Wargasm

by Sosie Frost

  There was an image that would never fall out of my head. And I had tried before. I’d consumed a dangerous volume of tequila the night of the bachelorette party, but no margarita could bury a memory forever.

  Chloe cell phone rang. She glanced at the screen and grinned. “That’s my midwife. We’re starting a birthing plan right away.”

  Pretty sure Micah didn’t even have a plan, though at least she had a barn now if she wanted to do it at home. She frowned. “Shouldn’t you wait until you’re sure you’re pregnant?”

  “Oh, believe me. We haven’t gone a single day without trying. And, for an older man, Elijah is always…successful in our attempts, if you know what I mean.”

  Everybody knew what she meant. Me. Micah. The entire population of Green Acres Retirement Home.

  “And…” Chloe leaned in, smile bright. “My midwife has a secret weapon to help us conceive.”

  I closed my eyes. “Please be a sperm donor.”

  “Just the opposite. It’s a vitality shake. She has your daddy drinking a mixture of all these vitamins and proteins. It’s made his semen as thick as glue!”

  Well.

  That was the line.

  What had been said could never be unheard. Lives were changed. History rewritten. The future a bastion of broken dreams.

  I wasn’t just sick to my stomach now. Chloe had turned me celibate. There was no way I would ever have sex again without thinking of my father.

  If Marius wanted a baby, he and his semen of regular consistency were on their own.

  Chloe excused herself to answer the call from her midwife, bouncing to the front of the store with her pregnancy test in hand.

  Micah sighed. “Well, if there’s one good thing about today…I think it’ll be easier when your father and his balls of vitality move away.”

  “The Bahamas are not nearly far enough.” I sucked in a breath. “I can’t let them get married.”

  “It sounds like they’re pretty dedicated.”

  “This isn’t good. I’m sure she sweet, but her uterus is entirely too young for my father. I have to do something.”

  Micah frowned. “Like what?”

  “If she gets pregnant, Dad will never leave her.” I clutched the test in my hand. “I have to find out if she’s pregnant. If she’s not, there’s still time to stop the wedding.”

  Micah made a face. “She’s pretty open about it. Just ask her. She’d probably let you crawl up her hoo-ha to check it out for yourself.”

  “I have to find out the results of the test.”

  “How are you gonna do that?”

  “Covertly.”

  “Don’t you even think about it.”

  “I’m going to have to call in the troops,” I said. “Fortunately, I know someone who can help. He’s got experience in this sort of top-secret, important assignment.”

  “I don’t think the SEALs are used for…” She crinkled her nose. “Urine extraction.”

  “They are now.” I readied myself for the mission of a lifetime. “Operation Pee Stick is confirmed for launch.”

  10

  Marius

  34 Daisy Lane

  9:00 PM

  Go Commando

  Gretchen didn’t have to ask me twice for a booty call.

  I wasn’t half the man she deserved, and I was less a man without the leg, but I could at least deliver orgasm after orgasm to that eager, beautiful girl.

  The woman was a goddess. It was the only explanation. I’d never been so thoroughly fucked in all my life—physically, mentally, emotionally.

  My every instinct demanded that I take Gretchen again and again, as hard, fast, and ravenously as I could. It was a desire I didn’t trust, a lust I’d never known, and a need so primal it’d transformed me into an unquenchable beast.

  She might have been a virgin, but I was the one broken. She’s shattered my mind, transforming what should have been a night of fucking and rapture into something…more.

  One night had turned into two.

  Two into three.

  And a week into more.

  What the hell had she done to me? I existed as a raging, desperate animal, salivating for the next moment when I’d take, consume, and utterly ruin her.

  I’d braced myself for the inevitable—when Gretchen would realize the true danger of this game, what I wanted, what I’d do to her.

  But she was braver than me. Just as eager. Just as…

  Insatiable.

