by Lara Swann
“And I’ll be the first to say ‘I told you so’ - or my haunting ghost will, anyway.”
“You don’t think you’d stick around to say it in person?”
“To ninety?” She laughs. “Hell no. I’ve got none of those nice life-extending wholesome ‘family’ and ‘meaningful work’ things you’ve got going on. Me, I’m going to live fast and die young.”
I shoot her a look, and there’s something in her expression that isn’t quite as playful as her words.
“That’s a pretty defeatist attitude - you’ve got years—”
“Maybe it’s what I want.” She shoots back, which shuts me up long enough for us to lapse into silence.
When she finally looks back at me, it’s with a softer, more contemplative expression.
“But, Ava…you are going to keep the baby, though? Even if you aren’t sure about all this yet?” She waves her hand around us to indicate this, and I bite my lip.
After a moment, I slowly nod. It’s not something I’ve quite said out loud yet - Damien hasn’t asked again - but somewhere along the way, the possibility of doing anything else has gradually narrowed until…it doesn’t exist at all. Somehow, within a week, Damien has changed everything. My life. My mindset. My future.
Just like you wished he would.
“I don’t know exactly how things are going to go between Damien and I.” I say slowly. “But I want my baby. I have from the beginning. And even if it doesn’t work out quite this well, there’s enough here that makes me think we’ll figure it out somehow.”
I’m not quite sure about that how yet, but for once I’m willing to take enough of a leap to just wait and see. Besides, after Damien announced his intention to adopt our baby…well, trying to do anything else just started to seem pointless.
Vicki smiles at me, her expression almost beaming.
“I’m glad, Ava. Really, I am. I don’t think it would have been as easy as you think.”
I didn’t think it would have been easy at all.
But I don’t say that.
“It feels a bit like cheating, you know.” I look around again, shaking my head.
“What?” Vicki stares at me.
“I don’t know, just…a few weeks ago I had nothing and now all of a sudden - I have all this? Things are easy? Just like that? Seems somehow…like I’ve cheated - like life isn’t supposed to work that way.”
“Ava.” Vicki says, her voice firm. “That is absolutely not how life works - and not something to even think about. Life is always unfair - if it’s unfair to your advantage for once, for god’s sake, don’t ask questions! Embrace it, girl.”
I laugh at the outraged expression on her face. “Yeah, yeah I know that. I just…”
I trail off. I’m not sure I can really explain it in a way Vicki could understand. I mean, she’s right, it is a stupid way to feel.
But, you know, I never claimed not to be stupid.
It’s not a problem exactly, it’s just…it’s a weird feeling. Having all these problems suddenly…disappear. Without doing anything - no striving, or struggling, or pain, or difficulty.
I shake my head.
“It just doesn’t feel real.” I finally say, again. I think I’ll be repeating that for a while. Maybe even forever.
“The best relationships should feel like impossible good fortune.” Vicki points out. “That’s always how it works in movies.”
I laugh again. “Okay, you have a point.”
Maybe I can take that.
She nods haughtily, before the act fades after a few moments and she looks back at me in consideration.
“You are hopeful, though, about you and Damien?” She asks, with enough wistfulness in her voice for both of us.
“Yes.” I say, and it comes out softly. “Yes, I am.”
I don’t even hesitate - I don’t think I could. As hard as this might be to believe, when I’m with him, everything just feels…right. I don’t question things nearly so much, then. And it’s impossible not to believe everything he says, all those good intentions…
Vicki’s laugh distracts me, and I glance up.
“Yep, okay, that’s my answer. Girl, you have it bad.”
I blush. “What?”
“Away with the fairies, just like that. He must really be something special, huh?” She says, then rolls her eyes and looks around. “Okay, well, I already know that - but it’s good to know it’s not just the apartment that’s holding your interest.”
“Vicki.” I scowl at her. “I’m not like that.”
“No, of course not. But I mean, c’mon, it’s at least a tiny bit the apartment, right?”
I laugh again, giving up. Sometimes it’s hard to convince Vicki that the way she’s feeling right now isn’t the way everyone else feels - and she really likes this apartment. I do too, but…that’s definitely not what I’m thinking about when I think about Damien.
“Do you think you’d get to keep this place if it didn’t work out between you?” She continues, grinning as she looks around again. “I guess that’s too much to hope, right?”
“Who knows?” I shake my head, laughing a little. “For once, I’m not going to worry about it. I’ll deal with that if it happens - and until then, I’ll enjoy it however long it lasts.”
Vicki looks back at me, seeming both surprised and pleased.
“Well, I’ll drink to that. Ooh, we need to celebrate this.”
She jumps up off the couch, almost bouncing back to the kitchen as I smile to myself, watching her start searching the fancy-looking appliances.
Yeah, I’ll enjoy this while it lasts.
For a moment there, I wasn’t sure I was going to. I wasn’t sure I could deal with accepting something like this - with ‘cheating’ life like that, or…I don’t know, owing Damien so much, maybe.
