“You know you’re my best friend, right?” I blurted out.
He slapped me on the back. “I know. I know.” He didn’t elaborate on the awkward conversion, only continued to sing along with the radio.
I would get through this. In another week or so, I wouldn’t think about her as much, and soon not at all. Life would be back to normal. I would go to work. I would hang out with Finn. I wouldn’t worry about anyone but myself.
I pulled into the parking lot, finding a space near the front of the restaurant. As usual, the place was packed. I leaned back, taking in the scene through my window. This was where I’d found out her name. Leigh. Clark.
She’d ruined me.
“You okay?” Finn asked. A grin slowly spread across his face. “This is where we ran into her after she hurled on you. You want to go somewhere else?”
I shook my head.
“Good, because I don’t know if I could give up this place. Even for you.”
With a flick of my hand, I gave him the bird. “Get your ass out of my truck.”
We miraculously managed to get our usual table out on the patio and ordered a round of drinks and something from the starter menu. I stared toward the water. I focused on not thinking about anything. Clearing my mind was hard to do.
“A beer and a White Russian,” the waitress said, putting the drink in front of me. “Your appetizer will be out shortly, but anything else I can get for you guys right now?” Her eyes lingered on me before lightly touching my forearm.
I glanced down at the interaction. It churned my stomach to have her hand on me.
Nonchalantly, I twisted around in my chair, pulling my arm away from her. The last thing I wanted was her to think I was interested. “That’s all. Thank you.”
She nodded and turned, leaving us alone. Finn leaned over the table. “What are you doing? That girl was all but screaming for you to take her in the bathroom and fuck.”
I didn’t answer.
“You need a distraction and that was it.” He pointed in the direction she had gone.
“No thanks. I’m good.” I brought the drink to my lips and tilted it back. Returning the glass to the table, I smacked my lips. “Good drink. I might need to give the bartender a fat tip. Wonder who’s working tonight?” I shifted to the side to peer around a group standing a few feet from us.
My mouth gaped when I focused on Leigh sitting at the bar. She nodded, her lips moving as she said something. I looked in front of her and found a guy. Pulling back, I focused harder, trying to remember where I had seen him. Then it clicked. Russ. She had shown me pictures of him. Guess she had moved on. It was quicker than I thought. Apparently, I hadn’t hurt her as much as I’d thought.
I eyed the two of them, the distance only a few strides away. I could reach the guy within seconds and slam a fist into his face. What the hell was she doing here with him? The dick had left her for another girl — had a baby on the way for crying out loud. She had been heartbroken over the bastard the night I threw her into the ocean. Now she was here with him like nothing had happened? Like everything was peachy-fucking-keen?
Finn must have followed my line of sight. He let out a low whistle. “Damn. I was expecting her to be gone by now after you — well, you know.”
“It’s whatever. I don’t care that she’s here,” I lied. I downed the rest of my White Russian and ran my tongue over my teeth. Then I picked up the menu and pretended to look over the specials. “What looks good tonight?” When Finn didn’t answer, I lowered the menu and glanced over at him.
His brows rose.
“What?”
“Dude, don’t try to play this off like it doesn’t bother you. I know you. I can tell.” He pointed at the menu.
My fingers were gripping the sides so hard the plastic was bending. I slammed it down, racing a hand through my hair. “So what if it does? It’s not like I can go over there and do anything about it. I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore. She’s free to be an idiot and date a guy who left her for someone else.”
Finn’s head darted between me and them. “So, that’s the ex?” I nodded. “Oh, you can’t not go over there.”
“Why should I? It isn’t my place.” I tried not to look back over at them, but I failed.
Leigh’s hair was curled, hanging down the middle of her back. She wore a halter-top that showed off her shoulders and her midsection and a pair of tight shorts. Russ touched her shoulder. She tensed, but didn’t bother pushing his hand away. I swallowed as he dropped it to her thigh and inched its way up near her crotch. Red spotted my vision. A shrill sound echoed within the base of my skull.
Without realizing it, I stood and sent my chair crashing to the floor. Somewhere among the haze, I thought I heard Finn’s voice calling my name, but I didn’t turn around. Leigh and Russ were the only ones I could see.
Before I reached them, she turned and our gazes collided. For a second, her eyes widened with what looked like relief, but that was quickly replaced with anger.
“Wasn’t expecting to see you here,” I said with a sneer. My stare veered to Russ and lingered there. He wasn’t much to look at. He was lucky someone like Leigh had given him the time of day. “Going to introduce me?” I asked her, not taking my eyes off him.
“This is Russ. Russ, this is Luca.”
He smiled.
I wanted to break all of the teeth from his mouth. I stuck my hand out. “Heard lots about you.”
He took my hand, and I squeezed.
“Really?” he squeaked. “Haven’t heard anything about you other than you work at the marina. Of course, Leigh and I haven’t done much talking since I arrived, if you know what I mean.”
“Russ—” Leigh tried to interrupt.
He held up a hand, and instantly she shut her mouth.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This wasn’t the same girl I had been with these past several weeks. This guy was all wrong for her. He fed on her weaknesses.
