Heller

by JD Nixon

  “Matilda,” he said, breathing heavily. “You startled me.”

  “You were asleep.”

  “You shouldn’t sneak up on me when I sleep.”

  “Heller, I wasn’t sneaking up on you! I was coming home. You’re in my flat, you know. You weren’t waiting up for me?”

  “I was.”

  I sighed and slouched next to him. “You shouldn’t. I can look after myself.”

  “I know, but I still worry anyway.” His smile was self-deprecating.

  “You big softie,” I teased. He put one arm around me and pulled me to him. I leaned sleepily on his chest, one arm thrown over his taut stomach.

  “Did you have fun?” he murmured into my hair.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Did you dance, drink and flirt?”

  I yawned. “Uh-huh. All of the above.”

  “But you came home?”

  “Yep. I got a few offers that didn’t interest me. I did meet a nice guy though who I really liked. He gave me his phone number.”

  “Give it to me. I want to rip it up.”

  “No! He was so sweet. His name’s Will. He’s a science teacher.”

  “Will what?”

  “You don’t need to know. You’ll just run a check on him.”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing. Are you going to ring him?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.” I yawned again. “We kissed for a while. It was lovely.”

  “I’m jealous.”

  “Sure you are.” I yawned once more. It was time for bed, but I was reluctant to move. “I had to wait forever for a taxi.”

  “You should have called me. I would have picked you up.”

  “I couldn’t call you at two in the morning and ask you to pick me up. That’s just plain inconsiderate!”

  “Next time ring me and I’ll pick you up. Whatever time. I don’t mind.”

  I looked up at him. “You’re so sweet.”

  “I thought Will was the sweet one.”

  “You are too.” Silence for a moment. I enjoyed listening to his heart beating. “I got into a fight in the taxi queue.”

  His sigh was long-suffering. “You didn’t capsicum spray anyone, did you? Please say you didn’t.”

  “Of course I didn’t! It wouldn’t fit into my handbag. Anyway, it wasn’t my fault. This jerk tried to push in. I told him to get to the back of the queue and he pushed me over. I landed on my butt. It was very undignified and I hurt my ankle.”

  He grabbed my legs, pulling them onto his lap. “Which one?”

  “Left.” He prodded and twisted it gently.

  “It’ll be okay if you rest it for the day.” He grasped my chin in his hand. “I would feel better if I knew you could protect yourself. Clive’s right – you’re a real trouble-magnet. I’ve never met anyone like you. When everything’s healed, I want you to do the security and self-defence courses. Get your licence as a security officer.”

  I sat up with excitement. “Really? I would love to do that.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll really be able to kick people’s butts then.”

  He shook his head with exasperation. I’m not sure what happened after that. I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek in thanks, but he turned his head at the last second, and instead I found my lips touching his.

  Dangerous.

  The kiss started tentatively, a quick brush of his lips against mine, becoming harder and more insistent each time his lips returned. His eyes were staring down into mine with an intensity I’d never experienced. I parted my lips and our tongues met, hesitantly at first, then more urgently. He moved one of his hands languorously up my back and buried it in my hair. He bowed his head and kissed the base of my neck, my skin tingling as he traced a trail of soft kisses up my neck, over my chin and back to my lips, his tongue flicking out again. Every nerve in my body was on full alert, my nipples hard, a throbbing heat building inside. He brushed one of my nipples with his fingers and I couldn’t suppress a low moan of pleasure. God! It had been such a long time for me. And what an amazing drought-breaker he would be.

  He pressed me back onto the lounge. I wrapped my arms around him, revelling in the hardness of his shoulder muscles through his shirt as he pushed my legs apart with his knee. We kissed again, more deeply, and he slid his hand under my top to cup my breast, rubbing his thumb gently against my nipple. His other arm reached around behind me and pressed my hips closer to his. I could feel the rigidity of his erection through our jeans, and was very interested in exploring it with greater attention in the immediate future. I wrapped my legs around him so he could press it up even closer to me. He moved it against me in a very suggestive way that made my eyes roll back in my head with pleasure. Oh boy, if only he was doing that while we were naked!

