Lost In The Starlight

by Kiki Archer

  “Have you just got in?”

  “No, he made me pay for the meal first then took me home for a fucking before flicking me away like some fucking little flea or some shit like that.”

  “Shhhh! Honey will hear! She doesn’t like bad language.”

  Jo raised her voice even higher. “Well she can piss right off then! She’s the reason he dumped me. Said he realised he wanted someone well known, someone his rank, someone his standard, but I’m telling you now, she’s not all that. I saw her split ends in the car and her nose has definitely got a bump in it.”

  Meg glanced around the flat. Where was she? This was awful, this was horrible, this was beyond a nightmare. “She’s the love of my life and you need to stop it right now.”

  “Oooh look at you, Miss Feisty. You wouldn’t know what love was if it smacked you right in that frigid little face of yours. Me though?” Jo rubbed her chipped nails on her shoulder. “All falling at my feet. Darryl last night, told me he’d missed me. Told me he could love me. In fact, I think he even mentioned marriage.”

  “Who?”

  “Darryl! Darryl the doorman! London Town bouncer, promoted to The Muse. You seriously are so self-absorbed, Meg.”

  “Was Gavin there while this profession of love was being uttered? Maybe that’s why he dumped you.”

  “What’s with your hoity toity words? You’re Meg, just Meg, that bitch from Sleb—”

  “Jo!” Meg threw her hand to her flatmate’s mouth. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” she hissed.

  Jo started to retch. “Move it, I’m going to be sick.”

  Releasing her grip, Meg dashed around the small living space, popping her head back into her bedroom and stepping into Jo’s room just to be sure. She returned to the bathroom and hovered over the crouching blonde. “What have you said? Where has she gone? Did you wake her when you came in? What have you done, Jo?” She shook the shoulders. “For god’s sake, what have you done?”

  “Me?” The hand was clumsily wiping across the wet mouth. “You were always bound to fuck this up. Why should you get someone like her while I’m left on my own? I’m much more beautiful than you are, yet you get the job, the partner, the praise every single time you rescue me from whatever fun I’ve been having. That’s it! That’s what you are. You’re the fun police, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw.”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  Jo twisted from her knees onto her bottom, her back slumped against the toilet bowl. “You don’t deserve her.”

  “You know what, Jo? I don’t deserve this. It’s been fun but… actually no, wait… it hasn’t been fun. This is my notice. I’m moving out as soon as I can.”

  “No, you’re not! You couldn’t survive without me!”

  “Watch me.” Stalking back to her bedroom, Meg growled in frustration. Jo was clearly still drunk but enough was enough. Honey had shown her a better way, a brighter future. Slamming her bedroom door, she dropped hard onto the bed, her eyes catching a flash of colour on her white desk pad. She pulled herself back up and made her way to her work station. Reading the words, Meg crumpled in on herself, her stomach clenching, her arms reaching out for the chair in support. Scribbled in pressured writing were the words: DON’T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.

  Meg threw her hand to her mouth. She was the one now feeling sick. Flying back to the bathroom, she towered over Jo, spitting her words as she tried to hold on to her stomach. “What have you done?!”

  “She’s no good for you, smarmy little so and so. One of those people who think they’re better than anyone else.” Jo pulled her matted hair behind her ears and looked up with dark eyes. “Did you see the way she was sneering at Gavin? Who the hell does she think she is?”

  “What did you do?!”

  “People need to know what she’s really like. She’s ruined it for me, and if you leave me she’s ruined all that too.”

  “Jo!” Meg was shaking the shoulders. “What did you do?!”

  The wide eyes looked up as if she was being asked the question for the first time. “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You must have done!”

  “I know what I could do though. I know what would sort all this out.”

  Meg felt a wash of panic rise up from the pit of her stomach. Racing back into her bedroom, she flung open the desk drawer. No! The cease and desist letter was gone.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Sitting on the white lounge sofa at home in The Alderley, Honey cried into the arms of her godmother.

