by Sara Daniell
“Do you really hate people as much as you act like you do?” I asked as we walked.
“Yes and no. I put off a meaner side to try and stop things from being said to me.” He kept his eyes straight ahead. “I expect a lot out of my workers, but I try to be nice. I just don’t do well will laziness.”
“That makes sense. I guess I’m not a very nice person either. I tend to shut out everyone except my teammates and anyone I allow in. Everyone else I ignore or don’t have patience for. Maybe that’s why you and I get along so well.”
He smiled a little. “Probably. Hales?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you’ve heard and will probably hear more about my past, but I wanted you to know I haven’t been with anyone for five years.”
I stopped walking and looked up at him, appreciating the way the moonlight lit up his eyes. “I fully plan on keeping your past where it belongs, Zach. In the past. What happened then doesn’t matter now. If I get mad, I will only get mad at how people judge you.”
“Thank you.” He looked relieved. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
I smiled, and we started walking again. “Can I ask you something that you seem to avoid talking about though?”
He nodded and gave my hand a squeeze. “Go ahead.”
“Coach. I see how worried you are about him, but I feel like there’s so much you want to say and don’t. I want you to know that I’m here for you, and if you need to talk, don’t think for a second I don’t want to listen because I do.”
“It’s hard for me to talk about. I guess a part of me holds back because if I say what’s going on it makes it more real.”
At that moment, as I looked up at him, I realized how much he had to carry for his family. He took care of everyone and listened to his family talk, but he didn’t talk to anyone about what was going on in his head.
“But it is real, and I’m just worried if you bottle it all up, you’re going to explode. You have to do what works for you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m here. You can talk to me about anything without being judged.”
We came to the edge of the trees that connected to my yard, and Zach stopped walking. “I’m scared, Hales. The cancer is bad. Worse than we tell everyone. I’m scared I’m going to lose my brother.”
I sighed heavily. I had a feeling it was. I looked down at my solid white converse and took both of his hands in mine. I looked up at him and smiled bravely.
“And if that happens, I’m here for you.”
He nodded then kissed me. “Thank you, Hales.”
“One more question before I go home.”
“Yeah?”
“Is it hard for you to keep us a secret? Are you scared of what is going to happen when people do find out?” I laughed. “Okay, that was two questions.”
“Yes, it’s hard to keep us a secret but not because I’m scared of what’s going to happen or what people are going to say. I could care less about that. Well, everyone but Elliot.”
“Maybe we should tell him.” The face he gave me told me he wasn’t ready for that yet. “Okay, so we wait and see if we make it longer and then we tell him?”
He smiled. “I want him to know, but I’m nervous about how he’ll react. I don’t want him telling your parents and you getting in trouble.” He kissed my lips one more time. “Go get some sleep. We can talk about this more tomorrow.”
I nodded then headed inside to, hopefully, get some much-needed sleep.
School was worse than it was yesterday. Everyone was mad at Dane and me for screwing up practice. I looked down at my food and smiled when Gabe told me I looked nice.
“You look nice today too, Gabe.”
“We’re taking a poll,” Gabe said as he secretly handed me half of his chocolate chip cookie.
“Okay, what kind of poll?” I asked as I set it down next to my turkey wrap.
“What is it about Zach Shaw that girls find so amazing?”
I froze. Did they know? Surely not. I swallowed hard and shrugged.
“He’s hot, I guess.”
“Well it’s definitely not his attitude. He treats people like complete shit, yet he gets these women that I swear are not human. They’re too perfect to be human. It’s insane, and we’ve been trying to figure it out for years,” Gabe said, and all of the guys except for Dane and Trevor agreed. The girls at the table started whispering, and I swore I heard Zach’s name several times.
“Maybe he has a really large dick,” Caleb said, making everyone laugh.
“And knows how to use it,” Gabe added.
I almost spit out my water. Dane looked at me.
“Dude, enough. Zach’s not like that anymore,” Dane said angrily.
“What brought this up anyway?” I snapped, and Dane raised a brow at me, which told me I was being way obvious so I cleared my throat. “I mean, we should be talking about things we need to work on at practice later, not some guy.”
“One of the girls brought it up so we all started talking about it,” Gabe said with a slight shrug. He looked at Dane. “And yeah right, man.” Gabe laughed and so did the other guys. He looked at me. “We just wanted to know your opinion since you’re a girl.”
“I don’t give a shit so my opinion would be invalid.” I wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone.
I was just about to take a bite of my green beans when all the girls at our table started laughing together. I set my fork down and looked at Gwen who was laughing the hardest. She made eye contact with me, and I knew whatever they said was about me. I watched her whisper something else.
“That’s it.”
I got up. On my way to the girls, the guys from the team tried to grab my hands to stop me.
“What’d you say, bitch?” I asked when I got to Gwen.
Natalie, I think her name was, spoke up first.
“She said it was funny the guys would ask a dike about someone like Zach Shaw. You don’t like dick, do you, Hailey?”
I lost it. My fist plummeted into Gwen’s face, and just when I had her pinned to the ground ready to really fuck her world up, some of the guys pulled me off her. I heard Dane say something to her as the principal walked over.