  He leaned towards my ear and pleaded, his hot breath tickling me. “Sleep with me tonight, Matilda. Please. I’m desperate for you.”

  Just then though, the image of Heller fucking the tanned blonde woman with the red nails flashed unbidden into my head again. I struggled against him, pushing him backwards. He let me go and sat up, utter bewilderment across his face. He probably wasn’t used to being rejected.

  I sat next to him and took a deep and shaky breath. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “I think it’s the best idea I’ve had in years.” He ran his hand up my arm and leaned over to kiss me on the lips again. Once more, I pushed him away.

  “Well, I don’t. For one thing I’m quite pissed at the moment and I don’t want to make that kind of important decision when I’m not sober. Secondly, you’re my boss. Sleeping with you would affect our professional relationship. It would be too intense – it would get emotional. No, scrub that. I mean that I would get emotional. I hate one-night stands. I always feel cheap and dirty the next day. I just can’t be as detached as you. I can’t be so casual about sex.”

  “Who said it would be casual or a one-night stand?”

  “Do you ever have any other kind of sex?”

  He hesitated. “No.”

  “Heller, please. I don’t want to be another notch on your bedhead. I love my job and I want to keep working for you. Sleeping with you would make that difficult.”

  He sighed in regret, running his fingers through his spiky hair, then cupped his hands around my face and kissed me slowly and sweetly. “Okay Matilda, the big bad wolf will let you go this time. But next time you might not be so lucky.”

  God, I better not let there be a next time, I thought frantically. My will power was fading fast.

  Later in bed, after he had left, I wondered if Heller was as frustrated as me or whether he had already carelessly shrugged off his disappointment.

  Chapter 23

  I slept until noon and roused slowly and groggily to find Niq looking down at me. I blinked and groaned. “Niq, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to just come into my flat.”

  “I wanted to make sure you got home safely.” He stared at me. “You look scary,” he remarked rudely. I swatted him away and rolled out of bed, cautiously testing my sore ankle. It wasn’t too bad. Heller was probably right – with a bit of rest it would be fine by tomorrow. I went into the bathroom and peered at myself in the mirror.

  Niq hadn’t been joking! I was an absolute fright. My eye makeup had smeared everywhere, giving me the appearance of an evil panda. My hair was completely flat on one side and tangled and sticking out creatively on the other. I had pillow creases on my face. I was still wearing the clothes I had on last night and everything stank like cigarettes and booze. I spent the day righting the wrongs of the night by showering, shampooing, washing, drinking litres of water and popping some paracetamol and vitamins.

  I forced Niq to run errands for me while I rested my ankle and we spent the afternoon watching DVDs. Daniel popped in for a while, but I didn’t see or speak to Heller all day. That was fine by me, as I was feeling a bit awkward after the night before. I didn’t ring Will, but I thought
about it during the day. I didn’t want to seem too keen, but wasn’t completely sure I wanted to ring either. I went to bed very early that night.

  Next morning I woke at dawn and decided to hit the gym. I hadn’t visited for a while due to my injuries, but my bruises were virtually gone, my ankle was fine and I thought I could handle the treadmill at least. I grabbed my new iPod that Niq had thoughtfully loaded up with all of his favourite emo, Goth and punk bands, even though I’d asked him to put my favourite music on it. It was sure to be an interesting selection.

  I was walking down the stairs when I met Heller walking up. He was dressed in his usual ‘out on the prowl’ gear – black jeans, a beautiful midnight blue shirt, pointed black shoes. He was carrying his leather jacket. I stopped when I saw him. He looked tired, struggling to walk up the stairs, but had that unmistakable look of fulfilment on his face, his eyes soft. He paused for a second when he noticed me, then continued to climb the stairs, drawing parallel with me. I caught a whiff of perfume and alcohol from his skin.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Matilda,” he warned, and continued slowly trudging up the stairs. I turned to watch him in silence until he disappeared from view. He didn’t glance back.

