I wasn’t even sure if she knew who she was talking to, but I did as I was told. I crawled over her and lay down.
“I love you.”
My head jerked up, and I stared at her sleeping form. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. It scared the hell out of me for sure. My head rested against the pillow, and I stared up at the ceiling.
Tonight shouldn’t have happened.
In the morning, I would have to suck it up and end this.
19
Leigh
I rolled over to my right, my hand grazing the sheets. They were ice cold. My head snapped up, blinking the grogginess away. Glancing around the room, I realized I was alone. Where was he? My stomach clenched. I wasn’t sure what to think. What if he was mad? Passing out on someone when things were getting hot wasn’t such a smooth move.
I flopped back down on the bed. Despite it still being soft and inviting, it had suddenly become uncomfortable. I couldn’t hide in here forever. The moment would come when I’d have to face him. Cool air hit my bare skin as I tossed the sheet back. Holy shit! I was still naked. I snatched at the covers, ripping them from the bed, and wrapped myself in them. Clothes. Clothes would be good. My dress and underwear were lying across the back of a chair near the door. I thought I’d left these in the living room. I shrugged. Luca must have brought them in here for me. As quickly as I could, I discarded the sheet and pulled them on.
I turned and faced the door. It felt like a looming closure to something evil on the other side. Stay in the bedroom. You’re safe in here. I shook my head, not really sure why I felt that way. It was Luca. The guy I had been hanging out with for the past several weeks. Why should it be weird? So what? We’d gotten drunk and kissed… and got naked… or at least I did. My shoulders slumped forward. This was it. It had been my opportunity to take things to the next level with him, and I’d botched it. I took a step forward and gripped the doorknob.
Here goes nothing.
The house was quiet, the only sound coming from my feet as I walked down the hallway. In the living room, I examined my surroundings to find I was alone. I took a few steps, and my breath caught in my throat. He stood outside on the balcony. His back was arched as he leaned forward with his elbows on the rail. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
“Hey,” I said, slipping outside and closing the door without looking away. I expected him to turn around and give me that smile that made my heart speed up.
But he didn’t.
I walked closer, becoming even with him but careful to keep distance between us. That distance felt like a damn wall. I hated it there, but I needed him to be the one that broke it. If he did, I would know everything about last night… everything that happened… was okay.
When he didn’t budge or say a word, I wasn’t sure what else to do. “So, I umm… thought you’d be there when I woke up.”
His jaw clenched. Not the reaction I was looking for. “You thought wrong,” he said, continuing to stare at the water as if I weren’t worthy of his attention.
I blinked erratically, wondering what I had done to make him act this way. I closed my mouth that, up until that moment, I hadn’t realized was hanging open. “I’m sor—”
His body twisted in my direction so suddenly I stumbled back. “Last night shouldn’t have happened,” he interrupted.
If I had known this was how he would react, I agreed wholeheartedly.
I opened my mouth to say something only to get his hand in front of my face. Who did he think he was all of a sudden? Was this Luca’s doppelganger? The evil Luca sent from second earth? Because this wasn’t the guy I had been hanging out with.
“I invited you out last night to tell you I didn’t want to see you anymore. But drinking changed that.” His hands tightened into balls. “I should’ve never drunk anything. It messed everything up.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let him see me cry. He would never see how much his words affected me. It was my own fault for thinking we could be more than friends.
“I don’t understand how you can be like that. So we had too many drinks. Things got a little… well, you know. But that doesn’t negate the fact that we’ve been hanging out. I thought we were friends. I’ve shared stuff with you that I haven’t told anyone else.”
He locked eyes with me, crossing his arms. “You thought wrong. We were never friends. I only hung out with you because I felt sorry for you.”
It stung. It stung so bad to hear him say that. I fought the urge to bombard him with all the questions swimming in my head.
“I hate you.” Those were the only words that came out, but the fact was I didn’t hate him. I hated myself for feeling the way I did because of him. Before my emotional barricade broke, I turned and left him standing on the balcony. Inside, I grabbed my purse and phone then paused for a minute to text Bri.
Me: COME GET ME. NOW. AT LUCA’S.
Bri: Uh oh. I’ve got a feelin’ Ima need 2 kill someone. Be there in a min.
Out on the front porch, I sat on the bottom step and pulled my legs close to my chest. I stared at the sidewalk, counting the pebbles that lay there.
One. A pretty pink one.
Why did he do this?
Two. A black one.
Bri’s brakes squealed as she pulled to a stop at the end of the sidewalk. Pushing my hair back, I locked eyes with her. Her lips were pursed together, and her eyes were wide. She obviously knew it was bad. Our eye contact was broken as I stood. For a second, I stared at his door.
If only he’d rush out and tell me what had just happened wasn’t how he felt. But the door didn’t budge. It was closed, signifying the end of us. I turned and forced my feet to move. My vision became a blur as the tears pooled in my eyes. Somehow, I found the car handle and yanked the door open. A cool breeze touched my damp cheeks as I glanced back at Luca’s place one last time. Nothing. He wasn’t coming out. Why am I even giving myself hope?