  “She knew too,” snapped Diana, from her position on the pouffe. “Why aren’t you batting her arms away?”

  Gerty piped up. “I didn’t know.”

  “Nor me,” added Dot.

  Liza bowed her head. “I don’t seem to know anything anymore.”

  Honey lifted her eyes and looked at the group before focusing on her mother. It was the one number she knew off by heart. A call to Diana Diamond’s personal line at Velvet Villa met with the shrill panic of any call from a child to mother at three in the morning. The whole crowd had come to get her. Gerty and Dot had jumped in on the action, strutting away from their late-night boozy poker game with the yoga boys like mafiosi summoned out on a mission. Liza, upon Diana’s insistence, was picked up en route, blame for this whole disaster still lying flat at her door. But with exact location instructions from Honey’s security, the seek and retrieve operation wasn’t, in fact, that dramatic at all.

  Diana snapped at the PA. “Why weren’t you there?”

  Liza rubbed her eyes. “We’ve been over this. It was a double date. Honey can’t take her PA on a double date.”

  “You should have taken Svetty then. Made it a sixsome.”

  The voice was quiet. “Svetty’s not talking to me.”

  “Oooh, why?” queried Dot.

  “Go on, why?” added Gerty.

  Liza squashed further into her corner of the white sofa. “I asked for a free massage. She said I was taking liberties. She called it the taking of the joke, or was it the taking of the pissing? Anyway, it had me questioning exactly what I’d been paying for, or what Diana had been paying for, or whoever’s been paying to keep me happy.”

  Honey interrupted the wallowing. “This is about me! Not any of you lot! I’ve no clue why you’re all here!”

  “You were alone,” said Diana, “in Clapham of all places, at three in the morning. What sort of woman would leave you so vulnerable?”

  “I phoned from her house phone. I wasn’t out on the streets.”

  “But you could have been! Who does that to a Diamond?”

  Gerty nodded. “Someone who spills secrets on the internet it would seem.”

  Honey wiped her eyes, the pain too much to bear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You said you liked her.” Diana dared to edge off the pouffe and reach out to give Honey’s thigh a reassuring squeeze. “You seemed really happy.”

  “Sit back down, Mother. You should have exposed her. It’s not like you. You never let anyone get one up on a Diamond.”

  Diana shrugged. “We all make mistakes,” she straightened her position and nodded, “but it’s out in the open now, so let’s pour some sherries and head down to the spa. What time’s your flight, darling?”

  Liza answered first. “It’s not till this afternoon.”

  “I’m not going.”

  Yanking on her collar, Diana growled at her daughter. “Oh yes you are. The reins are back on.” She clapped at the PA. “Liza, get hold of the reins. Everything worked perfectly before.” She waited until Liza was in a more upright rein-holding position before giving the thumbs up to all parties. “Things will be back on track before we all know it.”

  “I don’t want things back on track and for goodness sake, Mother, put your thumbs down.”

  Sofia spoke softly. “What do you want, dear?”

  Dropping her head back into the comforting arms, Honey sniffed. “I want Meg.” She lifted her eyes and looked for the
answers. “Why didn’t you tell me, Sofia?”

  The old woman sighed. “I liked her. I liked that you liked her. The site went down. It was a sin of the past.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  “Meg? How could she?”

  Diana turned on her heels. “Right. Who’s for some Croft Original? I’ll phone the spa, let them know we’re coming.”

  “Mother, please.”

  “What?” Diana turned at the sound of the house phone. “That’s probably them now. We’ve been here four hours already without so much as a call to the restaurant for late night snacks and they’re very good here at pre-empting the wants of you residents. Word’s probably filtered through that we’re on the block. In fact, I’m quite interested to see if there are any plots available. I could definitely envisage myself living somewhere like this.”

  “Mother! Just answer the phone!”

  Diana Diamond lifted the receiver and paused. “Who? No. Never. I don’t care what she says. Put her on the watch list. If she returns contact the police.”

  Honey jumped from the sofa. “Is it Meg?”

