Grim easily, though he wasn’t fool enough to believe it was truly Grim. He had never seen Grim bother with such formal dress aside from the Marshall’s uniform he had worn to Merro, and Shade was fairly certain that had been for Valor’s benefit.

  “I guessed you would choose to be Jala for this. You must have been paying closer attention to me than I thought.” Shade drawled as he smiled widely up at the priest. He still didn’t bother with standing. There was no point to it as far as he could see.

  The priest silently pushed back his coat with a gloved hand to display the hilt of a Shadowsteel sword at his belt, then shifted slightly so the the coat fell back into place as he pushed back his cowl to reveal his face. His expression was carefully neutral, but Shade could see emotion boiling in the pale grey depths of Grim’s eyes.

  “So it really is you. I doubt even Myth could mimic Shadowsteel for a disguise. I’d love to know how you found me. I’d hate to think condemned buildings are considered my typical haunts.” Shade said casually before lifting his bottle for another swig of the dreadful wine. He let out a sigh as he dropped the nearly empty bottle to the floor once more and smiled bitterly at Grim in what he hoped was a perfect example of callousness. “So did they send you to kill me or drag me back to Delvay?” he asked coldly.

  “Everyone that I have ever answered to in the past is dead. I take orders from no man.” Grim returned softly. He eyed Shade for a long moment before lifting his hand and tracing a quick pattern with one finger. Shadow trailed behind his hand and for a breath a perfectly formed rune hung in the air before the city itself grew pitch black around them.

  Shade shot to his feet as the air temperature plummeted and all noise from the city below faded away. Wide eyed he stared around at Sanctuary in bewilderment before glancing back at Grim who stood perfectly still and silent with a look of patience covering his face. Apparently he was content to allow Shade time to adjust before he bothered with explaining what was going on.

  As far as Shade could tell they were still in Sanctuary. Even the balcony he stood on seemed the same aside from the shadows that seemed to cling to everything around him, but the people he could see on the street below were blurred pale outlines rather than the brightly clad figures they had been moments before. He was in Sanctuary, and yet he was not, it was a very unsettling realization.

  “You can drop the pretense now. I’m not sure who you were acting for, but I know it wasn’t me, and it is a waste of your breath to continue it. I don’t believe what they say of you in Delvay anymore than I believe the contempt you were showing me a moment ago. No one can hear or see us here. This is the realm of Shadows and what passes between us here stays just between us.” Grim explained calmly. With a weary sigh he shrugged out of his coat and tossed it carelessly over the balcony rail before turning back to Shade. He pointedly lifted one arm making sure he had Shade’s attention as he did so and gestured to a leather band strapped tightly around his wrist. “That is how I found you. There is a blood stone secured inside the band. I crafted it the night after we repaired your eye in Merro. It led me straight to you.” He explained as he settled back against the wall.

  “Regardless of how you found me, you shouldn’t have come. Zoey was supposed to stop you if you tried.” Shade informed him gently as he resumed his seat by the balcony rail and tried to fight back his unease at the change in the city. He flicked the ash from his cigarette absently and stared through the rails at the shadow wrapped images of Sanctuary. It was strange to see the life flowing through the streets but to hear nothing but silence around them. Sanctuary was never silent, even in the dead of night.

  “The Divine of Fear himself couldn’t have stopped me from following you so Zoelyn was woefully inadequate for the job.” Grim returned with a faint smile. He shifted to a more comfortable position and gazed at Shade with a considering look before speaking again. “You remind me of Micah in so many ways, but in others you are more than he ever was. Others may not realize what you sacrificed for my life, but I do, and I will not ignore the debt. You chose to push everyone away so that you could spare them from sharing your fate. I refuse to be pushed aside, Shade.”

  “I don’t see a debt between us, Grim. If anything I made us even with what I did in Rivana.” Shade admitted somberly. He wasn’t sure what to make of Grim’s words. On one hand he was grateful that there was at least one person that refused to lose faith in him, yet on the other side of that was the fact that Grim’s faith would most likely mean his death if Myth found them.

  “Not something I care to argue over. The
re are other more pressing things I’d like to discuss, but before we get to that I have a question for you. After everything you have faced, why are you giving up now? What changed to make you believe you cannot survive this?” Grim watched him closely and Shade had the distinct impression that if he tried to lie now Grim would see it as clearly as a smile on his face.

  “I can’t win against Myth. I can’t even hide from Myth. I have too many habits and not enough skills with changing myself to win this particular fight.” Shade answered bluntly.

