Fearlessly Yours
Page 15
“I’ll be fine,” she said, waving me away before going to the edge of the boat to look out over the water. I stood and stared at her for a few seconds. Yeah. This was definitely crossing the friend line. All I wanted to do was go over and touch her. I sighed, forcing my feet to move in the direction of the stairs.
I took them two at time and pushed open the door to the bedroom. A slick black suit lay across the bed, accompanied by a button-down gray shirt and dress shoes. I let out a low whistle. “Damn, Finn. When did you learn how to pick out a suit that looks like this?” I made a mental note to ask him about this hidden talent when I saw him next. Which would probably be after we docked. He needed a good butt-chewing for setting me up. I growled. He and Bri were up to no good. They couldn’t leave well enough alone. We were perfectly happy with the way things were. Why complicate that?
I undressed and pulled the new shirt over my head. It fit snuggly against my body as did the remaining parts of the outfit. I ran a hand through my hair, making it appear more manageable than what it normally was. Turning, I caught sight of my reflection. It had been a while since I’d worn anything that looked this way. The last time…
I turned away, not wanting to relive that awful day. It had taken me months to move past it. She’d always liked me in a suit. Made me wear one every Sunday morning to church. That was one reason I hadn’t gone back. That, along with the fact that I couldn’t seem to understand why my mother had been put through what she had. It didn’t make sense to me. I dropped my eyes and went back up stairs. We had already started moving through the marina and out to the open water.
The boat rocked me back as the engine roared, pressing harder. Blackness surrounded us as the water lapped against the sides.
“Wow, you clean up nice,” Leigh said, coming from around the corner.
“I do, don’t I?” I winked at her. She blushed and crossed her arms before looking away.
Why were things so weird? We had been around each other basically every day with the exception of when I was in Utah. Not once had it been awkward. Not until that almost-kiss. I’d left right after. It had been too uncomfortable. But hell, throw us in some nice clothes and out in the middle of the bay, and we didn’t know how to act.
White lights cut on, illuminating her face. It glowed. It was a smile that I hadn’t seen before.
“Dinner is ready,” the crewman said.
I jumped, blinking to clear my thoughts. “Thank you,” I told him before turning my attention to Leigh and holding out my arm. “Shall we?”
She smiled, and crossed the gap between us. Her arm wrapped through mine as her fruity scent wafted up. I took a deep drag. She smelled delicious. Better than anything waiting on the table for us. I couldn’t help but wish I was about to taste her instead of the food.
“We shall,” she purred, leaning into me.
At the front of the boat, a table was set up with long-tapered candles burning. Elegant china sat waiting to be used. I walked her to her seat then pushed her under before taking my own.
“Those two really went all out for this thing. They must really be wanting us to bang.”
I spluttered, nearly choking on my own spit. She couldn’t have said what I thought she did. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. That’s all I’ve been hearing from Bri. When are you two gonna bump uglies already, so you can tell me all about it? I keep telling her it isn’t going to happen, but she won’t stop.”
A salad appeared in front of me. I had never been more grateful for something to change the subject.
“Looks good.” I shoved my mouth full of food and didn’t say another word. No matter how much I ate, I couldn’t put the thoughts of her naked out of my mind. Why did she have to bring it up? I didn’t want to admit Finn had been the same way.
After we finished eating, we walked to the back of the boat and landed in a cushioned seat.
“Dolphins directly over to the right,” came a loud voice over the speaker.
“Dolphins!” Leigh jumped up and ran over to the rail, squinting out in the dark.
A spotlight beamed toward the water, catching the fin as one popped out of the waves for a split second.
“There it is!” She jumped up and down, nearly toppling over.
She fell back into my arms, which instinctively wrapped around her midsection and pulled her closer to my chest. Her hair tickled my nose, and I ran it through the silky stands, inhaling deeply. She tensed but didn’t pull away. After a second she relaxed and rested her head against my chest.
“Another one directly in front of you.”
Neither of us bothered looking. I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to move. Soft music started to play.
She twisted around and looked up to me. “Want to dance?”
My arms fell to my sides, and I took a step back. “I don’t dance.”
She frowned, her eyes darting from the floor and back up to me. “Sorry. I didn’t know.” Her voice sounded small.
“We should probably be getting back. It’s getting late.” I avoided her hurt expression and walked to the cabin. “Please take us back in to the pier,” I barked at the crew. “And turn that music off.”
“Yes, sir.” One jumped up and flipped a switch, leaving us in a bitter silence.
When I returned to the back, Leigh was seated with her arms crossed. She glanced up to me and tried her best to fake a smile. “You’re right. It’s getting late.”
I sat beside her and put my head in my hands. She was hurt. That was clear. All because of something stupid that I had promised myself years ago. There was no way I was telling her that. It was something I’d never told anyone. Not even Finn.
“Tonight was fun,” I said, finally looking back up to her.
“Um, yeah. It was.” She looked at the water, distancing herself from me. I gritted my teeth, unable to stop from being angry at myself.
I’d ruined a perfectly good night. We rode the rest of the way in silence.