It helps that it’s probably mostly for our baby, and I can’t imagine ever refusing something that’s for my little one, but even so…this is a lot. I’m still not sure I entirely know how to deal with it - that’s part of the reason for having Vicki here right now, so that I can be so distracted by her reaction I don’t have to think about my own too much - but…the temptation was too much.
I’ve spent a long time living between my parents’ and Vicki’s place now and that week in New York was enough to show me how much I’ve missed my own space. The thought of having that again, even if it is only for a little while, well…I couldn’t help it. I threw myself into Damien’s offer.
The idea of it still thrills me. He, or they, or someone has decorated this place very nicely, but…that doesn’t mean I can’t change whatever I want. I can make anything I like of this place. It feels like something of mine - and it feels like a very long time since I’ve had that. I’m not sure Damien quite knew what he was giving me when he did this…but I do. I can feel the excitement still thrumming within me.
“Hey, Ava.” Vicki calls over her shoulder. “You are still going to come visit me, right?”
I blink, looking back over to the kitchen, where Vicki seems to be getting more exasperated with each cupboard she tries. I twist my feet off the couch and walk over to help her out.
“What?”
“You’re not just going to disappear, hm? I’ve liked having you around, you know. I still want to come home to trash TV and movie nights sometimes, girl.”
“Yeah, of course.” I say, confused.
She throws me a briefly skeptical look. “I’m just saying, last time you got into a relationship, I didn’t see you for months at a time.”
“I was in a different city, Vicki.” I say lightly, amused.
“Not at first you weren’t.” She mutters, then shakes her head, turning around to face me fully, folding her arms. “You’ll still come by?”
“I’ll still see you all the time.” I say, firmly now, and step forward to pull her into a hug. “I love your place, Vicki. And, hey, we can have movie nights here too, now.”
I’m quite excited at the i
dea of being able to host.
That makes her smile slowly at me.
“Oh yeah, that’ll be cool. This’ll be a perfect party house!”
“Ah, Vicki…”
I pause before pointing out that partying isn’t quite my first thought…and reminding her I’m pregnant.
“Though not right now it isn’t.” She says, rolling her eyes in the direction of the kitchen. “I couldn’t find a drop of alcohol. No champagne, or wine, or anything! It might look high-class, but I’m telling you, there are certain fundamentals—”
“Well, I am pregnant, Vicki.” I say, laughing.
“Sure, but I’m not - and I tell you, it’ll be a long time before I start toasting with orange juice, girl.”
“Well, maybe—”
The sound of a key in the door interrupts us and we both glance over at the same time. Stupidly, I find heat starting to rise into my cheeks - which isn’t helped by the way Vicki is suddenly looking at me.
“Ooohhh…is that him?” She stage-whispers to me.
“Yeah.” I mutter. “Shut up.”
The morning after he showed me the place, he offered me both the keys - and in an impulsive gesture, I’d told him to keep one. I’m not exactly sure why, but despite all my excitement at having an independent place of my own…some part of me likes the idea of him being able to stop by when he wants - sharing that much with him.
“Hey.” He calls out, even before he’s fully opened the door.
“Hey!” Vicki says back, with her usual enthusiasm, and he stops just inside the doorway, looking over at us.
I have to stop myself from smiling.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I was interrupting—”
“It’s fine.” I say with a smile, gesturing him over. “Damien, this is my best friend, Vicki. And vice versa.”
Vicki is already obviously looking him over, her eyes running up and down his body as she shoots me totally obvious looks of approval.
Damien’s mouth curves into a small smirk and he raises an eyebrow at her. “Like what you see?”
Vicki, not one to be the slightest bit ashamed at being called out, grins back easily.
“Oh, yes. I can see why Ava likes you. Well, between that and this place here at least…”
I, on the other hand, want to bury my face in my hands at the sudden wave of mortification. I’m used to Vicki’s comments, but even so…it doesn’t stop the twinge of embarrassment that goes along with them.
Damien just laughs. “I’m glad you approve.”
“You should be, my approval isn’t so easy to come by.” She smirks. “It’s good to meet you at last though - with everything I’ve heard already, it feels like it’s been a long time coming.”
Oh my god, and it just gets worse. Stop, Vicki. Just stop.
Damien glances at me, obviously amused, and I know I’m bright red.
I also know he can’t say the same thing about Vicki at all - I’m pretty sure I’ve only talked about her in offhand comments, if at all. She can just be a little hard to mention without…context…that’s all.
“Well, I think I’m looking forward to getting to know you already.” He says, smiling at her with that sexy look he gets when he’s amused, something I’m not even sure he’s aware of.
Whether it’s deliberate or not, it works on Vicki - that and his willingness to give her the attention she loves - and I have to stop myself from laughing as I see the way she almost melts.
“Ooh, this will be perfect.” She turns to look at me with a grin. “Hey, Ava, maybe we can do the double date thing? I mean, I’m not dating anyone, but I’m sure I could find someone to come along so we could do that! And, hey, maybe we could—”
I roll my eyes at her, cutting her off before she can get started on all these plans.
“Vicki.” I say firmly. “We’re still not exactly being open about this whole thing yet. My job—”
“Yes, yes, yes, I know. But after that, it will be amazing. I’m telling you.” She looks back at him with a grin. “We’re going to have fun!”