  She’d welcomed me into her tightness again and again, twisting my soul into knots. I had no idea who I was when I took her to bed, but that animal had become so real, so raw, so right, that I learned I wasn’t losing myself in her pleasure.

  I found myself inside of her.

  And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that my seed belonged in her.

  But I hadn’t told her how much it terrified me, how desperate I was for her to have my child, and what I’d do the day she whispered in my arms that she was pregnant.

  I was a soldier, trained, ordered, and built to destroy.

  My mind fractured as every desire in me demanded that I create.

  Gretchen gave me the time and place, and I vowed to be there. I’d counted the dates with her. Tonight, we expected good news. The couple days of fucking was probably more than enough to ensure a little plus on that pregnancy test. I figured the booty call was a celebration.

  I should have known Gretchen had other plans.

  She hid in a hedge.

  Fantastic.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

  She put a finger to her lips and hauled me into the bush with her. “Quiet. Don’t let them hear you.”

  “Who?”

  Her whisper chilled into a scold. “What are you wearing?”

  I glanced down. The denim wasn’t comfortable, but it did the job. No way she could see through it.

  “What you told me to wear.” I smirked. “And what you told me to leave at home.”

  “I told you to go commando.”

  “I did.”

  “I wanted camouflage!” She slapped my shoulder. “You’re not even wearing a tiny bit of face paint.”

  “I’m a SEAL, not a clown.”

  I crawled out of the bush. She dove after me, ducking away from view of the street.

  Her dog wasn’t anywhere near the home. Great. That meant she’d pre-planned this idiocy.

  “What the hell are we doing here?” I pointed to the house. “Who lives here?”

  “I need a favor,” she said.

  She needed a lot of things. A lobotomy was at the top of the list. “Please tell me this is your property.”

  “You were a Navy SEAL. Covert ops? Right?”

  “Oh Christ.”

  “And you probably did a ton of missions in really dangerous places.”

  “What the hell are you planning?”

  She took my hand, squeezed, and offered me a sweet, charming smile. “I need to—covertly—get inside.”

  What was worse—that she was serious, or that she thought I’d actually help her do this?

  “Why?” In what universe did I need to ask this question? “Why do you need to get inside? Whose house is it?”

  “Chloe’s.”

  I dreaded that more than any ISIS hangout. “You want me to break you inside of your father’s fiancée’s house?”

  “And keep watch.”

  As much as I loved a night of trespassing and vandalism, those days were behind me. “No.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  An understatement. I took her by the hand and hid in the shadow of an evergreen, though no cars drove along the backass road this time of night.

  “You texted me.” I grunted. “Aren’t we having sex tonight?”

  “Get me in the house, and you’ll have more of me than you can handle.”

  Pretty sure no man could handle Gretchen’s crazy. “I thought…isn’t today the day you could take one of those early tests? Did
you get one at the store?”

  Gretchen hesitated. “How about I tell you the result of a different pregnancy test?”

  I knew better than to ask. I did it anyway, like an idiot. “What makes it different?”

  “Because this one won’t be mine.”

  The night had switched from weird to batshit insane with one count of breaking and entering. “Don’t tell me…”

  “Chloe might be pregnant.”

  “Good for her womb. What about yours?”

  She didn’t look at me. “It might just be too early.”

  “Or you might not be pregnant.”

  “Would you just focus, please? I need your help.”

  I frowned. “No, you need the number for a good shrink.”

  “If Chloe’s pregnant, you might be right,” she said. “I saw her at the store today. She was talking about how her and Dad have been trying—really, really psychologically scarring things. I have to find out if she’s pregnant.”

  No. She wanted me to find it out. “What are you planning? Babyjacking the pregnancy test?”

  “It’s gotta be inside. I’ll just check the garbage real quick.”

  Jesus Christ. “Sweetness—”

  “There.” She shuffled through the darkness to the side of the house, about a stealthy as a one-legged SEAL picking through an overgrown hydrangea bush. “That looks like a bathroom window. We can get in through there.”