When we docked, she shot forward, her phone already in her hand, talking to someone. “Yeah. I’m at the harbor. You can pick me up from here. Thank you.”
“You don’t want me to take you back to Bri’s?”
“No. I called an Uber. Should be here in a few minutes, so you don’t have to wait.”
Wow. I had really made her mad. Like fuming. She was ready to get away from me as soon as possible. I couldn’t let her leave being this mad at me.
I grabbed her around the hips and tossed her over my shoulder. She slapped at my back. “Put me down! Please, Luca. Put me down!”
“Sorry, no Uber is taking you home. I made a mess of the night, and I can’t let you leave being mad.” I dropped her into the passenger side of my truck and ran around to the other side. I shut the door and focused on her. She sat back, not bothering to look in my direction. The entire way to Bri’s she stayed just like that.
When the truck came to a stop, I couldn’t take it anymore. Before she could jerk the door open, I pulled her arm back. “You’re not even going to say bye?”
Her pupils dilated, but not in fear, in anger. “I don’t understand you sometimes. It’s like you completely shut down. All I asked was if you wanted to dance. That’s all!” Her bottom lip trembled.
I reached out, cupped her chin, and ran my thumb along it. Her breath sucked in, then she puckered and kissed it. Her lips were moist and warm. I licked mine and leaned in. Our eyes remained locked as I closed the small space. I half expected one of us to stop. Or back away once we came to our senses. But it didn’t happen. I stopped at her mouth, running my lips over hers as I slid my hand around to her neck. Her chest moved up and down rapidly, her breathing erratic. I focused on the woman in front of me. Never had I wanted to kiss someone as bad as I did Leigh in that moment.
“Luca…” she said, softly.
“Shhh…” I fully took her lips with mine. An internal moan wracked my body as she opened her mouth, and her tongue rolled against mine. Just on
e kiss was all I needed. Just to see what it would be like, and then the urge would be satisfied. It had been all I’d thought about since last night when we were so close.
Of course, that hadn’t been the right moment. A first kiss deserved to be a private matter, decided by those participating, not something forced on them. It alone was still the sexiest thing in the world to me. A guy could tell everything from a kiss. If it was horrible, well… things might not be as had been originally thought. If it was good… I almost didn’t want to think about it. Leigh had managed to crawl into my heart. If this kiss is good, it will make me want more. It needs to be awful. That was what I kept repeating to myself.
Greedily, I deepened the kiss as hot waves of pleasure radiated over my body. This was anything but awful. This was fire. Her hands ran up my chest, around my neck, and fisted in my hair. Desperate to feel more, I hooked a hand underneath a thigh, and hoisted her into my lap. She straddled me, grinding against the throbbing bulge. She moaned in my mouth when I nipped at her lip then covered it in small kisses.
She arched back, pulling away long enough to put her lips on my jaw. Her tongue ran along, meeting my ear and taking it in her mouth. I panted, ready to rip the dress from her body and throw her into the back seat. I blinked erratically, trying to calm down. My hand hit the window, leaving a trail through the fogged glass.
“Leigh,” I breathed.
She moved lower, her teeth grazing my neck.
“Leigh, we need to stop. This can’t happen here.”
She pulled back, leaning against the steering wheel. “Oh…” She touched her swollen lips that I desperately wanted to kiss again. “…sorry. I thought—” She stopped, obviously struggling with what to say.
The truth was I didn’t even know what to say other than to curse at myself for stopping this and making her feel like I didn’t want it as much as she did.
“Can I walk you to the door?” Can I walk you to the door? What kind of the thing was that to ask after this? Stupid!
She nodded and pulled the handle, climbing out before I could say anything else. It was clear she was ready to bolt from this awkward situation I had put us in.
We stopped at the door. She turned toward me but kept her head down. “Good night, Luca.”
“Good night, Leigh.”
She twisted the knob, and went inside, leaving me staring at the door.
I put my palm on the wood, wanting to beat the hell out of it and get her to come back out.
But I didn’t.
I turned and walked away.
17
Leigh
Like a girl who was lost, I stumbled into the dark house and shut the door. It was hard to breathe, so I stood there fighting to regulate the air coming in and out in tight spurts. More than anything, I wanted him to decide not to push me away. Tonight, we had crossed the friendship line, and he’d chosen to keep me at arm’s length. I shifted around and faced the door, putting one palm on the surface. I could almost feel him through the wood. But that was stupid. He was long gone by now. Probably regretting the moment I’d thrown up on his shoes.
Feeling lightheaded, I turned and somehow made it to the bathroom. Although I didn’t want to, I needed to wash him off me. Otherwise, I would dwell on this all night. Smelling his cologne on my skin, tasting his minty breath on mine. My hands fell to the vanity. They blurred in the glow of the nightlight. A second later, I sank to the floor, unwilling to do anything but cry. A wail escaped my lungs. I didn’t care how loud it was. It needed to come out.
The bathroom light switched on, bathing me in a yellow glow. “Leigh? What the fuck? Did something happen?” Bri kneeled on the floor behind me. My head was lifted and put on her lap. A hand ran through my hair, pushing it away from my damp face.