  Grim nodded slowly in agreement then shook his head as if he had just decided he didn’t actually agree at all. “You can’t win alone. With help you have better odds. With my help you can most likely survive, but therein lays the problem. You trust me, but I think you trust what you think I am, rather than who I truly am. So before we progress I feel inclined to shred your misconceptions and see if you still trust me when I’m finished.”

  “Grim I don’t want you to suffer because of me.” Shade said flatly and let out a harsh breath. “I don’t want anyone to suffer because of me and I really don’t think you realize exactly how deep in the shit I am right now. I am not safe to be around. Please, just go back to Syrah.”

  “And that is another point of my discussion, but that comes at the end of it all.” Grim said cryptically but held a hand up before Shade could interrupt. “We share more than you realize Shade. You spent your childhood trying to prove to your father that you were worthy of him. I spent my childhood trying to force mine to regret casting me aside. Both of us suffered in the same fashion and the results have left us both somewhat broken. You give too much of yourself, and I never seem to give enough.” He paused and let out a long slow breath. “Or when I do give enough it’s for the wrong reasons, such as Rivana. I didn’t go there to punish them for killing my friends. I went there to hurt them as much as they hurt me. On the surface it can be confused, but when you get to the bones of it I acted selfishly rather than nobly.”

  “Either way the judgment was delivered.” Shade observed and shrugged one shoulder.

  “It was, but that is the first part of your confusion on me. I’m trying to explain to you what I truly am.” Grim clarified and fell silent for a breath as he gathered his thoughts.

  “Are you going to expect me to explain to you what I really am when you are done? Because I honestly don’t think I can do that. I’m not sure I can even begin to define myself.” Shade broke in before Grim could continue. He wasn’t sure what the point of any of this was. He couldn’t honestly say that he truly knew any of the people he considered friends to the core, but that had never mattered to him before, and he didn’t understand why Grim seemed to think it mattered now.

  “I don’t need you to explain yourself to me, Shade. I can see you clearly for what you are, which is exactly why I’m here. You may have fooled the others, but you didn’t fool me.” Grim returned with a faint smirk. “I’m really not sure how to unveil myself quickly. I’ve spent so many years wearing a mask painted with the misconceptions of others that I’m not sure where the best place to start is.” Grim admitted softly. With a sigh he leaned his head back against the wall and stared up at the shadowed sky above them. “I suppose I’ll muddle my way through and if you get confused by my rambling let me know.” He decided after a long moment.

  “Grim, you don’t have to do this. It won’t matter to me and you know it. I don’t care what you have done you are my friend.” Shade protested, but Grim simply shook his head in response and cleared his throat as if he expected what he had to say to take a long while.

  “First off let me explain why you have trouble with your changing as far as I see it. It will explain a bit about me as well.” He began and dropped his gaze back to Shade as he spoke. “In the eyes of the Shifters each form you take is another life. From what I’ve seen you blend all of your lives together and thus you have habits that bleed through. For the Shifters each form has its own habits and desires. That’s why you don’t see a Shifter switching forms for convenience. It might be easier to travel as a wolf, but most don’t shift simply to make life easier. For some such as myself it is too hard to come back. Had I been born in Glis I would have most likely chosen the life of a wolf. That is the form that fits my soul best.”

  “What do you mean by that? How can a form fit your soul?” Shade asked quickly before Grim had a chance to continue.

  “Does a soul have a shape Shade? Does it have a gender?” Grim asked and Shade could only shrug in response. It wasn’t something that he had ever pondered before. “To the Shifters it does not, but there are forms that the soul finds more harmony with. Some Shifters choose the life of the animal they have an affinity with and live out their days as a wolf or cat or whatever form they have. Others find harmony in their human form and choose to live out their days in cities. No one in Glis judges them for where they find harmony. A wolf may have more respect than a man in Glis, but is all based on the actions of the individual, not the skin they have chosen to live in.”

  “But you grew up in Arovan and didn’t have the option of living as a wolf.” Shade observed with a slow nod.

  Grim nodded in confirmation and a faint smile curved his lips. “I was cast out and this body is not the one I would have chosen had I been given the option. Over the years I have honed this form and found harmony in what I have made of it however and I have found my balance at great cost, but I don’t think you have found yours yet. Every time you have changed yourself around me you have only altered minor details. You have never truly changed what you are. You are too tied to your current form to discover what your soul finds harmony with.”

  “What do you mean at great cost?” Shade asked. He had to admit what Grim was saying had merit, but he didn’t like the idea of harmony having a price.

