BloodLust (Rise of the Iliri Book 1)
Page 32
Thought you had a report due, Zep's voice whispered.
I did, too.
Below him, he watched his oldest friend look down at Sal. She glanced up but turned her eyes away from his quickly, then left, trailing her horse behind her. When she was gone, Zep looked back up.
We need to talk.
Blaec nodded, gesturing for Zep to come up, and turned inside once more. While Zep climbed the stairs, Blaec told himself that it wasn't his place to care who Sal spent her time with.
The door barely closed behind him before the dark man spoke. "I don't know what is going on with you two -"
"It's none of your business, Zep," Blaec said.
"Sorry, LT, but it is. I'm not gonna just sit here and watch you tear down their morale while you wallow in your self-pity. Either get over her or get her back, but stop dragging us all through the shit with you."
Blaec nodded, watching Zep's eyes. "I see you've taken up with her."
"Yeah, as a friend. I'm not sleeping with her if that's what you're asking."
"It's not my business anymore," Blaec reminded him.
"Like hell it isn't. C'mon, man, what the fuck is going on? You can't be that mad about Arctic kissing her."
"She told you that?"
"No. She told me you want her to be human. You screamed that in front of the entire unit."
Blaec found a chair and let his body drop into it. With a wave of his hand, he gestured to the bottles on the shelf beside him. "Might as well grab one."
"Thanks, man," Zep said, doing just that. With a full glass and the open bottle, he sank into the chair across from his commander. "So what's going on?" he asked.
"I've been commanded to arrange an assassination. I'm to give the orders as soon as the Anglian bribe is secured," Blaec said, without a trace of emotion.
"What does this have to do with you and Sal?" Zep asked.
"In Anglia," he replied.
"Oh."
"It's three months there, by horse. The mission isn't a simple slasher either. Zep," he paused. "It's a political assassination and replacement. We're to eliminate the king and replace him with a Conglomerate sympathizer."
"Ok, so that's three months there, three months back, and probably another month for the job. I can only assume you're sending Sal," Zep said, immediately understanding his line of thought.
"I'm sending both of them. And it's more than that. I need them to protect the new king. I'm going to need them to infiltrate his confidences. I need them to convince him to ally with us against Terric."
Zep tilted his glass up and drained it, refilling it before he continued, "Fuck, that's damned near an impossible mission, no wonder they wanted a Blade to do it. So, this is a long embed then. What, a year? More?"
"As long as it takes."
"And that's what this is about?" Zep brought the conversation back full circle.
"Yeah. No." Blaec shook his head, "I don't know, man. She makes me crazy, you know? When I'm around her, I stop thinking like a human. I feel her tugging at something inside me and I don't know how to control it. I watch her with Cyno. They're so at ease, and I want that -"
"Then stop pushing her away."
"I can't. I can't let her in like he does. Not with everything that's running around in here," he tapped his head, then sighed. "I told myself if she came back, I'd make it work. If she doesn't, then this is what's the best for her with what's coming."
"She won't crawl back this time. You told her she was too iliri for you. She keeps asking me how to be human."
"Yeah. I don't know how to make up for that."
"I don't think you understand. Blaec, she's torturing herself trying to be what you want. She won't come to you, because you made it clear you don't want her. She won't go to Cyno because she wants to be human." Zep shook his head. "Blaec, she can't cry, did you know that?"
Blaec looked up at him.
"Iliri eyes. They won't weep." Zep watched his commander, waiting for that to sink in. "She's not human. She chooses her meals by what a human eats, then spends the next hour vomiting because it isn't meat. She won't smile, because it'll show her teeth. She barely meets anyone's eyes at all. She's trying, but she's destined to fail."
"Damn it," Blaec swore.
"Blaec?" Zep asked, waiting until he had his full attention before continuing. "What happened? What started this? You trying to bend the future again?"
"She challenged my orders."
"Ya think?" Zep laughed ironically. "Her idea was better, and it worked."
"You asked."
"So, why is it still going on? Why haven't you just apologized to her? Is this another one of those iliri things I'm missing?"