  At least she could plead insanity when Sheriff Samson arrested her for this bullshit.

  Since when was I the reasonable one?

  “This isn’t going to accomplish anything,” I said. “If she’s pregnant, she’s pregnant.”

  “We won’t know until we see the test.” She poked my chest. “Think negative thoughts.”

  “Already thinking of what attorney we can call when we get busted.”

  “Can you get me into this house or not, sailor? You must have learned something from the SEALs that could help.”

  Sure. This was exactly why I’d dedicated fifteen years of my life to military service. Long ago I knew that at some indeterminate point in my future, I’d need perfect psychological endurance, back-breaking physical training, and balls-to-the-wall bravery so I could—one day—be prepared to boost my baby momma’s ass through a broken bathroom window so she could Jerry Springer her way out of a family crisis.

  Losing my leg? Just an excuse to engage in the most dire and dangerous espionage of a lifetime—a case of stolen, used pregnancy tests and the gold-digger who peed on them.

  “You’re right,” I said. “I’ve been wasting my skills in the Navy.”

  “Marius.”

  “Maybe next year at the county fair, I’ll hold my breath for three minutes in the dunk tank. Scare the kids.”

  “Can you get me inside or not?”

  “Next spring, I’ll HALO drop over the farm, arms loaded with corn seed to help Julian plant the fields.”

  Gretchen grunted, storming to the side of the house. She was too short to reach the window, but she hopped anyway. Actually managed to catch herself on the frame and scrape her foot scaling the wall.

  “Forget counterterrorism.” I laughed. “I hear there’s geese in the park that require a dog to scare them away. I bet a SEAL could do the same thing.”

  Gretchen tumbled to the ground. “Don’t you make fun of the Geese Police.”

  “They answer to Homeland Security, right?”

  “It’s the only job I have now. And this woman—” She hissed. “Might be destroying the only thing I have left—my family. So, either help me or keep a lookout.”

  “Please tell me you have an alibi.” I scoped out the bathroom. Easy enough to open from the outside. I scooped her into my arms, braced my leg, and fed her through the window. “I can’t squeeze through there. You’re on your own.”

  Gretchen shimmied across the frame and immediately clattered to the floor with a whimper. A still second passed before she turned on the light. I slammed a hand against the glass.

  “Real covert, James Bond. Work in the dark.”

  “Sorry!” Her voice echoed.

  I sighed. “And you’re supposed to be quiet.”

  “Sorry.”

  This was bound for failure. The only time Gretchen ever focused completely on any given task was when she was embedded with my cock. If I didn’t help her, she’d forget that this wasn’t even her own damn house.

  I hurried to the front, testing the door. Good old Butterpond. Unlocked.

  I checked my corners and studied the street. All was quiet in the night, easy enough for me to slip in undetected. I edged inside, gently pinching the door shut behind me.

  And Gretchen’s scream echoed throughout the neighborhood like I’d busted the damn door down and sprayed the living room with suppressing fire.

  Christ. I grabbed her, slamming my hand over her mouth.

  “Gretchen!” Why did this make me hard? “It’s me.”

  I let her go before my cock got any ideas.

  She slapped my chest. “You scared the hell out of me. Big bully.”

  I grinned. “I rather like bullying you.”

  Her eyes glanced down. “Keep your head in the game, and your cock in your pants. We’re on a mission, sailor.”

  “Pretty sure were just breaking and entering now.”

  “Well, help me look through the garbage. We’ll be out before anyone notices.”

  “I got you inside. You go hunting for the piss sticks.”

  She was dedicated, I’d give her that. Insane, but that just made her a better fuck. Never knew what she was going to do or how much trouble she’d get me in. Problem with sticking your dick in the crazy? Never wanted to pull it out.

  Gretchen tore through the wastebasket in the bathroom, but she came up empty, sifting through only a couple tissues in the container. Her eyes widened. She pointed to an empty pregnancy test box on the bathroom sink.