“I see.” I avoided her stare. “She’s a real firecracker to be with. I’d know.” I wanted him to think the worst. Even though we had never had sex, I knew in his mind that was where my statement would take him.
Russ stared at me, obviously thinking over what I’d said, then laughed. It wasn’t a comical, friendly laugh. It was the asshole laugh as if to make fun of me.
I straightened to my full height, towering over him. “Did I say something that amused you?”
He blinked, his eyes darting between Leigh and me.
Too late to look for a way out, dude. I cracked my knuckles. The motion drew his attention down to my hand, which was a little eager for him to say the wrong thing.
“No. I just… well, I never pictured Leigh hanging out with someone…”
“Maybe we should go, Russ. I’ve lost my appetite,” Leigh said.
“Nah. Home-dude is going to finish what he was saying first,” Finn jumped in from out of nowhere. He was antsy, bouncing from foot to foot.
Leigh’s mouth opened, but she remained silent. Her eyes found mine, practically pleading with me.
Russ set his drink down and then ran a hand across his now-sweaty forehead. “I was saying… How do I put this politely? Well, Leigh’s a very intelligent woman, so she usually puts herself around more goal-oriented people.”
Finn jumped at him, making Russ veer back and hold up his hands defensively.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with being a deckhand on a boat, if that’s what your career ambition is in life.”
My jaw locked. So the prick thought I wasn’t good enough for her? In some ways, I agreed with that. Leigh was pure, innocent, and didn’t deserve someone who wasn’t able to give his heart to her. I couldn’t. But my career choice had nothing to do with the matter.
Before I could open my mouth, Finn interrupted. “You so have that wrong, dickhead. You’re looking at the CEO of the Belle Boating Company. In case you aren’t sure of what that entails, let me just break it down for you. Lu
ca has millions. Let me repeat that, millions of dollars in the bank. He owns more land and boating equipment than he’ll ever know what to do with. He could buy you if he wanted. So, it looks like you’re the one in this equation who’s lacking ambition.”
Russ’s mouth hung open. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”
I shook my head. “It’s something no one in my personal life knows except for Finn…” I glanced to my friend and gave him a malicious glare. “…at least not until now.”
Leigh’s crystal blue eyes settled on me. What is she thinking? I hated people assuming I was some rich kid growing up when my father ran the business. That was why I never told anyone about owning the company when I met them. I liked for them to think I was a worker. People tended to get stupid if they knew they were in the presence of a millionaire. It was mostly because they wanted something from me. Especially women.
I knew she was studying me, trying to reason why I hadn’t told her. Her confusion was clear as it laced her delicate features. I would have given anything to know what was going through her mind. She probably hated me even more.
My fingers flinched, wanting to reach out and touch her. But I couldn’t. I had made the decision to push her away. It was the best thing for the both of us, whether she knew it or not.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t about to have this guy think he was better than you. No way. By the way, how’s the girlfriend that you left Leigh for? Or the baby that you were having with her?” Finn asked. I guess belittling the guy by career and success comparisons wasn’t enough. I knew Finn. He was hoping for a reaction to warrant him hitting this asshole. That was why he continued to push.
Russ’s face reddened as his focus went to Leigh. “You told them about that?”
She cowered back. Something in me stirred. Her movement reminded me of the scared girl I had run into on the beach. The girl who stayed that way until she started learning how strong she truly was. Then it clicked. Russ was taking her back to that place. The place she had fought to put behind her these past several weeks. I struggled to maintain my control. It wasn’t my place to say anything. If she wanted to return to the way she’d been, there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’m sorry,” she said barely above a whisper.
Russ turned his back to her. “Let’s go. You’ve embarrassed me enough here tonight.” Without waiting for her to answer or gather her belongings, he stalked off in the direction of the parking lot. Her eyes stayed low as she scooped her purse up from the bar and threw a twenty down to cover their drinks. She turned and took two quick steps to the right, nearly knocking into a man approaching the bar as she attempted to dart around me.
I grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at me. I ached inside to hold her. A familiar pain filled my chest. The one that had been gnawing at me since the night I ended things between us. “I’m sorry for coming over here and ruining your date. I’m glad you two worked things out.” It was a blatant lie. I knew it, and from the expression she gave me, she knew it.
She yanked her arm free of my hand. “I need to go. He’s waiting for me.” She twirled around and walked away.
Guilt filled me. She was hurting, and I knew it was partly my fault, if not entirely.
It was over between us, and there was no one to blame but myself.
21
Luca
The alarm screeched, pulling me from sleep. I guess I could call it that, though it felt like I had lain here for six hours with my eyes closed without officially ever dozing off. I rolled over, exhaling roughly, which came out sounding more like a throaty gurgle. Slamming a hand down on the clock, I knocked it off, and it hit the carpeted floor with a soft thud.
I didn’t know how much more of this I could do. I craved sleep as if I had been deprived of it for weeks. No matter what I tried… warm milk, steamy baths, audio of calming sounds. Nothing worked. Sure, I closed my eyes, and time went by, but it felt like I wasn’t resting.