"I'm only a half breed. Stop acting like I'm so different from you."
Zep chuckled and leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "Trust me, man. You're nothing like me. None of you are. Even Razor has it."
"Has what? Iliri breeding? We don't exactly hide it from each other."
"Nah, not that. I mean what comes with that. Damn, man. You should know by now." Zep sighed and leaned back again. "Why do you think we're so damned good? It's cuz we're iliri. Sal says I'm a freak of nature, which I take as a pretty high compliment from her. We move faster, we kill better, you all have these amazing things you can just do, and that's good and all, but that's not what it is. That's not what it is to be iliri."
"Ok, Zep. I'll bite. What is it?"
"We're a fuckin' pack, man. Trust me, the other units don't have a bond like this. Hell, not even the elites. We spend all day crawling in each other's heads and it's like we're part of the same being half the time. Haven't you wondered why I refused to be reassigned so long ago? This shit's like an addiction. I can't get it as a human, not without your help. I just keep hoping I die in the field one day so I don't ever have to retire. I don't think I could live without it. So stop being so damned ashamed of who you are and be like Sal. Embrace it. Use it. Put on a polite face in public, but with us..." Zep smiled. "We're a pack. We need an iliran leader."
"I thought that's what I'd been doing."
"Nah. You're playing politics," Zep said. "Fuck that shit, man. We're predators. Be fuckin' iliri already."
"I can't. I'm not like that," Blaec insisted.
"Well, you sure as hell aren't human," Zep told him. "Trust me. You don't wanna be, either. It ain't all it's cracked up to be."
Silence hung between them. Blaec looked at Zep, refusing the urge to stare in his eyes, even when Zep gazed into his, holding him. Finally, Blaec sighed. He leaned forward and poured himself another drink, downing half of it before refilling it.
"You felt it, right? In the link, when Sal..."
"Which part? When she embraced the fact that your iliran natures gave you the advantage? When she took our fear with her bloodlust? When she located their position by nothing more than sound? When she risked her own neck to draw the Widows into a trap that left the rest of the unit safe? Or was it when Sal drew out the beast within us, even you?"
Blaec's lip twitched. "You forgot the part where she was making out with Arctic."
Zep laughed. "Yeah, and the part where she took the pain of my healing so I wouldn't have to suffer. Human, right?"
Blaec's head snapped up. "She did what?"
"Yeah, I didn't really want to say anything, but she did it and never thought twice about it."
"Fuck," Blaec whispered.
"Thanks, but you're not really my type, man."
Blaec laughed at that. "Not quite what I meant, and you know it." He sighed. "I was pissed because she was all over Arctic. Shit. I was annoyed with it at first, but then when she challenged me? I kept thinking-" he stopped.
"Might as well spill it now. You got this far."
"I kept thinking she'd replace me."
"You're an idiot. You know that, right?"
Blaec nodded. "It's not just that. Ever since that day, you know, when Llyr was given command?"
"I remember it."
r /> "He said I needed to keep control of you all or we'd be disbanded. I don't know... It got me thinking, and it's like I notice how feral she really is now. I can feel her begging me to bite her, or how she challenges me when she's intense about something. She's..."
"Amazing?" Zep supplied. "And I think a lot of that is you, not her. Trust me, man, being around her when she's in the lust, it's pretty potent. I almost took a blade from Cyno so I didn't have to let her go. I could see how it could make you want to fall into that part of yourself."
"You could be right."
"Yeah, because Sal's still just little Sal. If anything, she's been pretty human lately. That's why it shocked me so much when you lost it on her," Zep said. "Think maybe it has more to do with the fact that she's supposed to be our leader?"
Blaec dragged his hands across his face. "You can't even say it without me getting angry about it."
"So yeah, I'm right. Now here's a big question for ya." Zep looked him in the eye. "Why Cyno?"
"I have no idea. Maybe it's because I saw it, before that first assassination. Maybe it's because I can't give her what she needs when the lust is on her?"
"So, what if she ends up in bed with me?" Zep asked softly.