  Diana turned her back on her daughter. “Yes. Honey’s right here. No, she doesn’t want to see her.”

  “I do!” she screamed, knowing in that moment she could forgive her. The shock had been awful, as if her insides were unravelling around her, but the call to her mother and subsequent pick up by the old age posse and strangling PA only worked to soften the blow and confirm everything she’d disliked about her life to date, and everything that Meg, in her innocent normality, had washed away. Meg was flawed, obviously so, and, yes, it would take a tremendous amount of explaining to even come close to a genuine understanding of how she could do what she’d done, but she wanted to hear it. Shouting again, Honey confirmed she wanted to hear it.

  Diana Diamond put down the phone and turned to her daughter. “You, my girl, need a check-up from the neck up.”

  “Oooh, me too,” said Gerty. “Liza, could you give Svetty a ring?”

  “I told you, we’re not talking.”

  “Kuntse then. She was a bit out there in that double massage, but I think I quite liked it.”

  Honey waved away the chatter. “Ladies, I need you to leave.” Catching sight of her reflection in the window, she used her fingers to straighten her hair and her thumbs to wipe away the smudged make-up. “I want to do this by myself.”

  “We’ll be in the kitchen,” said Diana. “We’re not leaving you alone with that beast.”

  “But you did leave me alone, Mother! You knew what she’d done and you let me keep seeing her!”

  “As if I could stop you.”

  “Of course you could stop me! You’ve always stopped me! You’ve stopped me from living a life.”

  “She’s very tired,” whispered Diana to the rest of room, before announcing more loudly, “Liza, ring Svetty. Honey needs something deep.”

  “I can recommend Kuntse’s deep feet treat,” said Dot.

  “Go!” shouted Honey, “all of you!” She reached for her godmother’s hand. “Not you, Sofia. I want you with me.”

  “Sofia knew too!” cried Diana once more.

  Honey kept her stare chilly and waited for the troupe to shuffle out of the room, forcefully shaking her head each time one of them turned to question her demand. “That’s it. Out you all go.” She waited for the lounge door to close before falling back onto the sofa and questioning her choice. Meg was there, at the gates, pleading for entry. She’d obviously woken up, seen the note and sped round as soon as she could. At least she wasn’t hiding. At least she wanted to confront what she’d done. Maybe it was Jo? The letter didn’t say for sure and her mother had been very mixed with her message, first saying it was a total travesty what the site had embodied, then claiming it wasn’t a big enough deal to stop the culprit from dating her daughter. Maybe Meg did the tech side of things? Surely she couldn’t have written those mean words or posted those cryptic yet catty remarks, could she?

  Snuggling back into Sofia’s shoulder, Honey thought of all the things that hadn’t made sense. The way Meg didn’t want to talk to Jackie Laurent on the green the first day of their meeting, even though Jackie was wholeheartedly positive about the wonderful Miss Rutherton. Margaret Rutherton. Maybe she had a double life? A split personality? Margaret publicly writing positive things so the world would praise her, while Meg privately spilled the not so positive truth. Honey shook her head. Didn’t everyone do that to some extent? Telling someone they looked lovely when actually they didn’t? Praising a new haircut even though it looked worse? Honey shook her head again. Yes, people told those sorts of lies, but not all went on to sneer with friends behind backs. She shook her head again. And these people weren’t even Meg’s rivals. Meg had no reason to bring any of them down.

  “Talk to me,” said Sofia. “I see you answering your own questions in there.” She kissed the top of the head and lifted her hand to Honey’s chest. “But feel what your heart’s singing instead.” She smiled. “Because hearts do sing, Honey. They don’t talk or question, they sing. And their song is the truth.”

  Honey sighed. “The Laurents’ nanny. The one you said was flirting with Tony the handyman. Was she flirting with Louis as well?”

  “Louis Laurent?” Sofia laughed. “Full on affair if the talk at the hub’s anything to go by.”

  “And me? Was I hiding my sexuality?”

  “You were never asked outright.”