I don’t point out that not so long afterward I’m going to have a newborn to care for. It’s impossible to reason with Vicki when she’s got an idea in her mind.
“Uhuh.” I say instead, non-committal.
“Anyway.” She suddenly says, looking between us again. “I should probably leave you guys to it—”
I don’t miss the suggestive glance she gives me and I fight the urge to roll my eyes at her again.
“I was the one that interrupted—” Damien starts, but she shakes her head with a shrug.
“Nah, I should probably get back anyway.”
That’s definitely a lie - I’m pretty sure she was going to stay for the rest of the evening - but I don’t mention that. When she wants to be, Vicki can be an awesome wing-woman.
She steps up closer to Damien first, though, giving him another look up and down.
“Just don’t screw over my friend.” She says. “Or I’ll screw you over.”
Vickiiiii.
I want to groan, but Damien just smiles.
“I promise, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Hey, guys, are you about done talking about me like I’m not here?” I finally grumble, and Vicki shoots me another grin.
“See you later, babe.”
I’m still shaking my head as she grabs her bag and walks out through the front door.
When I can finally meet Damien’s eyes, I’m not sure whether I’m about to burst out laughing, or spontaneously combust from embarrassment.
“So…that was Vicki.”
He laughs and finally comes closer to me - the way I wanted the instant I saw him, but couldn’t quite have in front of Vicki. He wraps his arms around me and leans down to brush his lips against mine.
“I like her.” He says with a grin, and I shake my head.
“She’s lovely, honestly, she’s just always…an experience.”
He laughs again. “That seems like a good way to describe her.”
He squeezes my shoulder though, eyes warm as they meet mine.
“I’m glad you have someone like that in your life, though, Ava - someone to look out for you.” He leans down to kiss me more deeply, our mouths joining as I sigh softly, some of the red-hot awkwardness leaving me just like that. “Someone else, that is. You’ve got me for that too now.”
I pull back so I can look at him, a small smile on my mouth.
“Please don’t say you’re going to start acting…like that.”
He laughs softly, one thumb stroking my cheek. “I think I have other ways of looking out for you in mind.”
That thought warms me even more and I press forward into his chest, my head resting against his shoulder as the feeling of being held and supported surrounds me. It still surprises me how much easier it is to just feel happy when you know there’s so much less to worry about.
“That’s what I came to talk about, actually.”
He steps back and reaches down to pick up the briefcase he brought, opening it to pull out several groups of papers and put them on the counter behind us. I can’t help myself, I laugh, stepping closer again to rest my hands on his sides.
“See? I still don’t know you at all.” I quip. “Here I thought you came by to have a good time with me…and it turns out you were thinking about paperwork.”
His hands drop down to my hips, pulling me into him for another kiss.
“Boring things first. Then we can have a good time, hm?”
I kiss him, wriggling deliberately against him as I do. I can already feel his interested response hardening against my stomach and it makes me smile wickedly. I’m not sure what he’s done to me, to bring all this out, but around him I just feel sexual in a way I’ve never known. And after having all that dry up for far too long in my last relationship, I’m determined to act on every risque impulse I have.
“Ava…” He murmurs, his voice heating.
“Yes?�
�� I say, innocently enough. “You wanted to talk about paperwork, right?”
I don’t stop moving my hips just a little against him though, and he growls in my ear. I grin. I don’t know why I seem to be constantly horny at the moment, but I figure I’ll make the most of it.
“Yes.” He finally grinds out, stepping back from me. “It’s important, Ava.”
I sigh dramatically and turn with a flourish, glancing down at the somewhat incomprehensible-looking documents. He steps up right behind me, almost pinning me to the counter, so I know he hasn’t been able to shake what I was just doing quite so easily. His lips graze my neck and I shudder slightly, my legs parting as I feel moisture start to gather there in anticipation.
Damn. Who knew I liked the idea of this position so much?
“Ava?”
“Hm?”
I have no idea what he just said.
“I’ve arranged to put you - and our baby - on my health insurance, here.” He taps one of the sets of papers. “And—”
“Wait, what?”
I spin around to face him, finding myself suddenly tucked tightly in between his chest and the counter. It’s a lovely, secure feeling, but everything I was just thinking disappears in an instant as I process what he just said.
“It’s for the best, Ava - for our baby. I have good insurance and you need that. You can’t risk having a baby without—”
“No, I know.” I interrupt, holding up a hand to stall him. “I just…I just…wait a moment.”
I blink rapidly, my stomach flip-flopping, not entirely in a bad way, as I try to process what that means. That’s the one thing I’ve still been worrying about - searching desperately for something I might be able to afford, trying to find something that would work, that would make me feel safe enough and—
“Really?” I whisper, looking up at him.
“Yes, really.” He’s looking at me as if this should be obvious. “Is something wrong?”
I bite my lip and have to fight the sudden tears that want to appear in the corner of my eyes as I shake my head.
“No…just…it’s something I’ve been worrying about since I found out, and…well…I didn’t know what to do. I can’t believe it’s just…sorted.”
He gives me a confused glance.