I sank into the seat, folding over to clutch my unsteady head. An audible sigh rushed past my lips only to be replaced by a burst of agonizing cries.
Bri didn’t say anything, merely slid the car into drive and guided us away from him.
My gut clenched the farther we drove. Why did it seem to hurt more with the distance I was putting between us?
A hand touched the back of my head. Fingers ran through my hair, twisting a few strands. It was something that Bri knew calmed me down. “Leigh,” she started.
I didn’t answer. Words might never come out again. My insides felt ripped apart. I wasn’t whole anymore.
“I know it hurts. He made you trust him after everything that happened with Russ. A girl as sweet as you doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken like this… from either of those assholes.”
Despite fighting it, my mind drifted back to the night before. The way it felt to be touched by him. It was real. His feelings were very clear. He wanted me. But for some reason, that had changed. I shivered, knowing I’d never feel that way again. No other man would own me the way he did.
“Do you want me to hire someone to off them?” she asked as the car shifted, turning into her neighborhood. “Because I’ve met some pretty sketchy people that I’m sure I could convince to do it. Of course, you might have to put out to get them to do it.”
My head tilted, stealing a glance up at her.
She smiled back at me.
“Well, of course I’ll put out. Tell them my hairy pie is always open if they get the job done,” I said.
She laughed for a moment but stopped suddenly as the car came to a halt in front of her house. “I don’t fucking believe this.” Her door flew open and within a second she was out the door. “What the fuck are you doing here? Don’t you know after what you done, you’re not welcome here?”
My mind lit up with hope. Maybe Luca had come to apologize. I snapped up, focusing on the two people in front of the car. Bri stood with her back to me, her arms flinging out to sides wildly as her verbal assaults continued. S
omeone was in front of her. I focused on the vehicle on the other side of them. I didn’t recognize it.
“You need to leave. Get in your little car and go away … hell, maybe just drive off a bridge while you’re at it.”
Hands wrapped around her shoulders and made her quiet. A deep voice said something I couldn’t hear.
I opened the door and got out.
“Please. I just need to see her. It’s been hell without her. It was— I made a mistake,” the voice said.
I rubbed my eyes, making sure I was seeing correctly. “Russ?”
His head turned in my direction before skirting around Bri.
“What are you doing here?” My throat tightened. I shook my head. This day by far was the worst.
He studied my face. “Have you been crying? What’s wrong?” His hands cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears away.
I shoved him back, needing to put distance between us. His touched repulsed me now. He had been with someone else. He had a new life that didn’t involve me. “Don’t worry about that. Answer my question. What are you doing here? Last thing I heard was you were about to be a daddy with your new girlfriend,” I spat.
“You want me get on the phone and give one of those sketchy people a call right now?” Bri asked, peeking around Russ. Her lip curled as they locked eyes. “I’d love to see you get an ass-whooping.” Even though I enjoyed her hostility toward him, now wasn’t the time. I needed to find out why he was here.
“Maybe later. Can you give us some privacy?”
She grunted but turned, leaving us.
When the front door closed, I narrowed my eyes back to Russ. “What are you doing here? I thought you were having a baby with what’s-her-face.” I knew exactly what her name was, but she didn’t deserve for it to be spoken aloud.
“So, you heard about that?” He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, taking a few steps away.
“Yeah, someone called and told me,” I lied. I wasn’t about to let him know that I’d been stalking him on Facebook. He needed to think I could care less about him and whatever was going on in his life.
“She lied to me.”
“What do you mean? She wasn’t pregnant?”
He laughed, stopped, and put his hands on the top of his head. “Oh, she’s pregnant. But now she’s told me it isn’t mine. She’s been sleeping with another guy behind my back.”
“Imagine that. Someone cheated on you. How does it feel?” I asked through clenched teeth. It served him right. He needed to see what it was like. The experience was gut-wrenching, and normally I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but for him… I would make the exception.
A low growl emanated from him, which I found funny. “I’m sorry, Leigh.” He came toward me.
I took a few steps back.
He stopped. His head dropped, shoulders slouched forward. A second later his hand covered his eyes. “What can I say to make you forgive me?” He looked up, his bloodshot eyes meeting mine as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Do you want me to say that I thought about you every day?” He took another step toward me. “Do you want me to say that I regretted the decision I made?” Another step. “How about that I couldn’t sleep at night because you weren’t there?” He stopped in front of me. His fingers gently touched my chin, lifting it. “I love you, Leigh. I need you back in my life. I’m nothing without you, and if you want, I’ll grovel at your feet every day for the rest of my life. Just take me back.”
My lips trembled as his thumb rubbed against them. The way he smelled, his touch, his voice — it was all so familiar. My heart ached, yearning for that. It was what I had craved the past several weeks as I drowned in the misery he’d left in the wake of breaking me.
That was…
Until Luca.
I blinked tears back, thinking about the most recent man to reject me. The way he’d looked when I left his house not even an hour ago. His statement had been clear. His intentions were blatantly obvious. He wanted nothing to do with me. He pulled me close enough to make me fall for him and then nothing.