When had things changed? I used to go into a coma when my head hit the pillow at night. No tossing and turning; within seconds, it was drool city for me. I rolled on my back, covering my eyes with an arm. I had practically been a zombie. It was making it hard to concentrate on anything. Anything but her. She was the cause of all it. I picked up the pillow and covered my face with it. A frustrated scream escaped. Why had I let her get to me?
I rolled out of the bed. Today was the day I had to make the trip to my parents’ house. My dad’s birthday. I put some clothes on and left my home, anxious to get it over with. After a few hours’ drive, I pulled up to the place where I had grown up. It hadn’t changed much. My basketball goal was still in the driveway. My mother’s flower garden still looked vibrant. Dad had made sure that those were taken care of since she had loved them so much. I swallowed and gathered the courage to go inside.
“Hello? Anyone home?” I said, entering. I walked through the house and caught a glimpse of him sitting out back near the pier, so I pushed open the door and crossed the yard.
“Dad?”
He continued to stare at the water without moving.
I touched his shoulder.
He jumped and turned in my direction with wide eyes. “Luca. When did you get here?” His bony hands tightened around the armrest. He arched his back in an unsuccessful attempt at getting up from the chair. A shaky breath rushed from his deflated lungs as he collapsed back against it.
I gripped his arm and held tight. My fingers wrapped all the way around. Fragments of memories tumbled through the gate I had barricaded them behind. I didn’t want to face how frail he had become the past few years since my mom passed. It was like he had given up on life without her.
My brows pulled together into an incredulous scowl as my mouth twisted. He still had family. He still had me here. I still needed him. I had lost my mother. Losing both of them…
The anger surged through me, and it was all directed at him as I helped him to his feet, staring at his thinning arm. It was an arm that had lifted me with ease when I was young. I had dangled from it, pretending to be a monkey. It was an arm that had taught me how to hurl a football across a field to score touchdowns. It was an arm that had beat my ass when I did something stupid. And now? Now it was an arm that couldn’t do any of those things.
I wrestled with my feelings, biting my tongue to defuse. “I thought you were going to be ready when I got here. Didn’t we agree on ten?”
He rocked back and forth for a second before catching his balance, and stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about.
“You forgot, didn’t you?” I turned around, raking a hand across my face.
A hearty laugh rose against the constant, annoying chirps of the birds around us. I looked back to see him doubled over. “You should’ve seen your face. Thought you were going to shit a brick,” he managed to get out, pointing at me.
For a moment, I thought he had lost his mind. My father had finally gone off the deep end. Until it hit me. He was joking, and laughing. Something he hadn’t done in what seemed like forever.
“You’re moodier than you usually are.” He walked over to the carport and grabbed his tacklebox.
I reached for it, but he snatched it away.
“I’m not dead or completely feeble, Luca. Just because I rock a little getting up doesn’t mean I can’t carry my own tackle to the boat.”
I took a step back, reevaluating the man in front of me. Maybe he did still have some fight left in those old bones of his.
“Now, tell me what’s wrong with you. Because if you’re going to act like a pissy kid, well, I can fish by myself. You won’t ruin my birthday because your vagina hurts.”
“Dad!”
“What?” He looked over his shoulder then back at the pier in front of us.
I didn’t know what to say. He was right. I had come over here in a bad mood, and it was all because I couldn’t think of anything else but Leigh. It was driving me crazy. I couldn’t enjoy anything with
her hating me. “So, you going to tell me?”
“I didn’t get much sleep last night. That’s all.”
He groaned. “Okay, I’ll accept that, if that’s the story you want to go with.”
“I promise. That’s it.”
We climbed over into his boat. He shuffled to the controls as I untied us from the pier. Within a minute, we were backing away and moving toward the open water. Salty air beat against my skin, whipping my hair around. I never tired of the way the ocean smelled. It reminded me of freedom. Freedom from people. Thoughts. Pressures. Everything. I could forget whatever I had going on as I crossed waves.
I waited to be engulfed in that sense of comfort. I desperately needed it. This was the one place I knew I would find it. Every bit of consideration about letting her get close could blow away. Every memory of how she made me feel could blow away. Every sense of her skin against mine could blow away. I didn’t want any of it. The ocean could take all of it and bury it in the abyss.
I closed my eyes and could only see her face. The way she’d stared at me that night after I threw her into the ocean. Like she could face anything with me by her side. I swallowed hard and opened my eyes. I searched the water. That was when I realized the feeling of relief wasn’t coming. Nothing would work. I contemplated curling into the bottom of the boat and succumbing to the emotional blubber that my heart yearned for me to be.
A few miles out, the engine shifted down until falling silent when my dad turned it off. He moved to the back and took a seat to my left. We baited our hooks and tossed them out into the water.
“By the way, happy birthday, Pop.”
He leaned back, smiling at me. “Thanks, son. You want a cold one?”
I nodded.
He popped open a cooler sitting next to him and tossed me a beer. I cracked the top and pulled from it.
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