“Office. Now,” he snapped.
Dane grabbed me when I tried to go after Gwen again. He practically dragged me to the office. I heard Coach Elliot’s name over the intercom, asking him to come to the office. When we got there, Dane stayed with me. The principal and Coach walked in, and the principal shut the door behind him.
“What happened?” Coach asked as the principal sat down behind his desk.
“Gwen and some of the other girls were being bullying bitches,” Dane said without taking his arm from around my shoulders. “So, I... punched her,” he said, sounding unsure.
Coach pinched the bridge of his nose.
I rolled my eyes. “Dane, they clearly saw me beating the snot out of her.” I looked at him and held up my knuckles that had blood on them. “Don’t lie for me.”
Dane shrugged. “Well only half was a lie. She is a bullying bitch.”
“Dane, mouth,” Coach said with a groan as he leaned against a wall.
“And you dated her.” I rolled my eyes again.
The principal shook his head. “I don’t understand. Hailey, your file is absolutely perfect from your other school.”
“I didn’t deal with this kind of stuff there,” I said simply.
“I’m guessing she grew up there and didn’t have to put up with being called a dike and lesbian,” Coach said, shocking all of us. “What? I’ve been sick not dead. I know what happens to my players at school.”
The principal sat back in his chair. “I had no idea this was going on. Why haven’t you reported it?” he asked me.
“Because I can handle it, and I did.” I looked at my blood-stained hand.
“There are different ways to handle these types of situations, and what you did will not fix anything, Miss Grayson. I will have to c
all your parents in. The handbook says I have to suspend you for this type of action.”
I looked at Coach apologetically because I knew that meant I couldn’t practice.
Coach sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we come up with another punishment?” he asked as he started rubbing his temples. “How about community service?” he asked hopefully. “She could work for Zach. No one likes that.”
The principal laughed. “While your brother is a good form of punishment that I’ve used before for these kinds of cases, I’m afraid I can’t this time. That being said, I can’t say anything if you hold practices somewhere other than the school property.”
Coach gave me a half smile. “Good to know.”
“You can go get your things and head home. I will call your parents and talk with them.” The principal stood and opened his office door.
“Do you have to call my parents?” I asked, hoping he’d say no.
“We have these things called school policies,” the principal said with a laugh.
I got up and walked out of the office. I stopped when I saw the entire team waiting in the hall.
“Suspended,” I said as Gabe handed me my backpack.
“That sucks,” Trevor said as he put his hands in his pockets.
Coach and Dane came out of the office.
“Practice will take place at the house for the next week.” Coach smiled at me then walked back toward his class.
I heard Gwen’s name over the intercom as Dane and I walked out to the student parking lot. I looked at him, and he grabbed my hand in his.
“You okay, Hales?”
I gave him a half-smile. “I would be even better if I was able to really beat the shit out of her.”
He laughed.
I took out my cell. “I should go. My dad just texted me to come home now.”
He hugged me. “Call if you need me.” Then he headed back inside the school, and I got in my car and left.
Dad came with me to practice at Coach’s house. I was in huge trouble for letting my emotions get the best of me. I got the longest speech of my life about how I couldn’t let the opinions of others shake me and make me stoop to their level. While I agreed with Dad, I didn’t agree with the one hundred push-ups he made me do while he yelled at me. My shoulder was worse than ever.
I kept my ballcap low and sunglasses on, trying to hide my puffy eyes. By the fortieth push-up I couldn’t take the pain, and I cried through the final sixty. I felt Zach’s eyes on me while he helped Coach get things set up. My dad walked over to Zach, and Coach and I went out to the mound. I looked at Dane as he walked over to me.
“You look like hell. You okay?” He set his bat down. “What is your dad doing here?” he asked, and we both started stretching.
“I’m fine, and he’s making sure I’m not slacking and letting my anger fuel my passion for the game. He’s teaching me to ‘channel my anger’.”
Coach blew his whistle. “Alright, enough talking. Let’s get to work.” He grabbed a bat and tossed it to Zach. “Let’s see how you do against Coach Zach. He used to be pretty good. Actually went pro for a year after high school.”
I eyed Zach for a second. Why wouldn’t he have told me that?
“What team?” I asked as I stretched my arm.
“The Braves.” Zach didn’t look too thrilled. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. He scoffed. “And what do you mean used to be?” he asked as he got ready to hit. “I’m still pretty good.”
Dad was watching me closely. Too closely. Everyone got into positions, and I stared at the ball. I was in so much pain, but I couldn’t use my other arm or show the pain I was in because Dad would lose his shit. I took a deep breath and removed my sunglasses, placing them on top of my hat. I clenched my jaw and held my breath as I threw the ball.
Zach missed, making Coach Elliot clear his throat. “You were saying?”
“I’m a little rusty.” Zach hit the plate with his bat then looked at me.
I took a deep breath and held back a scream as I threw the ball again. Sweat was forming on my forehead. Zach had been watching me closely instead of paying attention to the ball. It hit him, and he cursed. Coach Elliot ignored Zach and moved to me.
“You okay?”