  I pushed myself on the treadmill, hoping to banish the mental images that were now crowding my mind, trying to convince myself that it was not my business what Heller was up to in his time off. I managed to get up to running speed listening to Green Day for forty minutes, despite my protesting muscles. Exhausted, I went back upstairs, showered and made myself a hearty breakfast of omelette and toast.

  I rang Dixie as soon as I thought there was the slightest chance that she would be awake. She was groggy until I told her what had happened the night before last.

  “Are you shitting me?” she exploded. “You said no? You turned Heller down? Tilly, are you insane? You said no to the best fuck you are probably ever going to get in your entire life? Oh man, you are so stupid.”

  “It would only make everything complicated and intense.”

  “Hey, do you reckon he’s still horny, cause you can send him my way if he is. I bloody well wouldn’t say no to a piece of that! Ever!”

  “I think he sorted it out for himself already,” I said and told her my suspicions.

  She laughed. “What a dirty dog he is! That’s what happens when you don’t put out, Tilly. They go find someone else. There’s always someone else, especially for someone as hot as him.”

  “You know Dixie, you are such a comfort to me at times like this,” I said sarcastically. “And anyway it really pisses me off that he just waltzes off and gets laid, like nothing happened.”

  “You need to do the same. Ring that Will guy. Get some action, Tils,” she advised.

  “I don’t know if I want to,” I complained and could almost hear her rolling her eyes down the line. We rang off.

  I chose my clothes carefully that morning. Heller had told me that we were going to meet a potential new client and I wanted to look my professional best. I waited for him in the office and grew anxious when he didn’t appear. We had to leave in ten minutes or we would be late for the appointment. It was another well-paying assignment and it wouldn’t be smart to keep the client waiting.

  “Daniel, I don’t know where Heller is. We have to meet a new client. Should I go up and check on him?” We agreed to go together.

  Daniel knocked on his door. No answer. He tried again. We listened, but couldn’t hear anything stirring. Daniel pounded on the door. We waited half a minute, but still nothing. Daniel took out his swipe card and opened Heller’s door. It was quiet and cool in his flat. We could hear a strange noise coming from his bedroom and reluctantly walked towards that door.

  “You better go in,” I suggested, in case Heller was doing something embarrassing. Daniel opened the door and disappeared. He came back out again, uncertainty on his face.

  “I think he might be sick. What do you think?”

  I walked into the room and saw Heller sprawled on his back across his bed, still wearing his clothes from the previous night. He was dead to the world, snoring like a champion, a miasma of alcohol fumes around his head. I noticed he had several hickeys on his neck.

  I looked up at Daniel and said in astonishment, “He’s plastered!”

  “No way!”

  I grabbed his shoulder and shook it roughly. “Heller! Wake up.” He half-opened one eye, tried to focus, groaned loudly and rolled away from me onto his side. I tried to shake him awake again, but it was no good. He was a write-off.

  “Daniel, take off his shoes and jeans if you can. Try to get him to drink some water and have some paracetamol and let him sleep it off. He’s going to have a bitch of a hangover later. Let’s keep this to ourselves too. I don’t think he’d appreciate anyone knowing. Now I’m going to this appointment myself. I’m sure I’ll be okay.” I patted him on the back and took off down the stairs. I met Sid walking up the stairs and had a bright idea.

  “Sid, Heller’s a bit, er, busy at the moment and we’re supposed to be meeting a new client. Would you mind coming with me? I’ll do all the talking.”

  Sid readily agreed and we jumped in a fleet vehicle, noting that Heller’s 4WD was parked at a very unusual angle. He must have driven home last night. What an idiot! I thought angrily.

