My Heart

by LEIGH ARMSTRONG

  I look at the pictures, seeing what he’s telling me, though I’m cringing at the thought of her with him. “Why would she go to such extremes? What if someone had a reaction to whatever was given?”

  “Her phone isn’t locked—there’s no finger, number or pattern code to open it. She wanted someone to see what she had inside.”

  I flip, finding several pictures of her and Caleb together. “I guess she’s why he never returned my calls.”

  He takes hold of my hand, laying the phone on the counter. “I’m not sure what she expects to happen, unless it’s to drive a wedge between us, which won’t happen. You have to trust me when I say that I want to spend hours exploring every inch of you. But, until I have some answers about what happened, I can’t put you at risk.”

  “I understand, but being intimate with you, kissing, or exploring with each other is what I’ve dreamed about so it ranks pretty high on my list of needs.” I smile looking for a shimmer of light in his eyes.

  He smiles. “I mean…we can play some.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  *

  The rest of the day he spends on the phone talking with the guys who gave him as much information as they can remember. I put away what I brought back, including the box I don’t want to think about. I make some food and decide to check my emails in my room when a knock makes me look up over my computer. Michael’s standing there like so many other times, but today is different.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Checking my assignments.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  He lays across the bed, kissing my bare shoulder where my shirt has slid off and playing with a curl of my hair between his fingers. “I’ve often wondered what you did in here. I’ve seen you sing and dance, but what do you do when you’re alone?”

  I raise my eyebrow, shutting my computer and laying it on the floor beside me. Then I roll over to face him. “What do you think?”

  He rolls over on his back, placing his arm under his head, and grins. “Homework, lots of reading, sleeping and dreaming of me. I died every time you walked out in yoga pants.”

  “Because you do or don’t like yoga pants?”

  “I like yoga pants on you. They really show your assets.”

  I push at his side and he curls slightly.

  “Did you think about me in my room?”

  “Yes, many times. You were probably working on your abs, playing games on the computer or doing summary sheets from work. But I hoped you were thinking of me.”

  “I took a lot of cold showers and didn’t sleep much, knowing you were right down the hall.” He turns on his side to face me. “My door is always open to you.”

  I lean up on my elbow. “As mine is open to you. No more apart.” I touch his cheek with my fingers and hold his gaze, leaning in to kiss him but then stop. “Hungry?”

  *

  We hold hands walking down the sidewalk to Jimmy’s Grill which has great double decker sandwiches and homemade pies. Brand new to this public show of affection on campus, I feel a sense of relief at finally being able to show him how I feel. Being this close to him makes my stomach do somersaults and warms my skin. Looking over at him, it’s clear why. He captivates me, which is why waiting to be intimate with him will be hard. He stops at the door, holding it open for me. Lots of students and a few parents fill the tables, but we find a table off to the side. His fingers rub circles on my back as I can’t seem to sit close enough to him.

  The waitress brings our food, and all is quickly devoured, with him helping eat my sweet potato chips. He pops the last one in my mouth as he looks towards the pickup counter. “There’s someone we haven’t seen in a while.”

  I look over to find Caleb waiting for a pick-up order. He looks different to me. Thinner, wearing jeans, a blue coat, and a cap pulled down to where you can barely see his eyes. His hair was always cut short, but now it’s long. He keeps looking around, kind of nervous. I know he’s been with her but why? Gone is the clean-cut college student I once knew as my friend.

  “Go and speak to him, I’ll pay the bill.”

  “I want to, but then again, I don’t.”

  “But I know you do because I can see it in your eyes.”

  I nod in agreement and head over to Caleb.

  “Hey.”

  Caleb’s face drains of color—at least what I can see under the growth of hair on his face. He says nothing, just looks at me.

  “Are you okay? I tried all summer to reach you.”

  “Um, sorry. I need to go.” He grabs his bag of food.

  “Please talk to me.” I touch his arm, but he jerks away. I stand there, not sure what to do.

  “Jamie, are you here with anyone?” He looks around the restaurant then spots Michael coming up behind us. “I got to go.”

  “Caleb, we could go somewhere and talk.” He turns, walking towards the door pushing through all the students. He stops turning to me. “I’m not the same guy.”

  “I know.” He stares at me like I just told the biggest secret he didn’t want me to know. This time when he speaks, he raises his voice. “Leave me alone. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

  “But I do. Please call me.” He stands looking at me as if he wants to do just that, talk to me. But then he turns and walks away. Michael brings me my coat.

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing. He didn’t want to talk to me.”

  “I’m sorry. Just give him some time. Maybe what you said will get him to open up.”

  “I hope so. Let’s go home.”

  Chapter 21

  Alot of regular runners are out this morning even with the cold temperatures. I find being outside invigorating so I guess they do as well. Now back to my therapy session. I round the corner of the Watson Building, running over the Harris Bridge that crosses the lake, thinking about last night. I slept in my bed and Michael slept in his, which is fine, but I want us together, not apart. Seeing Caleb yesterday fills my head with so many questions. How did they get together? What has he done that I don’t want to know? He seems a broken shell of who I knew from before. I glance at my watch, heading back to the apartment. My playlist slows down, and I begin to walk off my run. I reach my front door to see a box addressed to Michael with his parents’ return address, maybe an early Christmas gift. I take it inside, setting it on the table for later. Grabbing water and an orange, I head to my room for a shower but see a note on my nightstand.