  “So I was lying by omission?”

  “No, you were… Honey, you were just very innocent.”

  “I was managed, and Meg was right. Her comments. The secrets on that site. They weren’t lies.”

  “They were fishing with a very wide net, dear, but even so it still doesn’t answer her motive.”

  Honey nodded. “So that’s what I’ll ask her.”

  “And you’re sure you want me here?”

  “Sofia, you’re the only person I trust.” Honey sighed. “And I know you have loyalties to my mother, but I’ve never questioned your motives.” She smiled. “We have so much history together, I know I always come first.”

  “You do, dear.” The hug was soft yet supportive. “And I’ll always be right by your side.”

  ****

  On hearing the doorbell, Honey pushed her godmother off the sofa. The crowd of women were definitely still in the house as she could hear them clattering around in the kitchen, finding some early morning aperitifs or late night tipples, whichever way they chose to look at it, and if Sofia didn’t get to the door quickly enough one of the others would open it first. Maybe she should let Meg feel the full force of her mother? Or maybe Gerty and Dot could give her a mouthful? Honey sat more upright. No, she didn’t want to be mean. She wanted to understand, because at the moment none of this made any sense whatsoever. She would stay seated. She would stay calm. She would ask the questions and listen to the answers. She wouldn’t let her emotions overwhelm her and she certainly wouldn’t let Meg off the hook.

  Lifting her eyes, she tracked the lounge door as it opened, Meg entering first with Sofia her shadow. “Oh Meg,” she cried, unable to stop herself from racing towards the woman who was now standing still with a plastic carrier bag hanging from each hand. “What have you done?”

  The shoulders lifted, drawing attention by consequence to the two heavy bags. “I’ve brought round your meatballs. The Ikea Köttbullar ones. I went back after our visit. They’ve been in my freezer for ages. I’ve been saving them for a special occasion.”

  “And you think this is it?”

  “You said you never wanted to see me again. I thought I’d better bring them round really quickly as you did seem to enjoy them.”

  Honey noticed Sofia’s smile before turning back to Meg. “Is this a joke?”

  “No, I just…” The voice tailed off before the bags were rested onto the carpet. “I just didn’t know what to do, and then I thought of all the things I’d never be able to do,” she shrugge
d, “cooking you these meatballs being one of them.”

  Honey leaned forward and peeped into a carrier. “Four packs?”

  “In each bag.”

  “Cook from frozen?”

  Meg nodded. “But I know you don’t want to see me so I’d better head off.”

  “Don’t you want to explain?”

  The shoulders turned quickly. “Honey, all I’ve ever wanted to do was explain. I’m a fool. I’m a foolish fool. I had no clue what to do. You opened the door on the morning of the interview and I knew I was wrong. I’ve always known I was wrong, and now you’ve seen the letter so it’s all over I guess.”

  “Why did you do it?”

  “I don’t know. It was just something to do. Sounds so ridiculous now, but I didn’t make money, I didn’t want fame. I just wanted to call people out on their behaviour.”

  “Why? What gives you that right?”

  “I don’t know. I could try and cite a nasty come-on from a famous sleazeball as the trigger, or my frustrations at seeing so many lies in the celebrity world. Models famous for body-shaming other women yet denying their latest surgical enhancement. I don’t know. I just saw injustice and I felt it was okay to call it. But I know I had no right regardless of my frustrations.”

  “Exactly, you had no right. You didn’t know these people. You didn’t know me.”

  “But the minute I did know you, I knew I was wrong.”

  “Wrong for doing what?”

  “Publicly discussing you. You didn’t pursue the press. You didn’t crave the attention. I was gossiping without reason.”

  “Why?”

  Meg shrugged. “Sometimes we just don’t have the answers for our behaviour.”

  “That’s it?”

  “I could try and justify my actions or I could just say I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

  Sofia stepped between the meatballs. “Don’t you want to sit down?”

  “No,” said both, freed somehow by this face to face standoff.

  Meg spoke first. “This was me. This was all me.”