  After our interview with the potential new client, I was gratified when the assignment was offered to us. It was some ongoing surveillance at a major building site that would provide a decent stream of income for the next couple of years. It was fortunate that I had taken Sid with me because he was able to answer some of the technical questions that would have had me floundering. There’s only so much a nice cleavage can do in the business world, let’s be honest. Sid drove me home and we chatted about inconsequential things. He told me a tiny bit about the surveillance side of Heller’s business, which was fascinating. Back home, I returned to the office to ask Daniel to organise the contractual paperwork to be couriered to our new client for signing.

  “How’s his lordship?” I asked in a low voice. “Have you checked on him recently?”

  “Yeah, I popped my head in about thirty minutes ago. Still snoring.” He shook his head in bewilderment. “Tilly, I just cannot believe that Heller could be drunk. It’s never happened the entire time I’ve known him and that’s over ten years. He hardly ever even has one drink, let alone enough to become drunk. And I’ve never known him to go out again so soon after just going out the other night. Something must have happened recently to unsettle him. But I can’t imagine what it could be though, because nothing unsettles Heller. Nothing.”

  I professed ignorance, but was weighed down with secret guilt. It couldn’t be my refusal to sleep with him, could it? That seemed so unlikely that I couldn’t give it any credence. He had cared so little that I had said no to him that he had gone out and found somebody else the very next night. It couldn’t be that, I was sure.

  I tried to push it out of my head, but keep chewing over it all morning. I did a little paperwork and flipped through information on some potential new assignments coming up. Dixie had sent me a photo of Mike the mechanic, fast asleep, lying spreadeagled on her tiny bed, his impressive penis flaccid between his legs. I had a quick squiz before deleting it. I checked Niq’s schoolwork and had a cup of coffee with Daniel. We chatted about food, and he expressed an interest in borrowing one of my new cookbooks and trying a simple dish himself. I was giving him some recommendations for basic starter dishes when Heller walked into the office. Daniel and I exchanged loaded glances, not daring to speak to him.

  He had obviously bathed and shaved but looked rough, his skin pasty and his eyes bloodshot. The cautious way he was moving suggested he had a massive headache. He had made no attempt to cover his hickeys. His eyes slid in our direction, but he didn’t say anything. He walked to the fridge, took out a bottle of water and went into his office.

  Daniel pinched my arm. “You go in,” he dared.

  I pinched him back ha
rder. “You go.”

  “I don’t think so. I quite enjoy living! Anyway, you’re the sweet talker in the family. Especially with him.”

  “Lily-livered lackey!”

  “Fearful flunkey!”

  “Them’s fighting words. Okay I’ll go, coward,” and sticking out my tongue at him, I walked to Heller’s office and rapped loudly and cheerfully on his door. There’s nothing guaranteed to make you feel smugger than witnessing someone else’s hangover. He winced and eyed me balefully.

  “Do you have to make so much noise, Matilda?”

  “I don’t have to, but it’s fun.”

  “I feel like I’m dying.” He leaned his forehead on his palms.

  “You’re not.” I went in and sat down, giving him a good raking over with my eyes.

  “Death seems like a very good option at the moment.”

  “You’ll feel better in a few hours.”

  “Who knows about this?”

  “Just Daniel and me. I asked him to keep it to himself.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You missed an appointment. I took Sid with me instead.”

  He cringed and rubbed his eyes. “I forgot. I’m sorry.”

  “They gave us the job. It’s a good one. A couple of years of income at least.

  He raised his tired eyes to mine. “Thank you for being so professional about everything.”

  I shrugged. “What happened last night?”

  “I can’t remember. It’s such a blur. There was a woman. Not the kind I’d normally go for; a bit rougher. I can’t even remember her name. I just remember she was very . . . demanding. I had a few drinks in the bar while I waited to pick up someone. And she mixed me more drinks in her room, and then some more and then I can’t remember much.”

  I stared at him accusingly. “Do you know that you drove home this morning?”

  He grew even paler. “No.” A long pause while he processed that information. “How stupid of me. I don’t even remember doing that.” He covered his face with his hands for a few moments. “Imagine if something had happened to me? I can’t believe I was so stupid, especially with everyone to think about.”