"You trying?" Blaec asked.
"I dunno, man. She's not ready yet. But you know the type of girl I've always gone for."
Blaec smiled. "Yeah. Running around with skin the color most of us would kill to have, and you're bedding the palest women you can find. Guess it doesn't get much more iliri than Sal."
Zep watched Blaec's face carefully. "Yeah. She's pretty much the type of girl I've always wanted. Hell, ever since that day she got jacked, I can't really look at her the same. I don't wanna mess up anything between us, though."
Blaec shrugged. "If it happens, it happens. I screwed things up pretty bad. I guess it's best to know that she's with someone who really cares about her. You'd be good for her." He sighed. "Have to say, I thought it'd be Cyno."
Zep laughed. He didn't chuckle, he roared. Blaec looked across at his friend, trying to understand what he'd missed while Zep wiped tears from the edges of his eyes.
"Human!" Zep managed around his gasping laughs. "Oh. Oh, man. Ok. LT, you're a fucking idiot!" And he began laughing again.
"What the fuck? I missed the joke," Blaec said as Zep got control over himself.
"Sal. I love her, man, but not like you do. She's like," Zep looked at the ceiling. "She's the most honest friend I've ever had. She's pretty shitty for my love life, though. About the only way I could stick my dick in her is if she needed me to, cuz of the lust. Pretty sure there's enough people willing to volunteer that it'll never happen. That's it, man. That's the only way I'm getting in her bed. Sal's one of my brothers, that's it."
With a lost look on his face, Blaec tried to understand the conflicting smells coming from his friend. "So... why did you just ask..."
"If I could fuck her?" Zep finished, and Blaec nodded. "Because you're sitting here claiming to be all human and shit, and when I ask my alpha male's permission to a piece of the pie, he gives it, and it's ok. But if I hadn't asked, you'd'a ripped me a new one for trying to steal a taste, like you did Arctic." Zep grinned at him. "Trust me, man, that's not how it works in humans. If you were human, none of us would be allowed to touch her. Ever."
Blaec just looked at him, confusion apparent on his face.
"Seriously, man," Zep said. "When I was a kid, my best bud was gettin' it on with this girl. I had a crush on her real bad before they got together. He got tired of her and stopped seeing her and all, but wasn't anything that would make me even talk to her again. It kinda feels like if I spit on your food. You suddenly have no interest in it anymore. Same shit. That's what it's like to be human."
"Is that why you never really tried with her?"
"Yeah, kinda. I mean, I'm learning to think like you all do, now, but sometimes I just can't. That, and the fact that she thinks I taste good. That's just a bit more freaky than I want to try, but Sal and I have it worked out. We're friends. That's it." Zep smirked at Blaec. "But it does explain why you were so upset. She didn't ask first."
"For which?" Blaec was getting exasperated.
"For kissing Arctic, for taking over the mission. None of it. She didn't try to hide it, which may make it worse, I dunno. But you didn't give her to him, she did it on her own, after she already stood up to you once, and your damned human alpha-male pride kicked in. Am I right?"
"Probably." Definitely.
"Are ya still pissed about it?"
"No," Blaec replied. It was the truth. "I feel like a fucking idiot, but I'm not pissed." He sighed and tilted his head back. "Now what? I fucked up. I think I fucked up bad. How the hell do I fix this?"
Zep just smiled at him before answering. "I know you've probably never seen them, but your men are bunked down on the other side of the stables, in the south wing. Sal has a cabin there. If it was me, I'd try begging for forgiveness. You can't afford to let your pride screw this one up."
"I'll probably never find a way to repay you for this, you know. Damn it, Zep. I owe ya. If nothing else for kicking me in the ass, but I'm hoping I'll owe ya for Sal, too."
"It's all good, man. Next time I won't wait so long to see if you're gonna grow a brain." Zep smiled and pulled himself to his feet. "And your chances are pretty good, but it's not going to be pretty. She's out for a ride. You might wanna catch her when she gets back."
"What do I say?"
"Tell her she should never try to be a human," Zep said seriously. "Never, LT. You hear me?"