  Thinking of you! –Michael

  A smile forms on my lips as I read it again. I want to call him but my phone rings before I can.

  “Caleb?”

  At first, he says nothing, but then his voice cracks. “Jamie, can you meet me Friday whatever time is good for you?”

  “Friday night after work about 11:15—is that okay?”

  “I’ll meet you there. Thanks, Jamie.”

  Before I can say anything else, he hangs up. From our random awkward meeting yesterday to the call today, I wonder what happened. I’ll text Michael later or I’m going to be late for class.

  *

  At the end of another academic day, which is so close to being over for winter break, I rush into 42 at 5:27, tossing my banana peel in the trash. I see Pete standing by the clock-in computer.

  “Hey Jamie. How was Thanksgiving break?”

  “Good and yours?”

  He pats his stomach. “Delicious.. Hey, before you get your stuff, the big boss wants to see you in his office.”

  I start to walk away. “Thanks Pete.” If he only knew how much I wanted to see my boss. I open the door to find Michael sitting behind his desk going through a stack of papers. He doesn’t look up right away, giving me time to just look at him. I clear my throat.

  He drops his pen, locking his eyes on me. “Hey you.”

  “Sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re a college student running a successful business. You look good in the role of boss.”r />
  “Close the door, please.” He pushes away from his desk and motions for me to come over. I walk over to him and he grabs my wrist, pulling me into his lap and rests his hand on my thigh. “I caught a glimpse of you today after your second class. That was not enough.”

  I touch his hair, thick between my fingers. “I agree. Today is our first day back at work as an official couple.”

  He nuzzles my neck, leaving a few kisses. “I can’t wait to let everyone know about us.” He tightens his grip on me as his hand rests on my cheek, pulling me into a kiss. He breaks the magic of our kiss and asks, “Why did we wait to be this close?”

  “You wanted me to be ready to accept a relationship, and I thought you were burned by your ex and wasn’t ready to trust. But what we both needed was in front of us all along.”

  There’s a knock on the door. “Michael, its Pete. We need to talk.”

  We look at each other. I go to stand up but I’m pulled back in his lap. “We start with Pete.” He raises his voice. “Come in.”

  Pete opens the door holding a clipboard, sees us, and begins to smile. “So, when were you going to tell me?”

  “What? That Jamie and I are a couple?”

  Pete tosses the clipboard on the desk. “Finally, you spoke up and I guess Jamie, you feel the same?”

  “Yes, I feel the same.”

  Pete walks over and I stand to face him. “Jamie you are exactly who he needs.”

  I smile. “It took us awhile, but we have more because of it.”

  Michael stands, placing his hands on my shoulders. “It’s the right time.”

  “I saw the look on his face the day you applied for the job. There is no one else for him. You’ll take care of each other because what you have is real. So, what are you waiting for? Go tell the staff.”

  “Pete, what did you need to talk to me about?”

  “It can wait until later. I’ll see you both downstairs shortly.” He shuts the door and I turn, facing Michael.

  “He seems really happy for us.”

  “That he is. I made a decision to meet with Stacey so I can figure out what happened at the apartment that night. I want to clear things, so we don’t have to wait on anything except ourselves.”

  “Do you need support? She’s a little crazy.”

  “She won’t talk with you there.”

  “True. You know her better than me.”

  “I don’t know this Stacey. She didn’t do dumb shit like this when we were together.”

  “Now my turn. I’m meeting Caleb here after work on Friday. He called today after my run.” I walk over to the sofa and sit down. “I know his confession will be hard to hear, but maybe he can shed some light on what she’s doing.”

  He sits down beside me. “I don’t like us having to do any of this, but we just need more answers.” He threads his fingers through mine. “Are you ready to tell the staff?”

  “More than ready.”

  When everyone’s told and we close down the bar, the best part is going home together. We found out some had taken out bets on when we would actually get together, and all are happy and supportive. As we get in the apartment, I remind him of the box. I go get us water and he opens his package.

  I come back to see the surprise. What is it?”

  “A key.”

  “What kind of key?”

  I look inside for another clue where I find a monogramed note card. Etched on the front in gold are the letters “LTA.”

  “My mother’s monogram. Inside, the note reads: Christmas awaits you in Colorado. Clear your calendar and give us a call. Love Dad & Mom.”

  “A trip! Are you surprised?”

  “A little. If I go, will you go with me?”

  I sip my water, dribbling out the side of my mouth. “It’s for you, maybe they want to spend time with you before you graduate.”

  He leans in to me, holding the white ribbon attached to the key. “I go, you go.”

  “How can I resist? Ask them first—I don’t want to cause problems just showing up.”