I cried out again, pulling in at my midsection. He didn’t want me. This entire time I’d known that but was too blind to see it. Why should he want me? I was broken after Russ.
“Can you help me to the bed? I just want to go to sleep.”
“Sure,” she said.
I was glad she didn’t say anything else. I wouldn’t be able to answer. Words were something I didn’t feel like thinking about at the moment.
I hit the pillow with my face and buried myself deep into it. Covers draped over me. Once the door shut, my face twisted in pain. This wasn’t the worse thing I had been through. I would make it through this feeling. The morning would be better. I had to believe that. I needed to believe that.
* * *
I could still feel his lips on mine. It was beyond anything I had felt with Russ. The kiss had been perfect. Or at least I thought so. Obviously, he hadn’t. I gripped the coffee mug tighter between my fingers as I put it to my mouth. It was cold already. When did it get cold? How long had I been sitting here? I ran a hand through my tangled hair. Everything was a blur. The only thing I could think about was last night.
Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I made it out. It could have been that things were moving too fast for him. I needed to quit thinking the worst. Things from my past automatically made me that way. Living in the past wasn’t something I could do anymore. He wasn’t Russ. They were completely different. The feeling Russ had given me, the memories I dragged around with me everywhere had stained me. It was like a dead horse that I constantly had in tow. A dead horse that I needed to bury before I could move on with anyone else.
Bri came out the back door, but I didn’t look in her direction. I stared straight ahead. She came up beside me and dropped down into a chair to my right. “So, still don’t want to talk about it?”
“If you were a guy, would you want to date me?” I asked without looking at her.
“Leigh. What kind of question is that? Of course. Did he tell you that he didn’t want you? Because if he did, he’s an idiot, and you’re better off.”
I finally turned to her with tears in my eyes. It hurt to cry again. Was that even normal? But my lids were still swollen from the night before. “That’s the same thing you said about Russ when I first got here.” I tucked a loose stand of hair behind my ear. “So, maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m doomed to be alone.” I returned my blank stare forward. Alone. I was going to be alone forever. I was cursed.
“Tell me what happened so we can analyze this shit.”
Although I didn’t want to relive anything from the night before, I told her everything. She sat on the edge of her seat, taking everything in like it was the best story she had ever heard.
When I finished, she let out a low whistle. “You ready for Dr. Bri to tell you what I think? I’ve been psychoanalyzing boys since I started wearing a normal bra with actual tits in it and not tissue paper.” She held up a hand as if I was going to stop her from talking. Arguing with her was something I didn’t have in me to do. “I think the boy is scared. He doesn’t do relationships. I know this. I’ve never seen Luca with any girl for an extended period of time. This one intern we had at work talked to him for a while. Once she got too serious about the entire thing, he dropped her.”
“Great. Guess I’m in the same boat with her now.”
“Not quite. You didn’t initiate this kiss, right?” I shook my head. “You didn’t push that boundary. He did. And when he found out he liked it, it scared the shit out of him.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe like hell. I’m right. We need wine. Wine, like right now. And lots of it.” She stood, and grabbed my hand.
I glanced at my phone. “It’s eleven a.m.”
She shrugged. “Wine doesn’t care what time it is when it’s needed. Instances like this, wine is like the bat signal in the sky, beckoning needy women to its healing nature. Now we go. We drink. And if needed, we prank-call his ass and say some really nasty stuff that insults his manhood. I’m not above burning dog shit on his porch. Just say the words.”
I pushed her in the direction of the door, needing the talking to stop.
It didn’t last long. Once we made it to the kitchen, she started back up.
I smiled. She was right. Not every man would do that for a woman. “It’s not weird stuff.”
She smirked. “I’m telling you, I’m never wrong about two people having the hots for each other.” She flipped her legs off the barstool and sauntered to the cabinet as if daring me to question her outlandish analysis. After pulling two wine glasses off the shelf, she poured a generous amount of chardonnay into each and pushed one across the counter in my direction.
I left it sitting there. Wine really wasn’t my thing. Alcohol in general wasn’t my thing.
She tipped the glass into the air before downing it.
I leaned back, gripping the sides of my face — anything to keep from looking up at Bri. “It’s not like that. All he wanted was to be friends. I think last night was just a fluke. Hopefully, we didn’t ruin what we had by doing that. If you’d been around us every time we’ve been together, you’d know friends are all we will ever be.”
She stood across from me, locking her arms over her midsection. “I was around y’all enough to know something’s up. You might not want to see it, but… well, it’s there.” She was silent for a moment. “Leigh’s gonna get some dick,” she sang.
My stomach twisted in knots as nervousness spread through me. Heat exploded across my skin, bypassing warm and going straight to searing. “No, I’m not!”
“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me if you keep hanging out, and he tries to throw it on you, you’d reject it. Fine piece of man like that? I’d disown you as my best friend.”
“Well… I mean, if it presented itself… then maybe.” I gnawed at my cheek. The concept of sex with Luca was too much for me to think about. He was really hot, and I had never had sex with someone who looked that way. I’d only had sex with Russ. Not that he was ugly. He was cute in that nerdy way that grew on girls.