"I know, Zep. It's just that we have to be careful, you know?"
"No, I don't. You don't say shit when Cyno does his thing. And it's not like being polite will make Sal's skin any darker."
"I know," Blaec mumbled.
"I don't think you quite get it. Why do you train the horses the way you do?"
Blaec looked at him, confused. "We start them gently, to keep their spirit and natural movement."
"Same shit, man. You give your damned colt more respect than you do your girl." Zep shook his head and sank back into the chair. "I'm fucking disappointed in you right now, but we've been friends a long time, so I'm trying to let it go, ok?"
"What do you mean?"
"You tried to break her. You hit her where it hurt her the most, and your damned pride stopped you from sucking up. You hit her with the one thing that's been bothering her for her entire life. She's not fucking human. She can't be human, but you told her to be human. The one damned thing she can't do, and that's what you told her it would take to get you back."
"Ah, fuck," Blaec whispered, finally understanding. "Fuck."
"Yeah. And you sent away the only man who could convince her you're wrong."
"Cyno."
Zep nodded slowly. "She went four days playing human, eating only human meals, before I caught her. She collapsed shortly after. I spent last night making sure she ate and slept, terrified she'd stop breathing in the middle of the night. I'm not fucking around, LT. If you want to kill her, there's easier ways."
"I never thought – "
"No," Zep interrupted, "you didn't. Your own amma was iliran. You should fucking know better."
"Yeah," Blaec said, grabbing the bottle and topping off their glasses. "I've been around humans too long, I think."
"When did you start hating what you are?" Zep took a long drink, but watched LT over the top of his glass.
"I don't!"
"Then why do you keep trying to hide it?"
"Because they'd split us up, disband the Blades, and put us back in blues. You know what that would be like for them?"
Zep shrugged that away, but waited for the rest.
"That's it. This is our family, our little haven. We're damned good, but we're still hiding from them."
"What can they really do to us, LT?"
"I just said..."
"And if they put Cyno in blue? What do you think would happen? Risk? Arctic
? Razor? Hell, even Shift!"
"They'd defect," Blaec whispered.
"And I'd be right there with them."
Blaec laughed and tilted his glass. "You'd just get reassigned into another unit."
"Doesn't mean I'd stay. We're a fucking pack. We leave when we die."
"Where would we go, Zep? Really. Where would eight rogue iliri go?"
"Unavi Rebellion? Myrosica? Hell, most of ya could probably get into Viraenova."
"You're serious?"
Zep nodded. "I'm not the only one that thinks it, either. You have what you need. It's time to make them respect what you are."
Blaec set his glass carefully on the table and looked up at his friend. "It's been twelve years, Zep. Twelve long fucking years. I remember what you were like back then. Never thought I'd see the day when you're more iliran than me."
Chapter 46
Sal kept her ears folded close to her head, protected from the wind. Standing in the irons, her calves against the mare's side, she watched the ground rush past, her cheek close to Arden's neck. Sounds faded under the pounding of hooves and scents mingled into a familiar taste of nature. Cantering across the rolling hills, her senses no longer trapped her in her misery.
When they reached the valley, Sal pulled Arden in, bringing her to an easy walk and giving her the reins with a slap on the neck. Leaning back in the saddle, she felt her muscles stretch. Spring was fading into summer and the flowers were withering on their stalks. The trees above them whispered in the breeze, taunting Sal with the things she didn't understand. She couldn't make her mind stop. She couldn't just relax. Her thoughts were torturing her, trying to find the answer to a problem she couldn't fix.
"I can't be human," she whispered to her mare, leaning over to hug her neck. "I tried. It just doesn't work that way."
Before she became a Black Blade, Sal had learned to submit to the authority of humans. She'd been trained from an early age to ignore her aggressive urges, but with the Blades that was rarely an option. She couldn't stand quietly while her friends died around her. She couldn't refuse to use her teeth if it meant making the kill. Blaec appreciated her iliran abilities when she used them for assassinations, but not when she used it in typical combat?