  “I can do that. Now I’m going to shower.” He peels off his shirt.

  We stood staring at each other, wanting to give into our feelings but remembering the agreement.

  “Waiting is hard when you tease me with all your manliness.”

  “Manliness?”

  “Yes.” I run my hand across his abs, walking past him. “I have womanly ways to tempt you too though.” I kick off my shoes, pull my shirt over my head, and he doesn’t look away. I unbutton the top of my jeans, tugging them down a little to show my pink lace underwear. “See you after my hot shower.” I turn, walking towards my room.

  “Um, not playing fair using your womanly ways. Was that pink lace?

  *

  After my shower I chose a V neck style soft blue t-shirt to sleep in that’s long enough to cover, but short enough to make him restless, just a little. My skin tingles thinking about his reaction. I open my door to find him leaning against the door frame of his room.

  “I was coming to find you.” He’s wearing cotton workout shorts and a pullover t shirt. How I love cotton!

  “In keeping with our deal, would you join me in my room tonight?”

  “A platonic evening?”

  “Yes.” He holds out his hand as I walk to him. “I’m trying to stay strong but what you are wearing is not sweatpants and a hoodie.”

  I smile at his comment. “No, it’s not.”

  “I know what you are doing with this little number and might I say, thank you!”

  I kiss him, then walk past him into the room. He looks so good. He’s propped up pillows and turned down his bed, with two candles lit on each side. I look back at him.

  “I have popcorn, a movie, and water unless you’re tired and want to just sleep.”

  My smile reaches ear to ear. “This is so sweet. I would love to stay with you.”

  We crawl in under the covers, turn on the movie, and place the popcorn between us. We talk all through the movie, stealing moments of closeness. We keep everything PG and when it ends, he blows out our candles, turns off the TV, and we lay in his bed, our arms wrapped around each other. He kisses my head.

  “We’ll be together soon.”

  “We will, but for now this is perfect.”

  Chapter 22

  Michael

  Ilie here this morning looking at the beauty next to me. She’s wearing no makeup and her hair is slightly over one eye. It would be so easy to wake her up and take our new relationship to the next level but not without knowing more about that night. I’ve fallen for her in a way I never thought I was capable.

  Jamie

  Rolling over, I reach for him, but he is gone. This is my first time waking up in a guy’s bed and I miss the weight of his body next to mine. I pull the sheet up to my chin then hear the front door shut. He appears in the doorway bearing goodies.

  “Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?”

  “You brought breakfast.” I go to get up.

  “Stay right there—it’s all coming to you.” He sits down on the bed. “I liked you being in here last night.”

  I take the coffee he hands to me. “I did too. Your mattress is so much better.”

  “So, you’re into my mattress.”

  “No, I’m into you.” This time I pull him to me. “I’m into these lips and these arms that held me all night.” He takes my coffee cup and tosses the sandwiches on the table, scooting me down in the bed and wrapping me up in everything Michael.

  *

  Friday night at work proved to be busy but finally we were standing at the end of the bar waiting for Caleb.

  “Why don’t you cancel with him or let me tag along?”

  “I’m not cancelling and he might say something to me about the party if you’re not there.”

  He pulls me up against him and I giggle when he starts nibbling my neck. “I like that way too much.”

  “What this?”

  I’m en
joying his lips brushing up against my neck when he suddenly stops. “He’s here.”

  Caleb comes in dressed like I saw him that night.

  “I don’t like this.”

  I squeeze Michael’s hand. “I’m aware, but I need to do it.”

  I turn to Caleb. “Hi.”

  Michael sticks out his hand. “Nice to see you again.”

  Caleb holds out his hand to acknowledge the greeting. “Good to see you. Jamie, is Dot’s okay with you?”

  “Yes.” I turn to Michael. “See you later.”

  Caleb turns walking to the door and I follow but turn back and wink at Michael who is standing with his arms crossed, looking at us. Always protective.

  *

  Our walk to Dot’s was quiet with a few glances and basic questions about school or the weather. We found a table, then placed an order for coffee. I took off my coat and then he took off his cap.

  “Wow, your hair is so long.”

  He seems to be self-conscious about my comment because he places the cap on backwards. The waitress sets down our coffee mugs.

  “Caleb, are you alright, are you sick?”

  He rests his elbows on the table, looking down into his coffee. “No. I’m not sick. I’m ashamed to be here with you.”

  I sit back in my chair. “What? Ashamed to be seen with me? Why did you call me if you didn’t want to be seen with me?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant.”

  “Well jump in, because I’m about to leave.”

  He is struggling to even look at me.

  “Just tell me what happened to you. We were friends, then you disappeared.”

  “Do you remember last year after the 42 party when we went into your apartment?”

  “Yes. I remember telling you I was a virgin, we ate sandwiches and watched a movie. Caleb, what does that have to do with you not returning my calls?”

  “I liked you. I enjoyed being with you. I wanted more with you, but I understood what you said about waiting and not being ready. But after that, as the weeks passed, my feelings grew stronger—yours did not.”