“I forgive you,” I barely got out through the thick raw emotions dwelling within me.
My voice sounded foreign to my ears. It wasn’t what I really wanted, but maybe it was what life had in store for me. Russ was who I was meant to be with. Fate had brought him back to me. That was a saying, right? If you let someone go, and they come back, it was meant to be?
He smiled at me, and I forced one in return. His arms wrapped around my midsection, and I was pulled toward him. He pecked my nose and dropped his head so his forehead touched mine. “You’ll see. Things will be like they were before. We can get married and put all this behind us.”
I swallowed, my mind reeling from his last words.
Married.
Before, that was all I’d thought about. Living a quiet little suburban life with a white-picketed fence, a dog, and a few kids. Now, I couldn’t see it. It was like someone had thrown a blanket over my dream and all I could hear were the waves of the ocean.
20
Luca
“Dude, I’m starving. I. Need. Food,” Finn said, pulling my attention away from the television. It wasn’t like I was really watching whatever was on. It was only a way to appear like I was doing something so he wouldn’t bother bringing up Leigh. I had avoided that conversation with him. He tried. I had to give it to the boy. He was persistent as hell in trying to find out what happened.
I blinked, seeing him standing beside my recliner with his crotch in my face. “Bro.” I shifted back, putting my hands up. “What the fuck? Way too close.”
“Oh, you like this more?” He shifted around, sticking his butt over the armrest. “It would be even better if I took my shorts off, just saying.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” I looked back to the television, realizing that it was on the cooking network. No way he believed that I was watching some baking competition. I thought I’d left it on HBO?
“I changed the channel about an hour ago. You never even noticed. So, I know the shit you was trying to pull.” He sat down on the end of the couch, but leaned over toward me, his chin resting on his hand.
“What?”
“Are you ready to open up now? You’ve been staring hard at these chicks cooking shit. I figured that would’ve put you more in touch with your female side. You know, so we could talk about our feelings and all.”
I picked up the remote and hurled it at him. He dodged the hit to the chest and took it on the arm. His hand went to the spot it had struck as his eyes widened.
“No need to get violent. Now we can talk about what happened, or we can discuss what song I’d like you to sing at my funeral when I die of hunger. I’m thinking that song, ‘The Wind Under My Wings’ or some shit.” He took on a dreamy look and began to sing, “’Did you ever know that you’re my hero…’” His expression grew serious. “Because let’s face it. I know I’m your hero.” He put his hand across his heart and bowed slightly as if accepting some type of honor for the delusion he’d just spouted off.
I wasn’t about to touch that. It would make him launch into an hour-long debate about how we went so far back and all the things he had done for me in the past.
“Why don’t you go to the kitchen and make something? There’s food in there. No reason for you to be so hungry.”
“Have you ever seen me try to cook? It doesn’t end well. I burn ramen noodles in the microwave.”
“How is that even possible?”
He shrugged. “So, spill.”
I rolled my eyes, leaning farther back into the recliner. “What do you want to know? I was a dick to her. She split. She’s probably already back in Arizona by now. If I was her, I probably would’ve left the next day.”
He groaned. “It was that bad, huh? Shit. I really thought you were over all that and had decided not to be an idiot with this one.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. “We were friends. She was getting too attached just like t
hey always do when I make it clear that all I want is to be friends.”
“Yeah, yeah. I can see that with the girls before, but not her. Come on, dude. Doing the shit y’all did together, you can’t tell me she was the same as all the others.”
I slammed the leg part of the recliner in and jumped to my feet to pace a minute before turning back to him. “It was nothing. I would’ve done all that with any of those other girls. But she deserved a better way of me breaking it off. I’ll admit that. I think I crushed her.”
“What did you do?”
“I had too many drinks. Both of us had. We ended up back here. She passed out before it went all the way. But it sent the wrong message. It was my fault she thought we were more than what we were. I should’ve had the balls to come out and tell her I didn’t want to see her anymore. But no, I had to get drunk and ruin it. She woke up, and I basically told her to leave in a really harsh way.”
Finn gave me a disparaging look as he seemed to be processing everything I’d rattled off. “So, no way to make this better? You don’t want to give her a call or anything?”
I stopped and stared at him. “No. It’s for the best. Now let’s go get some food. I’m actually pretty hungry, too.” I wasn’t. The last thing I wanted to do was eat. But it was something to change the subject. All I wanted to do was forget about everything that had happened the morning she left.
I followed Finn to the front of the house then paused for a minute to grab the keys from the table beside the door. “I’m in the mood for some Mexican. I haven’t blown the toilet up in about a week.” He rubbed his stomach. “’Bout time to clean the pipes out.”
“Well, you make sure to do that at your house.”
We climbed into my truck, and I turned the key in the ignition.
“Aw, come on. But you’ve got the good toilet paper here.” He laughed, twisting the knob on the radio and drowning out the silence. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. No matter what kind of crazy came out of his mouth, I was glad I had Finn. He had helped me through the hardest time of my life. I might even sing that song for him if something ever did happened to my bud. Of course, it better not. I wasn’t sure I would know what to do without him.
Fearlessly Yours Page 17