  “Do you remember when you asked me if this was my true form in Rivana?” Grim smiled as he spoke and traced a finger across one of his high cheek bones. “I could see on your face then that you knew I was more than a simple Shifter. I have honed this body with every tool or spell I could find to suit me. Ryvenken, forgotten magic, amongst a few other things, basically anything I could do to improve what I was no matter what bargain I had to strike. Ryvenken for example feeds off of my soul, but to be more than what I was made it seem like a good trade at the time. You have to understand. I grew up in Arovan amongst Elementalists, and to them my druidic gifts were nothing. Yes I could shift to a wolf, but could I summon a storm or call an earthquake?” Grim smiled bitterly and shook his head slowly. “I was nothing to them. I was weak, pathetic, and not worthy of mention in their eyes. So as a child I pushed myself well past my limits to prove myself to a culture that didn’t understand me at all. Then I met Micah and he treated me well despite my differences. For a time that was enough and I grew to love him like a brother. Then Honor joined our circle and Micah grew somewhat distant, then Sebastian came and I slowly realized that while I loved Micah like a brother, he loved me like a well-crafted weapon. I was useful to him and he appreciated my value, but I was never an equal in his eyes. In some that might have bred resentment, but for me it was incentive to improve myself more. If I was the best I could possibly be I could keep Micah’s affection and force my father to acknowledge my worth in one breath. So I went beyond physical training and mundane spell casting and sought out ancient methods to find perfection.”

  “I thought that you had Divine blood.” Shade admitted when Grim fell silent.

  “If only.” Grim said ruefully then shook his head. “I am my own unholy creation and in many ways my desire to be more is exactly what has made me less. I focused so much on my strength and training that I failed to retain balance of spirit. I am fearless, but I am callous as well. I think that’s why Finn and I hated each other at first sight. We looked at one another and saw flaws where we expected to find perfection. We hated each other because we were the same sort of creature. He crafted himself in the arena and I spent years proving myself on the battl
efield and in the end it at the same result. He became the most feared duelist in Sanctuary and I earned my reputation as the Bloody Huntsman. I am good at killing and I reveled in the blood just as much as he did, but for different reasons. For every enemy I slew I gained more of Micah’s favor and after a time there wasn’t a single person in Arovan that didn’t know my worth. The knights scoffed at Caleb Faulklin, but no one looked down their nose at the Bloody Huntsman.” Grim gave a bitter smirk and let out a slow breath before continuing.

  “It wasn’t until I met Evanell that I realized there was at least one person that would appreciate me for what I was and not what I could do.” He gave a short bitter laugh and smiled widely. “In all honesty Evanell hated what I could do. She was a healer and I was two steps from being a bloodthirsty psychopath. I tried to court her and she pushed me away with both arms. In my persistence I discovered it was my career as a soldier that she hated more than anything else. So I left the Arovan Army and moved to Amdany. It took weeks to adjust to normal life and for a time it was nearly impossible to control my temper, but for Evanell I managed. She gave me harmony in life without having me to prove myself. She balanced what I lacked and when I was with her I was whole.” Grim paused and a look of grief filled his eyes as he folded his hands in his lap.

  “From what Zoelyn says she was quite remarkable.” Shade offered quietly unsure what else to say.

  Grim smiled faintly and nodded his head once before clearing his throat and continuing. “Once we were married Micah gave me the role of High Marshall of Amdany. I suppose he figured I was too useful to leave idle. Evanell didn’t care for it, but I wouldn’t refuse Micah anything. I drove off six invasions during my time as Marshall and everyone called me a hero for saving the people of Amdany. I didn’t do it for them though. There were only four people in that entire city that I gave a damn about. It was my territory the Reavers invaded and they died for trespassing. People gave it noble purpose and told stories about my heroics, but it wasn’t noble in the least. The Soulreavers died for being stupid enough to set foot on my shore. If they had invaded ten miles up the coast I wouldn’t have budged to stop them. Ten miles up the coast was not my concern.” Grim paused considering then shook his head slightly as he continued. “I don’t think Evanell ever realized that about me. I had balance when I was with her, but I hid what I lacked from her so she wouldn’t understand what I truly am. She always thought I was her equal, but I wasn’t. She was a much better person than I have ever desired to be. She wanted to save everyone, I don’t. I pretended to be what she wanted me to be, and she loved the mask I wore for her.” Grim fell silent and met Shade’s eyes once more with a look of utter sincerity.