“She’s fine. Right, Hailey?” Dad stated as he came over.
I nodded without making eye contact with either of them. Coach moved his hand to my shoulder and squeezed just a little.
“Fuck!” I smacked his hand away. “Have you lost your mind?”
“No. I barely touched you.” He rolled the sleeve of my shirt up and looked at my shoulder closely. “Go with Coach Zach and get some ice for it while I talk to your dad.”
“No, I’m fine. Come on; let’s practice.”
“You might be, but you see Zach’s a big baby and you just hit him pretty hard.”
“Hey!” Zach said defensively.
“Plus, you keep this up, and you won’t be pitching. You’ll throw your arm out before the season even begins.” He looked at Dad. “And that’s not what any of us want, right?”
My dad scoffed. “She’ll be fine. This happened last year, and she worked through it.”
“With pain pills and shots, you mean?” He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
I looked at Coach. How’d he know? I looked at Dad, curious to hear what he had to say.
“Steroid shots that her doctor and coach approved of,” he said defensively. “Listen, I respect that you are my daughter’s coach, but how we choose to handle this is not really up to you.”
“It is if you want her to be on my team.”
Zach put his hand on Coach’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off. “I don’t let my players play hurt. I care more about them than a damn sport and so should every coach!” he snapped.
“Alright, then she can play for the traveling team with the YMCA.”
My dad looked at me. “Let’s go, Hales.”
“Umm... Well, no, she can’t,” Zach said, stepping in front of Coach before he said anything else.
“And why can’t she play with the traveling team?” Dad asked, staring daggers at Zach.
Coach was fuming. He looked at me apologetically, and I knew he wasn’t mad at me.
I was so embarrassed. “Can we just practice? I’m fine.” Tears filled my eyes. “Please? I’ll pitch with my left hand instead and let my right arm rest.”
Zach looked at Elliot. Coach nodded then handed me the ball. Zach stayed between my dad and Coach until my dad finally walked off.
Coach Elliot sighed. “Sorry. Zach’s usually the ass, not me.” He handed me the ball.
“It’s fine. And I remember some things you taught me before. Just guide me as I pitch.” I looked at the guys on the field. They were all watching me closely. “I’m fine,” I said and gave them a reassuring smile.
He nodded, then started showing me what to do. Zach handed the bat over to Trevor and moved back near my dad.
“I bet you twenty bucks he complains about his wrist later,” Coach teased as he handed the ball to me.
“I hit him pretty hard, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to.”
“He’ll live. He should have been focused. Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s actually really good when he’s focused.”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah.” It was my fault he wasn’t.
THE REST OF practice was fine. It wasn’t perfect, but at least I was getting better at using my left hand. I looked at the time and smiled when I saw it was eleven. I locked my bedroom door and climbed out my window. I ran through the woods until I made it to the fence and squeezed my way through. I frowned when I didn’t see Zach at the tree. I sat on the swing and looked up when I heard footsteps. I stood when I saw him and immediately grabbed his hand so I could look at his wrist.
“Sorry I’m late.” He looked at me oddly when I gasped. His wrist was purple. “What are you doing?”
“I’m so sorry!”
&nbs
p; He lifted my chin with his other hand. “Baby, I’m okay. It’s not like you did it on purpose. I should have been paying attention.”
“Why weren’t you? I was fine.”
“But I was worried.” He pulled me close to him and kissed my hurt shoulder. “I saw you wince when you got ready to throw.”
“I figured you did, but I’ll be fine. Did you hear about what happened at school?”
“You mean, did I hear about you kicking that girl’s ass?” He smiled. “Yes, I did. I’m very proud.”
I smiled. “She deserved it.” I looked at him. “My shoulder was so messed up today because my dad made me do one hundred push-ups while he gave me a speech on anger and other motivational shit.”
Zach’s jaw clenched, and I felt his hands tremble a little.
“He’s really a good dad, Zach.”
He closed his eyes. “Okay.” His voice sounded strained. He kissed me and pulled out a thing of Icy Hot from his back pocket. “I brought this for your shoulder.”
I pulled my shirt off and sat down on the swing. As he rubbed it in, I gripped the chains on the swing. It hurt so badly.
“I know it hurts, but it should help.”
I nodded and put my shirt back on when he finished. I looked up at him. “You can’t be so nice to me around people. You almost blew our cover today.”
“When did I almost blow our cover?” He sat down with his back to the tree then patted the spot in front of him.
I got up from the swing and sat down. I held his hand when he wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my back against his chest.
“During practice. Even your brother was confused as to why you weren’t focused.”
“Oh that.” He kissed my neck then put his chin on my good shoulder. “I was worried about you. I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
“Well get used to it because it will be this way all season unless Dad can get me steroid shots in my shoulder.” I sighed deeply. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. But I do want to talk about how you never mentioned playing for the Braves. What the hell?” I moved so I could sit Indian style, facing him.
“It was a while ago. I was one of the first ones they had taken out of high school in a very long time.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I messed up my shoulder because I downed pills and took shots instead of taking care of it. It’s one reason I worry about your shoulder so much, and why Elliot worries. The coach I had just pushed me harder and got me more pills.”