  “Where is it?” She launched from the floor. “Do you see it? Where would she have taken it? What sort of person walks around the house with a pee stick?”

  “Probably the same person who breaks into a house to steal one.”

  She ignored me, groping through the darkness. Chloe’s house wasn’t very large. Or occupied. The shower was dry, her closets mostly empty, and her medicine cabinet filled with the bare minimum of supplies. Hated to tell Gretchen, but it seemed like Chloe was spending most of her time at her future husband’s house.

  I followed her to the kitchen, scowling as she dove for the garbage. The container tipped, and an explosion of sticky, goopy liquid dripped onto my shoes.

  I backed away. “What the hell is that?”

  Gretchen scrunched her nose. “I think it’s a vitality shake. It’s meant to…enhance virility.”

  And now it soaked through my pants. Last thing I needed some was home-brewed Viagra shake corroding through my prosthetic. “What’s in it?”

  “I have no idea. Chloe said it’s made to…help boost Dad’s fertility.” She looked up, her stare glazing over like she’d spent the last five minutes in a firefight and not elbow deep in orange peels and cock enhancer. “Don’t ask me what it does.”

  Thank Christ I didn’t need to drink it. “What are you worried about? Your dad is old. If he’s gotta drink some weird ass shake, he probably can’t get it up, let alone knock her up.”

  “But what if he did?” Gretchen sunk onto the floor. “What if she’s pregnant?”

  “Then there’s nothing you can do about it.”

  “That’s just the problem. I have to do something. I can’t let him marry her!”

  Her voice broke. So did my heart. Wasn’t sure I could do anything to help except haul her ass off the floor, wash off whatever fertility porridge coated her hands, and fuck some sense back into her.

  “I don’t think you can stop it,” I said.

  “They don’t know each other. She’s entirely too young for him. And all they want to do is move out of the cou
ntry, ridiculously far away. If something happens…” Her eyes watered. “I just lost my job, Marius. I won’t have the money to fly to the Caribbean every weekend to snoop through their garbage.”

  “Not many people have the financial independence to dumpster dive their own family.”

  “You know what I mean. What if something happens?”

  “And what if they’re actually in love?” I pointed to the garbage. “If he’s drinking that sludge for her, I think he’s pretty committed.”

  “It’s not fair.”

  “I know.”

  She kicked the can away. “What if she did get pregnant? And I’m…”

  “You’re…?”

  “Not.”

  Damn. A sorrow crushed her words. I could understand disappointment, but that level of grief? I wouldn’t allow it.

  This woman deserved nothing but happiness and the occasional petty brush with the law. I’d lose the other leg before I let this break her.

  “We just started, sweetness.” I pulled her off the floor and into my arms. “You think we’re done after one attempt?”

  “Thought that’s all it would take.”

  I hardened, pushing her against the counter. “There’s so many ways I gotta fuck you yet. You’ve not been filled with nearly enough of my seed.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh.”

  “We’re going to fuck. Again and again. Every day. Every night. And I’m not stopping until there’s a baby in your belly and my cum making a mess of that delicious slit. You’re not getting off that easy.”

  Her eyebrow arched. “Seems like you can get me off pretty easy.”

  “Believe me, little girl. I expect more from that perfect pussy than two weeks of poundings. You owe me a hell of a lot more, and I’m not stopping until I’m completely satisfied.”

  Gretchen’s breath escaped in a quiet whimper. “You’re not upset that we didn’t get pregnant?”

  “If you weren’t just elbow deep in someone else’s garbage, I’d take you right here. Fuck the ever-loving shit out of you. Take you raw, bare, and balls-deep just for doubting me.”

  “But I’m not ovulating.”

  “Consider it practice.” I practically tasted her on my lips. “You’re going to need a lot of it if you think you can handle exactly how I plan to breed you.”